Klavdija's Blogs

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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Blogs

Postby klavdija.h » 09 Jan 2016, 00:50

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... ion-4.html

Day 78: Bad mood or depression 4
In blog Day 76 I wrote:

When and as I see myself to think that I don't have life and I'm tired because I care in my grandma and help at home, I stop and breath. I realize that if I want I have life, because if I don't have time for myself this don't mean that I don't have life, only that I don't know what the life is and how live my life. Now I know that living is being in this moment and you can be in all the time, when you work or walk. I commit myself that I live my life each moment and not complain about things that I can't change


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that other people are guilty for my bad mood. When and as I see myself think that other people are guilty for my bad mood, I stop and breath. I realize that all what happen to me is because my decision. No one put "a pistol" on my head and say what I must to do, I decide what I do and for what I do that. I am old enough and responsible for what I done, good or bad. I commit myself to accept my decision and if I do something wrong I admit that myself and other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accuse my ill/sick grandma and her busy daughter that I don't have time and life because them. When and as I see myself to accuse my ill/sick grandma and her busy daughter that I don't have time and life because them, I stop and breath. I realize that I decide that I took over my grandma because she can't walk and she have dementia, so I care for her. Yes, I don't go out because I took over, but this is only my decide. But this can't be my excuse. I commit myself to know/realize that only I can be guilty for that I do or not to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to/prefer be in reaction and don't realize that I breath and how I breath and don't be in this moment. When and as I see myself to want to/prefer be in reaction and don't realize that I breath and how I breath and don't be in this moment, I stop and breath. I realize that I live my life when I do what I want, but in the same time I don't damaging for other or myself. This is not so easy if I'm not stable, when I'm in reaction and in that moment I don't see what is going around me and don't see world only my imagination. In that moment I often go in bad mood in depression. I commit myself that I'm be stable and realize world around me, because in that moment I realize my breath and I don't became bad mood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I can't be in this moment if I work or walk or doing something. When and as I see myself to thinking/believing/perceiving that I can't be in this moment if I work or walk or doing something, I stop and breath. I realize that I can be in moment every moment in my life and realize my breathing and my body and realize myself. If I'm in that moment each moment I can't thinking and I can't be in bad mood. I commit myself that I realize myself in each moment and when I don't be in moment I start breathing and count, because counting help me to stop my mind when I have busy mind.



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klavdija.h
Posts: 279
Joined: 02 Mar 2015, 18:51

Re: Klavdija's Blogs

Postby klavdija.h » 16 Jan 2016, 01:02

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... ion-5.html


Day 79: Bad mood or depression 5


In blog Day 76 I wrote:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that 8 years of study is too much. When and as I see myself to think that 8 years of study is too much, I stop and breath. I realize that people learn all life and few years in the same school is no such problem. All is in my mind and when I want finish any school I go there and I finish, but now I don't prepare for finish it. I can't finish this school, but I can done some similar school. I commit myself that I finish some school.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can study in one school less that 6 years and then I start to boring myself. When and as I see myself to believe that I can study on one school less than 6 years and then I start boring myself, I stop and breath. I realize that If you study one, four or ten years in the same school is the same, each exam is different and for each I must learn. In one school I going almost 30 years and don't see final exam. This school is life. We all learn all the life, each day. So being in the same school more that 6 years is not so big deal. I commit myself that I believe that study is all life, not only when you go to the school or you have home schooling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I change my interests so fast in seven years, because that I don't finish my university. When and as I see myself to think that I change my interests so fast in seven years, because that I don't finish my university, I stop and breath. I realize that I know a lot, because my parents want to know all in our farm, because all sometimes need to know. So I learn at home fast and each day something new. In school all go so slow and in the end we have exam and I must learning for it. But learning is to boring for me, because I don't want do this. In the end I don't change interests fast, but I want more. I commit myself that I know that you must learn if you want something to know, but learn is sometimes in school in easy way or in real life in hard way and better is learning in easy way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I must be good in school for my parents because they be proud on me. When and as I see myself thinking/believing/perceiving that I must be good in school for my parents because they be proud on me, I stop and breath. I realizing that all the life I learn and want to be good in school because I want that my parents see how smart I am and they hug me and tell me this. In second grade primary school because I'm not excellent (A) but very good (B), they show me, that I'm not good enough, so I tried all this years to demonstrate that I'm good enough and they can be proud on me. I commit myself that I lean for myself not because I want to demonstrate other how good I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm not good enough because I don't finish school. When and as I see myself to believe that I'm not good enough because I don't finish school, I stop and breath. I realize that I want finish because other people want that I finish and be the best and find a good yob and so on, but in real I don't want this. Because I'm not good enough I blame myself and go in bad mood or depression and each day is worst and worst and I don't see point of living and I want to die. When I thinking what I can change in my life I see something good in my life, but in real I only want that my parents see that I'm not stupid and I can do, but in the same time I'm tired to show my parents what I can, but in real I don't want that. I commit myself that I see what I want and do this and be the best because myself not because I must show other people how good I am.



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klavdija.h
Posts: 279
Joined: 02 Mar 2015, 18:51

Re: Klavdija's Blogs

Postby klavdija.h » 29 Jan 2016, 23:56

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... ion-6.html

Day 80: Bad mood or depression 6

In blog 76 I wrote:
When and as I see myself that I do exam/school because my parents be happy and proud on me, I stop and breath. I realize that I study because of me not because of my parents. Each parent want that be their child be good in school and find job. I commit myself that I study because I need this, not because made my parents happy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be good in school if I want my parents like me and be proud on me. When and as I see myself to believing that I must be good in school if I want my parents like me and be proud on me, I stop and breath. I realize that firstly I must be proud on myself if I want to other see me or like me, because people see how I like myself and if they see, that I hate myself, they don't want see or listening me, not other people not my parents. I commit myself that I believe in myself and be proud on myself whatever I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I'm not good enough and I can't finish any school and can't find job or find customers. When and as I see myself to thinking that I'm not good enough and I can't finish any school and can't find a job or find customers, I stop and breath. I realize that I finish two (primary and secondary) schools and I learn all my life, not really in school, but at home, whatever I want and interested for. All learning is learning if you have paper or not. Maybe you know more if you learn alone, at home, because you want to learn, not need to know. For find job or customers I only need to say myself, I do this and made what I need to do. I commit myself that I know, that I learn all my life in school or out of school and if I need something I must to decide to do and done that.



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klavdija.h
Posts: 279
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Re: Klavdija's Blogs

Postby klavdija.h » 21 Feb 2016, 00:02

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... ion-7.html



Day 81: Bad mood or depression 7

In blog 76 I wrote:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on professors because they say that I don't know enough and I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to be angry on professors because they say that I don't know enough and I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that professors tell me because I don't learn enough and I don't know what they ask me. This is only my problem. I commit myself that I be selfresponsability and if I don't know something I admit this.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know enough for pass the exam. When and as I see myself to think that I know enough for pass the exam, I stop and breath. I realize that without study you can't know enough. So when I was need to do exam I must to learn enough for pass exam and not only hope that I pass. I commit myself that I learn and when I know enough I go in the exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I pass exam or I can talk to other people although I don't know enough for that. When and as I see myself to think that I pass exam or I can talk to other people although I don't know enough for that, I stop and breath. I realize that if person don't learn, don't know and for exam or talk to the people must to know a lot of. So if I decide do something I must prepare myself to know all and more. I commit myself that I go on the exam and have lecture prepare and I know what I must to know.



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klavdija.h
Posts: 279
Joined: 02 Mar 2015, 18:51

Re: Klavdija's Blogs

Postby klavdija.h » 26 Feb 2016, 00:29

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... ion-8.html


Day 82: Bad mood or depression 8

In blog 76 I wrote:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that I start more often talk about death after collapse, so I think is this connected. I think that I don't scare to die, because I realize I can die in this moment, so I start exploit this word for search for attention. I commit myself to breath before I want to say that I want to die.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that death is end of all problems. When add as I see myself to think that death is end of all problems, I stop and breath. I realize that I can finish all my problems when I'm alive. The best way to go trough my problems is forgiving myself. I know that this is not fast and easy but is only way that work for me. I commit myself that I go trough my problems and eliminate them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I collapsed because I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to think that I collapsed because I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that I collapsed because I was nervous, but in the same time I feel bad and if I listen my body I can prevent collapse. I commit myself that I listen my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not to listen my body. When and as I see myself to not to listen my body, I stop and breath. I realize that I feel something and don't want to go to do something, that in that time something go wrong and I hurt myself. This is because I thinking how to not to work and accident is here. I commit myself that listen my body, but if I must to go somewhere then I look what I do, not think how not to do.



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klavdija.h
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Re: Klavdija's Blogs

Postby klavdija.h » 13 Mar 2016, 22:12

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... -9-im.html



Day 83: Bad mood or depression 9 (I'm incompetent 1)

In blog 74 I wrote:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't know what I want to do. When and as I see myself to think that I don't know what I want to do, I stop and breath. I realize that I try to do a lot of things but in all things I'm not enough success to start learn money with it. Sometimes I scare to be success and I don't want to try and work hard for success. I scare be happy and have enough money. I'm scare be myself. I don't want money but I need it. I'm mess. I commit myself that I decide what I want in my life in try to be success in my job/work.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare to be success. When and as I see myself to scare to be success, I stop and breath. I realize that I think when person was success must work a lot and I'm to lazy for that. When person are success a lot of people know it and successful people must be example, someone who are stable and I don't be stable. But in the end each person can be success person if they want be. I commit myself that I believe that I'm success in this moment because I live, I read and write almost two language and have people around myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't want to try and work hard for success. When and as I see myself to don't want to try and work hard for success, I stop and breath. I realize that if you want be someone or want something you must work for it. Each work is hard work if you hate it, but if you like it, you play, not work. But where is line between work and play? For me is line money and years, because when you older you too old for play and what you do you work not play. I commit myself that I do what I love to do with joy and if I work what I hate, I see something playfully in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare be happy and have enough money. When and as I see myself to scare be happy and have enough money, I stop and breath. I realize that I scare be what I wish. I wish be happy and have enough money for normal living, but what next if I have this, what is my next goal. But now in this moment I'm happy. I don't have enough money, but if you work what you want, you happy and if you work with hart, work what really want, money come. And this is so simple and not need be frightened. I commit myself that I work and don't think about happiness and money and they came to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare be myself. When and as I see myself to scare be myself, I stop and breath. I realize that I see being myself like I do what I want to do, what is good for me and other, what I can improve myself and world around me. When I am myself then I work and do what I like to do and work that I don't want to do I work in the way that I like it. I commit myself that I am what I am and try to be better me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't want money. When and as I see myself to think that I don't want money, I stop and breath. I realize that I need money in this system, because system work on money and each person need it. When system change we can live without money, since then I need it. I commit myself that I try to learn money and live with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I'm a mess. When and as I see myself to think I'm a mess, I stop and breath. I realize that I think that when I'm bad mood and I don't know what I want and what I wish. Then is the best go to the bed and rest, start with some work or only breath. I commit myself that I start work, go to the rest or only breath when I think that I'm mess.



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klavdija.h
Posts: 279
Joined: 02 Mar 2015, 18:51

Re: Klavdija's Blogs

Postby klavdija.h » 31 Mar 2016, 00:49

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... on-10.html



Day 84: Bad mood or depression 10


In blog 75 I wrote: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again. When and as I see myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again, I stop and breath. I realize that when I wok, I forgive about bad things, but when I calm myself and go watch TV or go on computer I became bad mood or depressed again. I know that I feel something in myself all the day, but when I work I forgive on it, but when I don't work anymore I remember on it and feel it. I know that I can go over this feeling, but I know that I must find beginning somewhere deep inside me. I commit myself that I breath and work and don't think about my bad feelings so much.

So I mention bad things in my blog. But what is bad things for me? And how I feel then? So when I don't work I think too much and I have too much time. So I fell again in bad mood. I feel nervous, loneliness, I don't know what to do. I look for attention, but most time no one have time for me and I don't know what to do. So I start thinking how no one like me, how lonely I am, because I'm single and so on. In the end all people are guilty for my bad mood, because they don't have time for me. In other way, when I have someone to talk with, I argue with this person and again I'm in bed mood. But this is, because I don't accept myself at all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive about bad things that are about death, loneliness, that no one like me, no one don't have time for me. When and as I see myself to thinking/believing/perceiving about bad things that are about death, loneliness, that no one like me, no one don't have time for me, I stop and breath. I realize that this my bad things are only what I think about myself and I can change this. I must see that I am person who like me and have time for me and I'm always with myself. I commit myself that I know that I am only person who love me and I'm always with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk with other people and start argue with them. When and as I see myself to talk with other people and start argue with them, I stop and breath. I realize that if I think differently than other people is this my problem if I star with argue and I react on their words. I commit myself that when I see myself to react in other people words, I stop and see what bother me and if something bother me I talk about this thing since I stop react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think too much. When and as I see myself that I think too much I stop and breath. I realize that if I work I think about work and forgot problems about myself, I don't think about my bad mood, I don't think about work and money and I fell better. But I can't only work and work, I must to look for point where my bad mood start. I commit myself that I breath and I realize that I breath all the time and look about the points when I begin in bad mood.



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klavdija.h
Posts: 279
Joined: 02 Mar 2015, 18:51

Re: Klavdija's Blogs

Postby klavdija.h » 25 Apr 2016, 23:57

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... on-11.html


In blog 76 I wrote: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that I start more often talk about death after collapse, so I think is this connected. I think that I don't scare to die, because I realize I can die in this moment, so I start exploit this word for search for attention. I commit myself to breath before I want to say that I want to die.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for attention. When and as I see myself to search for attention, I stop and breath. I realize that I can give myself attention when I realize why I need this attention. The most often is because I don't know what to do and look around for chat and so on. I commit myself that I see problem and give attention myself before I look for it and become in bad mood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely and because it I look for attention. When and as I see myself to feel lonely and because it I look for attention, I stop and breath. I realize that I feel lonely because I don't see only person with who I can be all the time. This is me, myself. Only me can be with myself all the time. So loneliness is not that I'm alone, but I don't be with myself because I don't know what to do. I commit myself that I can take attention to myself and don't feel loneliness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely when I with resistance say yes for help other or go with them. When and as I see myself to feel lonely when I with resistance say yes for help other or go with them, I stop and breath. I realize that if I go somewhere with resistance I'm not there, I want to go away, I want run away, I'm alone. If I go in the same place because I want I feel in group, I help because I want to help. I feel that I'm not alone. I commit myself that I go with other because I want to go, not because I need to go and I must feel with other that I'm not alone, they want to be with me, so I must be with them.



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klavdija.h
Posts: 279
Joined: 02 Mar 2015, 18:51

Re: Klavdija's Blogs

Postby klavdija.h » 28 Apr 2016, 19:18

Blog: http://klavdijajourneytolife.blogspot.s ... on-12.html


Day 86: Bad mood or depression 12

In blog 85 I writing about loneliness and in this blog I write more about it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see loneliness when I am alone and no one don't want talk or be with me. When and as I see myself to see loneliness when I'm alone and no one don't want talk or be with me, I stop and breath. I realize that be alone and feel lonely is not the same. In primary and secondary school I was all the time alone, but not lonely, but now I feel lonely and I have friends and talk with other people on web. Where is line between be alone and feel lonely? Why we feel lonely when people are around us? Why I don't see answer in first moment? I don't know how to live, I don't know how to be alone and not lonely. Is be in this moment enough? Is breathing enough? I think it is. So I start to breath and be in this moment, know that when person be with self don't be alone and see something for doing and move myself. I commit myself to be in this moment, breath and doing something, anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely when I see people in couple or in groups. When and as I see myself to feel lonely when I see people in couple or in groups, I stop and breath. I realize that be alone not mean be lonely, because you can feel loneliness in group. If I like myself, I love myself, my body, me, I can be me. Then I be fine alone or in couple or in group, in each moment with all people or alone. I commit myself that I like myself, my body, my all and become me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that be single is less than be in couple, have partner. When I see myself to think that be single is less than be in couple, have partner, I stop and breath.I realize that person are person and there no difference between single or to be involved with someone. Each person are equal, single or not. I commit myself to know that I'm worth the same than other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that no one like me. When and as I see myself to think that no one like me, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't need that someone or anyone like me, if I love/like myself. When I love/like myself then other people like me too. I commit myself that I when I start thinking about how no one like me, I ask myself what I need and what I want in this moment and give it myself.



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klavdija.h
Posts: 279
Joined: 02 Mar 2015, 18:51

Re: Klavdija's Blogs

Postby klavdija.h » 13 May 2016, 11:30





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