Hilda's blog

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hilda rac
Posts: 158
Joined: 05 Jul 2011, 19:03

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 10 Jan 2013, 23:56

Day 77: High Society

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with hatred, anger, superiority, indignation and be patronising towards people whom I perceive to be in a higher social class than myself, instead of realising that I am with these reactions trying to compensate for the feelings of inferiority and helplessness that I am feeling towards them, not realising and understanding that with this I am participating within a mind polarityconstruct, where I generate energy for my mind to exist as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to criticise people, whom I perceive to be in a higher social class than myself, and look for fault in them which I could talk shit about, instead of realising that I am compensating with superiority as anger for the feeling of inferiority that I generate within myself around them, because I have defined them to be more powerful than me, not realising and understanding that I have willingly given my power away to my own perception of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prove myself as more educated, knowledgeable and classy than people whom I perceive to be of a higher social class than myself, instead of realising that I am with this compensating for my feelings of inferiority that I generate within myself around them, because I envy them their money and perceived power, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will try to make myself appear superior to others (whom I perceive to be of a higher social class than me) as a person who is well-behaved, well-mannered, educated in arts and philosophy and science, and will seek out their validation on these points, and will feel superior and more than, when I perceive that I have succeeded, and will feel inferior and less than, when I perceive that I have failed in this mission.

When and as I see myself feeling inferior to people, whom I perceive to be of a higher social class than myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have allowed and accepted myself to categorise people into 'social classes' in my head, and will try to make myself appear as one of them, or at least as one that is worthy to be around them, thus making myself inferior to them by default, instead of recognising and seeing them as equal human beings. Therefore I release the trigger point of this mind construct with self-forgiveness and I direct myself towards the outcome that is equally best for all.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all classifications of people in my head, because I realise and understand that social classes do not exist in natural, physical reality, but are only a result of my mind's polarity constructs, where I will perceive people with a lot of money to be part of a higher social class than me, and will therefore feel inferior to them, which I will then try to compensate with superiority as anger and criticism, within which I will not be acknowledging them as equal human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to people, whom I perceive to have a lot of money, but lack the information and education that I have defined to be necessary in order to be classy and accepted within what I perceive as higher societal circles, which is knowledge that I have picked up from my aunt, instead of realising and understanding that with this knowledge as superiority I am trying to compensate for the feeling of inferiority that I have allowed to exist within me towards people, whom I perceive to have more money, safety and stability than me, and whom I am jealous of because of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of people, whom I perceive to have more money, safety and stability than me, instead of realising and understanding that I am allowing myself to participate within this construct in my mind, and am therefore not acknowledging the actual, physical reality of those people being my equals as human beings, and will within this cause friction as separation between us simply because I will try to make myself appear superior to them, because I feel inferior to what I perceive them to be and have.

When and as I see myself wanting to beat and win over someone that I perceive to have more money than me in this world, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have created this need within me, because I am somewhere feeling less than and inferior to those people, therefore I release the point of inferiority with self-forgiveness and direct myself within equality and acknowledging those people as equals.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all my perceptions and negativity towards people whom I perceive to be rich/of a higher societal class than myself, because I realise and understand that these are just definitions that I have created and allowed to exist within my mind, not realising that by doing so, I am creating separation as friction between me and another human being.

Day 78: The problem with Education

"I had trouble with arithmetic. I guess I just got bored with it. I was good at my multiplication tables and long division but I had trouble concentrating on the problems. My teachers and my fellow students carried me along, giving me extra help when I faltered. When I got in the 10th grade and decided to become an engineer and start building rockets, math became much easier for me. I think it was because I had a reason to learn it." -Homer Hickam, Propulsion Engineer, Spacecraft Design Engineer, Retired Writer

The person I quoted grew up in a small mining town. It was expected of him to become a miner, and he absolutely abhorred that idea. (Who wouldn't? But, fascinatingly enough, his father was passionate about mining, that's why he expected of his son to become a miner as well. Everything that we do in this world is someone's passion, really, hence the progress that we witness today.)
When they launched the Sputnik, the first artificial satellite, he became incredibly fascinated with rockets, and started building his own with some friends. From the quote it is obvious that he never liked math, like so many of us, because before building rockets he never had to really apply it, and was learning it just because it was required of him.

In this system math is crammed down our throats. Not only simple math, but advanced math that most of us that don't work in the field of science will never need. We are learning it simply for the sake of learning it and getting graded, because someone decided that those are the basics, when they're not. Most of us will never need the complex theorems and equations that we learn about in high school, yet, for some reason, we need to pass those as well, just in case we'd choose a calling that requires them, although most of us don't. The quoted person started enjoying math only after he realised that he has to calculate the trajectories and speed and other variables in order to make his rockets work. He was passionate about something, and therefore it wasn't hard for him to learn additional skills that would enhance his application within the field that he was passionate about.

All education should be like this. First we'd have to figure out what we're passionate about, what it is that makes us tick and catches our interest in this world, what it is that we have a knack for. The rest comes naturally.

I remember having a passion like this. I knew everything there was to know about drum and bass music, and if that was an accepted scholar field, I'd be the leading expert in my country, along with so many other friends that shared my passion. I even learned complex sound design methods in order to better understand the artists that I loved listening to. But since this is not an accepted scholar field, I kind of gave up on that passion.

At some point in my life I was equally as passionate about natural biochemical processes of this world, and I tried studying microbiology, but I failed to follow the curriculum of the grading system I caught myself into. Grading should not exist, because it makes us compete, and that becomes the centre of our focus, instead of actually learning about the subject.

That is why I stand as One Vote for an Equal Money System, in which competition and comparison between people will not exist. People will be allowed to find their passion and follow it, be it gardening or rocket science, and there will be no differences in status between the two.

If you understand and agree with what I'm saying, visit http://equalmoney.org/wiki/Education and read up on what the Equal Money System is offering in terms of Education, which is freedom to explore the world and one's own place in it - without survival being a factor. Share the information with others, so that we can stop surviving and start living to our fullest potentials.


Day 79: Judging myself through my perceptions of my partner's perceptions of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to feel appreciated and more than and positive through my partner wanting to cuddle with me on his own, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, less than and negative, when I perceive that my partner doesn't want to cuddle with me on his own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my partner to show me appreciation by wanting to cuddle with me on his own, instead of realising and understanding that I am validating myself with my partner's feelings towards me, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel positive, more than and superior, when I perceive that my partner likes, loves and appreciates me by wanting to cuddle with me, talk to me and spend time with me, and will feel negative, less than and inferior, when I perceive that my partner doesn't like, love and appreciate me, because he doesn't want to cuddle with me, talk to me and spend time with me.

When and as I see myself wanting to validate myself through my perception of my partner's feelings for me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am simply participating within an energetic mind construct, within which I will create energy for my mind to survive as ego through separating myself within myself through judging and validating myself negatively through my partner's response to me, therefore I will release the trigger point of wanting to validate myself through my partner's feelings/responses towards me and i will direct myself towards writing out and clearing my starting point.

I commit myself to stop validating and valuing myself through my perceptions of my partner's feelings towards me and his responses towards me, because I realise and understand that I am within this making my partner responsible for the way I experience myself, within which I am abdicating my self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my weight is a consequence of a system, and therefore I cannot loose it no matter what I do, instead of realising and understanding that I am compromising myself with this belief and giving into hopelessness and powerlesness to do anything about it, and rendering myself unwilling to even try to assist and support my body to come to an optimal weight in which I would be able to move and run normally and without strain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, spiteful, resentful, annoyed and frustrated, whenever I hear people talking what I perceive to be shit about fat people and immediately go into a defensive stance of fat people that they are victims of a system, not realising and understanding that I'm actually protecting and defending myself and victimising myself within this, thus rendering myself unable to do anything about my body's weight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mourn and cry over my body's constitution and act towards other people in a way to show that it is not fair that I am overweight, instead of realising and understanding that I am doing so, because I have not completely accepted myself the way I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger and frustration and sadness, whenever I look at myself in the mirror, or whenever I am touching my body, and think/believe/perceive that the fat I am touching should not be there, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into fantasies of how it would be, if I didn't have so much excess weight, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I am separating myself from myself through judging and comparing my physical appearance and my body's weight, and I will feel less than, inferior and negative, when I think about my weight, I will go into a state of victimising myself, when I think about my weight, and I will want to loose weight in order to stop feeling that way, with which I will compromise my body by utilising it's physical substance in order to generate these thoughts, and I will further harm it by forcing it to loose weight in order for me to stop generating these thoughts within myself, instead of dealing with the thoughts directly through and with self-forgiveness.

When and as I see myself becoming frustrated or feeling any kind of energetic reaction to the way my body looks and feels, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am compromising myself by participating within a mind polarity construct of comparison and competition regarding looks with myself and other people, therefore I release the trigger point and origin of the thoughts with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I will not be able to loose weight until I write out my relationships with my father and men entirely, instead of realising and understanding that I am limiting myself and making myself unable to care for my body now through these beliefs and thoughts, and I am abdicating my responsibility towards it to some event in the future, where I believe that the weight loss is going to happen miraculously after writing myself out without me having to do anything about it.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all thought patterns that I have about my weight, because I realise and understand that by having thoughts/beliefs/perceptions - I am powering my mind to exist as ego and I am making my weight to be a part of my personality, instead of directing myself in breath here in the physical.

I commit myself to assist and support my body to the fullest in discovering and learning what it is that my body needs for it to function optimally and remove all self-judgement about it with self-forgiveness, because I realise and understand that I have been abusing my body throughout my lifetime within trying to get it and mould it into a shape that I perceive other people would like, instead of assisting and supporting it for it to assist and support me and become a living expression of myself in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my lips becoming old and dried out, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my lips to be supple and nice and be afraid of loosing that suppleness and niceness, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind beauty polarity construct, where I will compare my lips to those of other girls/people, and will feel inferior to girls that I perceive to have nicer lips than me, and will feel superior to girls that I perceive that I have nicer lips than them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my process will be sped up by me changing cells and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to shed cells as quickly as possible in order for me to get new cells that will be less "corrupt" than the old cells, not realising and understanding that this will not help or assist me in any way, if I do not do process all the time and write out the constructs continuously, as the constructs that I have not written out will simply repeat themselves in my newly formed cells.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes is harming my skin and drying it out, making it look old and dry and wrinkled, instead of realising that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel negative and less than and inferior, when I perceive my skin to be older than that of other women, and will want/need/desire to have younger looking skin, and will want to feel positive, more than and superior to other women by having younger looking skin, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to stop my ageing process through Process and make myself look young forever, and I also forgive myself for connecting and equating drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes to the process of skin-ageing, and thinking/believing/perceiving that it is the main cause of my skin ageing thus always having this in the back of my mind, when I drink coffee and smoke cigarettes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate peeing and pooing to loosing weight, which I connected when I was weighing myself and when my mom told me that I have to weigh myself after pooing, because then the scale would give a more realistic figure, not realising and understanding that within this I have started to identify and equate myself with a number that I saw on the scale, making it the primary cause of the way that I would feel, thus creating a mind polarity construct, in which I would feel negative, less than and inferior, whenever the number on the scale would be more than 50-55 kilograms, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have 50-55 kilograms, which I have defined and perceived to be my ideal weight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become happy and start feeling positive and hopeful that I will loose weight, whenever I feel that I am going to pee and poo, because I have connected in my mind that this will mean that the number on the scale will be lower and that my weight will be lower, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a completely illogical mind pattern in which I identify myself with the number on the scale, absolutely disregarding the fact that the smaller number on the scale after pooing has nothing to do with me having lost actual fat weight.

When and as I see myself wanting to identify or find out the number of kilograms that I weigh, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct that I have built up many years ago through my perceptions/beliefs about the ideal weight of a woman, and will be compromising myself and my body in order to reach that ideal, instead of supporting and assisting my body to make it feel as optimal as possible without worrying about the way it looks or how much it weighs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that thinner bodies are prettier bodies, and define/perceive my own body as not pretty because it is not as thin as those of other girls, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, in which I will compare my own body to other girls's bodies and feel inferior and less than, when I perceive it to be fatter than those of other girls, and will feel superior and more than, when i perceive it to be less fat than those of other girls.

When and as I see myself comparing my body to those of other girls, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am with this comparison compromising myself by making myself feel a certain way within the comparison, and I am not remaining here as my physical, therefore I release the point of comparison with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all points of comparison with other girls bodies and faces in terms of looks, because I realise and understand that by having comparing thoughts, I am compromising myself by participating within a polarity comparison construct, thus powering my mind to exist as ego.

Day 80: Banking Apostols

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define bank employees as superior to me because they handle money and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to bank employees and define/perceive them as gods that handle the life essence as money in this world and have power and influence over me because of that, because I perceive and define them as people that have my life, my well-being and my survival as money at the palm of their hand, instead of realising and understanding that bank employees are people equal to myself, and that they hold absolutely no power over me, I am only giving my power away to them by giving in to such thoughts of them being superior to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that bank employees hold power over me because they handle my money, instead of realising and understanding that by participating within such thoughts, I have given my power away to them within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive bank employees as people with more responsibility, because they handle money, which I have defined as the life essence that makes everything move in this world and an absolute necessity for survival, instead of realising and understanding that I have within my mind made money my god and the bank employees the messengers of god, not realising and understanding that within this I have absolutely disregarded the physical reality of Life and that Life does not need money to survive and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I have to be respectful towards bank managers, because they can at any moment fuck with me by not giving me my money to survive, instead of realising and understanding that I have generated this beLIEf within myself about bank employees and managers and within this I have directly given my power away to them and made this part of my perceptual reality, where i will feel and act inferior and less than the bank employees and fear being at their disposal and their whims, which I will want to compensate with exerting superiority towards them on a personal level and outsmart them and outwit them with my intellect.

When and as I see myself feeling and perceiving myself as unequal to the bank managers and employees, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have created this feeling and perception within myself, because I have defined them as more than me because they handle money - the god of all gods, the means of survival within this world - therefore I release the feelings and thoughts with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and equality.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all perceptions that I have towards bank employees and managers, and perceive them as equal human beings, because I realise and understand that all of my perceptions and definitions of people who work in the bank are coming from my symbol-based thought patterns that I have built up towards money as the means of survival and living within this world.

Day 81: Fearing that my partner's ex is trying to separate us again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear, based on memories of past experiences, whenever I see/perceive that my partner's ex is wanting to talk to him in private, because I'm afraid of her wanting to persuade him again into not being with me and being with her instead, instead of realising and understanding that I am allowing my fear as memories of past experiences to direct me, where I am afraid of re-living the emotional turmoil that I have experienced when this happened in the past, and am not directing myself here in breath.

When and as I see myself going into fear of loosing my partner to his ex, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am being directed by fear of my partner repeating the pattern that he has played out in the past with his ex, and leaving me again for her, within which I would feel negative, beaten, powerless, inferior and less than, therefore I release the trigger point of the fear with self-forgiveness and do not allow my fears to direct me, but I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to through writing and self-corrective application stop and remove all fears of my partner being taken over by his ex again, because I realise and understand that when I am being directed by this fear, I am actually fearing 'loosing face' in front of other people due to my perception that I have made the wrong decision, when I decided to give my partner another chance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of 'loosing face' in eyes of other people, if my partner was to leave me for his ex again, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a polarity construct of my mind, where I will feel superior and more than, when I perceive that other people see me to be in partnership with my partner, and I will feel less than and inferior, when I perceive that other people perceive me to not be in partnership with my partner and have 'lost' my partner to his ex again, not realising and understanding that I am feeling defeated and inferior from within, and allowing myself to be influenced by whether I am in a partnership or not.

When and as I see myself becoming afraid of 'loosing face' in the eyes of others in terms of me being in a relationship with my partner or not, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct of validating myself according to my perception of other people's perceptions of me, therefore I release the trigger point of the fear with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all fears and perceptions of how other people perceive me in terms of being in a relationship/agreement with my partner, because I realise and understand that I am compromising myself within this, and my expression is not being directed by me, but by my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my partner as a weaker person than his ex and someone who could easily succumb to her manipulations, instead of realising and understanding that these definitions are based in memories of past experiences, where instead of seeing my partner as he is now, I am fearing that he is still the way he used to be, not realising and understanding that by allowing this fear to direct me, I am compromising myself and my interaction with my partner.

When and as I see myself perceiving my partner as unable to stand up to his ex's manipulations of cuteness and sadness, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind memory construct, and am not acknowledging what is here, therefore I release the trigger point of the perception with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath according to what is here towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all perceptions of my partner based in memories, because I realise and understand that he is walking the same process of change that I am walking, and is not the same person that he used to be in the past, and by allowing my memories of past experiences to direct and influence my perception of my partner, I am compromising myself and our agreement and communication.



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hilda rac
Posts: 158
Joined: 05 Jul 2011, 19:03

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 11 Jan 2013, 00:02

Day 82: "I want my partner to feel good around me"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into desperation, whenever I see/perceive that my partner is not willing to write himself out, but is writing about points that he had already seemingly walked, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and disappointed with my partner, whenever this happens, instead of realising and understanding that I am fearing that past experiences are going to repeat themselves, because I perceive my partner to be unwilling to face himself in absolute self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into dismay, resentment, frustration and anger, whenever I see/perceive that my partner is giving into emotions and is not wanting to face himself with self-forgiveness, because I am afraid that the outflow of that will be that he will be looking for other people and neglect process and that past events are going to repeat themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel negative, inferior and less than, whenever I see/perceive that my partner is reminiscing his past experiences and is feeling sorry for having lost them, instead of realising and understanding that I am validating myself according to how my partner is making himself feel in my vicinity.

When and as I see myself becoming affected by my partner's moods, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel more than, better, superior and positive, when I perceive that my partner is having fun with me, and will feel negative, less than, inferior, when I see/perceive that my partner is bad mooded around me, and will take it as a personal failure, if he is bad mooded. Therefore I release the polarity point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for us.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all feelings/validations of myself that are conditioned by how my partner is feeling, because I realise and understand that everyone generates their own feelings within themselves and blaming myself for the way that another feels and blaming another for the way that i feel is part of the abdication of self-responsibility of the mind, which I do not allow and accept within myself anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my partner to feel good around me, instead of realising and understanding that this fear is stemming from me being afraid that my partner would rather hang with other people if he doesn't feel good around me, not realising and understanding that I am within this supporting the "feel good" polarity construct of the mind, within which one doesn't have to face oneself, because one feels good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to force my partner to do process so that I wouldn't have to be afraid of him leaving me for chasing his good feelings, instead of writing myself and my fears out and realising that I can only influence myself into not feeling afraid of him leaving and remaining stable no matter what happens between us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear, whenever I see/perceive that my partner is bad mooded and be afraid of him wanting to look for good energy experiences, and be afraid that he would be leaving and coming together with other people behind my back to fill his good energies, instead of realising and understanding that I am projecting something that exists within me, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thoughts of me wanting/needing/desiring to fill my good energies with other people and be prepared to lie to my partner and do things that would make me feel good behind his back.


Day 83: Fear of the past repeating itself within my partnership

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react with fear, anger, frustration, violence and hatred, whenever I hear my partner's message sound from his phone and/or his ex's ring tone, and fear that the message is from his ex, who is trying to manipulate him into straying away from me. I realise and understand that this is due to memories of past experiences, where my partner acted in a way that I did not perceive as best for all/me, within which I experienced being neglected and left out and felt inferior and negative. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remember past occurrences with my partner, whenever I hear his ex's ringtone and message tone, and expect the worst, and for past experiences to repeat themselves, and within this blame my partner for me making myself feel bad based on hearing these sounds, instead of remaining here in breath and directing myself according to what is here.

When and as I hear my partner's message tone and/or his ex's ringtone from his phone, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have built up a reaction mechanism in my mind based on memories of past experiences, and whenever I hear the ringtones, I become afraid of those past experiences repeating themselves, within which I do not regard what is here, but allow myself to be directed by fears. Therefore when I hear the ringtones, I do not allow myself to go into fear and anger and react with violence within my body, but I remain here in breath and direct myself according to what is here.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove any and all reactions towards ringtones that I hear from my partner's phone, because I realise and understand that I have built up those reactions from fears based on memories of past events, where my partner would communicate through his phone and act in a way that I perceived as not best for me and as harmful for me, and now I am being directed by this fear of the past repeating itself, instead of me directing me in breath according to what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to memories of past experiences with my partner of him acting in a way that I perceived as bad for myself, and within this build up constructs of hatred, anger, resentment and frustration towards him and his ex, and allow these memories and feelings to fester within me, and explode in violent reactions, whenever I access them in my mind when I hear ringtones from my partner's phone and when a memory about past experiences gets triggered within me in any other way, instead of realising and understanding that within this I am enslaving myself to my own mind's mechanisms and fears that I have allowed to exist within me.

When and as I see myself accessing memories of past experiences with my partner that I perceive and define as bad, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am giving into a fear mechanism, where I fear that the past will repeat itself, within which I will try to make myself feel superior to compensate for past feelings of inferiority and helplesness, and will try to with anger as superiority prevent past experiences from repeating themselves, thus I will try to scare my partner into not behaving the way that he used to behave in the past, so that I would not have to go through the emotional turmoil that I have saved in my memory bank for futuresurvival within our relationship. I also realise and understand that by making my partner afraid of me with anger, I am driving him further away from me and disabling myself and him from effectively communicating about the point that we're experiencing, therefore I release the trigger point of my reaction and the memories that support it with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for our agreement.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness identify and remove all memories and mind constructs and reactions, which I have build up in my mind about past experiences with my partner, because I realise and understand that as long as I allow our past to influence and direct our current experience, I am not directing myself in breath as an expression of Life, of myself Here, but as a fear system of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my partner for giving into his ex's manipulations and promisses of safety, despite me warning him about what is going to happen, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior for having beein right, and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be angry at him because I perceived that he didn't take me into account and neglected my well-being, when he was pursuing his illusion of safety with his ex, and within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel bitter about him not wanting to listen to me at that time.

When and as I see myself becoming angry at my partner for the way that he behaved towards me in the past, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind timeline construct, within which I will re-live the bad feelings that I have allowed myself to feel and become part of me in the past, when my partner behaved in a way that i perceived to be bad for me, and I will try to compensate for those bad feelings with making myself appear superior and more than with anger towards him, and will try to make him feel bad about his past behaviour towards me, so that he wouldn't repeat his behaviour from the past, thus I am creating and participating within an energetic polarity construct of my mind, within which I will generate energy through friction as judgement of my partner and consequentially myself, as I identify myself with the relationship with my partner and feel good or bad according to my perception of his behaviour, and thus I feed my mind as ego and allow the energies to flow between polarities, not realising and understanding that those energies are being created from the very substance of my body. Therefore I release the trigger point of my anger towards my partner for our past experiences together with self-forgiveness and direct myself towards what is best for our agreement in breath, here.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application in breath stop and remove all reactions and feelings of anger towards my partner for his past behaviour, because I realise and understand that by acting from within memories of the past, I am not allowing our expression to flow freely Here in Breath, and I am stifling and suppressing our progress with Process by making us both unable to talk and discuss the point that we are facing.


Day 84: Being liked and categorising people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form the world 'liking' within thinking/believing/perceiving that I can only like myself, when other people like me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel positive/superior/more than, when and as I see and perceive that other people like me, and feel inferior and less than, when I see and perceive that other people do not like me, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I, through liking and validating myself with my perceptions of other people liking or disliking me, am creating self-judgement and with that separating myself from myself and all that is here to create energy for my mind to exist as ego.

When and as I see myself validating myself through my perception of whether other people like me or not, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that within this I am compromising my self-expression and adjusting it to within myself generate the perception of other people liking me through trying to get them to act and behave in a way that would instigate such a perception within me, within which I am manipulating myself and others in order to experience myself as more of me as positive energy, therefore I release the trigger point of this want for validation with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all need/want/desire for validation and other people liking me from within myself, because I realise and understand that within this I separate myself from myself and all that is here and from the word liking, by looking for an outside source, with which I will through my perception within myself generate the positive experience of more of myself as being liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become bothered by other people in my presence that I have defined as 'strangers', when they are passing me or are in my vicinity doing something that is not connected to me, and feel like they're intruding in my own personal space and my own personal world, instead of realising and understanding that by participating within such feelings and thoughts, I am allowing and creating inequality within myself and am not regarding them as equals, but as opposites, others and therefore less than and inferior to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward in other the presence of people that I have defined as 'not close to me' and immediately look for subjects about which to talk briefly to them in order for there to not be uncomfortable silences, because I have defined and perceived such situations to be uncomfortable, if there is no bullshit talking happening, instead of realising that this is an energetic polarity construct of the mind within which I am participating, where I will feel comfortable enough in silence in the vicinity of people that I have defined as 'close to me' and will feel positive, more than and good, and will feel negative, inferior and less than and uncomfortable in silence in the vicinity of people that I have defined as 'not close to me', thus feeding my mind as ego through friction and conflict that I cause within myself with participating in this construct.

When and as I see myself becoming uncomfortable in the vicinity (in silence) of people that are not my partner/friends/family, which I have defined to be 'close to me', I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that within categorising people into 'close to me', such as my partner, friends and family, and 'not close to me', such as people that I do not know very well, I am creating separation as inequality as regarding people that are 'not close to me' as less important and interesting than people that I have defined as 'close to me', and as such as not 'good enough' to share my full self-expression with as with people that I see as 'close to me', within which I feed my mind energy to exist as my personality/ego, therefore I release the points of inequality and the feelings and thoughts that I have towards those people, and share myself equally with all people.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop categorizing people into categories of different importances within my mind, because I realise and understand that by categorising people, I am compromising myself and the sharing of my self-expression in equality, where I will play out different characters towards different people, within which I will perpetuate the energy games of my mind and feed it energy to survive as ego.


Day 85: "You look nice, therefore I like you"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nicer and more approachable to beings (people/animals/plants/fungi/bacteria/viruses/protozoa) that I have defined as physically more attractive than to beings that I have defined as physically less attractive, instead of realising and understanding that in doing so, I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will want to be validated by beings that I have defined as more attractive as one that is 'worthy' of their attention and in some way perceive that I am then also perceived/regarded as 'attractive enough' to be regarded and approved of by beings that I (and society) have defined as more attractive and will feel positive, good, superior and more than within communication with those beings, and on the flip side I will be avoiding and diminishing communication with beings that I have defined as less attractive, and will not want to be associated with them purely on the basis of their appearance, within which I will be neglecting and ignoring who they are as Life, and will feel bad, negative and inferior, when those beings approach me and when I interact with them, not realising and understanding that I have built up this construct in order to feed my mind energy to survive as ego through separating myself from myself and all that is here injudgement of other being's (and my own) looks, thus creating friction within myself for the creation of that energy as food for my ego.

When and as I see myself judging other being's and my own appearance and creating/participating a relationship through definitions that I create towards appearances, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I amallowing myself to influence myself with pictures that have nothing to do with the actuality of who other beings and myself are as Life, within which I will neglect and disregard the Being itself due to being blinded by a picture, therefore I release the judgements I've created with self-forgiveness and direct myself within awareness of the Equality of Life within myself and other beings.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and accumulation of Breath of Life stop and remove from within myself all remaining definitions of being's and my own picture presentations, and stop influencing myself with picture presentations of all beings that I live with Here in this world, because I realise and understand that if I allow myself to influence myself with picture presentations of Life, I am separating myself from Life with instant definitions of those picture presentations, which I know to be abuse of myself and other beings.


Day 86: Being valued and considered within a partnership

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disrespected, inferior and less than, whenever I see/perceive that my partner is not following and adhering to the conditions that I have set for our agreement. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger, disappointment, resentment and frustration, whenever I see and perceive that my partner would rather hang with other people than face himself in self-honesty as to why he wants to hang with other people. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate myself according to my perception of how my partner perceives me, instead of realising and understanding that I am compromising myself by making myself dependant on my partner's behaviour and adjusting my behaviour to my partner's behaviour towards me.

I realise and understand that by validating myself through my perception of my partner's perception of me, I am compromising myself by participating within my mind's polar relationship patterns, where I will feel more than and superior when I perceive that my partner is considering me within his behaviour, and will feel less than and inferior, when I perceive that my parter is not taking me into consideration within his behaviour, therefore I will release the point of validation with self-forgiveness and direct myself without influencing myself with my perceptions of my partner's consideration of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to feel like I am being considered by my partner, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate being considered with being respected and valued instead of realising and understanding that I am wanting to consider myself through being considered by my partner, instead of cutting out the middle man and considering myself as myself and not needing to be considered by anyone else.

I realise and understand that the desire to be considered by other people/my partner is part of a polar construct of my mind, where I will judge/perceive myself as inferior, when I perceive that other people do not consider me, and will feel superior and more than, when I perceive that other people are considering me and valuing me, therefore I release the desire for being considered by others with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breathwithout this need for consideration, through which I could validate myself, because I realise and understand that with this I am generating energy for my mind to survive as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire my partner to show me affection and show a desire to be in a relationship with me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and less than, whenever I see and perceive that my partner is having resistances towards being seen to be in a relationship with me, and I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react with anger and feel inferior, when and as I perceive that my partner doesn't want to be seen to be in a relationship with me, instead of realising and understanding that I am validating myself according to how I think my partner sees me, instead of remaining here in breath with myself. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with hatred, annoyance, anger, disappointment, frustration and resentment, whenever I see and perceive that my partner doesn't want to appear to others to be in a relationship with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger, frustration, annoyance, disappointment and feel inferior, when and as I see and perceive that my partner doesn't want to touch me on his own. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate myself according to whether my partner wants to touch me or not, instead of realising that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I will feel more than, positive and superior, when and as my partner touches me on his own, and will feel negative, less than and inferior, when and as I perceive that my partner doesn't want to touch me on his own, not realising and understanding that I am making my existence and experience within that moment dependant on energy of my mind that gets released when I judge myself as worthy and good enough for him to want to touch me, and not worthy and not good enough for him to want to touch me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my partner wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of a thin girl, if he had the chance of being with one, and within this thought to react with anger, resentment, frustration, hatred and feelings of inferiority.

When and as I see myself giving into thoughts of my partner rather being with a thin girl or his ex than me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a self-judgemental pattern of feeling bad about myself for not being thin, and am envying thin girls and his ex, because I perceive that they would get more attention and care from my partner than myself, within which I will make myself feel inferior and less than. Therefore I release the trigger point and origin of the thoughts with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for the agreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to hurt my partner by telling him that I will leave him, whenever I see and perceive that he is giving into energies and not wanting to face himself in process, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within energies myself, because I am reacting with anger as superiority towards him, because I made myself feel inferior as not respected and not cherished and valued within my perception of my partner not being prepared to face himself in self-honesty, but rather filling his energy needs with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of the people whom I perceive my partner would rather hang with than face himself in process, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within comparison and competition with those people, and making myself feel inferior, whenever I perceive that my partner would rather hang with those people than with me, and making myself feel superior, whenever I perceive that my partner would rather hang with me than those people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate, despise, abhor the people that I perceive my partner would rather hang with than with me, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within comparison and competition with those people, where I will compare myself with them and compete with them for my partner's attention.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to other people that my partner hangs with and competing with them for his attention, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a polarity construct of the mind, where I will feel inferior, less than and negative, when I see and perceive that my partner would rather hang with those people, and will feel superior, when I see/perceive that my partner would rather hang with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my partner, whenever I see and perceive that he likes his ex more than me, instead of realising and understanding that with this I am compensating for the negativity as inferiority that I am feeling because I validate myself according to what my partner thinks of me.

When and as I see myself validating myself through my perception of my partner's behaviour towards me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I will make myself feel superior, when and as I see and perceive that my partner is valuing my opinion and cherishes and respects me, and will feel negative, less than and inferior, whenever I see and perceive that my partner doesn't value me and my opinion, and doesn't cherish and respect me. Therefore I release the projection of my partner's behaviour towards me with self-forgiveness and direct myself according to what is best for the agreement.

I commit myself to stop validating myself according to my partner's behaviour towards me, and stop all perceptions and definitions of my partner's behaviour towards me, because I realise and understand that I am not regarding and seeing my partner as who he is as life but through my expectations of him within the polar self-validating relationship patterns of my mind, which I will remove with self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.


Day 87: Comparing Physical Abilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to my partner's physical abilities and body condition, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/perceive myself as physically inferior to my partner and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself, because I think that I am inferior to my partner in terms of physical abilities and body condition, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compensate for that feeling of inferiority towards my partner in terms of physical body readiness with superiority as anger towards my partner, which I project through completely unrelated subjects such as past experiences, within which I feel that I have somehow been wronged by my partner and his ex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner is judging me according to my body's physical readiness and that he is judging it as inferior and less than himself. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have a physically fit partner, and feel inferior and less than, when this is not the case, because I am defining and valuing myself in the eyes of others with my partner's looks and physical readiness, instead of realising that I am participating within a mind relationship construct, where I will feel superior and more than, when I perceive that people in my surroundings define/perceive my partner as handsome/physically fit, and will feel negative, inferior and less than, when I perceive that the people in my surroundings are defining/perceiving my partner as not handsome and physically unfit.

When and as I see myself comparing myself and my body's physical readiness and fitness to my partner's or any other person's physical fitness, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within amind polarity construct, within which I will feel more than and superior, when I perceive myself to be more physically fit than the person that I'm comparing myself to, and will feel negative, less than and inferior, when I perceive myself to be physically less fit than the person that I'm comparing myself to, and within this part of the polarity I will feel ashamed and embarrassed of myself and my body, and I will want to compensate for that feeling of inferiority with superiority as a balancing act, which I will do through finding and projecting a negative point towards the person that I am comparing myself to, which I will latch onto and make myself feel and appear superior through anger/knowledge. Therefore I release the trigger point of comparison with self-forgiveness and direct myself within the situation without comparing and competing with other people in terms of physical readiness and fitness.

I commit myself to stop comparing myself to other people and competing with them in terms of physical readiness and fitness, because I realise and understand that when I do that, I make myself feel bad, less than, inferior and worthless, when I perceive myself to be less physically fit, which I will want to balance out with superiority, and on the flip side will make myself feel better and superior, within which I am empowering inequality within myself and feeding my mind as ego the energy that it needs to survive by judging myself and others in terms of physical fitness and thus creating friction within myself.


Day 88: Self-validation in partnerships

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger, frustration, resentment, annoyance and explosiveness, when and as I see and perceive that my partner is not willing to face a point within himself in self honesty, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel compromised and insecure about our future together, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to run away from these kind of situations by simply moving away and forgetting about my partner, instead of realising and understanding that I am taking his unwillingness to face himself personally and would perceive it as a personal victory, if I could get him to face himself in self-honesty, with which I am participating within a polarity relationship construct of my mind, where on the flip side I will feel negative, less than and inferior and not cherished and appreciated, when I perceive myself unable to get him to face himself in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself reacting emotionally to my partner's unwillingness to face himself, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a self-validating mind pattern, where I will make myself feel good about myself for assisting my partner to face himself in self-honesty, and I will make myself feel negative, less than and inferior, when I perceive myself as unable to get my partner to face himself in self-honesty. Therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to validate myself within assisting my partner in facing himself, and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for my agreement in a given situation without emotionally reacting when I perceive that my partner is unwilling to face himself in self-honesty.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all points of self-validation within assisting my partner within facing himself in self-honesty, because I realise and understand that if I assist him from the starting point of wanting to validate myself, then I am fucking with myself and him, because I am participating within a mind polarity construct of feeling good about myself when I perceive to be effective in this, and feeling bad and negative about myself, when I perceive myself to be ineffective, thus I am powering my mind to exist as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prove to my partner that I can see his points better than himself, when he is in resistance to admit them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist admitting points to myself, instead of realising and understanding that by being reluctant to admit points to myself, I am only unnecessarily prolonging my process and fucking around with myself within wanting to hold up an image of myself that I want to project outwards.

When and as I see myself resisting facing a point within myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that when I allow myself to give into the resistance towards facing a point within myself immediately, I am compromising myself and my Process, therefore I investigate the point of resistance towards facing a point within myself, remove it with self-forgiveness and immediately face and remove the point that I was having resistances towards facing.

I commit myself to not allow myself to give into resistances towards facing points within myself immediately, because I realise and understand that if I do not face a point within myself immediately and put it off for another time, I am deliberately fucking with myself and deliberately causing myself to timeloop, thus unnecessarily prolonging my process and ignoring everything that is here in my self-interest because of which I do not want to face the point.



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hilda rac
Posts: 158
Joined: 05 Jul 2011, 19:03

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 12 Jan 2013, 05:12

Day 89: Making my partner face himself instead of me facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear and anger, when I see and perceive that my partner is wanting to keep himself in good relations with people whom I perceive to be causing separation between us, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become afraid that my partner is looking for a way out of his responsibilities and doesn't want to face himself, instead of realising and understanding that I am feeling this way because I perceive and define myself to be stupid and pathetic for trusting my partner and putting trust in him that he will do his process and walk it with me, not realising and understanding that within doing so, I am abdicating my self-responsibility and making my partner responsible for the way that I experience myself.


When and as I see myself becoming affected and feeling threatened because of my perceptions of my partner's application, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am not affected by my partner's application, and I am feeling threatened because I am being proud and within that I make myself superior to my partner, and I am afraid of loosing that superiority and feeling inferior, if my partner were to leave me due to relationships with other people. Therefore I release the trigger point of the pattern and the pattern itself with self-forgiveness and direct myself towards what is best for our agreement without feeling threatened by my partner's other relationships.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project blame onto my partner, whenever I see and perceive that he is wanting to perpetuate his relationships with people that I consider to be separating, because I feel insulted about what happened between us in the past, and I am wanting to take revenge upon him, because I perceive that he has put me through hardship in the past, instead of realising and understanding that it is me who is allowing these memories of the past to influence me here, not realising and understanding that it is my responsibility to release those memories and not allow them to have influence over me here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into absolute rage, whenever I see and perceive that my partner is trying to present situations to me that I see and perceive differently, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my perception of a situation is more accurate than my partner's because I perceive myself to have walked process more dilligently and am looking at things directly, instead of through knowledge and information, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with annoyance, anger and frustration and resentment, whenever I perceive that my partner is trying to explain a situation to me in his self-interest through knowledge and information instead of looking at the situation directly in self-honesty. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior and more than, because I perceive myself to be able to look at a situation self-honestly and explain it from within myself through directly looking at it, and not through knowledge and information, instead of remaining here in breath and not allowing myself to go into superiority, because I realise and understand that with going into superiority about it, I am compensating for feeling inferior and powerless, because I perceive myself unable to show to my partner that he is looking at things through knowledge and information, and not directly in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself reacting emotionally to my partner's justifications and excuses and dodging of self-honesty that I perceive to be made through knowledge and information, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I will feel more than, superior and positive, when I perceive that I have helped my partner to realise a given point in self-honesty, and I will feel proud of my partner, when I perceive that he has come to a realisation in self-honesty, and on the flip side I will feel inferior, less than and negative, when I perceive that I cannot make my partner look at a situation in self-honesty, and will feel bad when I perceive that my partner is making knowledge and information excuses and justifications about a given situation and people. Therefore I release the polarity construct from within myself with self-forgiveness and direct myself towards explaining myself/a sitaution without emotional reactions, as I have realised and understood that with expressing myself in an emotional state, I am achieving the opposite effect of the intended one of showing my partner what a situation is like in self-honesty.

I commit myself to stopping and removing my emotional reactions to my parnter's unwillingness to face himself in self-honesty, because I realise and understand that if I react emotionally, I have somehow defined myself within the situation, and will therefore feel bad about myself if I cannot get my partner to look at things self-honestly, and will feel good about myself, when I perceive myself to be able to get my partner to look at things self-honestly. I realise and understand that by doing so, I am participating within my mind's self-validation construct, in which I generate energy for my mind to exist as ego, therefore I immediately breathe and do not allow myself to go into that construct.



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 18 Jan 2013, 01:44

Day 90: Manipulating my partner with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate my partner with money and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to buy my partner's affection with money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that if I have money, I am safe and my partner will like me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior, more than, good and positive and safe about my partner not leaving me, when I perceive to have enough money, and feel inferior, less than, negative, bad and scared about my partner not liking me and leaving me, when I perceive to have too little money, instead of realising that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I will make myself feel inferior and superior in connection and communication with my partner according to how much money I have, with which
I am powering my mind as ego through judging myself as good enough/situated enough to tease my partner with money and ask him to do me favours for money, and threaten him that I will not give him money and will not take care of his survival, if he doesn't do what I say, not realising and understanding that I am overpowering another human being with money and making him feel inferior to me for me having enough money and him not having enough money.

When and as I see myself wanting to hold power over my partner with money, and wanting to manipulate him with money to do stuff that I would like him to do for me in order to show me that he cares for me, so that I would take care of him financially, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am actually buying my power over another human being, I am buying their 'love' and 'care', I am manipulating them into having feelings for me due to survival, and I am ashamed of this, when revealed to other human beings due to fear of judgement. Therefore I release the superiority point of wanting positive feedback from my partner through offering and giving him money with self-forgiveness, and release the negativity of feeling bad and ashamed, because I perceive I can only do this with money, because I want care and affection from my partner, and I direct myself in breath and acknowledge my partner as an equal human being and do not do to him what I do not want done onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that if I give money to my partner, he is obliged to be nice to me and love me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to show care and love to my partner, whenever he gives me money, instead of realising that I am participating within a mind construct where I have defined money to be the buyer of love, but hide this from myself, because it sounds bad and unseemly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and utilise money and brag to my partner about how much money I have in order to invoke in him feelings for me, instead of realising and understanding that I am abusing both of us with this behaviour, because I put myself in a superior position over my partner for having money and considering and regarding him as my servant, my slave, with which I put him in an inferior position to me, and am not regarding him as an equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire my partner to hug me and show care for me because I have money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk to my partner about money from the starting point of buying his affection for me with material things and money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate money with affection and love, and separate myself from money by defining it as a tool with which I can buy my partner's affection and care, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind construct of survival, where I want to make my partner tied to me and eternally dependent on me, because I perceive myself to have enough money to take care of him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk to my partner about money from a starting point of making him feel obliged to give back in feelings and affections what I spend on him in terms of money, not realising and understanding that I am enforcing his survival mode within this, and I am making myself superior for perceiving that I can take care of his survival due to having enough money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my partner will leave me, if I do not have enough money, and that he will not want to be with me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to ensure that my partner wants to be with me by talking about how much money I have and things that I can buy with the money that I have.

When and as I see myself wanting to ensure getting affection from my partner and wanting to ensure my power over my partner by talking to him about money, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a polarity construct, where I enslave our expressions to the amount of money that I have, and I will perceive that everything is ok and fine between us, when I perceive myself to have enough money, within which I will feel superior, more than, positive and good, and will perceive that I am in danger of loosing my partner, when I perceive myself to not have enough money, within which I will feel negative and inferior and less than and bad.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all patterns of wanting to have power over my partner with money, and wanting to ensure his care and affection for me through talking to him about money and buying him things and promising to buy him things, because I realise and understand that by doing so, I am participating in and enforcing the slavery system of survival and codependency, within which I make myself superior to my partner, when I have more money than him, and put him in an inferior position to myself for having less money than me.

I commit myself to through breathing and self-corrective application stop all participation in constructs of survival with money in terms of buying my partner's affection for me, because I realise and understand that I am not allowing equality between us by making him afraid of loosing me, if he doesn't do my bidding, which is self-interest, with which I power my mind as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to threaten my partner that I will leave him, and within this tacitly imply that I will take my money with me, and leave him without any means of survival, with which I want to scare him into caring for me and showing me affection, instead of realising and understanding that I am abusing the both of us by doing so, because I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I give myself permission to command my partner and demand things from my partner and control him by threatening him that I will leave, if he doesn't do what I ask of him in my self-interest, with which I make myself superior and more than, and feel positive and good about myself, and I am putting him in an inferior position to act in fear of me leaving him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself for wanting to control my partner's behaviour with money, and feel inferior and less than in my perception that I have no other qualities except for money, for which my partner would actually care for me.

When and as I see myself wanting to influence my partner with money into doing what I want him to do in my self-interest, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that with doing so, I am perpetuating the global system of money enslavement on an individual level, therefore I release the point of wanting to influence my partner with money, and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to stopping and removing my desires for influence over other people with money, because I realise and understand that by wanting to influence other people with money, I am participating in and perpetuating the abuse and enslavement of control through money, with which I am directly responsible for the suffering and hardship that is caused by money in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and define money to be a tool and means of exercising control and influence over other people, and accept that as 'normal', instead of realising that it is a tool and means of enforcing inequality between people, a means of not allowing ourselves to express ourselves freely, but always express ourselves in dependency on money and within that limiting ourselves and not allowing ourselves to live by participating within this system of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate money, whenever I do not have enough of it, and love money, whenever I perceive that I have enough of it to ensure my own survival, instead of realising and understanding that by participating within these thought constructs, I am separating myself from money by making it the primary factor for my survival and living.

When and as I see myself having emotional reactions towards money, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that these reactions are part of the preprogrammed design of survival that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me, therefore I release the trigger points and constructs with self-forgiveness and Live according to what is best for All.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all emotional perceptual reactions and patterns towards money that I accepted and allowed to exist within me, because I realise and understand that by allowing these constructs to exist within me, I am allowing myself to be enslaved by money and feel powerless, when I perceive myself to not have enough money, and feel powerful, when I perceive myself to have enough money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and equate money with power, and within this separate myself from money by giving it the definition of power, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel superior, more than, good, positive and safe, when I perceive myself to have enough money, and will feel less than, insferior, bad and negative and unsafe, when I perceive that I do not have enough money, and will participate in fears of not having enough money in the future and loosing my means of survival and power in this system, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a perceptual mind construct, within which I generate energy for my mind to exist as ego, when I worry and think about money, which is how I abuse myself and others through giving money the utmost importance in this life.

When and as I see myself giving importance to money in my thoughts, words and actions, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind construct of survival, within which I will separate myself from all that is here, and will ignore and be oblivious to everything else but my own survival. Therefore I release the thoughts about money with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all without considering and regarding money as the most important factor.

I commit myself to through self-investigative writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, stop and remove all of my perceptions, definitions, beliefs and other mind constructs about money, because I realise and understand that by participating in them, I am perpetuating and furthering my own enslavement to money and survival, as well as that of other people.


Day 91: Addicted to conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become addicted to conflict with my partner, instead of realising and understanding that I myself am generating this conflict in order to feed my mind energy by participating within a polarity relationship fighting construct, where I make myself feel energetic and superior and more than and positive within my perception of being right, which is my righteousness, and will make myself feel less than, inferior and negative, when I perceive that my partner has made a good argument against me being right.

When and as I see myself looking for reasons to attack my partner and make him feel guilty and inferior, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by generating conflict between us, I am only powering myself as ego, and am abusing him by putting him in an inferior position, thus I am stiffling our equality and am making us unable to communicate as equals, because he will fear open communication with me. Therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to fight with my partner with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath with common sense towards what is best for our agreement.

I commit myself to stopping and removing any and all fighting patterns from within myself, because I realise and understand that by participating in and generating fighting, I am perpetuating my addiction to conflict, within which I power myself as ego through feeling superior and more than and like a winner and positive, if I make my partner subdue himself and put him in an inferior position and get him to do whatever I want him to do, AND through feeling inferior, whenever I perceive I am unable to do that to my partner. Till here, no further!!!

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness stop and remove all conflict patterns from within myself, because I realise and understand that I create conflict only to power myself as ego, and am as such the sole cause of war within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict between myself and my surroundings, be it my partner, my siblings and family or strangers, because I realise and understand that I have been creating conflict because of my constant feeling of inferiority, so when I perceive that someone is criticising me or otherwise causing me to create inferiority within myself, I would try to compensate for that feeling with exerting superiority as anger towards them and try to through that anger get them to say or do something that would make me feel better, thus creating conflict between us and disabling us from effectively communicating.

When and as I see myself reacting with superiority as anger towards something that someone said or did, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I am with that anger compensating for a feeling of inferiority that I have caused within myself, therefore I release the point and origin of inferiority and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to stopping and removing with writing and self-forgiveness all creation of inferiority within myself triggered by points from within and without, because I realise and understand that by creating inferiority within myself, I will want to compensate with outwardly projected superiority as anger, with which I will create conflict within myself and my outer world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, whenever I see/perceive that someone is not agreeing with me, and will want to compensate for that feeling with superiority as anger towards them, instead of remaining here in breath and directing myself according to common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner must always agree with me, even if I said a total bullshit statement, instead of realising and understanding that I will want him to agree with me so that I could perpetuate a constant feeling of superiority and positiveness and more than within myself, and because of that I will demand that my partner agree with me and support me in front of others all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and less than and betrayed, whenever my partner does not agree with me in front of others and does not support my claims by agreeing with me, which I will want to compensate for with being angry at my partner for not agreeing with me, instead of realising and understanding that within doing so, I am participating within a mind polarity relationship construct, within which I will generate energy for my mind through either feeling superior or inferior according to my partner agreeing or disagreeing with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior and more than and righteous, whenever I am fighting with my partner about things that I perceive him to be guilty of, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will want to fight and have conflicts with my partner, because I am addicted to the feeling of superiority that I generate with it, with which I compensate for the constant feeling of inferiority that I feel around my partner, within which I need him to reassure me that he likes me, and when I do not get that reassurance, I lash out and fight him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to get constant reassurance from my partner that he likes me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly feel inferior around my partner, whenever I perceive that he doesn't give me enough care and reassurance that I am ok and that he wants to be with me, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a self-validating mind polarity construct, where I will feel more than and superior and positive and good, whenever I perceive that my partner cares for me through him hugging and kissing me and telling me things that make me feel good about myself, and I will feel less than, inferior, negative and bad, whenever I perceive that my partner does not care for me, because he is not hugging me, kissing me, and not telling me things that make me feel good about myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for things to blame my partner for, like his thought processes about his ex, where I will blame him for still liking her more than me, within which I will make myself feel inferior, and then will want to compensate for that feeling with superiority as anger, not realising and understanding that I am compromising myself and our agreement within doing so, because I am creating friction as separation within myself and between us and with it powering my mind as ego.

When and as I see myself looking for points in my partner that I could be angry of, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within an automated mind polartiy pattern, within which I am looking to with superiority as anger compensate for some feeling/thought of inferiority, therefore I release the trigger point of the desire to fight my partner, and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for our agreement.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, stop and remove all conflict patterns from myself, because I realise and understand that I create conflict within myself and project it onto my partner in order to create energy for my mind by projecting superiority as anger towards him to compensate for feelings of inferiority that I have generated within myself with thoughts towards him, therefore
I commit myself to immediately breathe and remove those thoughts with self-forgiveness, because I do not allow conflict to exist within me anymore, as I realise and understand that it is only a way of energizing myself and abusing myself and others.


Day 92: Wanting my partner to treat me as special and more than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unapreciated, inferior, less than and negative, when and as I see and perceive my partner regarding and being more attentive towards other people than me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my partner to always regard me first, and with this show his care for me, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a relationship polarity construct, within which I want my partner to always consider me first, when aroudn other people, in order for me to feel superior, more than, positive and good, like I am more important to him than other people, and on the flip side, I will feel neagtive, less than, bad and inferior, whenever I perceive that this is not the case.

When and as I see myself wanting to perceive that I am more important to my partner than other people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I want to make myself superior to other people, and am with this disregarding equality, therefore I release the trigger point and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all in awareness that wanting to be special to my partner is a mind fuckup, with which I separate myself from all that is here and generating power for my mind as ego.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all desires for special treatment from my partner, because I realise and understand that special treatment implies inequality and leads to separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with jealousy, anger, disappointment, resentment and frustration, whenever I see and perceive my partner being more attentive towards other people, instead of realising and understanding that I am validating myself according to his actions, and am comparing myself to those people, and I will perceive myself as inferior, when I perceive him to be nicer to other people than me, which I then compensate with superiority as anger and frustration, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I generate energy for my mind as ego.

When and as I see myself having emotional reactions to my partner's actions and behaviour towards other people and perceive them to be different than towards me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am making my partner responsible for the way I am experiencing myself, which is silly, because I generate my own energetic reactions within myself, therefore I release the trigger point of the reaction with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all of my perceptions, where I make my partner responsible for the way I experience myself, because I realise and understand that by participating wihtin a relationship of such interaction with my partner, where I want him to make me feel good by putting me above all other people, I am abdicating my absolute self-responsibility, and neglecting and disregarding my self-honest expression in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need constant validation from my partner in terms of being more special to him than other people, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for and search out situations that would point to the opposite, within which I would find a reason to create conflict between us and create resistance within myself to power my mind as ego through that conflict, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel superior, more than and positive, when I perceive that my partner regards me as special and more than others, and will feel negative, less than and inferior, when I perceive that my partner doesn't regard me as special and more than others, not realising and understanding that by participating within all this bullshit I am abdicating my self-responsibility by making my partner responsible for how I experience myself through my own perceptions of his behaviour, and am neglecting and negating equality and creating separation as friction to power my mind as ego.

When and as I see myself wanting to validate myself as more than through perceiving myself as being more special to my partner through his behaviour, and wishing him to behave in a way so that I could perceive this, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a relationship construct, within which I will abdicate my own self-responsibility and expect my partner to make me feel more than, superior positive and good, and will lash out at him, when I generate inferiority within myself according to my perception of his behaviour around other people, therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath in equality without making my self-experience dependant on my partner's behaviour, actions and words.

I commit myself to stop being dependent on my partner for the creation and generating good feelings within myself about myself, because I realise and understand that this is not self-responsibility in equality, it is in fact separation created in friction, with which I only power my mind as ego.


Day 93: Time is Money

A few days ago I was working all day long. In the short breaks that I took, I read up on the blogs, and at some point I went to the toilet and realised that this was the only activity I did for myself and myself only. I hadn't done anything that I find enjoyable all day long. It was all work and no play.
I found myself thinking about how the prices of living went up, while I still work for the same amount of money as three years ago. I thought about how people with families have to struggle in order to put food on the table for their children, and how some of them work two or three jobs. I realised that time is in fact money, and at this point we are running out of time in order to ensure the necessary amount of money for our families to survive. Salaries remain the same and/or are dropping, but the prices are going up. At this rate we'll all be struggling to survive in no time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a slave to the system, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the system by perceiving myself as a slave of the system, instead of realising and understanding that I am creating the system within my mind, in part by allowing myself to feel like a slave to the system and feel inferior to the system.
Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compensate for my feelings of inferiority to and powerlessness against the system with superiority as anger at the system, instead of realising and understanding that by doing so, I am only participating in the opposite polarity of the same coin of the system and feeding energy to my mind as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the system within my anger towards it, instead of realising that within this I am abdicating my responsibility by thinking that it is something outside of myself, instead of realising and understanding that I, together with all of humanity, am the creator of the system, and the fact that I was not aware of how I'm doing it, doesn't make it any less so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for allowing myself to co-create and participate within such an abusive system as we have on the planet today, instead of realising and understanding that with being angry with myself, I am only wasting time and timelooping and preventing myself from actually changing the system within myself into one that always considers what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply accept the world system of money to be as it is with my fears and wants/needs of security, instead of realising that this is exactly the way that the world system is built up - from within each and every single human being - feeling and thinking the exact same thoughts that I think and feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point fingers and blame other people for upholding the abusive system that we live in, instead of realising that I myself in their position would probably do the same due to the automated nature of the system, thus I am essentially blaming myself, instead of stopping the blame and changing myself in order to stand as an example of change and as an example of a different system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and doubt that people will never change and will never want to hear about implementing a new system, because they're too busy with their lives and areaddicted to their personalities, instead of realising and understanding that I am sabotaging myself with such thoughts, because I'm projecting a part of myself that doesn't want to stand up and walk the necessary walk that needs to be done in order to change the system.

When and as I see myself thinking and perceiving that people will never want to change, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am projecting a part of myself, which wants to give up on itself in abdication of self-responsibility and in self-interest, therefore I remove the trigger point and origin of such thoughts, and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all self-sabotaging thoughts because of which I allow myself to skip days of blogging, and all wishes/wants/needs/desires for self-indulgence and justifications that I deserve them, because I realise and understand that by allowing such constructs within myself, I am sabotaging myself and giving myself permission to loop and not stand up.



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hilda rac
Posts: 158
Joined: 05 Jul 2011, 19:03

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 19 Jan 2013, 01:15

Day 94: Reacting to the abuse that is going on in the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be saddened, overwhelmed, angered and outraged by the damage that humanity does to Earth and itself as water wars, wars for resources, murders, pollution, famine, animal slaughter, deforestation, oil drilling and other things that I define/perceive as atrocities, instead of realising and understanding that having emotional reactions to these things will not change the situation, and that with these emotional reactions I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I will separate myself from humanity by feeling, perceiving and defining myself to be above, superior and more than other human beings, enforcing it with backchat and actual statements to other people such as "How can they do this", and "I would never do such a thing", and on the flip side I will feel inferior and less than and powerless to do anything about the abuse on the global scale, or dare to do anything about abuse in my vicinity, because I will be scared for my own physical well-being and will be scared of conflict with the 'abusers', which I will then compensate for with superiority as hatred towards humans and humanity for allowing and exercising such abuse, not realising and understanding that I myself am directly responsible as all humans of all of humanity for all the abuse, which I allow by participating within the system of survival in fear and self-interest, when I am only concerned with my own momentary well-being and will disregard the big picture with everything and everyone that is here within my concern for my own survival.

When and as I see myself becoming emotionally involved in things that I perceive/define as atrocities and abuse, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that within my emotional reaction, I am only perpetuating the abuse, because I perceive myself to be better than others for having an emotional response and being affected by the abuse, but I am really only allowing myself to energetically timeloop and not apply myself in breath towards finding a solution for the actual abuse. I realise and understand that I am only separating myself from all that is here by feeling superior to others about having an emotional response, with which I only feed my mind as ego, and do not direct myself in breath towards what is best for all. Therefore I release the trigger point of the emotional response to abuse with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards applying myself to find solutions for stopping the actual abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of standing up against abuse in my vicinity, whenever I see it going on, because I am too scared of physical and verbal conflict, and will justify it with the thought that it is not my problem, but will later on talk about it and make myself superior to it, not realising and understanding that this is the exact way that I am responsible for the abuse that is accepted and allowed in this world.

When and as I see myself being afraid of speaking out against abuse that I clearly see going on in my vicinity, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I will not do so out of fear and survival and my own self-interest, therefore I release the point of fear with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards pointing out and speaking out against the abuse that I see going on.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove any and all emotional reactions, responses and thoughts towards things that I perceive as abuse, because I realise and understand that I, together with all of humanity, am directly responsible for the abuse that is going on in the world by not giving a shit about anything else but my own survival that is powered by fear. Therefore I commit myself to stop and remove all fears, which fuel my self-interest and because of which I do not allow myself to stand up for what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to standing up and showing others as a living example of myself that humanity and Earth can exist in a way that is best for all life.



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DesteniEarth
Posts: 41
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 18:36

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby DesteniEarth » 21 Jan 2013, 11:28

Day 90: Manipulating my partner with money
Remember here to always bring the points back to self for instance:
“want/need/desire to buy my partner's affection with money”
Here one can look at:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a want / need / desire to buy my partners affection as I believe that this will buy me security even though I have seen realised and understood that when I feel that my partner is buying my affection I feel trapped and in debted and thus I now see realise and understand that this application is not what is best for all as I am creating the expression of ‘being trapped’ and ‘in debted’ by allowing myself to participate within this design.



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hilda rac
Posts: 158
Joined: 05 Jul 2011, 19:03

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 03 Feb 2013, 18:14

Day 95: Wanting to experience infatuation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to get a feeling of infatuation from my partner/men, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to experience infatuation and all the good feelings that I have attached to it, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I want to make myself feel more of myself, feel positive, more than, superior and good within the temporary energetic feeling of infatuation, for which I know that it lasts for only so long, and on the flip side I will feel negative, inferior, less than and bad, when I do not get this sensation from my partner and cannot generate and create this sensation within myself through my partner's behaviour and reaction to me.

I realise and understand that the feeling of infatuation is a mind construct, which enables me to feel better than usual, it is the drug that keeps me occupied and separated from all that is here, unable to take into consideration anything but my own energetic wants, needs and desires. I realise and understand that the feeling of infatuation has been specifically designed in order to keep me enslaved to my own creations and perceptions of myself around another human being. I realise and understand that by wanting/needing/desiring to be infatuated and to see/perceive my partner to be infatuated with me, I am closing myself /us off into an energetic bubble of my own experience, and with this neglecting and deliberately ignoring equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed, resentful and angry with my partner, and in turn with myself for being with my partner, when and as I do not see/perceive him to be giving the 'right vibes' for me to generate the feeling of infatuation within myself, instead of realising and understanding that I am in a withdrawal-like state, where I need my energetic fix, and my mind is throwing a fit, because I cannot feed it the energies it requires to sustain itself in my self-created perceptions and definitions of how relationships in this world should be.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive the feeling of infatuation to be the ultimate and best feeling that a human being can experience, and therefore always look for other human beings/men, around which I could within myself generate this feeling of infatuation, instead of realising and understanding that I am trapping myself with this energetic passing feeling that never lasts into a slow but sure decline of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly chase the energetic feeling of infatuation, and feel more than and superior, whenever I get to experience it, and feel less than and inferior and sad and wishful and bad about myself, whenever I do not experience the feeling of infatuation, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a polarity construct with which I only feed energy to my mind as ego, and am separating myself from myself and all that is here.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application identify and remove any and all remaining wishes for experiencing infatuation, because I realise and understand that otherwise I am chasing an illusion, an energetic entity, that I can only sustain within myself for so long, until it wears off, and I have to start looking for it all over again, thus eternally trapping myself into cycles of positivity and negativity, within which I look to remove the negative and gain the positive, and within which I disable and separate myself from seeing and understanding all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good, more than and superior to myself and others, when and as I see and perceive that I am able to generate the feeling of infatuation within myself around another human being/other human beings as catalyst and trigger point, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a polarity construct, where on the flip side I will feel negative and inferior and less than and not good enough around people, if I perceive myself unable to instigate them through my picture presentation and my intelligence, knowledge and information to give a response, through which I will be able to generate this feeling within myself.


Day 95: HOW IS STARVATION JUSTIFIABLE???

Watching a documentary - the team of cameramen, directors, producers, drivers, guides and whoknowswhoelse are following a pride of starving lions. STARVING. As in no food. A state that countless other beings, including a third of humanity, are experiencing - on this more than abundant planet.

I have been watching these "documentaries" ever since I was little, and I always wondered, why the hell those people, that are around, do not save or help the animal that they're "documenting".

It's so simple that even a child gets it. Go get food. Give the food to the animal or starving human. It's not rocket science.

Why is it that we do not want to understand this, and why is it that we can write kilometres of useless words just to justify it instead of simply doing it? It would take way less time and effort.

Where exactly have we taken this abominable turn? We need to retrace our steps and get it right this time.
http://www.equalmoney.org


Day 96: "With kind regards, Hilda"

While walking my Process, I was, and still am, becoming increasingly aware of the preprogrammed nature of the human mind. Through self-honest communication, I was able to establish that all minds do in fact work the same, and that we all have the same thought patterns, desires, wants, and needs. We (our minds) are all a consequence of the environmental programming of this day and age, and we all work and act solely based on survival within a corrupted system that does not support what is Best for All.

Through realising and understanding how my own mind works, I have automatically realised and understood how the minds of other people work. I used this to my advantage numerous times, within my own survival mode. I manipulated and deceived - myself, as well as others. It is, in fact, a process, which does take a long time to walk, and I'm still not even halfway through.
The (self-)manipulation and deception carried consequences, and within my best efforts to communicate with non-strangers in my life, I always manifested some conflict or other through trying to make others understand what I had understood about myself in relation to the world, without taking into consideration the simple fact that the mind does not want to understand due to it's self-accepted beliefs and mode of operation. I 'knew' this, but I didn't apply it, because I was caught in my own beliefs and wants/needs/desires, in which I believed that I need to interact with others in order to be 'normal'.

Somewhere along the line I deprogrammed myself enough, and I let go of the beliefs that I am "a social animal that needs to interact with others and that this is normal". I'm quite content with myself without having to interact with others. I walk my process, I amalgamate with myself, and I do not need others to confirm and validate me anymore. Moreover, communication with others, especially non-strangers, has become a tiring hassle. With strangers, who know nothing of me, and have no pre-conceived ideas of me, I get along famously. I stick to common sense, and am always able to within interaction with them come to a point of agreement.

But with non-strangers in my life, it's a whole different story. Since I haven't yet deprogrammed enough, to be absolutely clear and Here within communication with them, I react. I react to the self-deceptive nature of the communication that is going on, and I cannot get myself to convey common sense due to some limitation or other, be it not wanting to insult them or otherwise. Therefore, in past communications, I kept myself mostly quiet. I would let them rant on about how great they are, and I would not challenge them in their beliefs about themselves and the world. But inside I would be screaming, because I was torturing myself with making myself listen to this bullshit, without knowing what the hell to reply without triggering their ego-programs. Therefore, eventually, I took myself out of the communication game with friends and family. I understand that as long as I have reactions to them, I will not be able to convey to them the common sense and what has to be done, therefore I keep myself out of their company, and I mostly focus on my process and work, and I have fun. It's fun to get to know oneself and how one works and how this world works. There's so much to be done that I do not even notice or perceive myself as being 'antisocial'. I like it. There's not much energy involved. Within communication with others there's so much energy involved, that by the time the interaction is over, I am exhausted - simply from holding myself back from communicating what I see, because I know that I am reacting and that they won't want to understand.

When I am forced to interact with people who do not do Process, and are not capable of self-honesty and vulnerability, and are not strangers to me, I have no self-expression. I stifle it and suppress it, because I see the consequences of not doing so. Therefore I like to give them the impression that they're being listened to (a point to write out), to not come off as rude and like I'm ignoring them, which would make them feel negative, as I do not want to make others feel what I do not want to feel myself. But when 'forced' to participate in that ongoing, never-ending, energetic, self-validating ego communication, I am absolutely bored. I usually start looking at insects, because I see more Life in that tiny organism than in the owner of the pie-hole that is talking words in my direction. (I still have serious contempt for humanity, which I need to deal with.)

It's sometimes very frustrating to be able to see so many things, but not be able to communicate about them. So I keep myself at my process, and mostly communicate only with people in process, and now also my newly-acquired flatmates, who are pretty much still strangers at this point, and have no pre-conceived ideas and perceptions about me. I keep communication with them at a level of common sense and realisations, based on personal experiences. I refrain myself from sharing My knowledge and information. They accept me very well.

As for others, I cannot force myself to interact with them on a non-emergency basis, because I simply cannot handle that sort of communication yet. I am not yet able to convey to them common sense, without reacting to the self-deceptive nature of the communication, therefore I will keep myself away from them, until I am able to do so. That point does come eventually - I have already proven this to myself with some friends and family. Tests do come, and I pass or fail them as I go. It's a trial and error method, as this is not something that has ever before been done by anyone or any group of people. Self-honesty is literally being done/walked for the first time in history by a significant group of people, and I am extremely glad that I have the opportunity to be part of it and learn to stand as the change that I want to see in the world.
If my friends and family cannot be a part of that - so be it. Friends and family are merely programs. Life, on the other hand, is something that I have yet to fully realise and understand, but I'm enjoying the Process more than I have ever enjoyed any kind of programmed behaviour and interaction in this life. Therefore I will keep going, and whomever wants to come along, is very welcome to do so.


Day 97: Conclusion - restart

This is the conclusion of a streak of self-forgiveness statements. I've allowed myself to skip 3 days of blogging again, and it is not something that I recommend to myself in my future ventures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that people in my vicinity will feel less than and inferior within comparison with me, when I do what I perceive to be best for all, instead of realising and understanding that it is actually me, who is feeling superior to them within my perception that I am doing what is best for all, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a self-validation mind polarity construct, within which I will make myself feel more than and superior and positive and good, when I perceive that I am doing something that is best for all, and I will feel negative, less than, inferior, bad and ashamed of myself, when I see/perceive myself doing something in my self-interest only.

When and as I see myself feeling superior to others in relation to perceiving myself to be doing what is best for all, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I have caught myself in a mind polarity construct, where I think more of myself and define/perceive myself as superior to people who do not do process consciously, when I perceive myself to be doing something that is best for all, not realising and understanding that I am participating in backchat about myself and others, and with that abusing myself, my physical body and others in order to make myself feel the positive energetic experience of me being 'good'. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and I do not allow any kind of thoughts within me.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop all thoughts/perceptions/opinions/self-validation about my physical actions and my self-expression, and eradicate from myself all polarity constructs about me doing process and me doing what is best for all, because I realise and understand that as soon as I have a thought about anything, I am experiencing myself as ego that is searching for it's positive energetic experience, and am thus not breathing and really standing as and doing what is best for all.


Day 98: Feeling contempt for humanity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel contempt for humanity and hate humanity as a whole for accepting and allowing the abuse of Life, instead of realising and understanding that I am separating myself from humanity by doing so, and participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel superior and more than other humans/humanity within my perception that I am applying myself and other people are not, therefore I perceive myself to be better than the rest of humanity, and on the flip side I will feel smaller than humanity and inferior to it and powerless to do something about the abuse of all of humanity, which I will then compensate for with anger towards humanity and will allow backchat in the form of "Humanity is not worthy of saving", not realising and understanding that I am limiting and compromising myself within these thoughts.

When and as I see myself feeling hatred and contempt for humanity, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this is due to me feeling smaller than humanity and unable to do anything about the abuse in the world because of these perceptions, therefore I release them with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less than, inferior and smaller than humanity itself, and within this perception allow myself to fear humanity and hate it and think/believe/perceive that humanity is not worth saving, and that humanity does not deserve to be saved and to save itself, instead of realising that within these thoughts I am giving up on myself, because I am part of humanity.

When and as I see myself feeling inferior to, less than humanity and negative about humanity, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, within which I separate myself from humanity by thinking that it is an abomination, within which I make myself feel superior in order to compensate for the feelings of inferiority towards it. Therefore I release the thoughts and perceptions about humanity with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to through writing and self-corrective application stop and remove all feelings that I have about humanity as a whole, because I realise and understand that by allowing myself to participate within thoughts about humanity, I am separating myself from humanity and limiting and compromising myself within my process of standing up for what is best for all.


Day 99: Interaction within a group of people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel important and more than in a company of people by laughing hard, being loud and acting smart. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to boost my positive energy experience by talking to a third party on the phone in a company and talking loudly, so that the company would hear what I am saying, so that afterwards I can make myself feel more important, more than and superior by talking about the subject/person that I was on the phone with, and sometimes talk shit about that person in the company, and sometimes talking nice about that person in the company, according to how the company perceives that person, or how I would want the company to perceive that person, depending on whether I perceive the person to be popular in the eyes of others or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk about myself to others about how great I am, what my accomplishments are, and what I had succeeded in within my ventures in life, in order to instigate a feeling of awe and admiring within the person that I am talking to, instead of realising and understanding that I am wanting to make myself appear superior to that person because I feel inferior within myself and feel inferior to that person, until I get my confirmation and validation from the person about how great I am. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel positive, more than and superior, after I get feedback that I perceive as positive, and feel negative, inferior and less than, when I get feedback that I perceive as negative, instead of realising that I am participating in a mind-polarity energy construct, and that this is not me as Life, it is me as temporary Energy that needs to be refilled and rejuvenated all the time, not realising and understanding that by refilling and rejuvenating myself as Energy through boosting my ego as superiority and positivity - I am consuming my physical body and manifesting my own slow but constant and continuous death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with annoyance anger resentment and frustration to people whom I perceive to be boosting their ego through talking to me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to confirm and validate their egos at least a little, so that they would like me at least a little, so that they wouldn't want to harm me and talk shit behind my back, instead of realising that within doing so, I am compromising myself and my standing, because I am allowing energies to direct me and I am supporting the energies in another.

When and as I see myself reacting energetically to someone whom I perceive to be bragging, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am reacting to something that I carry within myself, therefore i release the point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop reacting and stop supporting other people's egos, and stand clear within conversations, where I see/perceive other people to be bragging and boosting their egos, because I realise and understand that as long as I support any iota of another's ego in my self-interest, I am in fact abusing life and substance for the creation of energy for the mind as ego.

Day 100: Perceptions about the State

When I was little, I was worried about having to get an education and a job, and I was worried that I might fail, and I was kinda hoping that if I fail, the state will take care of me. In my childhood naivety I was hoping that I am living in a system that takes care of all. As I grew up, I slowly but surely learned and realised that this is not the case.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the institution of state is made to take care of each individual in this world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that everyone should be faithful and loyal to their state in terms of civil obedience, paying taxes and obeying the law, instead of realising and understanding that within these perceptions and definitions, I am abdicating my self-responsibility for my survival and living and taking care of myself onto a made up entity, the state, which does not serve the interest that is best for all, but only serves the interest of the few people at it's top. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disillusioned and disappointed, when I found out that the state is not an entity that takes care of everyone's dignified survival and life, and would therefore start hating the institution of the state, not realising and understanding that these emotional responses will not better or fix the situation that I have realised, but will only perpetuate the current fuckup that all of humanity together have accepted and allowed to exist in our lives.

When and as I see myself becoming frustrated in conversations and thoughts about the world system and states and how they neglect actual human lives, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that frustration and anger will only contribute to perpetuating the current system fuckup, because instead of directing myself towards changing the system, I am abdicating that responsibility in the form of emotional reactions and a feeling of helplessness and being overwhelmed. Therefore I release the trigger point with self-forgiveness and direct myself toward becoming a self-willed individual that will stand and help implement a system that will unconditionally support what is best for All Life.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove from within myself all perceptions, ideas, beliefs and fears that are related to the current world system and states and their political arrangements, because I realise and understand that all those concepts are only limiting me from seeing what is really here, and directing things towards changing the system into one that supports what is best for All Life.

Day 101: "It's my partner's job to keep me happy"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner should feel obliged to make and keep me happy, instead of realising and understanding that I am doing this from a point of superiority and participating within a mind polarity construct, in which I will feel superior, more than and positive, when I perceive that my partner is trying to keep me happy, and will feel inferior, less than and negative, when I perceive that my partner is not trying to keep me happy, and will connect and equate this with my partner caring or not caring for me enough for him to want to keep me happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to (feel like I have the right to) demand from my partner to keep me happy and satisfied, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that my partner should be able to read my mind and act accordingly to what I want, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating with superiority, because I have accepted the belief that a man should woe and court a woman, and that a woman is superior to the man, because she is the one giving sex, not realising and understanding that I am acting and behaving this way because I want/need/desire to be treated like a princess, and I have 'fallen victim' to the socially accepted programming of a man having to serve and love and cherish a woman. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be treated as special, and for my partner to show me special appreciation, care and love, so that I would feel superior and special, instead of realising and understanding that by participating within thesethoughts, I am perpetuating my own enslavement to the self-accepted ideas and beliefs that I have picked up through stories, fairytales, television and other media.

When and as I see myself wanting my partner to make me happy and read my thoughts and do what I want him to do without me having to tell him what I want him to do, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a specialness construct, within which I believe that I should have a special connection with my partner, where I wouldn't have to communicate with words what I want, instead he would somehow magically know what I want, and I would become frustrated, angry, resentful and annoyed, when that wouldn't happen, and I would feel positive, more than and superior and connected with my partner, when that would happen. Therefore I release the trigger point of wanting to feel connected and special within my relationship with my partner, and I direct myself in breath towards what is best for our agreement and for me as all.

I commit myself to stop and remove all wants/needs/desires for my partner to make me feel special, because I realise and understand that by wanting to feel special within my relationship/agreement with my partner, I am closing myself off into a bubble of privacy with him, and excluding and ignoring everything else that is Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel negative, less than and inferior and sad, whenever I perceive that my partner is not willing to do what I want him to do in order to make/keep me happy, and connect and equate this with him not caring for me enough, instead of realising and understanding that I am again validating myself through my partner's actions towards me within my mind's construct of perceptions and beliefs that my partner should feel obliged to make/keep me happy and within that do what I want him to do, without me telling him what I want him to do.

When and as I see myself wanting to validate myself as superior or inferior through my partner's actions and behaviour towards me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am with this only feeding my mind energy through causing friction within myself and between us, thus disabling myself/us to effectively communicate and share our experience together. Therefore I release the point of wanting to validate myself with my partner's behaviour towards me, and direct myself in breath without emotional reactions to my partner's behaviour.

I commit myself to stop validating myself through my perception of my partner's behaviour towards me, because I realise and understand that within this I create my perception to be negative or positive so that I would feed my mind energy and so that my ego can live on, which I do not allow anymore, therefore will I release my perception of positivity and negativity with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.


Day 102: We lost our kitteh

The day before yesterday was quite a stressful day - we had lost the newly acquired kitty from our flat.

I got up in the morning, at my usual late o'clock. As my partner was leaving for school, I noticed that the kitty, which our flatmate brought home about a week ago, wasn't prancing around and asking for food as it usually did. I immediately felt that stabbing worry in my stomach. I looked at her plate, and it was empty - no one had given her food yet - so it was highly weird for her to not be meowing around my feet. My partner and flatmates left, and I was left alone in a suspiciously quiet flat. I turned it upside down, I went into all the rooms, I called the kitty, but it just wasn't there. I felt like crying. I wanted to go into blame. While I was running around the flat like a headless chicken, the blaming backchat in my mind turned into internal conversations with my flatmates - from angry blaming to calm explaining as to why we're apparently not responsible enough to have a kitten.
All the while I was semi-aware of myself, and slowly but surely it dawned upon me to go outside and look for the cat. It was snowing outside, so when I came out, over me came an overwhelming feeling of feeling sorry for the scared and cold little kitty, who got lost in the big bad loud obnoxious city. I started crying, I was immensely angry with myself for allowing this to happen. I was identifying with the kitten, and my heart wanted to jump out of my chest. I was sooo angry with myself, and I punished myself by going on my knees in the snow to look under cars - perhaps I would find her cooped up under one. I didn't.
I came back home, and on my way asked everyone I met whether they had seen her. The cleaning lady saw that someone put some milk and a towel outside a flat, and some other neighbour saw the kitten early in the morning, but not afterwards.

I tried ringing all the doorbells in our house, but it was late morning, and hardly anyone was home. Those who were, hadn't seen her. I saw the milk and the towel, and hope sparkled inside me that someone was human enough to take the kitty in, so I made a firm plan within myself to visit all the neighbours in the PM's, and find out what the milk and towel were about. As I was walking in and out of the flat, trying to figure out what the hellto do next, I made acquaintances with a very nice neighbour, who invited me in, and gave me the phone numbers of two neighbours, some coffee and a cigarette. After some pleasantries, I went on home to pointlessly worry and perhaps write myself out, but I couldn't. I did some self-forgiveness while looking for the kitty, but I couldn't sit myself down at the computer and deal with my mind fucks, while she was allegedly outside freezing to death. So I sat hopeless and helpless in the kitchen and smoked, when my phone rang. It was a neighbour, who had found the cat!!! I was so freaking relieved.

The neighbour is a cat lover, and she was a bit upset with us having lost the kitten, and said that she had already taken it to her parents' house, and that her father has already fallen in love with it. In that moment I was double relieved - as I still perceived the student bunch in the flat a wee bit too irresponsible for us to keep it.

My mind was for a moment looking for a scapegoat - I was wondering who the hell could have allowed the cat to exit through the main entrance, but I quickly started breathing. I became aware of the thoughts and recognised their blaming nature, and stopped them. Afterwards I came to the conclusion that it was no one's fault, really, because everyone was asleep that early in the morning. The kitten must have fallen out through our broken window that won't close.

Throughout my process I have already dealt with a lot of emotional turmoil with animals, lastly when my cat had to be put to sleep. After the self-forgiveness I was completely stable, and I witnessed it without any major emotional outbursts, but I haven't covered 'loosing a pet', therefore this time I was quite emotional.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself and blame myself and look for scapegoats in others, and someone whom I could be angry with, whenever I loose a pet. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and ashamed of myself for having lost my pet, and define/perceive myself as too irresponsible and not alert enough to be able to effectively take care of a pet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about a pet/animal that I cannot find at the moment, instead of realising and understanding that worrying will not improve or help the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of general panicking, whenever I loose or perceive that I have lost a pet, instead of remaining here in breath and directing myself with common sense. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with the pet that I had lost, and make up all kinds of negative and terrible scenarios in my head about what had happened to the cat. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about 'my' pets more than about all other animals, and perceive/define them as special to me, because I am taking care of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as the owner of the pet/animal I am taking care of and looking after, instead of realising and understanding that the pet/animal is it's own being, equal to me and everything else that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience sadness and helplessness, whenever I loose a pet/animal or cannot find it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the pet/animal is lost without me and cannot take care of itself without me, instead of realising that within this I am making myself superior to the animal/pet and not recognizing it as an equal being but am arrogantly thinking that animals are lesser beings than humans. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define pets/animals that I'm taking care of as special to me, thus feeling sorry and sad, when I loose/cannot find them, not realising and understanding that I am in that moment disregarding all other animals and their suffering in this world and focusing only on one dimension in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define myself as a 'good person' and a 'benevolent person', whenever I feed animals and take care of them, instead of realising that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I make myself superior and more than other people for taking care of a pet/animal, and will define and perceive others as less than and inferior, if/when I perceive them to be acting differently towards animals than me, not realising and understanding that I am feeding my mind energy.

When and as I see myself defining/perceiving the pet/animal that I'm taking care of as special to me, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am in that moment defining myself with the animal, and separating it from all other Life, and separating myself in a single mind dimension, thus I am disregarding everything else that is here. Therefore I release the perceptions and definitions with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all definitions of 'my pets' from my mind, because I realise and understand that as long as I keep definitions of specialness attached to a single animal/being, I am participating in my mind as ego and disregarding the equality of all beings.


Day 103: Desiring to communicate with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to my partner, whenever I see and perceive that the results of his process are not as advanced as my own, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed and resentful and angry and frustrated with my partner, because I think/believe/perceive that I cannot have self-honest communication with him. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to have self-honest communication with my partner, instead of realising and understanding that I am looking for a point to connect with my partner by talking about process, within which I would make myself feel superior and more than for having a special self-honest connection with my partner, not realising and understanding that I am participating within a relationship mind construct, within which I am longing to have mutual points to talk about with my partner.

When and as I see myself wanting/needing/desiring to have mutual points to talk to my partner about in self-honesty, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that by wanting this, I am participating within a mind polarity relationship construct, within which I will feel positive, more than, superior and good, when I perceive that I can connect with my partner in self-honest communication, and will feel negative, less than, inferior and bad, whenever I see and perceive that I cannot have self-honest communication with my partner and that my partner is incapable of self-honesty. Therefore I release the point of desire for communication with my partner, and direct myself towards doing my own process of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define my partner as unable to be self-honest, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed, resentful, frustrated and angry, whenever I perceive my partner as unable to be self-honest, instead of realising and understanding that by defining and perceiving him this way, I am putting myself in a superior position and participating within an ego polarity construct, where I will perceive myself as superior to people, whom I perceive to be incapable of self-honesty, and will feel inferior and helpless and like my hands are tied, when I communicate to people whom I perceive to be incapable of self-honesty and will thus participate within the "I'm incapable of communicating to them" backchat, not realising and understanding that I am limiting myself in self-expression, because I am afraid what people, whom I perceive to be incapable of self-honesty, will think about me, and I will perceive that I cannot self-honestly communicate with those people, because they will not reciprocate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed and frustrated and angry and feel limited, whenever I perceive that people whom I'm communicating with are incapable of self-honesty, instead of realising and understanding that I am still somehow defining myself with their reactions to my communication and I am being afraid of what they might think, therefore I will compromise myself by not speaking.

When and as I see myself defining/perceiving other people as not self-honest, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that this projection is coming from a point within, a desire for them to be self-honest so that I could be self-honest in communication with them, and I realise and understand that this point itself is not self-honesty, as it is coming from a desire to communicate with other people about stuff that I want to talk about, therefore I release the point what I want to talk about with self-forgiveness and discuss it with myself and clear it with myself, and afterwards direct myself in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to stopping and removing all needs and desires to communicate with others, because I realise and understand that these desires are a consequence of me not having communicated the points I want to communicate about in self-honesty with myself and have not cleared the points within myself, therefore I will through writing and self-forgiveness clear the points within myself and direct myself with common sense.


Day 104: "I am more aware than you"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I have nothing to talk about with my flatmates, friends and family, instead of realising and understanding that this perception is due to me perceiving/defining myself as superior to them in terms of 'knowing more about this world', and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive myself as superior to other people, because I perceive and define myself to have more knowledge and awareness about the world and the state of the world as it is.

When and as I see myself perceiving myself as more knowledgeable and aware of the situation in the world than other people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity construct, where I will feel positive, superior, more than and good, whenever I perceive myself to be more aware of the situation of the world and the human condition, and I will also feel frustrated because of perceiving that I cannot freely communicate about the state of the world and the human condition to people whom I perceive to be less aware of those concepts than me, because then I cannot validate my ego through talking about it, and on the flip side I will feel inferior, less than and negative and bad, when I perceive myself to be less aware of the state of the world and the human condition within communication with people whom I perceive to have walked more process than me, and so I will shut down and be afraid of open communication with them due to my fear of proving myself as less effective than them, thus sabotaging my self-expression due to my self-judgment. Therefore I release the trigger point and thought pattern through writing and self-forgiveness and direct myself with common sense in breath towards what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop and remove all perceptions of my own superiority and inferiority towards other people in relation to my awareness of the state of the world and the human condition, because I realise and understand that those perceptions and definitions are polarities of the mind, and when I participate in them, I am powering my mind as ego.



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DesteniEarth
Posts: 41
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 18:36

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby DesteniEarth » 04 Feb 2013, 11:08

Day 96: "With kind regards, Hilda"

Hilda – On this day you focussed mostly on ‘getting the info out’ – Here I would suggest that you direct this information within yourself by applying SF and SCS. Also focus on bringing the points back to yourself – meaning – that which you see in others / that which you judge in others – See where you are living these points and apply SF and SCS.



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hilda rac
Posts: 158
Joined: 05 Jul 2011, 19:03

Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 05 Feb 2013, 06:38

Thanks Esteni. I have already walked some points, and will focus more on them in blogs to come.

Day 105: I'm awfully grumpy in the morning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be grumpy and bad-mooded in the morning, because I have connected and associated mornings in my mind with going to school and later going to work, which I didn't enjoy at all. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take out that bad mood and unhappiness onto and towards anyone and everyone that stands in my way in the morning - the closer the people are to me, the more I would be grumpy towards them, and as for people whom I consider to be less close to me, I would only have negative and spiteful thoughts about them, which I would verbalize towards/with people who I consider to be closer to me, instead of realising and understanding that I have just woken up from sleeping, which rejuvenated and rebooted and energized my mind, and I am participating within my mind's morning grumpiness construct, within which I would hate the whole world in the morning and feeling forced to do things that I do not enjoy doing, like going to school and going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate and despise going to work and going to school, and therefore in the morning hate the world and the way it is set up, instead of realising and understanding that my anger and hatred towards the world and the system in the morning will not help or impact the situation, but will only further my own enslavement to my own mind, as I feed it energy through participating within negativity, frustration and inferiority as helplessness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define going to work and going to school in the morning as slavery that I do not enjoy, and perceive myself as a victim of the system for having to go to school to get an education and having to go to work to earn money for my survival, instead of realising and understanding that with these perceptions and definitions I am only furthering my own enslavement to the mind by participating in negative perceptions of these aspects of life, which I would then want to compensate for with positivity through entertainment after school and work, thus even more furthering my own inability to stand up within myself and stop and remove the system from within myself and stand and work towards creating an existence that will be best for all.

When and as I see myself being grumpy and bad-mooded in the morning, and looking for a victim to take that bad mood out on, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that my mind has rejuvenated and rebuilt and rebooted and upgraded itself through sleeping, and that I am participating within a very energetic pattern of hating the world due to having to work for my survival, and wishing/wanting/needing/desiring to be able to not have to work for my survival in a job, but could enjoy my life by doing what I would like to do and what I enjoy doing. Therefore I release the trigger point for my grumpiness through writing and self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath and do not allow myself to fall back into the pattern of grumpiness, because I realise and understand that this is not me, it is only a mind program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hopeless, helpless, sad and angry in the morning, instead of realising and understanding that by participating within these emotions, I am victimizing myself and abdicating my self-responsibility.

When and as I see myself feeling negativity in the morning, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within my mind's search for energy, within which I can abdicate my self-responsibility and blame everything and everyone else for the way I experience myself, therefore I release the trigger point of the negativity with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness, breathing and self-corrective application stop and remove all my grumpiness in the morning, and remove my 'morning grump character', because I realise and understand that I have built this character to compensate with superiority as anger for the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness that I accepted and allowed myself to feel in the morning due to perceiving myself as a victim of the system.


Day 106: Feeling proud of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of myself and feel superior, positive and more than, whenever I perceive that I have nicely verbalized a common sense argument, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within competition with myself and others in proving myself as being a good/the best conversationalist, not realising and understanding that I am actually participating within a mind polarity construct, where on the flip side I will feel inferior, negative and less than, whenever I perceive that I have not verbalized an argument well. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to hear what I perceive as good feedback to my arguments and get a 'pat on the back' and get praise and approval from my conversation partners, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within a mind pattern that I have built up a long time ago, when I accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to get approval and appraisal from my parents, and consequentially I built up a polarity construct, within which I would feel positive, more than and superior, when I would perceive to be praised and approved by my parents and surroundings (professors, friends, family, strangers) and would feel inferior, less than, negative and bad, whenever I would perceive to not be getting approval and appraisal from my parents and surroundings.

When and as I see myself feeling proud of myself and wanting/needing/desiring to get approval and appraisal from my surroundings for verbalizing an argument, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating within a mind polarity ego construct, within which I will talk from the starting point of making myself feel positivity, which I will create through generating a perception within myself of my own superiority, thus ignoring equality and disregarding all that is here. Therefore I clear my starting point with self-forgiveness and direct myself in equality with all that is here in breath and make sure that there is no energetic movement within myself, when I speak.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application with breathing stop and remove all feelings of pride within myself and all needs/desires/wants for approval and appraisal when I speak, because I realise and understand that by accepting and allowing those energetic movements to influence my self-expression, I am compromising myself by participating within ego and feeding my mind energy to exist as ego, and am therefore not standing for what is best for all, but am acting in self-interest.



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hilda rac
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Re: Hilda's blog

Postby hilda rac » 08 Feb 2013, 11:06

Day 107: Feeling uneasy around other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel relieved, when I am left alone and/or alone with my partner, when my flatmates leave the flat, and feel freer and less limited than when they are in the flat, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bothered, constricted and limited, when all my flatmates are in the flat, because I believe/perceive that I cannot be myself and I cannot act the same when they are in the flat as when I am alone (with my partner) due to social paradigms and rules of behaviour and modes of conduct, instead of realising and understanding that when I in front of other people act differently than when I am alone, I am participating within an ego construct, where I am trying to uphold an image of myself that is not real, which I have built up in order to be accepted and appreciated by society - my superego character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel limited due to not being able to walk around the flat naked, because I think/believe/perceive that others will judge me for it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/perceive/define walking around the flat naked with other people present as unseemly, unsocial and something that is not done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel limited and constricted when I have to pass my flatmates/other people on my way to the toilet, because I think/believe/perceive that I have to acknowledge those people every time I pass them, because I have accepted and allowed the belief in me that not saying hi and not acknowledging people/my flatmates as I pass them is rude and inconsiderate. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to acknowledge and talk to my flatmates, whenever I pass them, instead of realising and understanding that this is part of my social program of politeness, which I have built up in my early childhood, when my parents were teaching me the basics of politeness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define politeness as positive/good/superior, instead of realising and understanding that by participating in politeness, I am separating myself from other people by perceiving/defining myself as superior/more than for being polite. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think/perceive that people who are not polite and do not have the upbringing of 'politeness' that I have received from my parents, are inferior and less than. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that farmers (boeren) are impolite and therefore inferior, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being perceived as impolite and therefore inferior by others, if I do not acknowledge them and greet them every time I pass them/meet them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uneasy, whenever I pass my flatmates or meet someone I know without greeting them and being polite to them and listening to them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pressured to greet and be polite to my flatmates/other people when I pass them/meet them by stopping and talking to them, instead of realising and understanding that I am generating this feeling of uneasiness and constriction within myself, and can easily overcome it with self-forgiveness and breathing and being here.

When and as I see myself feeling constricted and uneasy and pressured around other people, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am participating in my mind constructs of social behaviour, which I have generated a long time ago, therefore I investigate myself through writing and release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath, not allowing myself to participate in my self-created limitations of politeness.

I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application stop and remove all my perceptions/beliefs/definitions of how I should behave around other people, because I realise and understand that by wanting other people to perceive me in a certain way, I am participating in the separation into classes that has been haunting humanity since forever, I am trying to make myself appear superior, well behaved and well brought up, which is a consequence of wanting to please my parents and wanting them to be proud of me.

To be continued.


Day 108: Reactions when playing games

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger and frustration with myself, whenever I do not pull off a move while gaming, instead of realising and understanding that I am angry, because I want to impress people with my skills, and when I fail, I get angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I have mad gaming skills, and become frustrated with myself, whenever I make a mistake when gaming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated, whenever I die in a game, instead of realising and understanding that I am being energetic about something that is not real, physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with other players and blame them for having failed at a game, instead of realising that I am participating within the classic abdication of self-responsibility that I am trying to avoid and get rid of within my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with the games that I am playing and use them as part of my self-presentation factors, instead of realising that with this I am supporting my mind as ego within validation and search for attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught up in games to the extent of losing my awareness and becoming completely lost within the world of the game, instead of breathing and remaining here and being aware that I am only playing a game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use games in order to run away from reality, myself and my responsibilities, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play games in order to make myself feel better and forget about my responsibilities, thinking, believing and perceiving that everything will be ok and that my responsibilities and problems will sort themselves out, instead of realising and understanding that with that sort of attitude I have rendered myself into the position that I am today.

When and as I see myself wanting to run away from reality with gaming, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am trying to run away from my responsibilities and hoping that my problems will take care of themselves, thus I am no different to an addict that runs away with drugs/alcohol. Therefore I release the starting point of wanting to run away with games with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath towards solving my problems first and then having fun with games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to challenge myself with games and want/Need/desire to be the best at gaming, instead of realising and understanding that I am participating within self-judgement and self-validation and I am competing against myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive gaming as fun, instead of realising and understanding that gaming is of the entertainment industry, designed specifically to keep me occupied with myself and enslaved in time so that I would never stand up for what is best for all.

When and as I see myself having emotional responses and energetic experiences with gaming and loosing or winning, I stop and I breathe. I realise and understand that I am not in fact having fun, but am competing with myself and others, therefore I release the points with self-forgiveness and direct myself in breath.

I commit myself to through writing and self-forgiveness and breathing and self-corrective application stop and remove all points of competition that I have when playing games, because I realise and understand that competition within games is the same competition that makes this planet unfriendly to Life.




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