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Day 70: Friends
A few days ago I was angry on one person who told me, that I'm his friend. I can't say someone that I know him/her a few days that is my friend. I can't say anyone that is my friend. I have some people can I trust them and in group of people I use word friend, but I have problem how to describe this word, what mean for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I don't have any friends. When and as I see myself to belive that I don't have any friends, I stop and breath. I realize that I have a lot of people that I trust them, but I can't say, that is anyone my friend. But this is only what I think and belive. Reality is how I act and what tell them. I commit myself that I know, that I have friends, but I don't tell them friends.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empty when I think about friends. When and as I see myself feel empty when I think about friends, I stop and breath. I realize that my definition of friends is different than real different, so when I think about word friend and if I have some I fell empty, so I must look in dictionary and look what word friend mean and who is my friend. I commit myself that I use word friend more often because I look in dictionary and I know what mean.
Friend
[frend]
Spell Syllables
SynonymsExamplesWord Origin
noun
1.
a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.
a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter:
friends of the Boston Symphony.
3.
a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile:
Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4.
a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5.
(initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.
6.
a person associated with another as a contact on a social-networking website:
We've never met, but we're Facebook friends.
verb (used with object)
7.
Rare. to befriend.
8.
to add (a person) to one's list of contacts on a social-networkin gwebsite:
I just friended a couple of guys in my class.
Idioms
9.
make friends with, to enter into friendly relations with; become a friend to.
In that way all people who gave me assistence are my friends and people in same nation, party and so one are my friends too. And I have a lots of Facebook friends. Since now I think, that frends are person that I feel somethink to them, but this is only one definition of friend. So all people in the world are my friends and I must talk with them friendly and akt that they are my friends. I have a lot of friends, but I don't use word friend for them. All people in this world are my friends.
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Cool,
Currently how we have defined the word 'friend' is as someone that we hold close, that means especially much to us in comparison with others. And this becomes a big a problem when we look at the bigger picture. Because often we are justifying abuse or not stepping up and acting when we see abuse play out in our world, because of us thinking that the person it is happening to is not our 'friend'.
It is the same with the word 'family'. Many will push themselves to a great extent to protect and support their family, their closest, yet when it comes to doing the same for strangers, or standing for a system/way of life that will support all people to be able to live to their greatest capacity, there is no motivation coming through. Hence we have limited and confined such words as 'family' and 'friends' to only stretch out to a very select few – when in-fact – we should apply these words to all people. And if we would see the world as our family, would we then accept and allow poverty, starvation, and other forms of pointless suffering? Hardly. We would devout our lives to make sure that we make a difference on some form or another. And that is where we must get to.
So, what you can do is to look at how you can redefine the word friend to be supportive concept, that helps you to be more effective in your day to day living. Here is a blog that will assist and support in this redefinition process: http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... art-1.html (it is a series)
Currently how we have defined the word 'friend' is as someone that we hold close, that means especially much to us in comparison with others. And this becomes a big a problem when we look at the bigger picture. Because often we are justifying abuse or not stepping up and acting when we see abuse play out in our world, because of us thinking that the person it is happening to is not our 'friend'.
It is the same with the word 'family'. Many will push themselves to a great extent to protect and support their family, their closest, yet when it comes to doing the same for strangers, or standing for a system/way of life that will support all people to be able to live to their greatest capacity, there is no motivation coming through. Hence we have limited and confined such words as 'family' and 'friends' to only stretch out to a very select few – when in-fact – we should apply these words to all people. And if we would see the world as our family, would we then accept and allow poverty, starvation, and other forms of pointless suffering? Hardly. We would devout our lives to make sure that we make a difference on some form or another. And that is where we must get to.
So, what you can do is to look at how you can redefine the word friend to be supportive concept, that helps you to be more effective in your day to day living. Here is a blog that will assist and support in this redefinition process: http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com ... art-1.html (it is a series)
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Thanks Viktor.
I don't redefiniton words yet, because I'm in begining of DIP Pro and I don't know how I must to do yet. When I came to this lesson I start redefinition a lot of words like friends, love and other that I think, that my definition is different than other (mybe real) definition. I look blog that you told me for.
I don't redefiniton words yet, because I'm in begining of DIP Pro and I don't know how I must to do yet. When I came to this lesson I start redefinition a lot of words like friends, love and other that I think, that my definition is different than other (mybe real) definition. I look blog that you told me for.
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Day 71: Money freedom
I live in my parents house, because I can't earn enough. I try to help them, that they help me. I'm not free. I don't have free choice. But no, not only because I live with my parent's, I don't have free choice, because I don't have enough money. Money is chain in my life. I'm not free because it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't fell free, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself not to fell fre, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that you have less freedom that people in prison if you don't have money. Luckily for me, I live with my parents who help me. Sometimes I want sit in the car and go around, but I don't have money for gas. So I must stay home or ask them for money. I try to learn some money, but I don't know how. I commit myself that I find job and learn enough money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fell less, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself fell less, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that money is not all in the world. I know a lot of think and I can grow food for myself. I know a lot and I can make a lot. A lot of people don't know so much than me, so I can't fell less. In the end we all are people and better help each other that hate each other. And if I can make something, that someone need, that I can sell or exchange with him. I can survive without money. I commit myself, that I know a lot and I can survive with selling and exchangeing what I make or grow.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unhappy, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself to be unhappy, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that money don't bring happy. People who don't have money are unhappy and people who have moeny are unhappy, because they want more and more and more money. So money don't bring happiness. The best way is, that you happy with money you have and try be happy because other things, little thinks. I commit myself that I be happy with how mučh money I have.
Day 71: Money freedom
I live in my parents house, because I can't earn enough. I try to help them, that they help me. I'm not free. I don't have free choice. But no, not only because I live with my parent's, I don't have free choice, because I don't have enough money. Money is chain in my life. I'm not free because it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't fell free, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself not to fell fre, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that you have less freedom that people in prison if you don't have money. Luckily for me, I live with my parents who help me. Sometimes I want sit in the car and go around, but I don't have money for gas. So I must stay home or ask them for money. I try to learn some money, but I don't know how. I commit myself that I find job and learn enough money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fell less, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself fell less, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that money is not all in the world. I know a lot of think and I can grow food for myself. I know a lot and I can make a lot. A lot of people don't know so much than me, so I can't fell less. In the end we all are people and better help each other that hate each other. And if I can make something, that someone need, that I can sell or exchange with him. I can survive without money. I commit myself, that I know a lot and I can survive with selling and exchangeing what I make or grow.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unhappy, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself to be unhappy, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that money don't bring happy. People who don't have money are unhappy and people who have moeny are unhappy, because they want more and more and more money. So money don't bring happiness. The best way is, that you happy with money you have and try be happy because other things, little thinks. I commit myself that I be happy with how mučh money I have.
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Day 72: I'm not good enough
Today I have lecture or workshop, where I talk about a few think that I don't know enough. So I send my presentation person who ask me for this lecture and this person say, that this is cool. I think, that they want to hear what I write. So today I talk and people start conversation with each-other. THen one person say me stop, that this what I talk is not what they want to hear. I start talk about other think, but my mood fall down and became angy and talk myself how usless and not good enough I am and I think, that it was the best, that I close my business, because I'm self-employed. I try to see somthing positive in this, but I don't se it. People say, that I'm so good, because I try to talk, have lecture or workshop, and talk a front of so much people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know enough. When and as I see myself think that I know enough, I stop and breath. I realize, that I have some pettern. When I don't want to learn enough I think, that I know enough and say myself that it's be all ok. But in real I don't learn enough and I don't know at all. And I think this yesterday and today. I commit myself that I learn what I must to know since I know enough, not oly think, that I know enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too lazy for learn, work, write, cook and other things. When and as I see myself to be to lazy for learn, work, write, cook andother tkongs, I stop and breath. I realize that this is not good for me, because stop me. I have a lot of ideas, but because I don't trying enough, I don't finish any idea. So I must try and go through this lazy seson, push myself that I be the best myself. I commit myself that I push myself through when I see that I don't want do what I must or be got to do.
Day 72: I'm not good enough
Today I have lecture or workshop, where I talk about a few think that I don't know enough. So I send my presentation person who ask me for this lecture and this person say, that this is cool. I think, that they want to hear what I write. So today I talk and people start conversation with each-other. THen one person say me stop, that this what I talk is not what they want to hear. I start talk about other think, but my mood fall down and became angy and talk myself how usless and not good enough I am and I think, that it was the best, that I close my business, because I'm self-employed. I try to see somthing positive in this, but I don't se it. People say, that I'm so good, because I try to talk, have lecture or workshop, and talk a front of so much people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know enough. When and as I see myself think that I know enough, I stop and breath. I realize, that I have some pettern. When I don't want to learn enough I think, that I know enough and say myself that it's be all ok. But in real I don't learn enough and I don't know at all. And I think this yesterday and today. I commit myself that I learn what I must to know since I know enough, not oly think, that I know enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too lazy for learn, work, write, cook and other things. When and as I see myself to be to lazy for learn, work, write, cook andother tkongs, I stop and breath. I realize that this is not good for me, because stop me. I have a lot of ideas, but because I don't trying enough, I don't finish any idea. So I must try and go through this lazy seson, push myself that I be the best myself. I commit myself that I push myself through when I see that I don't want do what I must or be got to do.
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Day 73: Bad mood or depression
One year ago I live my life in bad mood or depression. I was so deprressed and I want to die. Then I found some people who told me about DIP and I start with this process. In few months I see change on myself although I don't work on depression it help me. But now I feel that I go back in bad mood. I feel bad one month and in this time I again talk about death and kill myself. All in my life go wrong and I don't have enough money, I don't have enough bussines, I don't know how survive. I thinking about that I close my bussines.
So I decide I write series blogs about my bad mood or depression and I try to find reason for that. I know that will be so difficult because I'm in beginning of writing and I need some help to see ight points. But I belive in myself that I can go trought this and find where is the bigger problem for my bad mood, depression, laziness and other situations.
So ...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I can change myself without I go through some situations and change my thinking about it. When and as I see myself to belive that I can chance myself without I go through some situations and change my thinking about it, I stop and breath. I realize that I must go though all situation that I want to change it. In the beginning it must work if you write about most important problem that you have in that situation and you solve other problems too, but if you don't solve explicite situation, you have problem with this situation all the time. I realize this in less that one year, because I have the same problem with depression like one year ago before I start with process. I commit myself that when I see poblem I go through problem I try solve it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay with go through depression. When and as I see myself to delay with go though depression, I stop and breath. I realize that this delay don't help me at all and I feel like before begining. I argue with all people that they don't think like me and I want arguing with people because I'm nervous all the time. I commit myself that I begin with going through all situations about depression.
Day 73: Bad mood or depression
One year ago I live my life in bad mood or depression. I was so deprressed and I want to die. Then I found some people who told me about DIP and I start with this process. In few months I see change on myself although I don't work on depression it help me. But now I feel that I go back in bad mood. I feel bad one month and in this time I again talk about death and kill myself. All in my life go wrong and I don't have enough money, I don't have enough bussines, I don't know how survive. I thinking about that I close my bussines.
So I decide I write series blogs about my bad mood or depression and I try to find reason for that. I know that will be so difficult because I'm in beginning of writing and I need some help to see ight points. But I belive in myself that I can go trought this and find where is the bigger problem for my bad mood, depression, laziness and other situations.
So ...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I can change myself without I go through some situations and change my thinking about it. When and as I see myself to belive that I can chance myself without I go through some situations and change my thinking about it, I stop and breath. I realize that I must go though all situation that I want to change it. In the beginning it must work if you write about most important problem that you have in that situation and you solve other problems too, but if you don't solve explicite situation, you have problem with this situation all the time. I realize this in less that one year, because I have the same problem with depression like one year ago before I start with process. I commit myself that when I see poblem I go through problem I try solve it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay with go through depression. When and as I see myself to delay with go though depression, I stop and breath. I realize that this delay don't help me at all and I feel like before begining. I argue with all people that they don't think like me and I want arguing with people because I'm nervous all the time. I commit myself that I begin with going through all situations about depression.
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Day 74: I'm incompetent
In this days I go somewhere to learn for work, but today I think that I came back, they call me that I don't need to comeback, because I'm not to good enough for this work. I must to say that I never work this. But anywayI feel that I'm incompetent. Whaever I want to do go wrong and I hate myself. I want to work, because I don't have money that I need. But if I make mistake I don't want money, because it's my mistake and I don't wnant that other people pay me for this. I have less that I can have. But in other way is this only way. I know that I must ask my parents for help. I think that I close my bussines and stop living, because I don't see myself in future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I'm incompetent, because I don't have job and money. When and as I see myself to feel that I'm incompetent, because I don't have yob and money, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm capable for a lot of things, but I'm too lazy for work and talk with other people, and sell them what I do and sell them myself. I commit myself that I know that I can do what I want and money and job is not importat for be capable or incapable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with other people. When and as I see myself to compare myself with other people, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm unique and I can't compare with other people. Someone know less, someone more, someone do from hart, oter, because they need to do. I commit myself that I be unique and see myself like this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't know what I want to do. When and as I see myself to think that I don't know what I want to do, I stop and breath. I realize that I try to do a lot of things but in all things I'm not enough sucess to start learn money with it. Sometimes I scare to be sucess and I don't want to try and work hard for sucess. I scare be happy and have enough money. I'm scare be myself. I don't want money but I need it. I'm mess. I commit myself that I decide what I want in my life in try to be sucess in my job/work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do too much things to be sucess in my life. When and as I see myself to think that I do too much things to be sucess in my life, I stop and breath. I realize that I can do a lot od things in my life and be sucess, because I do all what I want to do the best. But now I'm only try to do. I'm not the best with what I do, so I must to decide what I want. Only know a lot and be like now, or try more and be better than now. I commit myself to be better me and do all what I want to do with hart and do the best.
I forgive myself that I don't have accepted and allowed myself to see myself how good I am and what I can do. When and as I don't see myself how good I am and what I can do, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm person and I'm the best person in my life, this I am. You are the best person for you, but I'm the best person for myself and I must be happy because I am, because I live, I breath, I can help other people. I commit myself that I see the best in myself.
Day 74: I'm incompetent
In this days I go somewhere to learn for work, but today I think that I came back, they call me that I don't need to comeback, because I'm not to good enough for this work. I must to say that I never work this. But anywayI feel that I'm incompetent. Whaever I want to do go wrong and I hate myself. I want to work, because I don't have money that I need. But if I make mistake I don't want money, because it's my mistake and I don't wnant that other people pay me for this. I have less that I can have. But in other way is this only way. I know that I must ask my parents for help. I think that I close my bussines and stop living, because I don't see myself in future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I'm incompetent, because I don't have job and money. When and as I see myself to feel that I'm incompetent, because I don't have yob and money, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm capable for a lot of things, but I'm too lazy for work and talk with other people, and sell them what I do and sell them myself. I commit myself that I know that I can do what I want and money and job is not importat for be capable or incapable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with other people. When and as I see myself to compare myself with other people, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm unique and I can't compare with other people. Someone know less, someone more, someone do from hart, oter, because they need to do. I commit myself that I be unique and see myself like this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't know what I want to do. When and as I see myself to think that I don't know what I want to do, I stop and breath. I realize that I try to do a lot of things but in all things I'm not enough sucess to start learn money with it. Sometimes I scare to be sucess and I don't want to try and work hard for sucess. I scare be happy and have enough money. I'm scare be myself. I don't want money but I need it. I'm mess. I commit myself that I decide what I want in my life in try to be sucess in my job/work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do too much things to be sucess in my life. When and as I see myself to think that I do too much things to be sucess in my life, I stop and breath. I realize that I can do a lot od things in my life and be sucess, because I do all what I want to do the best. But now I'm only try to do. I'm not the best with what I do, so I must to decide what I want. Only know a lot and be like now, or try more and be better than now. I commit myself to be better me and do all what I want to do with hart and do the best.
I forgive myself that I don't have accepted and allowed myself to see myself how good I am and what I can do. When and as I don't see myself how good I am and what I can do, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm person and I'm the best person in my life, this I am. You are the best person for you, but I'm the best person for myself and I must be happy because I am, because I live, I breath, I can help other people. I commit myself that I see the best in myself.
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Day 75: Bad mood or depression 1
My last days are tough days. I think about death again. But today I must to work. I have holidays mood and I bake and decorate. When I do physically work I feel good, but when I calm down and start watch TV or go on computer I go in bad mood again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about my bad mood when I have too much time. When and as I see myself to think about my bad mood when I have too much time, I stop and breath. I realize that I must breath when I have bad time and stop thinking how bad I am and how awful day is. I commit myself that I more breath when have bad days.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think too much about death and that I'm without work again. When and as I see myself to think to much about death and that I'm without work again, I stop and breath. I realize that thinking about bad things bing me bad things and I go deep in bad mood and depression. But when I'm in bad mood I can't think about good things, because I don't see good things around me. The best solution is physically work and breath. I commit myself that I start work somethink with my arms and breath.
I forgive myself that I don't have accepted and allowed myself to work more when I'm in bad mood. When and as I see myself that I'm in bad mood and I don't work, I stop and breath. I realize that physically wok help for bad mood and heal depression. It works for me. But I must know, that if I work, I must only work and breath and don't thinking too much. When I work I must think only what I work and nothing else. I commit myself that when I'm in bad mood I start whit physically work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again. When and as I see myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again, I stop and breath. I realize that when I wok, I forgive about bad things, but when I calm myself and go watch TV or go on computer I became bad mood or depressed again. I know that I feel something in myself all the day, but when I work I fogive on it, but when I don't work anymore I remember on it and feel it. I know that I can go over this feeling, but I know that I must find beginning somewere deep inside me. I commit myself that I breath and work and don't think about my bad feelings so much.
Continue in next blogs.
Day 75: Bad mood or depression 1
My last days are tough days. I think about death again. But today I must to work. I have holidays mood and I bake and decorate. When I do physically work I feel good, but when I calm down and start watch TV or go on computer I go in bad mood again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about my bad mood when I have too much time. When and as I see myself to think about my bad mood when I have too much time, I stop and breath. I realize that I must breath when I have bad time and stop thinking how bad I am and how awful day is. I commit myself that I more breath when have bad days.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think too much about death and that I'm without work again. When and as I see myself to think to much about death and that I'm without work again, I stop and breath. I realize that thinking about bad things bing me bad things and I go deep in bad mood and depression. But when I'm in bad mood I can't think about good things, because I don't see good things around me. The best solution is physically work and breath. I commit myself that I start work somethink with my arms and breath.
I forgive myself that I don't have accepted and allowed myself to work more when I'm in bad mood. When and as I see myself that I'm in bad mood and I don't work, I stop and breath. I realize that physically wok help for bad mood and heal depression. It works for me. But I must know, that if I work, I must only work and breath and don't thinking too much. When I work I must think only what I work and nothing else. I commit myself that when I'm in bad mood I start whit physically work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again. When and as I see myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again, I stop and breath. I realize that when I wok, I forgive about bad things, but when I calm myself and go watch TV or go on computer I became bad mood or depressed again. I know that I feel something in myself all the day, but when I work I fogive on it, but when I don't work anymore I remember on it and feel it. I know that I can go over this feeling, but I know that I must find beginning somewere deep inside me. I commit myself that I breath and work and don't think about my bad feelings so much.
Continue in next blogs.
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Day 76: Bad mood or depression 2
I remember that I want to die last 3 years since I collapsed and I don't breath a few second. Since there I know that now I live and next second I can be death. So I don't scare death, but I can't kill or hurt myself. I collapsed one or two months after I'm failure my school in university. I know that I collapse because I was so mentally broke.
Days, weeks and months before last exam, that I don't do it, I don't want learn for it, because I think that I know enough. I was tired and I hate all, because I think that I don't have life, because I help care on my grandma, go to the university and do what my parents want to. I was go to the university 8 years, too much for me. In real I think that I don't want to do this exam, but in same time I want do exam because my parents. I remember that professor say to me when it's all over, that I'm smart and some day will be something from me. I was angry on professors that they say to me that I don't pass exam. In this moment all fall off. A month latter I collapsed and since there I have a lots of moment when I say I want to die.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know enough, because I do exame so many times. When and as I see myself to think that I know enough, because I do exame so many times, I stop and breath. I realize that know and think that I know is so different. If you know you know and if you think that you know, you don't know. In this time education is important and if person have a lot of schools think that have job faster, but not here. Here are if you have too much scholls you can't find job because it, but if you don't have you don't find, because you don't know enough. I commit myself that I study since I know that I know, not only I think I know.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I don't have live and I'm tired because I care on my grandma and help at home. When and as I see myself to think that I don't have live and I'm tired because I care in my grandma and help at home, I stop and breath. I realize that if I want I have life, because if I don't have time for myself this don't mean that I don't have life, only that I don't know what the life is and how live my life. Now I know that living is being in this moment and you can be in all the time, when you work or walk. I commit myself that I live my life each moment and not complane about things that I can't change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that 8 years of study is too much. When and as I see myself to think that 8 years of study is too much, I stop and breath. I realize that people learn all life and few years in the same school is no such problem. All is in my mind and when I want finish any school I go there and I finish, but now I don't prepare for finish it. I can't finist this school, but I can done some similar school. I commit myself that I finish some school.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do exam/school because my parents be happy and proud on me. When and as I see myself that I do exam/school because my parents be happy and proud on me, I stop and breath. I realize that I study because of me not because of my parents. Each parent want that be their child be good in school and find job. I commit myself that I study because I need this, not because made my parents happy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on profesors because they say that I don't know enough and I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to be angry on profesors because they say that I don't know enough and I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that profesors tell me because I don't learn enough and I don't know what they ask me. This is only my problem. I commit myself that I be selfresponsability and if I don't know somethink I admit this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that I start more often talk about death after collapse, so I think is this conected. I think that I don't scare to die, because I realize I can die in this moment, so I start exploit this word for search for attention. I commit myself to breath before I want to say that I want to die.
Day 76: Bad mood or depression 2
I remember that I want to die last 3 years since I collapsed and I don't breath a few second. Since there I know that now I live and next second I can be death. So I don't scare death, but I can't kill or hurt myself. I collapsed one or two months after I'm failure my school in university. I know that I collapse because I was so mentally broke.
Days, weeks and months before last exam, that I don't do it, I don't want learn for it, because I think that I know enough. I was tired and I hate all, because I think that I don't have life, because I help care on my grandma, go to the university and do what my parents want to. I was go to the university 8 years, too much for me. In real I think that I don't want to do this exam, but in same time I want do exam because my parents. I remember that professor say to me when it's all over, that I'm smart and some day will be something from me. I was angry on professors that they say to me that I don't pass exam. In this moment all fall off. A month latter I collapsed and since there I have a lots of moment when I say I want to die.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know enough, because I do exame so many times. When and as I see myself to think that I know enough, because I do exame so many times, I stop and breath. I realize that know and think that I know is so different. If you know you know and if you think that you know, you don't know. In this time education is important and if person have a lot of schools think that have job faster, but not here. Here are if you have too much scholls you can't find job because it, but if you don't have you don't find, because you don't know enough. I commit myself that I study since I know that I know, not only I think I know.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I don't have live and I'm tired because I care on my grandma and help at home. When and as I see myself to think that I don't have live and I'm tired because I care in my grandma and help at home, I stop and breath. I realize that if I want I have life, because if I don't have time for myself this don't mean that I don't have life, only that I don't know what the life is and how live my life. Now I know that living is being in this moment and you can be in all the time, when you work or walk. I commit myself that I live my life each moment and not complane about things that I can't change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that 8 years of study is too much. When and as I see myself to think that 8 years of study is too much, I stop and breath. I realize that people learn all life and few years in the same school is no such problem. All is in my mind and when I want finish any school I go there and I finish, but now I don't prepare for finish it. I can't finist this school, but I can done some similar school. I commit myself that I finish some school.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do exam/school because my parents be happy and proud on me. When and as I see myself that I do exam/school because my parents be happy and proud on me, I stop and breath. I realize that I study because of me not because of my parents. Each parent want that be their child be good in school and find job. I commit myself that I study because I need this, not because made my parents happy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on profesors because they say that I don't know enough and I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to be angry on profesors because they say that I don't know enough and I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that profesors tell me because I don't learn enough and I don't know what they ask me. This is only my problem. I commit myself that I be selfresponsability and if I don't know somethink I admit this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that I start more often talk about death after collapse, so I think is this conected. I think that I don't scare to die, because I realize I can die in this moment, so I start exploit this word for search for attention. I commit myself to breath before I want to say that I want to die.
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Day 77: Bad mood or depression 3
Last time I wrote:
I realize that know and think that I know is so different. If you know you know and if you think that you know, you don't know. In this time education is important and if person have a lot of schools think that have job faster, but not here. Here are if you have too much schools you can't find job because it, but if you don't have you don't find, because you don't know enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I do exam if I learn enough or not. When and as I see myself hope that I do exam if I learn enough or not, I stop and breath. I realize that only when I sit down and start learning and learn myself bring results. Hope is the most used word when you can't do or don't want to do something. But hope don't do anything if you don't do physically with you body. Learn is physically work too. I commit myself that if I must to do something I don't hope, I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I find yob faster if I have university than if I have only secondary school. When and as I see myself to think that I find yob faster if I have university than if I have only secondary school, I stop and breath. I realize that I find yob in both case if I look for yob. If I be at home and sleep, none bring me yob. In this time it's tough find a yob, but yobs are. If I want to find it, I find it. I commit myself that I look for yob no only talk that I don't have yob.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that yob came to me. When and as I see myself think that yob came to me, I stop and breath. I realize that if I don't step first step and start walk and look for yob, none came to me and take me a yob. I commit myself that I move myself and look for yob.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if you have yob, you have money. When and as I see myself to think that if you have yob, you have money, I stop and breath. I realize that now you have yob, but you don't have money, or you don't have yob and you have money. You must know what to do, that you have enough for survive. But now I don't have enough for live and survive and I'm glad that I live in my parents house. I commit myself that I know that you must work a lot for money of be unfair.
Day 77: Bad mood or depression 3
Last time I wrote:
I realize that know and think that I know is so different. If you know you know and if you think that you know, you don't know. In this time education is important and if person have a lot of schools think that have job faster, but not here. Here are if you have too much schools you can't find job because it, but if you don't have you don't find, because you don't know enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I do exam if I learn enough or not. When and as I see myself hope that I do exam if I learn enough or not, I stop and breath. I realize that only when I sit down and start learning and learn myself bring results. Hope is the most used word when you can't do or don't want to do something. But hope don't do anything if you don't do physically with you body. Learn is physically work too. I commit myself that if I must to do something I don't hope, I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I find yob faster if I have university than if I have only secondary school. When and as I see myself to think that I find yob faster if I have university than if I have only secondary school, I stop and breath. I realize that I find yob in both case if I look for yob. If I be at home and sleep, none bring me yob. In this time it's tough find a yob, but yobs are. If I want to find it, I find it. I commit myself that I look for yob no only talk that I don't have yob.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that yob came to me. When and as I see myself think that yob came to me, I stop and breath. I realize that if I don't step first step and start walk and look for yob, none came to me and take me a yob. I commit myself that I move myself and look for yob.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if you have yob, you have money. When and as I see myself to think that if you have yob, you have money, I stop and breath. I realize that now you have yob, but you don't have money, or you don't have yob and you have money. You must know what to do, that you have enough for survive. But now I don't have enough for live and survive and I'm glad that I live in my parents house. I commit myself that I know that you must work a lot for money of be unfair.