never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

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Rebecca Dalmas
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Rebecca Dalmas » 11 Feb 2014, 01:18

Cool support here. As Anna suggested, making a list of what needs to be done by day, and throughout a week can be supportive as it gives a structure and direction for self to " walk through" when the anxiety and fear and " What ifs" come up about your situation. Here, one can also stop and look at the structure and know what can be taken care of immediately and how things that need to be done that mean walking certain steps are in a process of being realized and then walked. Within this, when the fears comes up, and SF is applied, the practical structure is there outlined. ( And to know this can be changed but generally followed).
THrough walking in practical common sense, one builds trust and stability, and the emotional storms become just this, an emotional storm that has no real value.
Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing!



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Bella
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Bella » 16 Feb 2014, 10:47

really cool support here! stay strong John!
i'd suggest continuing to utilize the forum as a platform of supporting oneself in sticking to practical common sense solutions/applications.



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John Grunzweig
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Location: Baltimore MD USA

Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby John Grunzweig » 01 Mar 2014, 10:26

well, i guess for now i will contue bloging from here for now. my fear has toned down a bit as i have come to terms with my place in life. i have applied for assistance and am doing a lot of waiting. as far as my sons mother goes, she has not even called to see how her son is doing..i forgive my self that i have aloud my self to be abused by her. i do worrie about her as she has allmost killed her self more than once. i admit that i miss her. when i am alone i cry alot. i wish it was as simple as forgiving and taking her back. when someone goes out of theyer way to proove they can not be trusted, what can you do? i need stability! its hard to imagin being with anyone els my son seems to have allmost forgoten her. he dosent say mom any more he doesnt respond to the word mom any more long term memory develops at age 3 he is only one. it breaks my heart. mabe its better that way. assholes in my family call him "niglet" and "oboma" because he is mixed. my grandmother treats him like shit. is it because he is half black or because he is her child. what does it matter. he is more alive than any of those walking dead fuckers. he is all the family i have for real.

this shit hurts for so many reasons



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Anna
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Anna » 01 Mar 2014, 11:28

well, i guess for now i will contue bloging from here for now. my fear has toned down a bit as i have come to terms with my place in life. i have applied for assistance and am doing a lot of waiting. as far as my sons mother goes, she has not even called to see how her son is doing..i forgive my self that i have aloud my self to be abused by her. i do worrie about her as she has allmost killed her self more than once. i admit that i miss her. when i am alone i cry alot. i wish it was as simple as forgiving and taking her back. when someone goes out of theyer way to proove they can not be trusted, what can you do? i need stability! its hard to imagin being with anyone els my son seems to have allmost forgoten her. he dosent say mom any more he doesnt respond to the word mom any more long term memory develops at age 3 he is only one. it breaks my heart. mabe its better that way. assholes in my family call him "niglet" and "oboma" because he is mixed. my grandmother treats him like shit. is it because he is half black or because he is her child. what does it matter. he is more alive than any of those walking dead fuckers. he is all the family i have for real.

this shit hurts for so many reasons
Hi John.

With regards to not having the mother of your son in your life anymore, I recommend the following interview by the Atlanteans about the sadness that one can experience when a relationship ends. Sadness: When Relationships End - Atlanteans - Part 103 It's definitely an important point to walk through so as to stabilize yourself to be able to be here fully for your son.

With regards to your family being abusive towards your child, I suggest to get him out of that environment if possible, because that is certainly not supportive for a child's process of development and it is also not supportive for you in the situation that you're in where what is important right now is stability. I understand that your financial situation might not allow you to do that at the moment - so if you have anyone in your life who might be able to assist in some way that would be cool to do and otherwise simply continue the process of stabilizing your situation so that you can eventually stand on your own two feet with your son.

If you have no choice but to stay with your family, then my suggestion is to focus on not reacting if they are abusive, but to instead keep the situation stable to prevent any further conflict and focus on your own process. This obviously doesn't mean that you should then take the abuse or let your son take it - but simply that your primary focus is the two of you.

A point I also suggest to consider is that you ARE able to get out of this situation and you are create a supportive life for yourself and your son. It will take a process of focus where you keep your 'eye on the ball' in terms of making sure that you don't preoccupy yourself with things, thoughts and experiences that aren't relevant for you supporting and stabilizing yourself. So that's the starting-point that I suggest you place yourself within and as. And then also utilize the support here on the forum, to write yourself out. Whenever you experience yourself becoming unstable, write it out, apply self-forgiveness so that you can return to your daily life and continue walking your process.



Marlen
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Marlen » 04 Mar 2014, 21:52

Hi John, I agree with what Anna has shared here.

Even if it might seem a very dire situation, part of standing up implies realizing that if we created this problem, then we can also stand as the solution and right now it's definitely very important to give your all to create a suitable environment for your kid and so in doing it all to get yourself to this point of stability for him, you are also doing it for yourself since you are the only one he's also got a the moment.

The forum and everyone here is more than glad to support with your writings, and writing is the one way to develop the structure that we often lack when only 'thinking' up there about the points, instead of writing them out, learning how to self-forgive, to understand how we created this situation for ourselves and as such, how to take self-responsibility, which is no different to any other condition we're all living in as the world itself.

Read you around and write yourself, learn how to establish practical corrections so that the emotional experience does not stand in the way of you now standing up to take care of the most important point in your life right now which is your life and that of your son.




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viktor
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby viktor » 07 Mar 2014, 22:24

Hi John,

What I would do if I was in your position is to focus on stabilizing myself and making that my priority - here I mean emotional stability. In my own process I have seen that I tend to make or rather experience my life as being more worse than what it really is, through creating various experiences in my mind - any form of experience that come up within you in relation to your current life is as such unnecessary baggage and I would accept and allow myself to unconditionally let it go - so that I can begin my life a new both within and without.

The tools to do this are here shared here at this forum - self-writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements. A very practical point of assistance and support that you can give to yourself is as such to sit down for 30 minutes each day and write out your primary experiences - release all that baggage - so that you are able to make directive decisions and turn your life around for the better.



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Joao
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Joao » 07 Mar 2014, 23:02

Hi John,
I was at the Desteni farm once when Bernard was still alive, and he said to me that at one point his life was pretty fucked up, and what helped him was one thing that Osho said: "Once you accept the worst situation, you cannot go any lower".

It is obvious that you are facing quite a hard point, and as it has been said you must face the fact that to get out of the situation you are in, you must walk a PROCESS.

You have all the tools and support from us here: Forgive yourself to release all the emotional energy that stifles you and keeps you in fear. Breathe through each point, each day, with the certainty that if you dedicate yourself to this process consistently you will eventually get out of the situation you are in.

You must really be honest with yourself in regards to the relationship you have with your family. These relationships are either supportive or destructive. Those that are supportive = cool. Those that are destructive = you must really do your best to change them in whatever way that you can - but realize that you can only do so much, since there are other people involved, and they must walk their process as well. You cannot make decisions for other people...

Money is the means by which you can ensure that you and your son can live -- thus make sure that this is your priority, even if that means you have to put up with the "family bullshit". Like Anna said, ensure that you do not go into reaction -- because in reaction you will never be able to actually communicate with family members and make them see that their animosity is simply not helping you in any way...

Remember that the point of this process is to always look for solutions and place them into action. Applying self forgiveness will give you some clarity and "space to breathe". Then make sure you act and remain committed and dedicated to solve this!



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John Grunzweig
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Joined: 16 Jul 2011, 00:47
Location: Baltimore MD USA

Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby John Grunzweig » 18 Mar 2014, 02:55

Well, fear has subsided a little az I have made great strides to geting an apartment thanks to social services. That big and loving government that is the united states. My sons mom is still MIA I admit I do miss her. This makes me sad but I must keep moving forword. I know a day will come that I will have to turn her away because I will never be able to trust her as bad as I want to.



Matti Freeman
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Matti Freeman » 18 Mar 2014, 07:15

Hi John,

Cool that you're making progress, thanks for sharing.

The point we're all facing, and many of us like you to a more extreme degree, is how we as humanity have only had relationship defined through emotional / feeling / mental need - where each is wrapped up in their own self interest / their own self definitions -- standing within like their own bubble - which is perpetuated / supported by the money system in how we have to focus all our time and effort into just making enough money to survive - keeping most of us trapped in our bubble, forming relationships more as a coping mechanism / distraction / way to make more money, and where in many cases you are seemingly forced to accept the abuse of family or partners simply because of financial reasons or because you don't know anyone else, or don't have the skills to make it on your own in the system.

So, it is going to take some time and effort to get yourself to a stable position, but you can do it if you stick to the practical steps required, and assist and support yourself with writing and self forgiveness and breathing to release yourself from the emotional / mental relationship connections to those in your life who are not willing to support you.

In terms of a partner, I suggest really looking at the point practically and realizing that just because you had a relationship with someone / had an emotional connection to someone before -- doesn't mean that it is your 'purpose' to be with them or that you must 'fix them'. Rather, find the point of Self Honesty within it - is it practical, are you willing to commit to it, is there realistically the potential for a partnership that will be supportive for your child?

With the emotional points toward the baby's mother - I suggest writing as much as you can to get the emotional experiences down in front of you and applying self forgiveness -- and realize it's a process of learning what it is to Trust yourself

http://desteni.org/a/self-trust




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