People Fear Their Own Self-Expression
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own self-expression.
i forgive myself for not allowing myself to not realize that fearing my own self-expression implies that I have separated myself from my own self-expression, here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my own self-expression.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear separating myself from my own self-expression here.
i forgive myself for not allowing myself to explore the memory dimension related to separating myself from my own self-expression, where the entire existence of drugs within/as my reality can be used to justify participating in the experience of myself as separate from myself. I realize that I have created my reality in such a way as to be influenced by this belief, made possible because of/justified by drugs, that I can separate myself from my self.
Thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to control me through drugs.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear controlling me through drugs.
i forgive myself for not allowing myself to remember that I created the fear of controlling me through drugs through hearing that it was possible to induce psychosis through/as taking psychedelic drugs.
i forgive myself for not allowing myself to thus realize that, since I created this memory of psychedlic drugs as being ‘dangerous’, I have then developed a fear of negative consequential reactions to taking psychedelic drugs. Interestingly enough, by not speaking this fear and not communicating it to anyone, I have suppressed it in such a way as to ensure that I actually attracted the reality of an insane reaction to psychedelic drugs.
It is said that what you resist persists, but what does that mean in this context? What it means is that, those fears based on memories of the past that one keeps inside one, perhaps even going so far as to have a gradient of fears with certain categorized as ‘threatening your mortality’ and others ‘simple frights’, those memories then combine to create a mind-consciousness program that occupies multiple dimensions of ones beingness-participation. The actual scary part, if there was one, would be that, one one allows the mind consciousness system to take over one’s life, the personalities that compose it include behavioral dimensions.
What is the behavioral dimension?
If one considers the complex mind consciousness system that directs one’s participation in reality when one has abdicated that responsibility, one may have an image of a multitude of personality programs occupying the same multi-dimensional entity = the mind. While we spend much of our lives ignorant of the nature and content of this mind consciousness system, Desteni is proud to present its investigations into this system, identifying and describing in detail the contents of this multi-personality system.
Let’s start first by defining a personality system. A personality system is initiated by a memory as a reaction to/towards someone/something in one’s reality. From the point of entrance of that memory into one’s mind consciousness system, what then builds is a multi-dimensional personality system that may be composed of thoughts, feelings, emotions, fears, memories, and behavior patterns. In this case, the behavioral system would be characterized by those physical behaviors one participates in within one’s reality.
What I’m talking about here is, if, for example, the Personality System you are investigating in your writing is based upon a Memory that you hold within you in which you were doing something that you didn’t like just to please someone else. Over time, you can then have a look at how this initial memory has, like, evolved into something that permeates your conscious and subconscious life so extensively that, for some, it may be difficult to even detect that you are participating in a system that causes one to participate in the same patterns over, and over, and over again. Thus, the behavioral dimension is completed where, because no one in your reality is seeming to validate, care about the fact that no one has filled the gap in your life you left when you abdicated responsibility for your own self-creation, you go to remarkable lengths to make your behavior match up with what you believe will impress them.
Suddenly, one may realize that they have been stuck in a pattern (a repeating set of behaviors) that together constitutes the behavioral dimension of the People Pleaser Character, all initiated by a Memory you Have of doing something you didn’t like for someone. One can then dive into that character, go deeper, and discover that, in actuality, the whole Reason why you started to learn to participate in the people pleaser character was because of the positive energy one received when: the person whom you tried to please responded positively, and you reacted to their positive response with positive feeling experiences in your own body/being, or, if that doesn’t happen, when you generate energy as you, for example, go into the Imagination Dimension of your People Pleaser Character within which you imagine yourself as superior to someone whom you’ve done something nice for but you’ve come to believe doesn’t ‘appreciate’ you, thus experiencing positive energy within comparison as Mind.
So, What’s the Point of Identifying Character Dimensions?
Getting back to my original example with a fear of going crazy from psychedelic drugs, that was all based upon a fear I had created when, say, my mother warned me of going crazy from psychedelic drugs. I felt pressured to keep up with my friends who were using psychedelic drugs and so suppressed my fears of going crazy with them despite allowing myself to fall into quite unstable experiences while under their influence. Never did I make the realization that, the more one focuses on/experiences/thinks about a certain possibility, the more likely it is for that thing to manifest in reality.
So, when I didn’t release my fear of psychedelic drugs to my friends (who I wanted to think I was cool enough to ‘handle’ them) or my parents, from whom I hid the reality of my participation with them, I actually created an opening for this fear to permeate my reality, taking over in subconscious behavior patterns and other effects that actually led me to the complete and utter surrender of myself to the delusion of self-inflicted psychosis.
This is actually something that has struck me about certain homeless people some may define as mentally ill. In nearly every case (except where the dislocation of the being from/as his or her lifeforce is severe), it is possible to actually ‘see’ the being within themselves. They may not hold a job and they may talk to themselves, but when you really look into their eyes, you see a being just like any other being in reality. Even when the being him/herself has their strange desire to exist within/as the mental reality of psychosis, and continues abusing drugs and relationships to maintain this separation from/as life, the being is still there, some part of who that person REALLY is still exists within them.
BY identiying this fear of going crazy on psychedelic drugs as a memory in my Character Program within and as my mind consciousness system, I have now seized the root of the entire Personality System: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled from this single point of constructing a personality of a people pleaser from that memory I had where I did’t speak up about the dog vomit in my boot because I didn’t want my mother to become upset.
From here, I can move on to identify other dimensions of this personality system that have since developed as a direct response to holding onto instead of directing the memory as it came up within and as me.
For example, I have developed a belief that I must remain perfect in my application of myself in my reality. This perfection personality is related to the people pleaser personality, because it includes wanting to make sure to please people perfectly.
Thus, we have here two competing personality systems: one based upon pleasing people and the other based on being absolutely perfect in all manifestations of myself. They feed each other, but what’s important to see, realize, and understand, is that these programs’ primary purpose, the entire point of their creation, was to trap me in a constant movement from negative to positive polarities. By pleasing people, I can receive positive energy. By receiving this positive energy, I don’t have to face the negative energy that constitutes the real deeper parts of this personality program in my mind: the negative energy actually is what drives the majority of beings’ mind consciousness systems: it is the STARTING POINT, if you will of all mind consciousness sytem programs: the negative. And yet, we are so conditioned to fear the negative, fear investigating it, fear dealing into our participation within and as it, so as to completely miss how and to what extent this fear program has taken over our entire participation in reality. For, it is deep in our beings, inaccessible to us, where each personality program cleverly connecets with all the others to form the matrix that dominates our participation in physical reality.
Yes, each part of the mind consciousness system is deliberately placed to feed and reinforce the continued existence of all the other parts. I mentioned how the perfectionist personality feeds the people pleaser personality. Now imagine you have more personalities, more dimensions of those personalities that make up this mind consciousness system within and as you. With each of those parts directly or indirectly reinforcing others, simultaneously existing within you as different points around which the mind fixates itself in the constant swinging back and forth between positive and negative.
Have a look at Suppression: here, were it can get really severe, and turn into Depression. What’s especially interesting about Depression is that the positive feelings that some experience themselves as within the mind consciousness system actually become suppressed over time to such an extent that the person no longer experiences themselves as these positive feelings. Instead, they are occupied with thoughts and negative emotions. Not receiving the proper reaction to this situation from his external reality (because literally no one has been trained to react to such a situation) the person than reacts to their own reactions as thoughts and emotions within the experience of an intense negative emotion: Depression where the only places ‘to go’ are between thoughts: useless short experiences that often time are left to remain unaligned with physical reality and thus serve only to distract a person from being effective in their self-application within themselves within this world, and emotions: negative energies like loneliness, sadness, and anger that are ‘closer’ and therefore ‘feel’ more like negative experiences. This participation eventually creates negative consequences that the being then reacts to (negatively or neutrally but never practically or even energetically positively). This is essentially “doing nothing about the consequences of participating in an mind consciousness system that one did not understand”. This creates further consequences and eventually what happens is that the initial negative aspects of the mind consciousness system that initiated the development of this whole personality program with its behavior dimension, serve as the initiator of this whole Depression experience such that one little thought of fear or memory has now blown up to such an extent that you’ve now actually created the negative external conditions one most fears. Depression is simply reacting to your own failure to create a reality that works for you.
The solution for Depression is then to investigate it: what are the thoughts and emotions experienced? What are the Memories associated with a particular behavioral pattern of, for example, Sleeping In or Never Going Out? You will always find that the root of the program is, however, a Memory. All other aspects of a Personality Program are built around this Memory, which is nothing more than a Generator.
Yes, this single memory, when it comes into being within your mind consciousness system, immediately creates positive and negative energy experiences within and as your beingness. You have positive feeling reactions to this memory, for example, while also holding onto negative emotional reactions such as abhorrence, hatred, resentment, fear.
Allow yourself to investigate the negative and positive emotions and feelings around this memory: how did it make you feel? What emotions did it generate within you?
The History of a Memory
Then, you move onto the history of this memory: How has it developed. In other words, since your initial polarity charging of your mind consciousness system from and as this Memory, you have then created consequences in your reality based upon acting upon this Positive Feelings or Negative Emotions related to the Memory. If, for example, you were working like me with the memory of the fear of going crazy on psychedelic drugs, the negative emotions you encounter include fear of ending up in a psychiatric hospital permanently unaware of your complete psychosis to the worry about the worry and fear you might generate in your mother. So, you would forgive yourself specifically on those emotions and feelings for coming up inside of you and then move on, asking yourself: how did this memory evolve over time as these emotions and feelings created behavior reactions such as either craving/seeking/thinking about drugs or actively avoiding them when, for example, a fear dimension possessed me where I feared the consequences of taking drugs and so temporarily swore them off. So, really get into: how has this memory evolved. Depending upon the age and the intensity of the Memory, one may have an extensive or not so developed “program” around this memory. Some Memories become parts of programs that affect our daily living on the conscious level while others may have less clear influences in our lives. By deliberately seeking to become conscious of these dimensions of the personality system within and as you as who you are, accomplished through structured writing about them, one is gifting oneself to these previous subconscious or even unconscious aspects of one’s mind consciousness system: granting yourself a VIP pass into the backstage of yourself, where all the dark, dirty secrets you’ve allowed yourself to accumulate over time operates.
For those who haven’t already, I suggest you try the DIP Lite- FREE online course w/ Buddy in which you learn about the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and memories that make up our mind conscious system, a system only good for generate and experiencing energies and which, if left unchecked, can continue to wreak havoc on one’s life and living. In this course you learn to work with these aspects of oneself in the first step to becoming a self-willed cocreator of reality.
From there, I’d check out the 7 Year Journey to Life Blogs where people from all over the world share their processes of self-forgiveness and self-correction.
If you get a chance, check out EQAFE- the online marketplace for Self-Perfection Products with many FREE downloads.
Also follow @LivingIncome on twitter or follow Economist’s Journey to Life to learn more about economic solutions in a world seized by Greed.