Lindsay's Blogs

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Re: Lindsay's Blogs

Postby Lindsay » 17 Jun 2013, 08:50

Day 429: A Change of Plans --> ... plans.html

My plan for today’s post was to conclude the extensive series that I’ve been walking on the topic of ‘Coercion and Its Fallout’ – wherein I have shared various passages, along with perspective with regards to these passages, from the book by the same name written by the Behaviorist/Psychologist Murray Sidman. The series can be accessed here.

So that was the plan. However, plans are just that: plans – projections into the future that cannot be ‘counted’ on absolute, thus I am here now writing, breathing, allowing myself to be fluid with these plans in terms of realizing that the way in which my day unfolded has not allowed for these plans to be actualized – and that is okay.

It’s interesting, as I’m writing this I realize that it’s been awhile since I’ve written a ‘personal’ post, wherein I’m not writing on a particular topic but am simply expressing myself here. It’s nice.

With regards to changes in plans, recently I was awarded a research scholarship through the university I attend. I just found out that my application was accepted about a week ago and now that it is confirmed, and thus ‘real,’ my focus has shifted as I require to really dedicate myself to what is a rigorous project with great potential in terms of self-expansion and placing myself in a position to effect change. This scholarship runs simultaneously with my full time school schedule, in addition to the other practical responsibilities that I have, such as working to support myself financially, and thus demands stability and discipline to be walked effectively.

Within this I see I require redefining my starting point for this blog and how I am able to support myself to remain consistent in writing, research as well as my additional responsibilities, so as to ensure that I do not compromise myself in any way.

Thus, the ‘plan’ is to write this out for myself so as to create a solid and reliable support structure through which I am able to assist myself in remaining consistent, as I must admit I’ve had thoughts arise charged with the fearful expression of: how am I going to do all of this?!

The change of plans is to change.

I realize that I cannot allow these thoughts as I realize moreover that to allow these thoughts will affect my ability to conduct research with a clear starting point that is rooted in the principle of what is best for ALL, as that is the only point that is relevant when conducting research and educating oneself.

Thus, this is what I will write out for myself and share in the coming posts AFTER I first share a culminating post to conclude the series I have recently completed.

To be continued…

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Re: Lindsay's Blogs

Postby Lindsay » 18 Jun 2013, 07:11

Day 430: A Brief Reflection on the Series: Coercion and Its Fallout --> ... eries.html

This is the final post in a series that can be accessed here.

For the purpose of context suggest reading the previous posts within this series, if you haven’t already.


The main point that I see within the conclusion of this series: Coercion and Its Fallout – is that there hasn’t been an actual ‘conclusion’ as it were. Yes, I will no more be extracting passages from Sidman’s book as I have been. However, I will continue investigating and sharing perspective on the myriad points that have been raised and explored throughout this series, as the various matters that have been expressed so far are certainly important and necessary to examine with further depth and specificity.

What I have done here in this series is merely opened up an array of topics to be considered for further investigation in terms of their consequences and essentially ‘who we are’ within them, as obviously ‘they’ are not a ‘them’ but ‘they’ are a reflection of who each of us are, as what we have each allowed to be here. Therefore, the necessity to understand and so stand equal to each of these points is critical in terms of our responsibility to investigate all things and keep that which is most beneficial so that we, together, may all actualize our utmost potential – no matter where we may find ourselves in this existence.

Also, I found the structure of this series – wherein I each day took a segment of a passage and explored its contents – to be very supportive and stabilizing. Thus I can recommend this format as a cool way to assist one in developing their writing and critical investigation skills in a manner that provides a platform, as a sort of ‘anchor point,’ from which one is able to challenge oneself to explore the material one has seen as relevant to share, with more depth and direct insight.

That’s really all there is to relay. Reading the series, post by post, speaks for itself – it has been a journey indeed and thanks to all who have walked this with me.

There’s really nothing to it – and that’s how we keep things simple.

More to come :)
- See more at: ... j2ee4.dpuf

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Re: Lindsay's Blogs

Postby Lindsay » 30 Jun 2013, 06:05

Day 432: Explorations into the Ineptitude of our Language Usage --> ... de-of.html

As each day I delve deeper into my research, what I am continually fascinated by is this basic point that I keep coming back to over and over: LANGUAGE, and the extensive limitations that we have accepted herein. We have taken language so for granted that we completely disregard how, when we do not understand and take responsibility for who we are within the words that we use to express ourselves, we are never really, actually communicating anything of substance; communicating in the sense that we are conveying information from within a starting point of full awareness as to who we are as all the interconnected, historical and dynamical relationships that are embedded in the words we use; in realizing that we did not make a decision to learn the language we learned, these words were programmed into each of us through our environmental surroundings based on a family and society that we were born into which we didn’t decide to be born into; in fully understanding, and expressing that understanding in living words, our connection to all things and thus the immense responsibility that comes with the uttering of even a single word. To utter even a single word is to in one single moment accept, essentially, an infinite amount of relationships and consequences. Where infinite basically becomes the pattern of consciousness that we so readily allow ourselves to fall into and fully becomes as a horrendously skewed perception of ‘who we are,’ without question.

So what I am seeing is that LANGUAGE is such an essential point, so so crucial – that, until language is sorted out, how are we able to convey, well, ANYTHING with integrity and clarity? This is a question that brings much concern!

This is especially within the context of reading and investigating the research and methodologies of other scholars, academics and researchers that are relaying information, perspectives and conclusions based on their research and experiments and apparent understanding of the subject matter they are working within, yet doing so without addressing this absolutely crucial point of LANGUAGE usage.

The question that begs asking, even though the answer is clear: Did even a single one of these individuals stop, for even just a moment, to take a breath from within the depths of themselves to from here ask: who am I, REALLY, what am I accepting, REALLY, within these words that I am utilizing within this article I am writing, or this book I am writing, or this concept I am conveying?

If this were the genuine case, we would have a MUCH different world - we would have a much different world and we would have a much different word, as the L that is added to 'word' to make 'world,' we could say, stands for Language, as this is how we maneuver and get to understand ourselves in relation to our world - through WORDS.This world is constructed from language, from words.

We haphazardly, and moreover – energetically – toss words around without a moment of consideration, as if words in themselves are our mundane servants and we are the marvelous masters that are imbuing the words with our apparently grand and sensational ideas of such profound significance – like we see ourselves as superior to words when, without words, at the moment, we would be severely inept. Yet, and here's the kicker: because we do not understand who we are within the words that we use, we have already rendered ourselves severely inept – quite a conundrum indeed, as because of this we have NO CLUE about the world: neither internally nor externally.

I will not and cannot allow this to continue.

More to come on this point….

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Re: Lindsay's Blogs

Postby Lindsay » 19 Aug 2013, 07:25

Day 433: Bernard Poolman is just a Character --> ... -just.html

Holy shit. What is there to say? What is there to write about an individual who has had such a profound influence on my entire existence, this entire existence as me, down to the very core and into the expanse of all of everything…what words can write of such profundity without defiling this existential impact?

And in this moment as I attempt to conjure up words to express my absolute and inexpressible gratitude…I realize that these words now will only express Bernard Poolman as a character, a character in a story, and thus I do not allow this, as it is not relevant at this point. So much has already been said, everything has already been said.

Therefore, I see it simple and direct…breath by breath, I move on…this is precisely what I see and live as myself especially and specifically with a keen sense of awareness since this character, Bernard, apparently ‘passed away’ a week ago today…what a fascinating expression: passed away. Away where? ‘Bernard’ didn’t go anywhere. The moment I ‘caught wind’ of his ‘passing’ I was silent within myself because I immediately saw that this doesn’t mean anything. I looked around the room. I touched the table. Everything is here.

Bernard too is a piece of my shattered self that I must bring back home, so this is what I walk. Each time I want to go cuddle up with my ‘Bernard Storybook’ or when I catch myself already flipping through the pages – I support myself to stop and breathe…to close the book of lies, because…Bernard didn’t go anywhere.

Yet…this idea of Bernard must be laid to rest. That is what must die and everything that I learned from this character is what I live as in every breath, as the living word that has no story, that I was witness to…as the story that came alive…so as to see with these eyes what I have always seen is possible for me to become…if I so decide. Now, as it has always been, I am still the one that must decide. However, my decision stood clear and absolute before Bernard’s ‘passing’ – Bernard passed the torch before his skin bag turned to ashes, and thus it is simple.

Keep moving. Keeping passing common sense to all the pieces of myself…keep reminding myself, and all as myself, to step out of the delusion, the character, the story…step by step we walk together to become the life we have always been, as Bernard’s character showed us so eloquently.

Bernard’s chapter has come to a close. It is time for the story to be over. It is time to get real. Once and for all.

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Re: Lindsay's Blogs

Postby Lindsay » 23 Aug 2013, 04:49

Day 434: A Lesson in Balance --> ... lance.html

I am currently house-sitting for a friend. When I first started, a week ago now, I was taking care of her house chores such as feeding the chickens, gathering their eggs, watering the garden and fruit trees, bringing in the mail, and taking care of her 14 year old dog: Lily.

From the day I arrived here I noticed that Lily was acting a bit strange, in that when she was walking around, she moved herself as if she was a bit drunk. Her entire body would sway from side to side and her legs would slip and slide around on the floor. I have hung out with her before and seen some similar movements, so initially it didn’t seem totally peculiar especially considering her age.

However, as the days went by, her movements became progressively worse to where I had to assist her in moving herself around. I called my friend to inquire about her behavior. She let me know that Lily had a disease called geriatric vestibular syndrome that would ‘come and go’ and that she was most likely just going through another ‘phase’ and that this was thus nothing to be worried or alarmed about.

I had learned about the vestibular system in human beings in previous courses that I’ve taken with regards to neurobiology and neuroanatomy, so I was familiar with the how the vestibular system functions. It's quite fascinating. When I was first exposed to it I was amazed to learn how these little structures, specifically these fluid filled semicircular canals in our inner ear that connect to our brain, are so crucial for balance and space orientation. As I learned more about it, I began to realize more about just how much we take our physical body for granted. Observing Lily really brought this point through quite starkly.

Two days ago I left for work and a few hours later I received a call from my friend that, when a friend of hers stopped by the house to let Lily out to go to the bathroom, she found her dead.

Recently facing the death of Bernard really assisted me in this moment as I was stable within myself as my friend relayed this information and I was immediately able to bring it to a point of understanding that, while Lily’s physical body is no more, as the form and structure that she embodied, she is still here. She is still here in that everything is here, as it has always been, just as I expressed in my post regarding Bernard’s death: Bernard Poolman is just a Character.

Embracing this perspective allowed me to be stable and calm for my friend as she worked through the point in our conversation. I simply allowed myself to breath and ground myself as a pillar, just as I have seen Bernard do so many times before. Everything is here and I am this everything that is here, so I am able to move myself to be whatever is necessary in each moment to ensure I am always placing myself in a position that is best for all, as this is best for me. Common sense.

Yesterday, as I was sipping my morning coffee, I was considering and investigating the point of Lily’s death and what it represented…because, you know, everything is specific.

What I realized in terms of what Lily was showing me was the necessity for balance…equilibrium – how easily we take this simple point for granted; how easily we allow ourselves to go into the drunken dizziness of our mind which so readily tips us off-kilter as we lose our footing in reality. Lily showed me through her expression the confusion, disarray, unsteadiness…moreover, the inequality that manifests when we allow the disproportionality of imbalance. This can be imbalance of body, imbalance of mind, imbalance of this world system, imbalance of this existence as a whole…it is all relevant, especially when considering the responsibility we have to investigate all things; to investigate all things and to bring all things to a point of equality…balance.

Thus, I made a self-commitment in that moment to fully assist myself with this point of balance, this point of equilibrium, and to really stand this point in full self-dedication, in full self-stability. To not allow Lily’s support to be squandered in vain, to be taken for granted, as I now see with a greater clarity the physical consequences of such an allowance.

Everything is showing us only one thing: ourselves.

Thank you Lily, for being a mirror during the time we shared together.

I commit myself to make it count.

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