The child just wants to command

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mar
Posts: 305
Joined: 11 Sep 2012, 01:32

The child just wants to command

Postby mar » 09 Oct 2013, 01:06

Hi everybody,

i've found a very big issue with my daughter. When she plays with her cousin she always wants to command and direct the game as she wants. She is very hectic and never silence. She is constantly speaking in a very fast and disconnected way, repeating randomly what she had heared which is barely inherent with the playing context. While she is doing this sometimes she expose some instructions/orders to her cousin on what to do and then she suddenly comes back to her fast monologue.... it almost reminds me those mad people in a madhouse that speak alone in the classical "madway".... in a moment cuddle and pamper her dolls, while a moment later she scolds them.

Just today happened that her cousin got tired of her way of playing and he became to refuse her and she cryed a lot saying "he doesn't want to play with me", as if the true reason of her behaviour rised up and faced the consequencies of her behaviour as (i'm thinking....) she faced exactly what was the starting point of her behaviour: refusal/loneliness etc.... maybe the needing to control her environment... i don't know how to interpret it, but i'm preatty sure that this episode was a key point.

Any perspective ?



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christine
Posts: 920
Joined: 17 Jun 2011, 19:03

Re: The child just wants to command

Postby christine » 09 Oct 2013, 01:49

Hi Mar -

How old is your daughter? I suggest placing yourself at her level when she does this and breathing with her, getting her to calm herself down. Also, good opportunity to start implementing the principle of treating another as she would like to be treated.



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Carrie
Posts: 694
Joined: 04 Jul 2011, 09:23
Location: Bucksport, Maine USA

Re: The child just wants to command

Postby Carrie » 09 Oct 2013, 16:13

Hey Mar. Cool topic.

It looks like the child hasn't learned how to play with others. This will take some time and regular application of play-time to correct. Here it is awesome that you've already started playing games with her as this begins her process of learning how to listen, pay-attention, follow guidelines, and slowing herself as she interacts with others and something from her physical environment that requires to be understood. Continue being patient and breathing - she will eventually 'get it'.

When children play together, you will hear 'they don't want to play with me!' a lot - this is specifically the case when they just begin playing and cannot find common interests or if they've been playing for an extended amount of time. In the case where you've got a 'play date' with another child in your home, I would be prepared with activities that I could do with the children to give them an opportunity to get to know each other - you could try painting, coloring with crayons, watching a movie, or having a meal together. We're having some kids coming over to our house to play next week that haven't played with each other before so I purchased 'Shrinky Dinks' (Google it!) which are an inexpensive little craft that we can all do together.

When you hear, 'they don't want to play with me!' After they've been playing for awhile, suggest to the children to take a break and assist them to find something else to do together that they would enjoy.



User avatar
mar
Posts: 305
Joined: 11 Sep 2012, 01:32

Re: The child just wants to command

Postby mar » 09 Oct 2013, 23:40

Now she is 6. Yes sometimes i have breathed with her (near her...) though i think i need to better practice it.

Mmmm yeah i think that it's normal to get tired in playing too much time with somebody, but i think that the case it's a bit different... anyway i'll come back to the point because i think i'm involved, cause this happens more when i play with them....

I'll have to better analyze it.




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