423: When the Energy Runs Out
Continuing with opening the word Success - how I've defined it and lived it throughout my life.
I have a memory in my life, in my early twenties, where I become quite obsessed with the idea of making money. I was full of desire, and wanted an escape from my life, and I thought if I invested a lot of money in this specific course, I would be able to do just that. I spent one weekend at a seminar, and over $1000 on material, and a few weeks to follow of research for something that did not play out as I expected.
The desire to succeed, which was really the desire for more money/financial freedom was the motivation, though I did not at that stage understand what it actually takes to create something – I simply just wanted results NOW.
After not getting what I was expecting, thinking if I just threw enough money, and had certain material, things would just work out for me – though of course that is now how it works, and I simply gave up. The energy as the desire depleted and I was left feeling like a failure. I was quite sure ‘this was it’ and ‘it could work’, though I didn’t consider the space and time it would take to create – the consistency in my daily application, my commitment and discipline to walk the point I was walking. I just got caught up in the hype and when that ran out, there was nothing left to move myself.
So that is the point from yesterdays blog, that I can see existing in a past memory. Where I never really understood, or even learned, what it means to create something in this world. We live in a physical space time reality, where through constant, and slow but steady accumulation, things can grow, and change, and be built. It doesn’t happen over night – that is the belief in luck that actually has no real effect.
The cause that create an effective is through effective self-movement, and self-direction. To really commit to something and to work with that something everyday, finding practical, livable solutions to be implemented in this real world that actually creates or brings things into manifestation.
So I was stuck in the illusion that things happen over night, if you just think positively about something, or you wish hard enough, or you were hopeful and somehow open to things happening, then it would – not realizing I would have to be the cause to create an effect as the responsibility for bringing something into being.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word to success within the idea/belief that success just happens, that it can happen in one moment, in an instant, and not consider the real time, physical application required to develop, or grow, change, or build something in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word success to exist within a positive energy charge as hope, wherein you should just hope for success, and it will somehow magically come to you, without realizing you must create it yourself and what it actually entails to create success
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I such get hyped up enough, and spend enough money, then I will be successful and that is all it takes
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my ability to live the word success through attaching a positive energy to it, wherein I will move from/as a starting point of desire for success, as money, and use that to motivate and move me – without realizing that once the energy stops, so do I and so the consequences of a starting point of energy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word success as money – and limit it’s existence and how I am able to live it in my day to day life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word success as something the one must attain, and find in this world, and that mostly it happens to lucky people, not seeing or realizing the effort it takes to create in this world, and that it in fact starts from/as myself - within and as myself as who I am and thus how I live
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect success to manifest in my life without any of my own effort or commitment to moving myself daily within the actions that will produce a successful result, and instead rather see it as happening on it’s own, or by some other, greater force or will outside of myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the images seen throughout my life that show a life of luxury of athletes, and movie stars, and singers and think it was so easy for them to attain such wealth, and so think and believe it can be that easy for me - and to then even further define success to be those images of big houses, and glamorous lifestyles and use that as my desire to be successful
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the word success to be that of a picture and image only - to believe it exists as only that, as it's only nature, instead of creating my own definition of success that is not limited to idea of how one life is lived, but how it can be lived for all equally, and also sustainable - aka - for real
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation on HOW success can and will manifest in my life, instead of realizing that how I currently define it determines how I live it, and so it’s absolutely up to me, as my responsibility, how success manifest in my life and that physical reality supports one to see when one's definition, and so expectation, is not valid or real as the reactions one with have towards how things turn out and so the opportunity to then CHANGE the definition as the livable application of success to be practical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay stuck in past memories of attempts to create success in my life and see/remember them not working out, and to from within this, use it as a reason to keep me from moving myself forward now – wherein I will think and believe ‘It didn’t work then, it wont work now’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my current situation on who I’ve been in the past, and use that as a reason to not push myself and direct myself towards the solution I see possible as living success
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught in the illusion that only lucky people are successful, and not realize the hard work, commitment, discipline and daily consistency it took for some to create success in their life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look ahead as a projection within my mind of where I would like to go, and see myself as so far away through the act of comparison, and allow this to sabotage myself in thinking, “I’ll never make it, I have so much work to do, it’s too far away…” instead of realizing that it’s in my definition of success, lacking the realization of how physical space and time work, that cause/trigger such a reaction in me in the first place, so again seeing, realizing and understanding my responsibility to redefining words in my life as the influence and manipulator of how I live
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my past as reason to believe I will never be successful as thinking I did not get the opportunities others did
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I failed at creating success in my past, then I am doomed to repeat it forever within my life
I forgive myself hat I have not realized that I am the creator of my life, within full responsibility, and I have the ability to define, and so live and manifest success in my life, as how I see it will best serve me and others as what is best for all – a livable definition of success that serves all equally