Hilda's blog

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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 18 Nov 2012, 02:10

Day 53: Removing Jealousy - part one

Here I continue walking the removal of Jealousy that I have accepted and allowed myself to become.

The self-forgiveness statements in brackets are the ones from my previous blog that my buddy expanded for me, which I then supported with self-corrective statements.

(I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of my sexual partner's ex girlfriends and compare myself with them and compete with them in terms of looks, intelligence and control over my sexualpartner as I had created the belief within and as myself through the comparisons that I made that I am less than my partners ex-girlfriends and through this being less I created and manifested jealousy within and as myself where I would become jealous if my partners ex-girlfriends came over to visit or just spoke to him as I would then feel that I have to compete not seeing realising and understanding that I am the one who started with the comparison and I am the one who is then competing against my own comparison that I had created within and as my mind.)

When and as I see myself feeling inferior and comparing myself and competing with my sexual partner's ex girlfriends, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have made myself feel inferior to them, and will want to compensate for this feeling of inferiority through comparing and competing with them in order to make myself feel superior, which is a polarity construct of my mind with which I create friction to generate energy with which to feed my mind as ego, therefore I release the point of inferiority with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-corrective application stop all feelings of inferiority towards my partner's ex girlfriends, as I realise and understand that I am making myself unequal within myself and separating myself from all that is here by participating in such feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by my sexual partner's ex girlfriends and give into fear of him liking them better than me, and that he might some day go back to them, because they are more wealthy than me.

(I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by my sexual partner's ex girlfriends through my acceptance and allowance of me comparing myself to them within and as my mind and through this I would give into my fear of him liking them better than me, as my comparison within and as my mind told me that they are better than me, and through this I forgive myself that I would then fear that he might some day go back to them, because I had created the idea within and as my mind that people with wealth get the partners that they want, thus he will go to them because they are more wealthy than me.)

(I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to create an idea within and as my mind that only wealthy people get the people that they want to be with as this has been my application where I would seek out men who are wealthy and now on the flip side of the coin I fear that my partner will do the same, thus through this I now see, realise and understand that I am experiencing (fearing) exactly the pattern that I had accepted and allowed myself to become.)

When and as I see myself becoming fearful of my partner leaving me for a wealthier girl, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this fear is coming from a point that I have allowed myself to be/become as one that seeks out wealthy people for partners to have perceived safety/security within this world, therefore I release the trigger point of this fear with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to be/become attracted to and seek out wealthy men, which I would define/perceive as my potential 'saviours', instead of realising that I am searching out wealthy men for/as my partners in order for me to not have to be self-responsible in terms of money, because I have created a resistance within myself towards making/earning money in this world, and have defined it as unfair to have to work for money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be self-responsible in terms of making money and would rather shift that responsibility onto my partner, to be able to enjoy my life without having to slave away for it, instead of standing up within myself and working towards manifesting a reality where all people can equally enjoy our lives without having to slave away for it.

Safety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become jealous of people whom I perceive to have more safety and social security within the system, and make myself feel inferior to them, because I've created the perception within myself that they don't have to work as hard as me to survive in this world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of those people because I've created the perception within myself that their life experience is much better than mine because of it, not realising and understanding that these are all perceptions of my mind with which I generate inferiority within myself, for which I will want to compensate with superiority as spitefulness and anger towards them, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a polarity construct with which I am feeding my mind as ego.

When and as I see myself becoming jealous and spiteful of people whom I perceive to have more social security and safety in the system than me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am separating myself from myself and all that is here by participating in such thoughts and making myself feel inferior and superior, thus creating energy for my mind to survive as ego, therefore I release the trigger point of jealousy toward people that I perceive as wealthier than myself and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to through writing and self-corrective application stop all points of inferiority as jealousy towards people that I perceive as wealthier than myself, because I realise and understand that by participating within this construct of my mind, I am limiting myself within an energetic experience of myself, I am creating friction within myself and separating myself from myself and all that is here, and not allowing myself to express myself in equality within breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become angry with people whom I perceive as wealthier than myself for not wanting to share their wealth with all other people, not realising and understanding that with this feeling of anger I am compensating for my feelings of inferiority towards them, because I have defined them as more than me and superior to me for having a lot of money.

When and as I see myself becoming angry at and spiteful towards people with lots of money, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by participating with this anger, I am trying to compensate for my self-created feelings of inferiority towards them, because I have accepted and allowed the belief to exist within me that people with more money are worth more and are superior in this world to people with less money, and thus get more attention and respect, and with these self-accepted definitions I have created/generated jealousy as inferiority within myself towards them, which I am trying to ballance out with anger and spitefulness as superiority, therefore I release the trigger point of anger and spitefulness with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-corrective application stop within myself all jealousy towards people with more money than me, because I realise and understand that jealousy is a self-created program that I have built up within myself to create energy for my mind to survive as ego, and by participating within this program I am limiting myself and not allowing myself to express myself in their vicinity in equality within breath.

Day 53: Removing Jealousy - part two

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by jealousy, when and as my partner is talking to and about other girls/participating with other girls, and immediately feel inferior to them and fear that my partner will leave me for them, if they will want to be with him, and go into comparison and competition with them in my mind and anger towards my sexual partner because I perceive that he might leave me for them, instead of realising that I am reacting from a point from within where I will always be looking for sex with other men that I perceived as handsomer than my partner and always be looking for 'something better' in terms of looks/physical appearance, not realising that with this I am looking to validate myself in front of my friends/family/surroundings as 'worthy of a beautiful partner', which is a polarity construct of my mind, where I will feel superior if I 'have' and 'get' a partner that I define/perceive as 'good looking'/'beautiful', and feel inferior when I don't have a partner that I define/perceive as 'good looking'/'beautiful', and will always strive towards having a partner that is more than the previous partner, within this separating myself from myself and all that is here by wanting to make myself superior in terms of having a 'beautiful partner' in order to generate energy for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself becoming jealous, when my partner participates with and talks about other girls, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that in that moment I am fearing loosing my partner to those/other girls, which is actually my mind fearing loosing a point of definition/validation/identification for the creation of energy for itself to survive as ego, therefore I release the trigger point of jealousy with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and release all points of validating/defining/identifying myself with my (sexual) partner, because I realise and understand that this is a polarity construct of my mind within which I will want to make myself superior to other people with my partner, and feel inferior to other people if I loose/don't have a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake/forget about my sexual partner the moment 'something better' shows up in terms of a potential partner that I have defined as 'wealthier'/'handsomer'/'more beautiful' than my partner, and want to be with them and work towards being with them, not realising and understanding that I am doing this because I want to validate myself with this person/people in front of my family/friends/surroundings and make myself feel superior, with which I am separating myself from myself and all that is here, I am craeting friction within myself and my partner, thus generating energy for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself considering leaving and forgetting about my partner for someone that I have defined/perceived as 'better'/'handsomer'/'more beautiful'/'smarter', I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this consideration is coming from my mind's desire to validate and define and identify myself in front of other people with a/my sexual partner and feel superior within myself, thus creating energy for my mind to survive as ego through friction/separation, within which I completely neglect and forsake another human being/my partner, I use/abuse him as a reserve point for my own self-interest of having sex/safety until I 'get something better to validate myself with', therefore I release the point of consideration of another partner with self-forgivness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing from within me any and all sexual desires and looking for more people to have sex with based on looks and money, because I realise and understand that this very construct in itself is the cause of jealousy and internal (and external) war.



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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby Michelle » 18 Nov 2012, 03:11

cool self-support here!
I agree with Bella, thank you!



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 19 Nov 2012, 03:04

Day 54: Removing Jealousy - part three

Preventing my partner from talking to and participating with other girls

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prevent my partner from talking to and participating with other girls because of my fear that he might get seduced by them and leave me for them, thus leaving me without a point of sex and security, instead of realising and understanding that this fear is coming from a point from within myself, where I allow myself (and all people in this world) to be such as to want to be able to seduce all members of the opposite sex in order to validate myself through feeling superior for being able to do that, no matter whether they are in a partnership or not, and completely disregarding and ignoring the partner of the person/people that I want to seduce to make myself feel superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to get validation (in order to make myself feel superior/more than other women) from men that have girlfriends/wives/partners as desirable enough and worthy of the 'sin' of cheating on their partners with me or even leaving their partners for me, instead of realising that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel superior, when I perceive that men find me desirable enough to mess with me sexually despite having a partner, and feel inferior, when I perceive that men do not find me desirable enough to mess with me sexually despite having a partner (and thus will want to compensate for that feeling of inferiority by trying to present myself as superior to their partner in terms of looks, knowledge/information, education, smartness, cuteness, world view), not realising and understanding that with participating in this construct I am the cause of separation as jealousy within myself and in this world and am abusing myself and other beings in order to get the energetic fix for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself wanting to get validation from men with partners as desirable enough to want to mess with me sexually, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this need for validation from men with partners is coming from my mind that wants to constantly/continuously validate itself as superior to other women/people in order for me to experience more of myself as feeling positive and good about myself all the time, thus generating friction within myself to power itself for it's existence as ego, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to be validated with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application remove any and all points of wanting to be validated by men and specifically men with partners, because I realise and understand that by participating within the mind's construct of wanting/needing/desiring validation from men and men with partners specifically, I create and am the cause (self-)abuse as jealousy within myself and within this world, because I am comparing and competing with other women for the validation of men to feel more than/superior to other women, with which I am separating myself from myself and all that is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid and worry that my partner is not telling me the whole truth of himself and being honest with me all the time, instead of realising and understanding that this fear is coming from a point from within myself, where I would not communicate the whole truth of myself to my partner and other people in order to keep them appeased and liking me and not think bad about me, so that I could count on them being there for me in the future, not realising and understanding that I am making myself feel superior by granting myself the 'right' to lie to them and not tell them the whole truth of myself, within that justifying it with it 'being for their own good', which was a mask for my self-interest of not 'losing' them and keeping them around as a point of stability and safety in the future in case I need them to make myself feel good and do my biding, which I would ask of them in self-interest, thus abusing them to my advantage

When and as I see myself becoming reluctant to share myself in self-honesty and wanting to lie to people and not tell them the whole truth of myself in a given situation, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this reluctance is stemming from me wanting to manipulate them in self-interest, because within doing what is best for all there are no resistances towards communicating myself openly and fully, therefore I release with self-forgiveness the trigger points of reluctance towards open communication and trigger points of wanting to lie to others, and direct myself in breath

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness identify and remove all points where I would want to lie to others about myself and not communicate the whole truth of me, because I realise and understand that this kind of behaviour is what is causing the abuse in my/this world that is being justified with 'privacy' and 'secrecy'.



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 23 Nov 2012, 17:40

Day 56: Removing jealousy and the emotional manipulation of my partner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to keep/manipulate my partner into being emotionally attached to me in order for him to not turn to other girls/his ex, instead of realising that I am acting from a point of fear of loosing him and re-living the 'bad experiences' that I went through in the past, not realising that with this I am limiting both of us, I am separating myself from myself and all that is here in inferiority towards the memories of past experiences, which I am trying to prevent from happening again, thus creating friction within myself to generate power for my mind to exist as ego.

When and as I see myself wanting to emotionally manipulate my partner into being attached to me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that with this I am compromising our standing, because I am limiting him and preventing him from standing up within himself through my own superiority as control over him, and am also limiting myself within my inferiority as fear of loosing my partner, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to manipulate my partner into being attached to me with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application identify and remove all points of emotional manipulation of my partner, because I realise and understand that by wanting to emotionally manipulate him, I am abdicating my self-responsibility to a relationship with him, and am not considering and regarding us in equality but in a relationship of energetic friction, within which I make myself superior as controlover my partner, and put him into an inferior position, where he is not able to stand up within himself due to my manipulation, and on the flip side I will feel inferior, when this manipulation is not turning out according to my self-interested plans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get back/get revenge at my partner's ex and seduce the man that she likes in order for her to feel and experience what I have felt and experienced when I perceived that she did the same to me, instead of realising that with participating within such thoughts and constructs, I am perpetuating the fuckup of doing onto another what I would not want to be done onto me, thus spiraling into an eternal maze of anger and hatred, which is essentially the cause of war in this world, not realising and understanding that I am wanting to make myself superior to her to compensate for the feelings of inferiority towards her that I have generated within myself in the past, thus I am participating in my mind's polarity construct with which I separate myself from myself and all that is here in order to generate friction for the creation of energy with which I feed my mind to survive as ego, within which I am abusing myself and other beings.

When and as I see myself wanting/wishing for revenge towards another, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am wanting revenge because I have felt inferior to that person in the past, and now I want to compensate for it with feeling superior over them by winning within a speciffic point, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting revenge with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove all points of wanting revenge on another human being, because I realise and understand that this construct of wanting revenge is the very thing that perpetuates the violence in this world and is keeping people/myself occupied within the past, which does not exist anymore, it only exists as a dimension in my mind, therefore it is not real and not valid or relevant to my current situation here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my partner to reciprocate me with the same good feelings that I am showing him, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to experience and look forward to experiencing good feelings of love, happiness, joy, sexual arousal and intimacy with my partner, instead of realising and understanding that for me to experience the good feelings, I must also allow a negative polarity of those, which I'm setting myself up to by participating in and desiring/wishing for the good ones.

When and as I see myself wanting/needing/desiring to experience and looking forward to experiencing good feelings with/around my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by participating within the good feelings and desires for good feelings, I am participating within my mind's polarity construct, where I will make/perceive my partner responsible for me generating good feelings within myself when I am around him/talk to him and expect certain behaviour of him in order to do so, which will result in me generating the opposite polarity/bad feelings within myself when he doesn't behave the way that I'm expecting of him to generate good feelings within myself, therefore I release the point of wanting to experience good feelings with my partner, and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness remove all need/desires for good feelings around/with my partner, because I realise and understand that good feelings cannot exist without bad feelings to ballance them out and will inevitably appear within myself, if I continue generating good feelings within myself, therefore I will stop and remove these relationship constructs from within myself, as I realise that by participating in them, I am only enabling my mind to keep existing as ego and the manifestation of separation from myself and all that is here and not allowing myself to regard and consider my partner as an equal, but am using/abusing him to keep powering my ego through the relationship polarity construct



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 23 Nov 2012, 17:41

Day 57: Removing the dependency on my parents/family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my parents, especially my father, as a point of security and safety within this world, as my protectors and caretakers, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe, whenever I was with my parents, no matter how drunk and fucked up they would get, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel/perceive like I lost that safety, when my father died, not realising and understanding that I was being dependent/making myself dependent on them instead of taking self-responsibility and taking care of myself.


When and as I see myself perceiving my parents/mother as a point of security and safety within this world, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this perception is due to me not wanting to take self-responsibility, and will therefore make my mother/parents responsible for me to take care of me and protect me and nurture me in this world, therefore I release the trigger point of me wanting to have parents to take care of me (as fear from the world/myself) and direct myself in breath.


I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness remove all emotional/material points of dependency on my parents/mother, because I realise and understand that I cannot make anyone but myself responsible for the way I experience myself in this world, because it was me who accepted and allowed myself to experience myself the way I do, it is me that is within myself generating the experience of myself, therefore only I am responsible for correcting myself and taking care of myself.


Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my parents and make them responsible for me to survive and live in this world and experience myself in a positive and nice way, and perceive that they didn't do a good job of taking care of me and protecting me, thus blaming them for the current situation that I experience myself within, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating in amind polarity construct, which prevents me from taking self-responsibility, where I will feel safe and secure when I live with my parents, and feel insecure and threatened, when I do not live with my parents, thus powering my mind as ego through creating friction within myself to generate energy for my mind.


When and as I see myself wanting my mother/parents to take care of me and blaming my parents for not taking care of me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that only I am responsible for me, and have been for a while, since I came off age, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to hide behind my parents and/or blame them for my situation with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.
I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove any and all dependency on and blame towards my parents, because I realise and understand that that is not self-responsibility, but an energetic state of the mind, within which I abdicate my self-responsibility.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be able to live with my mother/parents together in a family that I could run away to and hide within from the attrocities and terrible state of the world that we have all allowed together, and by doing so forsake everything and everyone else but myself, not realising and understanding that this is my mind's polarity construct of fear of not having safety and defining my family/parents as the only point of 'real safety' that I have within this world, instead of realising that within this I am giving my power away to the idea of 'the family/parents' and with this perception I am separating myself from myself and all that is here by defining and perceiving my family/parents as more important than other people.


When and as I see myself wanting to hold on to the definitions of specialness of my family members and defining them as more important to me than other people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is part od my wanting to run away from my self-responsibility and make other people (my family/parents) responsible for my life experience, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop the separation of family/parents within myself and this world, because I realise and understand that the family construct is the main source of separation within this world and a reason why we as humanity are not able to consider and regard each others as equals, because we have defined/perceived our family memebers to be closer/more than/more special to us than other people.



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DesteniEarth
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby DesteniEarth » 25 Nov 2012, 11:07

Cool Hilda,

Also consider the dimension of 'blaming my family' for my current situation. This covers the financial aspect as well as the 'belief' of security aspect within how self looks at the world and interacts within the world.



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 25 Nov 2012, 16:22

Day 58: Self-forgiveness on not trusting my partner and my friends

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my partner might succumb to his ex gf's/other women's/our friends manipulations when I am not around, instead of realising that this is my mind not trusting my partner and wanting to have constant control over him and what he does, thus not allowing him to stand (up) for himself but wanting to direct him from a point of superiority that I have to do it, which stems fromin fear iority, where if I don't do this, I might loose him, not realising and understanding that I am participating in a polarity relationship construct where I will feel good and superior if I perceive that I get to keep my partner, and feel bad and inferior when I perceive that I might be loosing him, thus generating friction within myself for the creation of energy for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself fearing loosing my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this fear is stemming from me not wanting to be absolutely self-responsible, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

When and as I see myself directing myself according to/thinking about past experiences with my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in a past dimension of the mind, within which I allow myself to influence myself with fear of past experiences repeating themselves, therefore I release the trigger point of the thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove from myself all behaviour that is based on past experiences, because I realise and understand that I am allowing my past memories as fears to direct me instead of me directing myself in breath here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive friendship as something dangerous, because friends will want to hit me and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that it is normal for friends to hit each other and hurt me, not realising and understanding that I have been manifesting these kind of 'friendly' relationships, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that friends should and are allowed to hit each other, instead of realising that by accepting this within and as myself, I am perpetuating what I otherwise find to be unacceptable and wouldn't want to exist within, thus feeling inferior and in fear of my friends and friendships and perceive them as 'not safe', within which I will use and utilise caution and preemptive strikes of spitefulness towards my friends, thus abusing them because I judge them as myself as being evil and spiteful inside anyway, and simply giving in to this belief instead of standing up to it within myself.

When and as I see myself not trusting my friends/my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am reacting with fear of my friends/partner hurting me, because I have allowed a world in which it is ok for friends and partners to hurt each other and work against each other due to the accepted and allowed competition between people, within which we will utilise deception and manipulation in order to win over each other, which is what makes us unable to cooperate and agree, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness remove and stop all patterns of comparison and competition towards and with my friends and partner, because I realise and understand that this is what makes us unable to coexist together peacefully within the principles of do no harm and do what is best for all.



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DesteniEarth
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby DesteniEarth » 26 Nov 2012, 12:27

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my partner might succumb to his ex gf's/other women's/our friends manipulations when I am not around, instead of realising that this is my mind not trusting my partner and wanting to have constant control over him and what he does, thus not allowing him to stand (up) for himself but wanting to direct him from a point of superiority that I have to do it, which stems fromin fear iority, where if I don't do this, I might loose him, not realising and understanding that I am participating in a polarity relationship construct where I will feel good and superior if I perceive that I get to keep my partner, and feel bad and inferior when I perceive that I might be loosing him, thus generating friction within myself for the creation of energy for my mind to survive as ego.
Here I would add the following as well as a means of bringing the point back to self:
And within this I also now see, realise and understand that I am fearing my own application where I would manipulate a situation so that it goes according to my own self interested plan, which is exactly what I am fearing others will do, because when they act in their own self interest I feel that I will lose out – especially when it comes to men – So through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to fear my own applications that I project onto others.



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 30 Nov 2012, 01:32

Day 59: Removing Fear of my partner being manipulated into not being with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my ex partner to be always readily available for me (although I have given up on them and left them) in case I perceive that I cannot get a new partner, and within that emotionally and materially manipulate them into being dependent on me, instead of realising and understanding that within this I am abusing my ex partner and am making myself feel positive/good/superior within the notion that I will always have someone to fall back to if all my other ventures go awry.

When and as I see myself wanting to emotionally and materially manipulate my ex into being dependent on me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is coming from my fear of not being able to get anyone else as a partner in life, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all manipulation of my ex partners in order to have them as a reserve point in case I fail to create new relationships with new men in my life, because I realise and understand that with this I am only limiting myself with my fears of the future and am limiting other people/my ex partner by playing them out, instead of stopping and removing them from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of loosing my partner to his ex/other women's manipulations, within that not trusting him, where this distrust comes from past experiences of me perceiving that I was hurt, when this happened.

When and as I see myself going into fear of loosing my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is the consequence of memories of past experiences that I have not yet dealt with, therefore I release the memories and trigger points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through self-investigation and self-forgiveness stop and remove all fears of loosing my partner within myself, becuase I realise and understand that by allowing those fears to exist within me, I am compromising myself and my self-expression when I am with my partner and x and other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that x has hurt me in the past by manipulating my partner into leaving me and deciding to be with her, instead of realising and understanding that I myself was/am generating these feelings of being hurt inside me, therefore I have no one and nothing to blame for my own feelings of 'being hurt', but need to take the responsibility to stop and remove these feelings within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that other people are responsible for me generating the feelings of me being hurt within myself, instead of realising that within this I am abdicating my responsibility for energetic reactions that I myself allow to happen inside my body, not realising and understanding that these energetic reactions are of the mind as ego, with which I power and perpetuate the separation within myself and my outer world.

When and as I see myself wanting to blame other people/x for the way I made myself feel in the past, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I generate my own feelings/emotions/reactions, and that I am the creator of my own experience, therefore I release the trigger point of blame with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all judgements towards others and all blaming of others for my own experience in this world, because I realise and understand that I am solely responsible for the way that I experience myself in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a grudge against x and my partner for the way that they behaved in the past, instead of realising that their behaviour has got nothing to do with me and has not influenced me, I have only ever influenced myself with energetic reactions of the ego to create separation and not have to take responsibility for myself, but rather blame other people for my situation and the way I experience myself within it.

When and as I see myself becoming afraid of my partner and x repeating their patterns of behaviour, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that their behaviour has got nothing to do with me and cannot influence me in any way, I can only influence myself by observing their behaviour and judging it, thus creating separation within myself as friction to generate power for my mind to survive as ego, therefore I release the trigger point of blame and judgement and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove any and all judgement and blame that I have allowed myself to have towards x/my partner/other people, because I realise and understand that I have only ever influenced myself with perceptions and beliefs and thoughts about having been wronged, as I was not physically wronged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in conversations with my partner use and utilise arguments about the past in order for me to get reassurance from my partner that the past will not repeat itself, thus nurturing and feeding my fear, instead of removing it with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

When and as I see myself wanting to bring up past experiences in conversations with my partner in order to get assurance that the past will not repeat itself, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am doing this because I have felt inferior in the past, and now I am wanting to compensate for that by feeling positive/superior within getting reassurace from my partner that the past will not repeat itself, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a polarity-timeline construct of the mind, where I have felt inferior in the past and am now wanting to feel superior/positive through getting/making another human being responsible for that by giving me the reassurance that I want, instead of dealing with the past within myself, thus I am creating friction within myself as the desire for superiority, with which I generate energy for my mind to survive as ego and am abusing my partner while at it, therefore I release the trigger point/memory with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop bringing up past experiences in conversations with my partner, because I realise and understand that by doing so, I am participating in a polarity construct of my mind and am not allowing myself to be Here with my partner, within which I am abusing him as well and am creating separation within myself and between us as energetic ping pong, with which I power my mind as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner is able to repeat his past behaviour, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my partner repeating the behaviour that he has applied in the past, instead of realising that I am with this participating within a polarity construct of the mind, where I will feel inferior and bad and less than whenever I remember what was happening in the past between us, and will feel superior, more than and good, whenever I get reassurance from him that he will not repeat his behaviour from the past, not realising and understanding that with this I am creating separation as friction for energy as food for my mind to exist as ego.

When and as I see myself wanting to blame my partner for our past experiences together and make him responsible for the way I experienced myself in the past, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I want to blame another human being for my reactions that I myself have accepted and allowed within myself, therefore I am abusing him through blaming and judging him as myself for past experiences and shifting my responsibility for my own acceptances and allowances as reactions onto him, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to blame and judge him and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing from myself any and all blame and judgement towards my partner and x, because I realise and understand that only I am responsible for the way that I experience myself, no one else is, and that by judging and blaming other people for the way that I experience myself means that I am making them responsible for what is going on within me, although they do not have control over my physical body, I do/have that all by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/go into fear of people catcing me in an 'indeecent' position on territory that they define as theirs, and then judging and blaming me for my behaviour, not realising and understanding that this point is coming from within, where I perceive that if I catch people on territory that I perceive as mine doing something that I perceive as indeecent, I should be shocked and angry and mad and should go gossip about it with other people, instead of realising that what I allow within myself is aboslutely unacceptable.

When and as I see myself being afraid of other people being overprotective of their territory/things/people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is a point that I have allowed within myself as being territorial, protective of 'my stuff/people' and wanting to have control over territory/things/people that I perceive as mine, so I feel shocked/insulted whenever I see someone doing something that I perceive as wrong on territory that I perceive as mine, not realising and understanding that nothing really is mine except for myself/my physical body, therefore I release the ego point of 'mine' and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all ownership points that I have towards places/things/people.

Day 60: Fear of vlogging/exposing myself

Yesterday and the day before there were demons on the streets of Slovenia's two biggest cities. I'm visiting with my partner in the second biggest city. I was out of milk, so my partner and I went to get some, and on our way to the shop, we had to avoid the demonstrators. There was a police helicopter circling above our heads, and in my throat I could feel the mace that the police used, to break up the emotional hordes of people. I felt like I was in the movie Blade Runner, like I was in a negative sci-fi story, where the oppressed majority is ruled by rarely seen elites that hide in their safe mansions high above the cities. When I was little, I thought that this was fiction, only to grow up into the horrible reality of it all. I successfully avoided this by aenesthetising myself with entertainment and drugs for the longest time, but now I have woken up into a reality that I realise I co-create with my avoidance of it, and it's a bit scary altogether.

As we were walking down the street, we heard people yelling and screaming at the policemen, who are also people, just like everybody else, protecting and defending the rulers for a measly paycheck that is just enough to cover their surviving expenses. They do it in fear of loosing their jobs and ending up without that measly support for survival. Just like everybody else. I had a slight feeling of fear - how to approach all of this? How to make people understand that demonstrations are useless? I -know- how to do this - through blogging and vlogging, but I suddenly had a feeling of 'I'm too small, this is too big'. I am committed to the implementation of the Equal Money System completely and fully, but as I draw timelines into the future, I can only see people fighting me and resisting me due to their egoes - a clear sign that I am fighting and resisting myself still with my own ego. I realise that some day I'll have to become political, I just don't see that happening yet, because so many people are still sleeping and dreaming their american dream of money and safety. I feel alone (inferiority). There is also the problem of me perceiving myself in my mind as some sort of leader, some sort of common sense guru (superiority), because I see that other people are way too limited to realise that demonstrations do not work, and I'm a little scared of the task and not feeling quite up to it (inferiority).

I've been prepraing to make a vlog in my own language about why demons on streets do not work for two weeks now, but I've managed to keep myself occupied with my partner and my own little personal world, and I'm a bit angry at myself and ashamed of myself as well.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am too small to take on a subject as big as implementing the EMS, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define standing for and implementing the EMS as a big and arduous task, instead of realising and understanding that as I change the system within myself, I stand as an example and need to show that standing with vlogging and blogging as much as I can to shorten this process as much as possible.

When and as I see myself doubting myself about being able to convey common sense through my blogging and vlogging, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that with these thoughts I am only sabotaging myself and my application, therefore I release the doubts with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to blogging and vlogging about all the anomalies of human existence that I see, and within this I commit myself to keep blogging my journey to life as much as I can, because I realise and understand that for my world and the world to change, I must change and stand as an example of that change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to large groups of people and go into fear of their judgement, when and as I take a stance that is best for all, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that no one will want to listen, because I judge people as beings who are not interested in change, only in pointing out problems and being emotional about it.

When and as I see myself fearing people's judgements towards my standing for what is best for all, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that no one has ever judged me, I have only ever judged myself, therefore I release the point of self-judgement with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all self-judgement from myself through writing and self-forgiveness, because I realise and understand that with judgement I am separating myself from myself and all that is here, and am creating friction to generate energy for my mind to survive as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people might not understand my vlogging, and withing this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with this fear into not making vlogs about what I see, instead of realising and understanding that with this fear I am limiting and compromising not only myself but all people, because I am neglecting my commitment to life to shorten the unnecessary suffering on this planet and am instead entertaining myself with sex, my partner and other people.

When and as I see myself going into fear of vlogging, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that my mind is set up in such a way to keep this currect capitalistic system of slavery going, therefore I release the point of fear with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people might judge my appearance in my vlogs and within that miss the whole point of what was said, instead of realising and understanding that with such thoughts I am participating within my mind's polarity constructs, where I judge my appearance as inadequate and feel inferior due to it, and then want to compensate for it by getting affirmations from men that I am good looking through playing into the flirting game, and wasting my time, and the polarity construct where I want to feel good/positive/more than when I make a vlog that has a lot of views, and am feeling inferior/negative/less than, when I make a vlog that is not so popular.

I commit myself to stop and remove all thought patterns within myself that I use to manipulate myself into not blogging and vlogging the hell out of this world and spreading common sense, because I realise and understand that if I do not stand up for my world, I cannot expect anyone else to do it.

Day 61: Anger towards my partner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that other girls/x will try to seduce my partner by having sex with him, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought pattern of having sex with men just in order to get their attention and have control over them to exist within me.

When and as I see myself going into fear that x/another girl will try to manipulate my partner into not being with me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that whatever I am fearing is a projection of a thought pattern that I accept and allow within myself, therefore I release it with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stop and remove from myself any and all fears of loosing my partner to other women and causes as thought patterns that I project as those fears with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become angry at my partner when/as I see/perceive that he is not commited to our agreement, instead of realising and understanding that with this application I am making myself superior to my partner to compensate for the inferiority as being insulted and taking it personally that he is not commited.

When and as I see myself becoming angry at my partner for not being commited to our agreement, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is a polarity construct of my mind, within which I validate myself with my partner's behaviour and thoughts and actions, and will feel superior and more than when I see/perceive that he is commited to our agreement, and will feel inferior and less than, insulted and not worthy and not cherished and not respected, when I see/perceive that he is not commited to our agreement, with which I create separation within myself as resistance for the creation of friction to generate energy for my mind to survive as ego, therefore I release the construct with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing any and all points of anger towards my partner, because I realise and understand that with anger I am making myself superior and more than him, with which I create separation within myself to power my mind as ego and between myself and my partner, creating friction and dissonance, which makes us unable to communicate and cooperate.



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hilda rac
Posts: 158
Joined: 05 Jul 2011, 19:03

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 04 Dec 2012, 00:28

Day 64: "Do I bother you with my presence?"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insulted, whenever I see and perceive that I am bothering someone with my presence, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bothered with other people's presences due to wanting to keep up a fake image of myself, instead of realising that I am playing a polarity game of the mind, where I will feel superior and more than, when/as I perceive to have the opportunity and possibility of presenting myself in a certain way and for people to perceive me the way I want them to perceive me, and will feel inferior and less than and consequentially angry, when I perceive that I do not have the chance and possibility for people to perceive me the way I want them to perceive me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel feel inferior and scared, when I perceive that other people find my presence bothersome, and feel superior and encouraged, when I perceive that other people like my presence, instead of realising that I am participating within a polarity construct of the mind, within which I separate myself from myself and all that is here, I generate friction for the creation of energy for my mind to survive as ego.

When and as I see myself going into inferiority or superiority about what I perceive people to be thinking about my presence, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a polarity construct of the mnd, within which I am validating myself with my perception of other people's opinions of me, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry and disappointed at people, when/as I see/perceive that they are bothered by my presence, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to people, who I perceive to be bothered by my presence, and then try to compensate for that inferiority with superiority, within which I will be angry at them for not saying it to me directly and call them cowards, instead of relising that I am participating within a mind construct, within which I generate energy for my ego and am abusing my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for people to never be bothered by my presence, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prove myself to others as valuable company so that they would want to let me stay, instead of realising that within doing so, I am compromising myself and allowing other people's opinions and feelings to have power over me.

When and as I see myself desiring to prove myself to others as valuable company so that they would let me stay with them, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am validating myself with my perceptions of the opinions of other people, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

When and as I see myself fearing people whom I perceive to be bothered with my presence, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am giving my power away to my perceptions of opinions of people in my vicinity, therefore I release the trigger point and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove any and all validations of myself with my perceptions of people's opinions of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate people by talking other people into talking to them for me, and present my wishes/needs/desires/opinions as their own, in order for me to not have to face this responsibility of talking to those people directly, but use others to do my bidding and achieve my goal, because I am too afraid of facing the first people myself.

When and as I see myself wanting to manipulate someone through a third party, by manipulating the third party to do my bidding with the person I want to manipulate, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's manipulative energetic games, within which I will feel superior and more than for being able to manipulate a third party into doing my bidding, and will feel inferior, whenever I perceive I am unable to do so, therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to manipulate someone through a third party with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel worried that I am bothering someone with my presence, when I am at a place that I do not consider/define/perceive as my own directly or indirectly through friends/partners/family, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of people's reactions, when and as I am visiting with someone, and I perceive that a third party involved is unhappy about my presence.

When and as I see myself becoming worried about third parties having problems with my presence, when I am visiting someone, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by doing so, I am only powering my mind as ego with negative energies, therefore I release the trigger point and I direct myself in breath.

Day 65: "I'm better than you and keep your hands off my partner"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energetic state of wanting to prove myself to new people that I meet as an educated person of broad horizons and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete and want to win over other people in our mutual company and prove myself to the new person as better than the rest of the people in our mutual company, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a comparing and competing construct of the mind, within which I will feel superior to others in the company when I perceive that the new person is impressed by me, and will feel inferior to others in the company when I perceive that the new person wasn't impressed by me.

When and as I see myself wanting to impress new people with my knowledge and information and broadness of horizons, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind construct in which I will want to experience more of myself as superiority and positivity, and with this I am separating myself from myself and all that is here, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing any and all points of wanting to impress new people and prove myself to them as superior to others, because I realise and understand that within doing this I am separating myself from others within superiority and putting others in an inferior position, thus creating separation and friction between us, and am the cause of inequality and jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to make other people in my company jealous of me and my knowledge and information and broadness of horizons by talking to new people in the company, instead of realising that with this action I am causing friction as separation from myself and all that is here.

When and as I see myself wanting other people to be jealous of me within not being able to compare to my knowledge and information and compete with my broadness of horizons, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this need is coming from a feeling of inferiority towards the people that I want to be jealous of me, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all need for making other people jealous of me from within me, because I realise and understand that I am simply wanting to get back at those people, because I am jealous of them at some point, therefore I will remove that point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with jealousy and anger and a feeling of ownership towards my partner, when I see another woman touching him, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a relationship construct of the mind, where I perceive my partner as my ownership and therefore off limits to any other woman, therefore I will react with anger and spitefulness when another woman touches my partner and feel inferior to her and scared that she might want to overtake him, and I will feel secure and safe within the partnership, when other women do not touch my partner.

When and as I see myself emotionally reacting to other women touching my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind relationship construct, within which I own my partner, and within which I make myself superior to other women and my partner by perceiving myself as the owner of my partner, therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to touch other women's partners and disregard their reactions to my action of touching their partner and justify it with "I am allowed to touch him, he is not their ownership, I'm not doing anything wrong", instead of realising and understanding that I am in fact looking for that man's approval, attention and wanting to have a special relationship of trust with him, within which I will make myself feel superior, because I perceive myself as able to touch him and have this special bond with him despite the fact that he has a partner, within which I will make myself feel superior to his partner and so power my mind as ego with this energy of feeling good/positive/superior.

When and as I see myself wanting to touch other women's partners, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I want to make myself superior to other people by being able to touch someone who is otherwise perceived as "off limits", therefore I release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all needs/desires/wants to touch people, because I realise and understand that touching people is a (self) manipulation point, within which I will try to make myself feel superior and more than and positive within the notion that I am able to touch someone and don't have the generally accepted mindfuck that we people have about touching other people, thus I am making myself feel superior within the notion that I am able to overcome that mindfuck




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