Kristina's Blogs

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Kristina
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Re: Kristina's Blogs

Postby Kristina » 31 Mar 2016, 20:02

449: Giving Yourself Purpose

Growing up I had in a way purpose already laid out for me. I was told I would be an actress or in the entertainment industry. I always just accepted this idea, never really questioned it, as I ‘thought’ this was also something I wanted. I went to acting classes, modeling classes, different acting retreats to LA and Las Vegas. I had resumes, and comp cards and a portfolio. As I got older and into my twenties I started going more actively on auditions and even getting jobs here and there – a commercial, a couple runway shows, and a hair show. After awhile of this I decided it wasn’t really something I actually wanted to do – though while I was in it, I thought I could really make a name for myself, and use that position to bring awareness to the world about things that really mattered. I wouldn't abuse my position of power, I would use it as a force of good for the world.

But then I decided against it because ultimately I felt as though I was chasing a dream that wasn't mine, and didn't express who I really was, and once I did that, for awhile feeling free of letting go of that direction or purpose in my life, I also in time started to feel directionless and without purpose, not knowing what I should do or where I should direct my life.

Then I found desteni and within that, found a sense of purpose and direction within myself. It was taken out of the existential view and focused more on my day to day living – working on changing behaviors and habits that I could see were self-destructive, within fear or self interest, and did not serve what was best for me or what was best for all. So that was my direction and my purpose… to walk my process of self-change.

Though now almost 7 years later and I’m finding a similar experience coming up that I had before finding desteni. Without direction or purpose, unsure and uncertain of ‘where’ to go, what to invest myself and my time into, what niche I would work best in. And it’s been an emotional point for me, feeling lost or stuck, like I’m wandering with no where to go or unsure and uncertain of myself and my future.

While I realize purpose or direction doesn’t exist outside of me, say in a job or relationship, or place I live, I tend to still react in looking outward for some purpose or direction. And within that, judging what I am doing at the moment – what currently exists as my life, judging it as not enough, not substantial enough, and that I am actually missing out on some opportunity.

I realize also that when one is busy with emotional reaction, you cannot really see what is right in front of you, you are blind in a way to your life and the various dimensions of opportunities to develop that exist.

Though as I say I realize this, I actually realize that it’s not something I am yet living because I still go into emotions around it. I still experience a void or lack of purpose in my life. I still feel like I’m waiting for something.

What is quite interesting about this is when I found Desteni, it was like what I learned and the principles and tools I could apply – the process in itself – filled that void. I did stop looking outward and started taking responsibility inward, and that responsibility I saw I had not only to myself, but life as a whole in equality and oneness, was what I thought my purpose was. Though I can see that point is not standing within me.. it has faded and I’m left with the same experience I had 7 years ago. What is my purpose in this life?

I wonder how many people experience this as well – how many people don’t have a specific direction or goal or gift or skill they can utilize as a point of purpose in their life. Or how many people are told, as I once was, what their purpose or direction was without asking themselves if that is what they really want… if that actually represents who they really are.

I do see, realize, and understand that I will not find purpose or direction outside of ME… that it can only flow from me as an expression of myself as the process I have walked and am walking… a natural unfolding. So for now, I will stop and I breathe. I will take this one day at a time… investigate the word purpose and direction, get to know how I’ve come to define myself in relation to these words, and how I can align myself and those words to be of an equilibrium and a practical, livable understanding. So this is the process I am currently taking on and embracing, creating it as my current purpose. Committing myself to bring myself back to myself as self-purpose and self-direction.



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Re: Kristina's Blogs

Postby Kristina » 05 Apr 2016, 22:20

450: Back to Basics in Creating Purpose


This morning I woke up with some resistance/depression. Last night I went to bed with reactions – I was emotional around the point of having ‘nothing to do’ with my life – so again, the point of purpose and direction.

I can see I am stilling missing ME – ME being the point of purpose, and direction, and stability.

So I woke up with depression, and was not feeling great at all… but I kept moving. I did my morning stuff, and even pushed through a resistance towards doing Pilates. It’s like that point I saw recently in a blog, in which I’ve seen for myself as well…. Asking yourself the question, will you regret not doing it when you said you would? That type of question supports in seeing what you are accepting and allowing… and so I pushed through the resistance, knowing I would regret it if I gave into the resistance, and indeed feel better at the moment. More stability.

So I am busy walking the to do list for today, and I realize that it’s a point of purpose I can gift to myself, of perfecting myself with what is currently here for me to do, and as a point of development/expanding because usually half the list I make up for myself I resist and end up only doing the first part. So to be able to direct myself through the list, completing it, and walking through it – I am gifting myself the practicing of self-direction, and becoming directive principle.

The point here is not to compare, because often I will think what I have to do, or what I make the list for me to do, I think isn’t enough, it isn’t substantial enough, “I’m not doing enough in my life” – though it’s a way forward, and a step in the ‘right’ direction so to speak… if I cannot perfect myself in such simple things I’ve decided upon now, how can I expect to take on more responsibility later, or as things open up and develop?

So work with what is here, and practicing perfecting self within it – without judgments on what you are doing. The things I do each day, or want to do each day, are small stepping stones that pave the way to a future me that is stable, strong, determined, self-willed, and disciplined. So that is currently I suppose what I am walking, and what I am practicing. It’s not about comparing yourself to other’s and their process… it’s about focusing on YOU and what YOU are doing… who YOU are – which is also been a weakness of mine. I’ve paid way more attention to those around me and what they are busy with then giving the appropriate attention and care to myself, and I’m sure that is where all the conflict comes from. It’s like a point of neglect… neglecting self because you are too concerned about what others are doing, and how that compares to you. That is a consequence I’ve seen in working with this purpose point, how much I’ve compared myself to others in and throughout my life and how that actually, quite drastically dis-empowers me. I’ve spent my precious time watching others, mimicking others, comparing myself to others, separating myself from others I’ve completely lost sight of the most important thing… ME. Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want to create? What of me is dishonest? What of me requires change? How can I grow? How do I want to experience myself? What do I want to bring to this world? How can I express my utmost potential?

So this questions can only be answered through a decision to walk one’s process for and as oneself – making SELF the priority as what one observe and question and investigate. When I’m looking at others, questioning others, observing others I am not standing in responsibility for me. Bring it back to self. The simple, basic tool I first learned when introduced to the Desteni Process. Bring it back to self. All is a reflection of ME – so what do I see in others… how does it actually exist in my life? There is a starting point of self-honesty.



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Re: Kristina's Blogs

Postby Kristina » 08 Apr 2016, 03:50

451: Owning My Own Authority

I notice that for most things I do, I have a judgment and/or fear towards it. It could be something I do in self-honesty, or in a point of self-sabotage – the experience remain the same, I am fear of being judged for it. I’ve noticed this has always been my experience, for as long as I can remember. If I wanted to play with a particular toy, or wanted some special kind of food, anytime I would ‘help myself’ to what I wanted – I was in a point of fear… fear I would be caught, or what I was doing was bad, and I would be punished.

This is still existent within me when I notice certain things I do only when I’m home alone… if others are around, I avoid doing it. Now of course the judgment towards the behavior changes in degree. Some thing I do, like say I’m in a point of wanting to distract myself with TV series or movies rather than other more important things, I will go into judgment and assume another is judging me as well as doing something ‘bad’. And I realize this is a point of self-sabotage, because to binge on TV series or movies is a point of distraction - keeping me within a point of resistance, and so it is something I want to hide/keep from others, or not be seen doing it, because it's a point of self-dishonesty. Though this experience of judgment/fear towards what I do is not limited to only the dishonest acts.

For instance… I have just started a juice cleansing and I notice hesitation in talking about it with others, or sharing it openly… like it’s something bad or wrong that I’m doing, or that I will be judged for it.

Now I realize that it all boils down to self-honesty. The starting point implies SO MUCH in terms of who I am within what I am doing, and whether the act or behavior is in fact best for me and supportive. Though I can see, as a general experience of myself, I often have this experience whether it’s a self-honest point or not. So it’s like a point of self-restraint, fear of my own wants or needs, and assuming that no matter what I do, it’s wrong, bad, and I will be punished/looked down upon for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge everything I do as wrong or bad within a negative energy charge

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that no matter what I do, it’s wrong and bad and somehow not good enough to some set of standards, and that overall I will be judged, looked down upon, or punished for doing what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am as wrong, bad and punishable and to then from within this, assume and project all that I do is equal to that self-definition – what I create is in my image and likeness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within hidden blame towards others as ‘they’ are the ones judging me or condemning for what I do and so I restrain myself, instead of taking complete self-responsibility in realizing that it’s MY decision, and MY behavior, and in the end MY own judgments, fears, and ideas. And so I could NEVER assume others think certain things about me, unless I’ve already thought them about myself… and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts about me that are self-restraining, and detrimental, and like a containment wherein I keep myself locked within a specific space that I don’t dare move out of in fear of it being wrong, or bad, or seen as something not cool

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to OWN myself… meaning – to stand absolutely equal to what I do as a matter of fact, without fear or judgment or concern about what others think, but to instead do what I do without apologies or reservations and rather learn from my dishonesty's, and mistakes

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to act freely as an individual, to express who I would like to be, and to do what I would like to do and instead allow the dictation of my own mind as fears and judgments steer me within what I do, or to be a constant presence, like a monkey on my shoulder, if I do something I fear will be seen as unacceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the police man in my head that I’ve given complete authority to, to tell me what to do, what to think, what NOT to do, and how I must feel about what I do and say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never express freedom as living without fear, to not apologize for what I do or say, or how I express, and to rather embrace ME as who I am currently, and to always remain self-honest about what I do so that I will always know there is no just reason I could ever live in fear of judgment or punishment, as I see, realize, and understand that to live in self-honesty is to live purified and innocent, with always the consideration of what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to my own ideas of what is right and wrong, what is good and bad, to live in polarity as the morality guidelines instead of investigating ALL things (including myself) and keeping only that which is good (best for all/me).

When and as I see myself judging and fearing what I do or say or express as being punishable, or bad, or wrong, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this fear is based on a self-definition that I am wrong, bad and punishable, and that I then project this idea unto others as what I've done to myself others will do to me as well, and so I commit myself to stop defining myself in detrimental ways and that prohibit from me expressing me as freedom, without fear, and within self-honesty... checking my starting point for all thought, words, and deeds to ensure I am in fact living purified and innocent so that I will always know and be able to OWN who I am in every moment and that I can stand by and live as that which I express as Me

I commit myself to become my own self-authority rather then allowing the mind as fears and judgments to direct who I am as what I express

I commit myself to change me so that what I create, as the image and likeness of me, is in fact best for all... that is always considering what is best for others and myself



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Re: Kristina's Blogs

Postby Kristina » 26 Apr 2016, 05:02

452: One Thing We LOVE To Talk About...

Majority of our conversations consists of what? Can you guess?

I’ve observed recently just how much our interactions with each other is solely about OTHER people. Granted those people are around us, living among us, part of our family, or friends network, and people we work with but take a look and take notice, become aware of the fact that majority of what we talk about with one another is about other people.

We have opinions, and ideas, and beliefs, mostly interpretations, about what other people say and do; how they behave and conduct themselves within their lives. Our focus is so much projected outward, it’s no wonder we have no clue who we are, or what's going on in this world as the outer reflection of each individual. We spend so much time judging, and analyzing why others do what they do, or say what they say, and often we cast our judgments in a way that makes us feel smarter, or better, or superior, or somehow more right based on how we see other’s living and making decisions in their life.

When all of this – all of our communications about others – is absolutely, completely, totally USELESS. It doesn’t matter. We’ve created ourselves and our interaction with others to become 100% irrelevant. We speak empty words, and project judgments, and cast our eyes down on others. And for what? Because we are curious? Because it makes us feel better about our own lives? Because we think we can? Or we should? Or is it because we just get a kick out of worrying more about other people than ourselves. Are we hiding from ourselves? Are we afraid of ourselves? Do we think making others out to be wrong or bad is somehow making ourselves good or right?

The problem within this as far as I can see, is we are so deliberately abdicating our own self-reflection and so our self-responsibility. We are so consumed with others, we forget about ourselves… or again, perhaps it’s a deliberate action of turning away from ourselves, and we keep ourselves busy and distracted with other people and their life, and so within that, somehow think we are absolved from the responsibility we have for who we are and the life we live.

We don’t look at who WE ARE in relation to other people… we don’t DARE to consider why we may have an opinion or judgment or perception of another person, and how that in fact relates to ourselves. We don’t question any negative thoughts or emotions about other people… why ‘they’ make us angry, or annoyed, or irritated… we just ACCEPT our opinions made about others to be REAL and ‘they’ are the wrong ones, the misinformed ones, the lost ones. Come on... if we have all the answers to how one should be living their life, why are we not LIVING that example? Why are we not broadcasting the Answer we believe we have to the rest of the world? Why are we not DIRECTLY speaking to, and saying to others what we say ABOUT them behind their back?

When have we considered ‘they’ are ‘us’- the mirror of SELF… the equality of ALL life existing in each other. What we see in another, is in fact ourselves. What we feel about another, we in fact feel about ourselves. How we talk about another, we talk in the same way about ourselves. YET – we are not self-honest about it. We don’t face that reality… we ignore, and suppress it because when it comes down to it, we are not WILLING to FACE ourselves, our REAL nature of spite and anger and resentments and jealousy... We are not willing to take responsibility for WHO WE ARE and stop worrying and concerning ourselves about what others do with their life.

You have NO power or control over what others do or say or who they are. Your ONLY power exists within who you are, what you do and say… what exists in your mind. And until we become absolutely responsibility for THAT…. Our focus on others is just a waste of time…. A waste of our life.

I dare you to become aware of how and what you speak to others… what your topic of discussion is, and I dare you to ask yourself if it really Matters… if it is constructive, or destructive - if it's relevant in fact to what really matters in this world, and if it's what this world needs. I dare you to consider who YOU are when speaking about others… to understand the nature of what your experience is towards others and those you speak so much about, and to investigate HOW you do it to yourself, or within your own life. I dare you to be Self-Honest and to face the nastiest parts of YOU that hide behind the faults of others.

Until you become purified, and innocent, and living as what is best for all… a shining example of the potential of/as Life, then your words are meaningless and a waste of your time and Life.

I dare you to Look within and stop projecting yourself without unto others. I dare YOU to See YOU for Real.



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Re: Kristina's Blogs

Postby Kristina » 27 Apr 2016, 06:03

453: The Reasons Why I Dislike Gossip

In relation to yesterday’s writing, I can see reactions I have towards specifically people around me who speak so much about others, as a point of gossip or simply talking behind their backs. I’ve found that I get quite agitated in such a moment because I want them to understand what they are saying about others, why they are saying it, and how it has everything to do with them, and not the person they are speaking about.

Also the reason of someone speaking about one person to other people, when that one person that is the subject of their discussion is not present. So it bothers me quite a bit when someone speaks about others when that person is not around, or cannot contribute to the discussion, cannot defend themselves, or share themselves in a way that can create understanding rather than when one is absent, the one discussing them can just create more and more ideas and perceptions about them that just simply may not be true.

And so what I can see for myself, in terms of WHY I react to such situations, is because in such the scenario, I myself find it difficult to express what I see in that moment… to be DIRECT and say to the person’s face what I see in them when they speak about others. I feel as though I cannot be open and honest in a moment and say, ‘hey – what you are doing, in speaking about this person that is not here in this moment, is not cool… why can’t you say this to them, when they are around?’ I mean if we cannot make such comments about someone when they are directly in front of us, then we have no business to be making the comments in the first place. This implies a deception and dishonesty – we are saying things we are not standing absolutely by because when they are around, we immediately zip our lip and pretend all is good. We are then a different person, expressing different things… and that is an expression you cannot trust.

So I have a problem with those that speak about people when they are not around, and cannot say those things directly to them, as a point of actually engaging in a honest conversation with them… instead they hide behind their backs and talk about them when they are not around. The REAL problem about this though is that I am actually the one that cannot do what I wish others would do. I am not willing to speak DIRECTLY to people about what I see they are doing… I am not willing to engage in a conversation that may support them to actually reflect on their own behavior. I am not willing to be self-honest and honest with others about what I see, and call them out on it, and offer solutions, or perspective that may cause them to stop and check themselves before they engage such behaviors again.

It’s not really ‘them’ I am bothered by for not speaking direct to people, and instead talk behind their backs. It’s ME bothered by the fact that I cannot do that myself. And why? Because of fear… avoiding conflict, imagining harsh reactions that I may cower from. Fear of standing by my own insights, realization and understandings….

So in the end… I am the one responsible. It’s not others in how they speak about others and not directly TO others, it’s about me not speaking DIRECTLY to others about what I see they speak about. I am the one speaking about other’s behavior behind their back… about how others speak about other’s behaviors behind their back.

Direct reflection of my self-responsibility. And the opportunity to grow, change, and develop my resolve to stand by principles that support what is not only best for me, but also best for all. When I stop accepting and allowing myself to participate in behaviors I see only keep me in fear, or dishonesty, or secret and ultimately conflict with another human being, then I can support others to stop as well. Though – self first… must create myself as a living example.

Will continue with forgiveness in the blog to come…



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Re: Kristina's Blogs

Postby Kristina » 02 May 2016, 05:48

454: The Golden Rule

Let's continue from the previous blog:

"It’s not really ‘them’ I am bothered by for not speaking direct to people, and instead talk behind their backs. It’s ME bothered by the fact that I cannot do that myself. And why? Because of fear… avoiding conflict, imagining harsh reactions that I may cower from. Fear of standing by my own insights, realization and understandings…."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively when hearing others talking about people who are not around/in the environment as a point of gossip

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame those that gossip/talk about others who are not around as being unfair and nasty because those they are talking about are not there to speak for themselves or address what is being said about them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame those that speak about others as having nothing important or valuable to say, and so to within this, dismiss them as who they are, to simply write them all, to define them based on one moment of them speaking about others instead of realizing or rather understanding the WHY they do such things, and find solutions for myself in terms of how I can support to change such a moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as judgment when I hear others gossiping about people – to cast my judgments unto them, and to within that, see myself as superior/better than them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as better than others just because I perhaps understand the consequences of gossiping, and that it is not acceptable, and I should treat others the way I want to be treated, instead of realizing that in my defining myself as better than others is the exact same reason why I’m upset in the first place… because usually the gossiper is speaking from a point of superiority, and casting judgment onto those they are gossiping about and so in this… seeing I am doing the exact same thing unto others that they are doing to those that aren’t around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself unto others as in to blame and judge those that do something/take an action that I do not agree with, such as talking negatively about others when they are not around to defend themselves yet to do that myself towards those I am judging/blaming as speaking (in my mind) negatively about others, and not speaking directly to them so as to give them also an opportunity to defend themselves, or to share themselves in a way that perhaps promotes change/self-understanding, and responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and judge the gossipers for not being direct in communicating to those they are talking about behind their backs… to define them as weak and cowardly for not being able to say to the face of the being they are talking about what they are willing to say about them to others, instead of realizing that I am existing within such the same point whereas I fear speaking directly to those that gossip in saying to them what they are doing is not cool and give an understanding to the behavior rather than just condemning them as bad people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking up and standing up for those that are not present to defend themselves when I hear people talking/gossiping about them when they are not around… as actually DOING what I would have done unto me, and treating others the way I would want to be treated, and so to not give such power to the gossipers as fearing how they will respond/react to me if I suggest they stop what they are doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict with others and so just create it within myself such as when I hear someone speaking in a way that is not supportive about another that is not around to speak their part – instead of saying something as in suggesting the one to stop, I rather go into myself/my mind and react negatively, going into conflict internally against the person, rather than physically speaking and directing the point to understanding and a solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my own self-interest to get in the way of what is doing best for all as speaking to one who is gossiping and suggesting it is not supportive behavior and sharing the perspective of do unto another as you would have done unto yourself, but to rather react in fear, and coward within myself in fear of conflict and reactions from others and so to simply then stay quiet and within this, enable the behavior to continue

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enable the behavior of gossiping about others through staying silent/not speaking directly and opening about such behavior being unacceptable and not within the principle of what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within how I express myself, or when I am faced with a point of expansion and growth, as stepping out of my comfort zone, when I hear others gossiping/speaking negatively about others when they are not around as suggesting to those doing the action to stop, or give opportunities to understand why the behavior is not acceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to others as not wanting to speak directly to those that gossip that what they are doing/saying is not acceptable, and to fear directing the conversation back to themselves as the REAL source of judgments/blame/inferiority/superiority/insecurity/jealousy… supporting others to self-reflect rather than deflect in focusing on/judging/discussing other people and their lives

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to live and thus express the importance of self-reflection as what really matters in this world… as the most valuable communication we can have is with/about ourselves in the nature of self-honesty… taking a real look as who we are in relation to EVERYTHING within ALL moments of our lives as the actual, living process of ‘man know thyself’

When and as I see myself reacting towards others as blaming/judgment/dismissing them as who they are when/as I hear/see them speaking about others, or gossiping about others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that my reaction to others speaking about others behind their backs, and not speaking to them directly is directly linked to who I am in such moments... it is in fact a reflection of myself within not willing to face/direct and speak to those I see speaking/gossiping about others and how it is not within what is best for all, and is just a deflection from what one actually experience in relation to themselves. I commit myself to see, realize, and understand the responsibility I have to live and express principles that are best for all, and that first starts with my responsibility to living in such a way I want/expect others to, and that is within principles that are best for all, that consider others as equal, to not judge, or blame, or dismiss but to rather understand, and forgive, and to be self-honest. And so I commit myself to change ME as the actual source of my conflict by stopping the fear of conflict within/as me as speaking up, and directly to those that participate in gossip when in my presence, and to share understandings that such behavior is not acceptable and can actually be changed.

I commit myself to stop blaming others for things I participate in as well

I commit myself to stop judging others for things I do as well

I commit myself to start with myself as the source from which change must and can only emerge

I commit myself to live in such a way wherein I become an example, and no longer need to fear what I express, as it becomes a natural expression of me based on who I am, how I live, and the principles in which I apply in my life

I commit myself to develop and practice living/practicing principles that are best for all so that others may see change, self-responsibility, integrity, and real love is possible



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Re: Kristina's Blogs

Postby Kristina » 03 May 2016, 07:27

455: What About Forgiveness?


Recently I’ve been looking at the point of forgiveness… in the context of how quick I am to judge, to react, and to assume the worst of others. Many times I’m interacting with other people, and one simple thing said, or one movement expressed, or one change of tonality and I am quick to just judge the person, and define them absolutely according to that one moment.

And then I realized… what about forgiveness?

The Desteni Process I am walking, which is really just my own process of self-change, is all about forgiveness. Specifically forgiving thoughts, feelings, and emotions that do not honor what is best for self, and so of course, what is best for all. And while I see the value and importance of forgiving myself, I have yet to apply this to others/my outside world.

About four or five years ago, shortly after I began this process, I noticed or came to see and realize just how hard, harsh, and tough I was on myself. And in that, how I was inherently resisting me because I was judging everything about me, everything I saw within my mind, every behavior or experiences I had when around other people, the jealousy, the spite, the envy, the desire… I didn’t like it and I was quick to judge myself and come down hard on myself for existing in such ways. Though through time, and with the support of the tools within the Desteni Process, and those others walking their own process, I came to realize the importance of me embracing me; of me loving me, of accepting me in who I am in THIS moment. I would apply breathing when I saw myself react to my own mind, I would even physically hug myself – wrapping my own arms around me, embracing me and physically expressing self-love and care, really taking a moment to be with me, and to show myself I was here for myself. I was soothing the inherent need to fight and resist myself, and rather I accepted this me I am in such a moment as the understanding that is the only way I can change. I have to first embrace me, understand me, forgive me and then let go.

So this aspect of self-forgiveness I absolutely understood from the beginning, and can say it’s a point I’ve been able to change throughout the last few years. I am no longer hard on myself, I am much more patient with myself, I am much more nurturing and supportive then I’ve ever been before... towards me.

Though now I see I have yet to express this outward. When I notice myself jumping to conclusions, and jumping to assessing who someone is through just one moment with them, I realize forgiveness, as a living word, is not present. I will have to forgive others to be able to support others. I will have to forgive others to create something new with others. If we only just hold things against each other from past miss-takes, or miss moments of change, then we are only condemning ourselves to the same conflictual relationships we’ve always existed as. Forgiveness is to start over, to build something new, and to nurture the potential within each one.

I am going to have to embrace, honor, and nurture those around me, as I've been able to do for myself.

This world is built upon individuals, each one equally worthy of forgiveness. If we cannot forgive the worst parts of ourselves, the worst parts of humanity, then what’s the point? Forgiveness exists in order for us to be able to move on, to change, and to create equality within humanity that honors the inherent worth of all. Perhaps one day we won’t need forgiveness as a living word, though where we are at now collectively, forgiveness is the key.

Without forgiveness, there is no understanding. Without understanding, there is no ‘stand in the shoes of another’, and ‘give as you would like to receive.’ Without these guiding principles, we have what we currently have – greed, corruption, self-interest, separation, inequality, war, hate, neglect of life in all its forms. Forgiveness is our salvation. And while it starts with ourselves, I can see for myself it’s time to expand my forgiveness outward. To forgive them for they know not what they do.

I see I can forgive myself, so now it’s time to forgive others. To stop the reactions the moment they arise. To give others the opportunity to see how they can be better; to live their utmost potential, and to not deny them this through my acceptance of judgment, blame, assumptions, and dismissal.

Forgiveness is the blog to follow….



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Kristina
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Re: Kristina's Blogs

Postby Kristina » 04 May 2016, 08:15

456: Redefining Forgiveness

To continue from yesterday's blog:

"Without forgiveness, there is no understanding. Without understanding, there is no ‘stand in the shoes of another’, and ‘give as you would like to receive.’ Without these guiding principles, we have what we currently have – greed, corruption, self-interest, separation, inequality, war, hate, neglect of life in all its forms. Forgiveness is our salvation. And while it starts with ourselves, I can see for myself it’s time to expand my forgiveness outward. To forgive them for they know not what they do."

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live forgiveness in relation to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condemn and judge others for one moment of interaction, one behavior, or statement, or change in tonality, and automatically define them absolutely and not allow room for understanding and so forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to expand my understanding and expression of forgiveness to go beyond myself, in seeing how supportive and important self-forgiveness is, I now see, realize, and understand it’s time to expand that towards those around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically think of the worst of people, in not having patience or understanding within a moment with them, and simply just write them of as being selfish, or ignorant, or lacking real care or consideration, instead of investigating myself in the same respect… where am I accepting and allowing myself to be selfish, ignorant, or lacking real care and consideration as the actual source of my reactions towards others exists within and only me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to give the time, attention, care and so support to others around me that I’ve defined as not willing to change, or who display the same behavior that I see is not supportive for them or others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist those around me through reactions to those around me, instead of embracing them as my equal, and equally worthy of care, consideration, and forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to live care, support, understanding, and forgiveness towards others through quickly reacting to a statement, or movement, or tonality that I define as being something negative, instead giving as I would like to receive, and as I’ve given to myself, which is NO judgment and rather understanding of why someone expresses the way they do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think other people will never change and so simply give up on them without considering would I want that for myself? I know many people who have stood as support for me over the years, despite me repeating patterns that still are necessary to change, yet not giving up on me and rather stay consistent in their support, care, and forgiveness and so I forgive myself that I have not yet embodied the example I see from others that has been given to me - unconditionally forgiveness and support

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be consistent in living forgiveness as applying it outward, and not just inward towards/with myself

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the importance and value of forgiveness, not only for/toward oneself, but even more so outward towards others… in forgiving those that know not what they do, and so being an example one can learn from and realize forgiveness is possible and the key to changing our world - individually as well as collectively

I forgive myself that I have defined forgiveness as something conditional – wherein I’ve applied the statement that only some deserve it, and others don’t, by how I’m quick to judge and react and blame and condemn those not living up to a standard I think they should be living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set standards for other people in who they are and how they must live, instead of realizing everyone is walking their own process, some at different paces, and in different spaces and so it’s not up to me to direct others or determine if what they are doing is good enough or not, but to live MYSELF according to principles that are best for all, and that are self-honesty, to never be within judgment and instead UNDERSTAND WHY people are the way they are, how we’ve created certain minds to be who they are, to understand and forgive what is here as the way to create solutions to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect from others what I’m not unconditionally living myself

More to follow in the next blog...



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Kristina
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Re: Kristina's Blogs

Postby Kristina » 05 May 2016, 07:56

457: Living Forgiveness

To wrap up the points written in the previous blogs, the following are corrective statements, and commitment statements of how I can change myself in future moments... expanding my application of living Forgiveness.

"I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the importance and value of forgiveness, not only for/toward oneself, but even more so outward towards others… in forgiving those that know not what they do, and so being an example one can learn from and realize forgiveness is possible and the key to changing our world - individually as well as collectively"

When and as I see myself condemning, and judging others for one moment of interaction, one behavior, or statement, or change in tonality, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is automatically defining them absolutely within just one moment of a whole lifetime, and that within it, there is no understanding or forgiveness and so I commit myself to consider more than just the moment before me, more than just what I see in one moment of another, and to consider the WHOLE story, the whole picture, the whole being and the whole life that lead up to such an expression, or behavior, or movement I was the judge another for, and rather see MORE than my own mind as the reaction

When and as I see myself not allowing myself to consider, and LIVE forgiveness in a moment in relation to another, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand how supportive and important self-forgiveness is for me, and so also see, realize, and understand it’s time to expand my application of forgiveness to be towards others as well. I commit myself to expand my understanding and application of forgiveness to those around me…. Living then the principle of ‘love thy neighbor as thy self’

When and as I see myself automatically thinking the worst of people, as not having patience or understanding within a moment with them, and to just write them off as being selfish, or ignorant, or lacking real care or consideration, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that perhaps I am not investigating myself in the same respect, and to check within me where I am accepting and allowing myself to be selfish, ignorant, or lacking real care, and consideration as the actual source of m reactions towards others. I commit myself to thus always take SELF-responsibility as a moment of reflection to ensure I am not living that which I blame/judge others for so that then I can ensure I am able to exist within understanding, care, and forgiveness in relation to not only myself, but others as well

When and as I see myself not wanting to give time, attention, care, and support to others around me that I’ve defined as not willing to change, or who display the same behavior that I see is not supportive for them or others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there could be in fact a relationship where interaction is no longer necessary as it proves to no longer serve one or both beings, though within the above is more the starting point of dismissal rather than understanding, and deciding practically. And so I commit myself to not just write people off due to a reaction or judgment that I have, but rather actually assess a relationship practically – seeing if one or both are being served within what is best for both within the relationship, and if not, let it be and let it go without any resentments, judgments or blame

When and as I see myself not living care, support, understanding, and forgiveness towards others through quickly reacting to a statement, or movement, or tonality they make, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such a reaction is based on a judgment of it being ‘bad/wrong/negative’ and is not actually any of those things… it is simply a moment of one expressing themselves based on who they’ve accepted and allowed themselves to be and become. And so I commit myself to instead love another as I love myself, and give as I’ve given to myself, which is NO judgment and rather understanding of why someone expressed the way they do

When and as I see myself thinking other people will never change, and so want to just give up on them, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I would not want that for myself – I would not want another to give up on me, and I have so many examples of people who have stood as support for me over the years, despite me repeating patterns that still are necessary to change, yet never giving up on me and so I commit myself to extend this gift to others as I’ve been given myself by others… to practice staying consistent in my support, care, and living forgiveness through not reacting and giving up on others, but rather being patient, understanding and willing to support

When and as I see myself defining forgiveness as something that is conditional, such as applying the statement that only some deserve it, and others don’t based on my own assessment/judgment/opinions/beliefs, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that within such a point, I am expecting others to live up to a standard that perhaps is not practical for them, or that I have not applied and lived unconditionally myself, and so rather than condemning and blaming others so quick and suggest they don’t deserve forgiveness, I commit myself to realizing ALL are worthy of forgiveness, as ALL live within a potential to exist and express what is best for all and so I also commit myself to see the potential within all and to do what I can in each moment to harness that potential not only within me, but others as well to show the possibilities of life on earth, relationships with others, and the equality of life fully expressed



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Kristina
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Re: Kristina's Blogs

Postby Kristina » 06 May 2016, 07:24

458: We Will Have to Imagine

One of the most vital elements to changing, to this process we are walking within Humanity, is to understand why things exist the way that they do. Since writing about this forgiveness point the past few days, I’ve come to notice more and more how we are so quick to judge things in our world.

Indiana just installed a drop-box for mothers no longer wanting their babies. This was created due to the amount of babies being abandoned by their mothers, some I’m sure not lucky enough to survive, while others being found and put into the system such as foster care, and then perhaps adoption. We want to condemn these woman, to be appalled by the fact that a city must install such a thing – a drop box for unwanted babies. As woman, and I’m sure as mothers, we cannot even imagine how one could abandon their babies like that.

But it exists, so we’ll have to. We’ll have to imagine what would possibly go through the minds of these women, and parents. We will have to imagine what dire situation they must be in to feel that is their only option. We must imagine the system in which they live wherein they are either too addicted, too poor, too afraid, or too dis-empowered to feel as though they cannot care for a baby.

We will have to imagine it because it exists. And condemning these woman, or being disgusted by the fact that a state took an initiative to install a baby drop box for those woman feeling there is no other way does nothing to solve the problem.

As a matter of fact, we don’t have to imagine, because it exists and so we can understand. Talk to these woman, stand in their shoes, look at their life, their family upbringing… see WHY and HOW they were in a position where in their life they felt they had to make such a decision. See what events took place that molded their minds, that shaped their lives, that contributed to who they became that led them to that very moment. It’s all relevant… it’s all a sequence of a source.

These woman are us. These parents are us. They are subject to the same life conditions we are. Some more severe, some better off – though their lives are determined by a system of money, of corruption, of greed, of self-interest, of abuse, of neglect, of inconsideration for actual Life.

These are symptoms of a problem within all of humanity. And we are only continuing the sickness through condemning those we are not willing to understand. Miss-takes are made, consequences are created, and our own internal mental process is our prison of enslavement. Unless we provide a solution, we are a part of the problem.

So let me suggest for us to stop judging, and stop condemning. Let’s start to Understand. Why? Why are women, and parents feeling they have no other option? Why are they afraid to tell their family about their pregnancy? Why do they feel they cannot raise a child? Why have they preferred a life of chasing a high, then the real value of physical matter which they’ve grown inside of them? Yes – each individual is responsible for the decisions made in their life, but we are too responsible for our world as a whole. How can we contribute to healing humanity?

We can start but stopping the blame, and stopping the judgment. We can start to forgive. But first we must understand. Do not see an outflow without tracing it back to its origin. You or I are no better than the woman making I’m sure one of the most difficult decisions in their life… to ones that must forever live with that decision, to face it for the rest of their lives. Who are we to add to their turmoil? Rather, be a beacon of compassion, of understanding, and dare I say it… hop. Hope that humanity to can get their act together, step up, stand up for one another, and stop dividing ourselves based on judgments and opinions of other people’s lives. See the BIG picture. Understand Why. Understand How. Then we can begin to heal.




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