And very cool support here Marlen.
Something that I've found supportive in addition to what Marlen said, when it comes to these impossible situations where we see tremendous abuse and suffering, in our personal lives or in the lives of others, where there's simply nothing we can do to change it, is to realize that it is not personal. What I mean is that her situation is indicative of the world we've created for ourselves; the despair, the brutality, the hopelessness of it all. So what she's going through and what you're experiencing is not only the personal feelings of a loved one being 'lost' and 'out of reach' to be helped, but also a point of facing what this world as a whole has become. That experience of seeing that 'this is not how it should be' and 'I should be able to help/do something' is therefore also not only existent on a personal level towards this particular relationship but in fact showing us the position we've placed ourselves in on this earth, where we know in awareness that 'this is not how it should be' - but have to face the fact that this is the world we're currently living in.
So in way, you could say that her misery and your experience of desperation towards not being able to do anything about it, is a reflection of our existential relationship with ourselves on this planet. What this means is that we start to see that personal suffering is an outflow consequence of an entire system - and that this is not in any way how we want to live. In a 'perfect' world, no one would have to go through such experiences, and even if they do, there would be a system of support (not leaning on the shoulders of one person without resources to do anything). But this is not a 'perfect' world.
So it's like you're seeing the brutal reality of the situation and at the same time the ideal solution, which unfortunately most likely isn't possible in this situation. However - it also means that we can then see how important it is to change the world; for people to become equipped at a personal level to deal with what goes on inside of them, so that they don't have to turn to drug addiction to numb themselves or to suicide to escape, that support is available for anyone that can't help themselves, that money is not something that gives us control over others and where a lack of money means we have to compromise ourselves to survive.
In many cases, there's little we can do to change an unacceptable situation right here and now - but what we can do is to walk a process to make sure that no one ever has to go through that misery again, that our children do not have to grow up and end up in the exact same situation of abuse and suffering. We do that first and foremost by walking our own processes, by becoming examples of what it means to live commonsensically in a way that's best for all. Because as long as we're disempowered within ourselves, we can't assist others. Therefore, empowering yourself through walking your process as well as through stabilizing your practical reality, is the best possible way you can assist someone else. Like Bernard once said and I think I've mentioned this to you before: "When you are Best for You
, you are Best for All."
And then on a structural level, we work on creating and implementing a new system, where we stand together to support each other and where money is something that's guaranteed for all and therefore cannot be abused. That's what we're doing with the Equal Life Foundation and the Living Income Guaranteed proposal
So while you're walking your personal process through this relationship and the experiences you've created in relation to it, you can also remind yourself that it's not just this situation as an isolated case that's the problem, but that its actually something we're facing together in the world as a whole - and to then apply a solution for yourself accordingly where, you cannot save your ex - but you can participate in creating a world where no one ever has to go through something like that again, starting with the empowerment of yourself.