never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

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John Grunzweig
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Joined: 16 Jul 2011, 00:47
Location: Baltimore MD USA

never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby John Grunzweig » 03 Feb 2014, 04:38

i have allways seen destonians as the best friends i have never met. i haven't been on the forum in quite some time. i don't partisapate on the forum the way i should i suppose. i do my best to stand as life as one and equal. i have never been good at these sort of things (the forum i mean) i was never good at school and yeah, i know my spelling sucks.

when my life gets crazzy i find my self coming on here about a year and a half ago i became a parent of a baby boy. paternety of the child has come under question. it doesnt matter to me thoughhe calls me dad so i am

his mother has been the best mother she can be untill a month ago when she relapsed into drug addiction. she would leave for days at a time leaving me home with my son. for this reasion i have not been able to go to work. she was robing us blind so i had no choice but to pack up the child and leave. im staying with family because i have no place els to go the unfortunate part is my "family" seems to enjoy kicking me when i am down.

i have never been so afraid in my life. im on my own and i have got to take care of him i have been granted custody . i must find us a place to live near were i work. i have got to find daycare services while i am at work and i have no way to get to work from were i am staying. i am starting to wonder if i can do this. i feel as though i have no choice. i can not just walk away from him, he needs me. he is my responsability what if i fail



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Garbrielle
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Garbrielle » 03 Feb 2014, 06:45

First and foremost, I suggest is to ensure that your physical survival of your child and yourself is secure, so do whatever it takes to get a solution for the things that are needing direction. Use the resources that are available, craigslist is a good option for finding apartments and different local services/goods that is globally used and reputable, there are disclaimers on that site for consideration though so take note of those before using.

In terms of the fear of failure, this is a point the mind will take you to to ensure you separate yourself from the potential of who you can be in the physical and so keep you in fear where the mind can ensure it's got control over you. Fear is energy based and so can be stopped, and you as the directive point within yourself can step in and walk whatever common sense action needs to be walked in the moment without fear, fear is not needed nor of any benefit and so should be deleted from oneself. So I suggest to walk self forgiveness and self correction on these fears looking at what thoughts come up of fear, what pictures, what memories, and walk the specific self forgiveness and self correction for each of these so you remain stable within the physical and have directed everything attached to these fears that would come up. And continue this process until you are stable in reality and are no more influenced by fears.



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Anna
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Anna » 03 Feb 2014, 08:43

Hi John.

I agree with Garb. Cool support here.

And very cool that you decided to get out of that situation for the sake of the well-being of your child and cool that you're able to stay with family until you get on your feet. One point that I suggest working with is the point of judging yourself, for example as not being good at school or writing. This is the time to step up to the plate because now another life depends on you and I don't say that to scare you, but it is actually a cool opportunity to stop the self-judgments, realizing that it does neither you or your child no good. So focus on the basics, stop the thoughts of self-judgment when it comes up, stop the fear - and focus on your practical reality and getting that stable. It is definitely not an easy situation, but realize that you've got the potential to expand yourself and make a life for yourself and your child. You've already taken the first step by putting your child's best interest first. That is certainly not something to be underestimated. And utilize the support provided here on the forum. There are many Destonians who have walked similar points, so don't hesitate to ask for support. We are here.

Thank you.



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John Grunzweig
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Joined: 16 Jul 2011, 00:47
Location: Baltimore MD USA

Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby John Grunzweig » 03 Feb 2014, 15:46

Nights are restless as I toss and turn when I do sleep I have the strangest dreams. My son seems to be sleeping well. We wake early in the morning. Every morning I fall apart as I realize how screwed I am. Friday I went to family court to fill out paper work for custody. Its now Monday morning. I must go to social services and beg for help as this is my only hope at this point. I am so frustrated,sad,overwhelmed and physically sick. Some how I must keep going



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Anna
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Anna » 03 Feb 2014, 18:27

Nights are restless as I toss and turn when I do sleep I have the strangest dreams. My son seems to be sleeping well. We wake early in the morning. Every morning I fall apart as I realize how screwed I am. Friday I went to family court to fill out paper work for custody. Its now Monday morning. I must go to social services and beg for help as this is my only hope at this point. I am so frustrated,sad,overwhelmed and physically sick. Some how I must keep going
Yes. I remember watching an interview once with a woman whose child was terminally ill. The interviewer asked her: "How can you keep going?" She said: "I simply do it, what else am I supposed to do?" And you are in a similar situation, having to rebuild a life for yourself and your child from scratch and what is important is to not yourself to sink into a pit of emotions - because that will not help the situation. In the end, it is what it is. You here - the situation is what it is. So the point that is important now is to stabilize yourself, within yourself as well as in your practical reality.

So my suggestion is to be patient and gentle with yourself and the situation. Allow yourself to stabilize within the basics of getting your practical reality sorted out. When we look at our situation/the future in the mind it can often seem overwhelming but the fact of the matter is that in practical reality, we can only do one thing at a time. We cannot sort out our entire life in one swoop. So walk the necessary changes that are required, make a list of the things that has to be done and the start from the top and work your way to the bottom, one step at a time.



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John Grunzweig
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Joined: 16 Jul 2011, 00:47
Location: Baltimore MD USA

Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby John Grunzweig » 04 Feb 2014, 07:03

Destonians are the most beautiful people. Thanks Anna, I have been around you all long enough to know these things so i guess now i should forgive my self for allowing my self to become possesed by my emotion having such angst for the future that i am not realy here in the now. for the sake of this child, i must take each step forword one breath at a time.

understand what i mean when i say I truely love you all!



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sylvia
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 23:02

Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby sylvia » 04 Feb 2014, 08:49

Hi John, cool to see that you've been reaching out for help in different ways. As said your situation isn't an easy one and either not an impossible one in terms of getting stable and be your directive principle. I would suggest to find out in what extend your government is obliged to assist and support you and use that support, communicate to your boss/job about the situation, so they are aware of the situation as much as they need to know. I've found out that when one is in situations that are difficult - and one knows that the situation didn't come by itself - it really makes it easier when speaking with people about it. Shame about how things turned out may hold us back from communicating the real problems with others, though when the other knows and in a way sees that it could have been them walking the same situation, people are more likely to help you out.

And welcome back to the forum!



Matti Freeman
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Matti Freeman » 04 Feb 2014, 10:51

Nights are restless as I toss and turn when I do sleep I have the strangest dreams. My son seems to be sleeping well. We wake early in the morning. Every morning I fall apart as I realize how screwed I am. Friday I went to family court to fill out paper work for custody. Its now Monday morning. I must go to social services and beg for help as this is my only hope at this point. I am so frustrated,sad,overwhelmed and physically sick. Some how I must keep going

----

Destonians are the most beautiful people. Thanks Anna, I have been around you all long enough to know these things so i guess now i should forgive my self for allowing my self to become possesed by my emotion having such angst for the future that i am not realy here in the now. for the sake of this child, i must take each step forword one breath at a time.

understand what i mean when i say I truely love you all!
Hi John,

You have an opportunity to Stand up within your situation, and to break free of the pattern of taking your situation personally and compromising your actual Physical ability to get to a stable condition with your life. This, as has been suggested, will take a decision to assist and support yourself with writing and self forgiveness to release yourself from the reactions to your situation and walk the practical steps necessary to walk, physically, one by one, day by day, breath by breath.

Such situations really are showing the truth behind all the positivity / happiness / love we believe is real - which is the actual thoughts and depression and fear that each actually exists as in their minds -- the truth of ourselves that comes out when our world crumbles and no longer sustains / supports the personality of 'happiness' and 'love' and 'life is great'.

Be careful for the trap of Feelings / Love, as the Feeling actually indicates you're going into suppression of your actual experience -- suppressing the points you're facing, using Energy.

Breath is the foundation of self support - as within being Here with yourself as the Physical with and as each Breath - you'll see when you're reacting to your situation and going into a Thought, or a Worry, or a Fear, or some other Emotion -- and that is the Moment in which you Stand and Stop and Say - NO -- and apply Self Forgiveness



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christine
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby christine » 04 Feb 2014, 18:18

Hi John,

Glad you are Here! I too was faced with hard decisions to make when my children were little and I needed financial assistance. So, please continue your efforts with the agencies that are in place to assist you and your child. Getting immediate assistance will give you an opportunity to get your physical living situation in order.

I suggest when you are feeling anxious to BREATHE, just become aware of your breath, of you breathing, as this will greatly assist you to calm down and be present in your body.

We are Here, and there are many FREE interviews on EQAFE to assist you, also a parenting series.



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Kristina
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Re: never so scared in my life. what if i fail?

Postby Kristina » 10 Feb 2014, 21:38

Cool you are here John and reaching out for support. The points placed here by others are the simple solutions we can walk to create stability within ourselves and within our lives, so one breath at a time, one day at a time, one thing at a time - doing what is necessary to be done to create stability for both you and your child and your physical reality. While it might seem like you are in a hopeless situation that is quite difficult, you have quite the opportunity to make a decision about who you are and how you will proceed - so use the support you have, be your own self support and direct yourself and your life into one that you are satisfied with. Don't let the fears or worries or emotional reactions about it all deter you from doing what is necessary to be done. Remember, one thing at a time, walking slowly but surely. You can do it and yes, we are here for support.




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