Hilda's blog

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Anna
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby Anna » 05 Nov 2012, 23:27

Hi Hilda,

In relation to 'we are the Elite':
I suggest that when looking at bringing together so many topics that you open them up and discuss them in more detail – As at the moment you are giving an overview of things according to the conclusions that you have made – but within this approach you are still standing in separation of the point instead of walking the point through in detail, allowing another person to ‘follow’ what you are saying through walking the timeline of how these points are created. So in the blogs to follow I suggest that you slow down and look at each one of the points that you mentioned here and walk through it – bringing through the common sense and understanding of what it is that you see.
Cool support Esteni! The Earth's Journey to Life blog is definitely a cool example of such an approach.



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 11 Nov 2012, 17:41

Thanks for the heads up, Esteni.
Here's my last three blogs. I still have issues with consistency... In the last blog I promised myself to work on the music in my head point, only to fail to get to it, because yesterday my occipital bone points started hurting like a motherfucker, and now I'm working on entirely different points (the music playing in my head today assisted me by pointing me into the right direction/person to write out, lol). Within this I saw how I fuck myself over with "promises", as I almost always fail to deliver, and then I have judgements about that.

Overwhelmed with thoughts

Today, as I was reading Heaven's Journey to Life Blog, my mind kept distracting me with obsessive thoughts. I tried doing what I've been doing before: stop reading the blog and write out the point, but the point is so ingrained that my thoughts kept coming back with different aspects of it, when I would start reading again. My imagination kept distracting me, and I was growing really tired and frustrated. I had written out five pages of self-forgiveness on the subject, and although I did feel the relief of it, new dimensions of the point kept coming at me over and over again, and it seemed like they would never end. I kept trying to breathe myself Here and focus on the blog, but even within breathing, I could hear my thoughts nagging.

And then I decided to not allow this point to distract me anymore, because I was getting really sick of the subject. After that the thoughts still kept coming back, but I would ignore them, not give them attention. I stopped participating within them. I realised that I need to override this physically by not giving it attention, and not by writing it out, because it will take way longer to erase - these are the exact words that I had written to myself.

Certainly I will have to remove the root cause with self-forgiveness, but it was an awesome thing to realise that I can stop a point that I perceived to be unstoppable before. I have neglected the "accumulating the breath of Life" part a bit lately, as I focused and gave too much importance to self-forgiveness. It really doesn't work as well, if I rely only on self-forgiveness to remove a point for me, instead of me directing it within myself.

So now that I know I can do this, things flow much easier. I simply do not allow myself to participate within my thoughts, and they clammor and racket somewhere in the background, like hearing music from a far away place that one cannot understand the words to. Kinda cool, lol.

Expanded self-forgiveness statements on wanting to be important

This is an expansion of the statements in this blog after reviewing them with my buddy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be important in this world system, and the community I live in, amongst the people that I personally know and who know me, instead of realising and understanding that 'being important' is an expression of superiority within the system, which implies inequality.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that wanting to be important is stemming from me feeling inferior and not important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as not important, instead of realising that with this I am creating separation within myself as friction for the generating of energy for my mind to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate being important to having lots of money and influence over other people within the system, not seeing realising and understanding that with these definitions I am creating separation as friction within myself through seeing/perceiving myself as inferior to people with lots of money and giving them permission to have influence over me, thus I am giving my power away to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be able to have influence over others, instead of realising that having influence over others implies inequality, as it is an expression of superiority, which is my mind generating energy through friction within itself for it's survival as ego, where I am wanting to be superior to others within my accepted perception that someone must be more important than another in this world, and I don't want to be inferior, therefore I excercise power and control over them with knowledge and information in order to make myself superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it must be so that in this world some people are more important and superior to others, and others are less important and inferior, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want/need to be able to perceive and define myself as superior and more important than others and look for points within which I can define myself as such, not realising and understanding that I desire this because I perceive myself to be inferior for having been born into a poor family as part of the working class, which I realise is also just a definition of the mind, because I am an equal human being, and by allowing this belief/perception that some must be more important/superior to others and desire to be defined as superior, I am separating myself from my oneness and equality as my physical substance/myself and all that is here by playing into a polarity construct where I generate friction within myself to create energy for the mind to survive as ego. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to construct this belief and with it in order to justify my desire for superiority to myself, and look and search for points within my world with which I could prove myself to be superior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive politicians, businessmen, doctors, lawyers and all other people with a lot of money in this world as 'more important', instead of realising that this is my accepted definition that I have addopted from my predecessors without questioning it, which by looking at it now, I can see how I within this allowed myself to continue ignoring the equality of all beings and allowed the continuation of abuse of all beings as ourselves in order to generate friction as energy within self and the abuse of all of existence as this earth within the world system/money.
I realise and understand that not one being in this world is more important than another, as we are all of this physical substance of the dust of the earth, therefore when and as I see myself defining/perceiving one being more important than another, I stop and I breathe, I look within and as myself as to the reason why I had associated this perception to this person/being and thus allow myself to investigate the justification as a reason that I had attached to me seeing myself as superior to another person and through this application I am able to look at my pre-programmed design and investigate whether this pre-programmed design is standing for what is best for all or whether it is based within my self interest, as I have seen, realised and understood that allowing myself to play the superiority and inferiority game has devastating consequences to myself and this world, because I take substance from my physical body to generate friction within myself for the creation of energy for my mind consciousness system to survive as ego, and cause friction without as the energies translate to money in the physical world, with which we all abuse this earth and all that is here for the money system to keep existing, within which countless beings are abused to keep it going.
I commit myself to stopping any and all perceptions and definitions of some beings being 'more important' within this world than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from all as me within my desire/want/need to be acknowledged as important by others/feel important within myself.
When and as I see myself wanting to be important, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is a polarity design, with which I separate myself from all as me through friction within myself with which I generate energy for my mind as ego, and am abusing my physical substance of my body in order to do so, therefore I remove the point of desiring to be important with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing any and all desires to be important within this world/system, as I have seen realised and understood that with this desire I separate myself from all that is here through wanting to make myself superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be perceived as important by my sexual partner and my friends, as I perceive that this will make me feel wanted, more than and superior, and through this I forgive myself that I had used influence and control as a means of feeling important as I had created the perception within and as myself that when I am able to influence another or control another that I must then be important, therefore when and as I see myself wanting to have influence and control over my sexual partner and my friends, I stop and I breathe. I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to make myself important with the knowledge and information that I have, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for 'hidden points' in other people's existences that I would 'uncover' nad 'expose' and show them that I see what they are trying to hide from me/others, and with that make myself superior to them as one that can see right through them, instead of realising and understanding that by doing this I am creating friction as superiority within myself and friction as inferiority within them, thus creating separation within myself and between myself and other people. When and as I see myself wanting to show to someone a 'hidden point' within themselves, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that with this I am trying to make myself superior to them, and through that I am creating separation, therefore I clear my starting point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to make myself more important than other people within interaction when I am with a group of people, because when I am with other people I perceive that I must compete with them and win over them and be in the center of attention, instead of realising that with this I am furthering and deepening the separation between us as well as accepting and allowing myself to have the starting point that ‘I am not good enough’ and ‘I have to prove myself’, which I can now clearly see within and as myself is an ‘error’ within my pre-programmed design which I now no longer accept and allow to exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the belief that within conversation with other people I must always take an opposing stance without realising and understanding that I am doing this in order to generate friction for the creation of enegry to survive as a mind/ego and thus I am making cooperation and agreeing impossible, because I am competing with them in whose stance is more right. I realise and understand that this kind of behaviour is the cause of war within this world, therefore when and as I see myself looking to take an opposing stance within a conversation with other people, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to automatically oppose them, instead I clear my starting point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath, listening to the conversation and seeing where my participation will have an effect of what is best for all, instead of my usual behaviour that is based in self interest where I want to be seen as being ‘right’.
When and as I see myself wanting to be 'more important' than someone else, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand the superiority fuckup that this causes by creating separation through friction for my mind as energy, and I also realise that when I am playing the ‘I am important game’ I am allowing myself to participate within a polarity game where there is always a winner and always a loser, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing any and all desire to be 'more important' than someone else, as I have seen realised and understood that I am creating friction within myself and others by doing so, which globally manifests as wars and the abuse that we all accept and allow, and this needs to stop with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be more important to my sexual partner than other women, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my sexual partner to perceive me as superior to other women, therefore when and as I see myself competing and comparing to other women in relation to getting attention and being more important to my sexual partner than them, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am compromising myself with this through creating separation within myself and my outer world as friction to generate energy for my mind as ego to survive, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop any and all comparison and competition with other women within myself, as I have seen realised and understood that this causes separation between us as jealousy and has consequences that make us all miserable, therefore I must stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be percived as important within specific areas of my life such as my job, my realtionships and the house/family/community that I live in, instead of realising and understanding that this creates separation, therefore when and as I see myself wanting to be perceived as important by anyone ro desiring to feel important, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that wanting to feel important comes from a point(s) of inferiority that I carry myself, therefore I identify those points, remove them with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to envy and be jealous of people that I perceive as important, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from people whom I perceive as important within my desire to be like them and envy towards them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards people whom I perceive as being important/more important than me within this world, instead of realising that within this I am creating separation within and as myself where I have made myself inferior to those people and am giving them permission to have power over me, and therefore I am being spiteful, which is an illusion of my mind where I compensate for that feeling of inferiority by making myself in my mind superior to those people which I perceive to be more powerful than me.

When and as I see myself perceiving someone else as more important than me, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into inferiority towards them, because I realise and understand that this will come out as superiority as my mind tries to compensate for the feeling of inferiority, which will create futher separation, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

Music in my head

I started dealing with the music in my head a few days ago, when I was walking with the dog. I've been increasingly enjoying physical moving lately, but when I noticed that I play music in my head while walking, I became annoyed, beacuse I wasn't fully here. I started doing self-forgiveness while walking, and I've realised many things, for instance about how we define and perceive any kind of movement to be unpleasant in some way, therefore we need to entertain ourselves with music or give ourselves pace with the rhythm, either from an ipod or by simply playing it to ourselves in our heads. It ballances out the definitions of "bad"that we've attached to moving, it makes it more "fun" and "bareable".
So the first day I did my self-forgiveness, but the music wouldn't stop. I managed to stop it by holding my breath for a while, and there was silence and I could hear my surroundings, but as soon as I would start breathing again, the music would be back. So I decided to try ignoring it, maybe it would go away, lol. It kindly wouldn't.
While walking the next day, I noticed it again. It was just as loud and obnoxious as before, and I simply couldn't get rid of it, no matter how many definitions and perceptions I released with self-forgiveness. Then I realised that I was playing the music in my head, so that I wouldn't have to face myself in every moment, because as soon as I'd stop doing my self-forgiveness, the music would return - a thought would come up, and then I'd start playing the music in my head. Therefore I supported myself with a commitment to next time stop and investigate the thoughts that I'm suppressing and hiding from myself with music, and walked on. It wasn't long before I caught myself playing a song in my head again, and this time I stopped and I breathed. I identified the thought and applied self-forgiveness on it.
Today I was yet again fascinated with things, because I forgave myself for entertaing myself with a certain song in my mind, which then stopped playing, lol, but then my mind chose another one in order to keep playing music. This time I looked at all the opinions I have on this particular piece of music, and from there I went on and expanded my self-forgiveness towards my behaviour towards and within music in general. Still not done. Tomorrow I'll share some self-forgiveness on the subject. This is a big point for me, because I was born into a musical family and i've been programming myself with it and escaping myself with it since almost the begining of my life, this is going to be extensive.



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 12 Nov 2012, 12:55

Day 49: Self-forgiveness on Sex

Yesterday I wrote out the self-forgiveness statements bellow in a moment of actual physical distress. My occipital bone points started hurting terribly, and I experienced a horrible headache. I knew that the pain was about a point that has been compounding for a few days. I allowed it to compound, because I always found something more important to work on instead of writing myself out as soon as I brought the point to my attention. When the headache started to be serious, I opened my laptop and started writing, and I wrote out the sf statements bellow, but the headache didn't stop, because (although the sf is relevant) I wasn't hitting the nail on it's head, but was banging away aimlessly in the general direction of the nail. While writing, I was also feeling extremely annoyed, because I wanted to fulfil my commitment of writing out the music in my head sf, but due to the headache I was not able to concentrate on that, as I was wanting to write the headache out, as I knew it was about sex, but in spite of writing I wasn't getting any relief. It was late o'clock, and at some point I simply gave up, closed my laptop and went to sleep in hopes of waking up without the headache. Big mistake. I woke up 4 hours later, and my head was pounding so hard that I had to throw up. I was feeling weak and sleepy and tired, so I went to bed again, and just before falling asleep again, the music in my head pointed me into the right direction to write out. I had half a mind to open my laptop and start writing, but I perceived that I couldn't bear to look into the bright screen, so I 'treated' myself with 4 more hours of agonizing sleep, after which I woke up with the headache still waiting for me. After my morning toilette, I started writing and reading the Structural resonance document about the occipital bone point, in which I found the center of the nail that I had to hit on, which was not sex, but relationships. I wrote on that in my daily process document, and I am not done yet, because my head is ever so slightly still signaling me that I am not yet done. I feel a bit feverishly and my left chest also gives me a bit of a pain here and there. I will share my sf on the point once I'm done.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the moments of having sex as more than and better and more positive than the moments when I do not have sex, not realising and understanding that within this I am creating separation within myself as friction for my mind to generate energy for it's survival by me playing into this polarity construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the experience of having sex as positive, within which I experience more of myself than when I am not having sex, instead of realising that this 'more of myself' is a point of separation of/from myself, because I have judged and defined sex within myself as more pleasurable and pleasant than other moments and experiences in my life, thus this is a polarity construct within which I feel negative within myself when I am not having sex, and positive/superior/more than when I am having sex. Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am playing into this polarity construct and creating separation within myself and separating myself from all to create friciton for my mind to generate energy for it's own survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word sex within my accepted definition of sex being something that I need to constantly strive towards and try to get as much sex as possible, instead of realising that with sex I am enabling my mind to further separate me from myself and all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have an unlimited access to sex, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and annoyed, whenever I perceive that I do not have unlimited access to sex, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have a partner that will be at my disposal to have sex with whenever I please, instead of realising and understanding that within this I am separating myself from myself and creating friction within myself to create energy for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself desiring to have unlimited access to sex, and becoming annoyed because I perceive that I do not have access to sex, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am craving sex, because I have defined it as a positive experience in which I experience more of myself, because I have separated myself from myself and all that is here through this perception/definition, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop any and all definitions/thoughts about sex within me, because I realise and understand that sex is in fact a physical act, and as such has no business occupying my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and experience negativity as a desire to have sex, whenever I am not having sex, instead of realising and understanding that within this I have separated myself from myself and all that is here.

When and as I see myself going into inferiority and experiencing negativity in relation to (not having) sex, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that with this I am playing into my minds polarity construct to create friction for energy for itself to exist as ego, within which I am abusing my physical body of equality and oneness of this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior towards my sexual partner, when and as I see/perceive that he doesn't want to have sex with me, instead of realising and understanding that within this I am separating myself from sex within my belief that I need my/a partner in order to be able to have sex.
Withing this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to ballance the feeling of inferiority with superiority, which I would excercise as nastiness and sly remarks towards my partner in order to overpower him and make myself feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do self-forgiveness about sex with the starting point of showing x how self-forgiveness is done, and of wanting to make myself appear knowledgaeable and superior for having long and deep self-forgiveness, instead of realising that with this I am causing reactions in other people, because my starting point is not equality, but wanting to be superior, which is friction for my mind to generate energy to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself doing sf in front of others, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that doing sf in front of others is an ego point, therefore I simply write them in my jtl blog and share like that.



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 13 Nov 2012, 15:13

Day 50: SF on reactions to my sexual partner

Today I was feeling awfully tired all day long. I didn't go outside any, because I had to do a translation. I was quite distracted all day long with thoughts of my sexual partner, future projections of him coming to visit in the weekend. I wasn't really concentrated on my work, and it took for fucking ever for me to translate something that I normally would have done in three hours. So when he told me, that he might not be able to make it, I went into a reaction, which I felt in my stomach as fear and anger, so I wrote out these:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience inferiority and define it as anger at my sexual partner, whenever I see and perceive that he doesn't want to come to me to have sex, and that he makes excuses as to why he can't make it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prove to my sexual partner that I know that he is talking bullshit and that I know what is going on, instead of realising that with this I am trying to compensate with superiority for the inferiority that I am generating within myself because things are not going my way, and thus I am playing into the polarity relationship construct of fighting with my sexual partner, with which I am generating friction for the creation of energy for my mind to survive as Ego.

When and as I see myself becoming energetically affected by my sexual partner's decisions and what I perceive as his self-dishonesty, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by allowing myself to become energetically affected, I am playing into a polarity construct of my mind in order to generate friction for the creation of energy for my mind to survive as Ego within the goal of acquiring my self-interest, therefore I commit myself to release the trigger point with writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become scared that I am not the centerpoint of my partner's existence, when and as he tells me that he doesn't know if he will be able to visit me, or when he says that he won't come to visit, instead of realising and understanding that with this I am separating myself from myself and all that is here by making myself inferior and experiencing negativity as friction for the creation of energy for my mind, which comes from the belief "I should be superior to other women in the eyes of my partner" not being supported by my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and annoyed whenever my partner says that he cannot make it and come and visit me, instead of realising that I am wanting him to come in order for me to feel good, positive, experience more of myself with him, not realising and understanding that with this I am playing into my mind's polarity construct of feeling good/positive when I'm around my sexual partner, and experiencing negativity and feeling bad and incomplete and miss him, when he is not around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lacking, left out and inferior, whenever my partner says he cannot visit me, instead of remaining here in breath and directing myself in breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner is lying to me and making excuses and blaming the system that he cannot come, and that his true intentions are hidden from me, instead of realising that I am being suspicious of him because I am valuing myself through his willingness to give me attention in spite of his duties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately be suspicios of my sexual partner, when he says that he cannot come and visit, instead of realising that this is me feeling inferior and insulted, because he's not willing to sacrifice fulfilling his duties in order to come and see me, which is what I was readily doing in order to see my sexual partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to readily give up on fulfilling my duties within the system and compromise myself with this in order to have sex with my partner, instead of realising that I am readily playing into my mind's polarity construct, within which I am striving to experience more of myself by having sex, thus separating myself from myself and all that is here in order to generate friction for energy for my mind to survive as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner should give me undivided and unconditional attention and be willing to come and visit me in spite of his system duties, instead of realising that I am forcing him to give me attention in order for me to feel superior and wanted, thus I am playing into a polarity construct of my mind, where I feel inferior if I see/perceive my partner to not be willing to drop everything and run to me in order to have sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into fantasies about how it would be, if I were to live together with my sexual partner, instead of realising that I am wanting this in order to not have to be absolutely self-responsible and take care of myself on my own, but within a partnership, because I perceive such life to be easier than living alone, not realising and understanding that within this I am abdicating my self-responsibility and inhibiting myself to take absolute responsibility for my life and the consequences of my choices, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of taking absolute responsibility for the consequences of my choices, instead of realising that being afraid and worried about them is not going to change or help the outcome, only inhibit me from directing myself effectively through them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up energies within myself as expectations and projections of how it will be, when my sexual partner visits, instead of realising that I am giving into a mind dimension, I am living in the future and am not here, breathing.

When and as I see myself having expectations and projecting how it will be when my sexual partner visits, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am creating energetic yearning within myself, within which I feel inferior and incomplete, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel crushed and beaten, whenever my sexual partner says that he will not be able to make it and come and visit me, and immediately go into inferiority as suspicion that my partner is not giving me the real reasons for this, isntead of realising that I am projecting a point that I carry within myself, within which I would lie to my partner about my true intentions to have sex with other men in order to keep him apeased so that I could always have him as a reserve point for sex and protection.

To be continued with me picking up this pattern from my mother.



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DesteniEarth
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby DesteniEarth » 13 Nov 2012, 19:05

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately be suspicios of my sexual partner, when he says that he cannot come and visit, instead of realising that this is me feeling inferior and insulted, because he's not willing to sacrifice fulfilling his duties in order to come and see me, which is what I was readily doing in order to see my sexual partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately be suspicios of my sexual partner, when he says that he cannot come and visit, instead of realising that this is me feeling inferior and insulted, because I perceive it within myself that he's not willing to sacrifice fulfilling his duties in order to come and see me, which is what I was readily doing in order to see my sexual partner.

Here is another SF statement to consider:
I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to place my priorities where I would drop my responsibilities at the whim of knowing that I could have sex, and as such I expect this from my partners as well and when they do not act upon this expectation I become suspicious of them because I had created the belief within and as myself that if they do not rush over to have sex that they have ‘other plans’ of sex where I am not included.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner should give me undivided and unconditional attention and be willing to come and visit me in spite of his system duties, instead of realising that I am forcing him to give me attention in order for me to feel superior and wanted, thus I am playing into a polarity construct of my mind, where I feel inferior if I see/perceive my partner to not be willing to drop everything and run to me in order to have sex.
Suggest to redefine the word ‘attention’ by looking at all the relationships as dimensions that self had associated to this word in relation to self
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel crushed and beaten, whenever my sexual partner says that he will not be able to make it and come and visit me, and immediately go into inferiority as suspicion that my partner is not giving me the real reasons for this, isntead of realising that I am projecting a point that I carry within myself, within which I would lie to my partner about my true intentions to have sex with other men in order to keep him apeased so that I could always have him as a reserve point for sex and protection.
Cool Hilda – In relation to your blog for tomorrow look at the dimension of where self allows the thought “keep him appeased so that I could always have him as a reserve point for sex and protection” and as a result it also creates the polarity opposite where self experiences this thought coming back to self – meaning – self is seeing this thought in others actions - whether it is really there or not is not relevant – what is relevant is that self is entrapped by what self accepts and allows to exist as thoughts within and as oneself – Thus experiencing one’s reality one and equal to that which it is that self accepts and allows to exist within and as oneself.



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 15 Nov 2012, 02:00

Day 51: Fear of losing my sexual partner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ultimate fear when/as my sexual partner does not pick up the phone or replies to my messages, which stems from fear that he found somebody else and doesn't want to be with me anymore, instead of realising and understanding that I am validating myself through my perception of my partner wanting to be with me or not, not realising and understanding that I am playing into the relationship polarity construct of the mind, where I will feel good, if he wants to be with me, and feel bad if he doesn't want to be with me. I realise and understand that with participating in this construct, I am separating myself from myself and all that is here, and generating friction for the creation of energy for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself going into fear about loosing my sexual partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this fear is my mind fearing that it will loose a point with with which to define itself as ego through superiority and inferiority, therefore I release the trigger point of the fear with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop defining myself with and through my sexual partner and my relationship with him, as I realise and understand that I do not need him to survive, only my mind does.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become worried that my sexual partner doesn't like me anymore, when he is not answering his phone or answering to my messages, instead of realising that I am fearing loosing having sex with him and having someone to cuddle with in the future, not realising and understanding that this is a polarity construct of my mind, in which I will feel good, when I talk to my partner, because with that I am making sure that he likes me and will want to stay with me, and I will feel bad, whenever I percieve that he doesn't want to talk to me, because I perceive that it means that he doesn't like me anymore, therefore I start fearing that I might loose him. I realise and understand that by worrying about 'loosing my partner' (when he is not there for me to communicate with) I am separating myself from myself by judging myself as not being good enough and believing that he is perceiving me this way, thus experiencing negativity and inferiority as unhappiness and fear of not being able to have sex with him in the future, for which I will want to compensate with superiority as anger at some point, to generate friction within myself to create energy for my mind to keep existing as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to keep my sexual partner happy and satisfied and appeased in order for me to be able to always have him as a reserve point for sex and protection, in case I do not find anything that I would perceive as "better" than him, instead of realising and understanding that with this behaviour/thoughts I am separating myself from myself and all that is here, I am creating friction within myself and between us and I am creating energy for my mind to keep existing as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to talk to/have conversations with my sexual partner from the starting point of making sure that he still likes me in order to make sure within myself that he will remain my reserve point for sex and protection, instead of realising that I am playing into my mind's polarity construct, within which I will experience negativity through judging myself as 'not good enough for him' and feel inferior and less than, when he doesn't respond in our conversations the way I would want him to in order to feel sure that he will remain my reserve point for sex and protection, and on the flip side I will experience more of myself as positivity and feel superior and more than, when he does repsond the way I want him to in order to feel secure that he still likes me and will remain a reserve point of sex and protection for me. I realise and understand that by playing into this construct with these thoughts and behaviour - I am compromising myself and our participation together, because it is not based in equality within breath, but in fear of loss of sex and protection, which are energies of my mind as ego. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of 'being alone' in terms of not having a reserve point for sex and protection in/as my sexual partner, instead of realising that I was and am always alone within and as myself, and this fear is only my mind fearing loosing a point with which to define itself and with which to create energy for itself to survive as ego, which is an energetic point in itself.

When and as I see myself going into fear of loosing my sexual partner as a (reserve) point for sex and protection, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by participating in this fear, I am compromising and abusing my physical body of oneness and equality, by separating myself within myself through self-judgement and creating in fear iority as friction within myself to power my mind with energy to survive as ego, therefore I release the trigger point of this fear with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all points of my mind's dependency on my sexual partner, because I realise and understand that I do not need to be dependent on a sexual partner to stand within and as myself in breath in equality with myself and all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with my (sexual) partner for the attention and approval of our friends/parents/people we know together/groups that we participate in together, instead of realising that I am compromising myself and our participation together with this, because I am wanting to experience more of myself as positivity by generating friction within myself as the desire for superiority over my partner and the desire to be acknowledged by others as superior/equal to my partner and fear of being perceived as inferior/less than my partner, not realising and understanding that with this I am separating myself from myself and all that is here and creating energy for my mind to survive as ego, thus I am playing into a polarity construct of my mind, where I will feel superior if I perceive that I get more attention/approval from others than my partner, and feel inferior if/when I perceive that I am getting less attention/approval from others than my partner. I realise and understand that by comparing myself to my sexual partner, I am compromising myself by judging myself, within which I separate myself from myself and all that is here into a mind dimension, therefore when and as I see myself comparing to my partner in any way, I stop and I breathe - I release the point of comparison with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-corrective application stop and remove all comparison and competition within myself, because I realise and understand that by competing and comparing I create friction within myself to create energy for my mind to survive as ego, and within that I am separating myself from my physical body of oneness and equality and abusing it to create energy, as well as separate myself from all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at my sexual partner, whenever I see/perceive that he is doing something else than what he told me he is doing, instead of realising that I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, within which I will experience negativity (when/as I perceive that he is lying to me and not telling me the truth about what he is doing) by separating myself from myself through juding myself as not being perceived as trustworthy by my partner and validating myself through this self-created perception of how my partner is perceiving me, and I will make myself feel inferior - create friction within myself to power my mind with energy to survive as ego. On the other side of the construct I will experience positivity, when I see/perceive that my partner told me the truth, by separating myself from myself and all that is here through feeling superior/more than, and validate myself through this self-created perception that I am being perceived as trustwhorthy by my partner, within which I will create a 'special relationship' between us in my mind with the perception that I can have more 'trust' within my relationship with my sexual partner than with other people, not realising and understanding that by participating in this construct, I am supporting and enforcing inequality and separation within myself and in this world.

When and as I see myself reacting positive or negative within a point of 'trust' towards my sexual partner/friends/family/people that I have defined as 'more than others' in my world, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by participating with such thoughts, I am separating myself from myself and all that is here by creating a point of 'specialness' and 'superiority' of those people above other people in this world, with which I create friction in order to feed my mind energy to survive as ego, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all definitions of 'trust' with other people that I have, as I realise and understand that 'trust' between me and others is a point of separation through which I make myself feel inferior and/or superior to feed my mind as ego, and it is the cause of the abuse caused with/through secrecy in this world. I also realise and understand that self-trust in directing myself in breath is the only valid point of trust in this existence.



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DesteniEarth
Posts: 41
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 18:36

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby DesteniEarth » 16 Nov 2012, 16:29

Cool Hilda,

Remember to bring the points back to yourself - For instance:
Where you 'perceive' your partner is 'doing things behind your back' - Bring this point back to yourself by asking yourself - Where do I do things behind his / other people's back? - Thus bringing the point back to yourself and seeing where self is applying exactly the application that self fears other persons doing.



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hilda rac
Posts: 158
Joined: 05 Jul 2011, 19:03

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 16 Nov 2012, 21:36

Thanks Esteni, I missed that one.

Day 52: Jealousy

This is something that I've been avoiding within myself for the longest time due to accepted self-definitions acting as me, perceiving myself as an open minded person and not realising the whole relationship between energetic experiences and money. In this blog I'm sharing the surface that I've scratched with self-forgiveness, once I actually allowed myself to take a self-honest look at the point, which was only today, after the point has been nagging at me for several months. To be continued into absolute depths in blogs to come.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim to myself and persuade myself that I am not a jealous person, instead of realising that I am lying to myself, because I have defined jealousy to be negative, and I do not want to be perceived by others as negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of my sexual partner's ex girlfriends and compare myself with them and compete with them in terms of looks, intelligence and control over my sexualpartner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by my sexual partner's ex girlfriends and give into fear of him liking them better than me, and that he might some day go back to them, because they are more wealthy than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous of girls who I perceive to have more money/wealth/social security than me, because I have defined them to be because of that more attractive to males than myself, because all attraction in this world is actually based on money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my sexual partner is going to choose a girl who is more wealthy than me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at girls who have more money/social security than me, because I am afraid that my sexual partner will leave me for them, instead of realising that I am participating in a polarity construct, where I will feel diminished/inferior/less than if my partner leaves me for a wealthier girl, and feel superior/more than if my partner stays with me in spite of having the chance to be with a wealthier girl.

When and as I see myself becoming energetically involved in a polarity relationship construct of jealousy towards other women my partner participates with, I stop and I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into jealousy, as I realise and understand that jealousy is a form of fear that my partner will leave me and I won't have a point of security and ensured sex anymore, therefore I release the trigger point of jealousy with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop any and all points of jealousy within me, as I realise and understand that with jealousy I am creating friction within myself, because I am participating within a polarity construct of my mind, thus generating energy for my mind to survive as ego through superiority and inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within jealousy of my partner's ex girlfriends, as I realise and uderstand that I am fearing being perceived as inferior and less than them by my partner, thus making myself feel inferior and then blaming my partner for me making myself feel inferior.



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DesteniEarth
Posts: 41
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 18:36

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby DesteniEarth » 17 Nov 2012, 15:41

Cool Hilda - Here is some additional feedback in making the self forgiveness statements more specific
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of my sexual partner's ex girlfriends and compare myself with them and compete with them in terms of looks, intelligence and control over my sexualpartner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of my sexual partner's ex girlfriends and compare myself with them and compete with them in terms of looks, intelligence and control over my sexual partner as I had created the belief within and as myself through the comparisons that I made that I am less than my partners ex-girlfriends and through this being less I created and manifested jealousy within and as myself where I would become jealous if my partners ex-girlfriends came over to visit or just spoke to him as I would then feel that I have to compete not seeing realising and understanding that I am the one who started with the comparison and I am the one who is then competing against my own comparison that I had created within and as my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by my sexual partner's ex girlfriends and give into fear of him liking them better than me, and that he might some day go back to them, because they are more wealthy than me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by my sexual partner's ex girlfriends through my acceptance and allowance of me comparing myself to them within and as my mind and through this I would give into my fear of him liking them better than me, as my comparison within and as my mind told me that they are better than me, and through this I forgive myself that I would then fear that he might some day go back to them, because I had created the idea within and as my mind that people with wealth get the partners that they want, thus he will go to them because they are more wealthy than me.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to create an idea within and as my mind that only wealthy people get the people that they want to be with as this has been my application where I would seek out men who are wealthy and now on the flip side of the coin I fear that my partner will do the same, thus through this I now see, realise and understand that I am experiencing (fearing) exactly the pattern that I had accepted and allowed myself to become.

I suggest to also write Self corrective statements on these SF statements written above



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Bella
Posts: 1708
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 13:07

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby Bella » 17 Nov 2012, 17:17

cool self-support here!




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