Realizations from working with Children

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Anna
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Re: Realizations from working with Children

Postby Anna » 23 Feb 2015, 23:44

After I have started to change who I am as a teacher to be (even more) relaxed, more myself and less fearful of not getting results, entirely new dimensions have opened up in my relationships with the kids. They are more considerate, more gentle.

Because I don't force them to do anything, they are more interested in learning. I suddenly get more hugs and invites to come home for dinner or hear them play piano. For example, a 1st grader told me all about mindcraft today and invited me to call him any time on Skype if I needed help with the game.

A 2nd grader shared how he and his family train dogs and advised me on what to when I get a dog. The relationships are becoming more real and more equal which means that I am also allowing myself to learn from the kids and how they see the world. If more teachers would do this, we could compare notes and perhaps together we could steer towards a paradigm change when it comes to how we see and educate children.



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Anna
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Re: Realizations from working with Children

Postby Anna » 23 Feb 2015, 23:44

Answer to a question from a mother about her 9yearold son's desire for 'adventure' and not finding it and being disappointed about it.

Something to look into here can be ideas/fantasies about adventure and 'life/reality' not living up to that. I remember this experience as a child which I didn't have the vocabulary to verbalize, where I felt like the world was 'flat/one-dimensional/fake', almost like a 'cardboard box' version of reality where there was no real substance to it. Now, here I'm specifically talking about 'the world' as society and not the natural world in and of itself. So I remember how I was so enthralled by movies, by fairytales, by sparkling toys that somehow promised something 'more', a 'magic' to the world if you will - and I remember feeling very disappointed that I was not able to manifest/get that in reality.

From my perspective, this is a significant problem where kids are so enthralled with the simulations of life, that when real life stands before them, they don't recognize or see the value/substance that it has.

So - if I were to give my mother an advice for how to support me as a child back then, I would have suggested for her to assist me to discover the 'adventure' in reality, in bugs, in trees, in my own body.

I don't mean this to suggest to restrict children from participating with 'fantasy' toys/books etc. But for me its been vital to realize and come to terms with the fact that life/reality is not like the fantasy books and stories, it simply isn't. Instead life has a different form of adventure to it that at first may be more subtle and it is not as easily ingested, because it isn't handed to you on a silver platter like adventure is in the books/movies/toys, where you can basically remain passive and be on the receiving/experiencing end of the adventure.

So this is my two cents on this matter, to embark on a journey on discovering the adventure in the ordinary, in life as it is - without embellishments or bells or whistles. Can talk to him and find out what his definition/understanding of adventure is, like even do a mind-map together of the kind of adventure he'd like to experience and then discuss whether or not its possible to manifest into reality and if so, how. In this context I can recommend Keri Smith's wonderfully creative and unschooled books, for example her: "How to be an explorer of the World" and "Wreck this Journal". Here's her website if you want to learn more: http://www.kerismith.com/



Michelle
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Re: Realizations from working with Children

Postby Michelle » 05 Mar 2016, 18:51

Why Children Forgive and Move On
https://michellesprocess.wordpress.com/ ... d-move-on/

From time to time I will share realizations I’ve had through my observations working with children. This post specifically involves children 5 and under.

Children seem to be very much in the moment and only concern themselves in the moment. Very rarely do they seem to reference the past, and to me it has been funny getting the same response from them when I ask them what they did yesterday (”I don’t know” typical response). They honestly don’t know what they did yesterday because the past is not important to them — what is important to them is what is here now and what they are doing.

I find this very interesting because children also seem to forgive and let go very easily — in the sense that, from my observations in the classroom — if a child gets into a conflict with their friend, and out of anger their friend hits them or calls them a ”bad name” they may cry and react, but then things settle down, and eventually the two of them will talk normally again. There are no ”hard feelings” or bringing up the past in spite towards one of another. Children of this age seem to not even have that sort of spitefulness in them.

For us as adults (and even as children when we grow up) our relationship with ourselves and our mind develops and becomes more complex, which in turn becomes harder for us to let go of things, forgive and move on. We start holding onto things, become spiteful towards one another, act in emotion and use revenge…

For children, they are much more pure, and physical in their bodies — they are not so much in their mind, and their minds are not as complex as ours. Children are more here/present, focused on what the HERE and what matters to them in the moment, which is perhaps why they can let go so easily.

It is a cool thing to experience and observe this when you are around children, to see them so easily forgive/let go of things and move on…

Is it possible for us to be like ”children” again in being able to forgive, let things go, and move on? Is it possible to stay present/here in the moment without ever dipping into the mind, listening to the thoughts and voices that disempower us? Yes, it is, but it requires absolute dedication, will and consistency to walk our mind layers, and the best way to start is through here: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

This is what I’m currently doing — walking a process of consciousness to (physical) awareness. I commit to always find solutions in my process, to stand up from my fall, to continue to stand and walk…



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Anna
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Re: Realizations from working with Children

Postby Anna » 05 Mar 2016, 18:54

Cool Michelle!



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Re: Realizations from working with Children

Postby Michelle » 01 May 2016, 22:32

Thanks Anna!
____________________
An Eye for an Eye
Today a situation happened where T came to J and bothered her while she was reading. Because J was bothered, she became upset and took the paper crown that T was holding and tore it up. Obviously, T became upset. Unfortunately I saw only the after-effect, where I could hear T crying and asked him what happened. When I asked J why did she rip up T’s paper crown she said ”because he did this..”

Another situation happened today where V called F names and F reacted by hitting V. Even though it was a different situation than what happened to T and J, the behavior and outcome was the same: The child receiving an action they didn’t like/was unpleasant ”retaliated” immediately by hitting or doing something equally as harmful.

Therefore, today the point of ”an eye for an eye” is what I’d like to share in this post. ”An eye for an eye” comes from a Bible reference, and according to Wikipedia, it is the law of retaliation — the principle that a person who has injured another person is to be penalized to a similar degree, or in softer interpretations, the victim receives the [estimated] value of the injury in compensation.

Within my 9 months working at this school what has been shown to me is that there is a tendency for children to fight back and/or retaliate equally when they are harmed in some way by another child. Not every child acts like this, of course, but this behavior is common and obvious in the classroom.

When I look at the word ‘retaliate’ what comes up in me is war, and how children, when they act out in retaliation, they fight against each other in that moment as if in war, yet they are unaware of the consequence because they act out in emotion. In war usually the different sides want the other to experience a certain way due to the extent of emotion the other has to them, whether of anger, hate, etc — which is why they set off bombs and use weapons. However in this case I am showing that children who act out against in each in harming each for for the sake of ”getting back for what another has done to them” is just like war where for example one country is has been harmed by another country and wants to ”fight back” for the sake of what? So the other country can FEEL/EXPERIENCE what they did to another.Unfortunately by repeating this act of ”an eye for an eye,” whether as an individual or country only fuels this pattern, and no long-term solution can be found.

The other teachers and I in the classroom must repeatedly remind the children how we don’t accept and allow this ”eye for an eye”/ retaliation behavior, and we provide tips on what to do next time (ie: say STOP, or get a teacher) but it ends up going in one ear and out the other (meaning- they don’t integrate it/live in their reality and keep repeating the behavior). Perhaps this is because it is difficult for the child to control themselves when in emotion, where it is so easy to act out and hit another/make another feel equally as bad.

For children, placing shoes in another is difficult because they are young and haven’t developed the skill yet. For us adults, with living on this planet for several years, interacting with people, being aware of what’s going on in the world, we can more easily do this, but it is a decision we must make, to practice/imagine being in the shoes of another and act in accordance to that, and some of us don’t want to step in the shoes of another for fear of realizing that what we are doing to another is not cool and we wouldn’t like it done unto us…and yet it is so much easy to remain ignorant and continue living our lives in self-interest/unawareness…

It is so easy to fight back, to yell back, to respond back in emotion, but the consequences are much worse than if we were to step back, breathe, assess the situation, and see how to direct the situation that is best for both parties. It is challenging to do this when you are in the face of conflict where you for example are so overwhelmed in emotion you would like nothing better to do than to let that other person know and experience how you feel… just realize that if you allow yourself to ‘give into’ this desire of an ‘eye for an eye’ — acting out in self-interest in spite of another, you are actually fueling the pattern of retaliation and war not only in yourself and personal life, but your very actions also support and show that retaliation on a global scale is ok too.

What we accept and allow on a personal level is reflected on a global level. The more we allow war with each other through fights, conflicts and ‘getting back’ to each other in spite, the more we allow such things to happen on a global scale, like war between countries.

What I suggest for us as teachers, educators, parents and adults to do is to become aware of where we are spiting others, and even where we spite ourselves/go into conflict with ourselves — where we judge ourselves, hate ourselves, beat ourselves up when we don’t reach certain expectations…these patterns we exist in get influence and transfer onto our children.

So, hey everyone, let’s look out for these harmful patterns and empower ourselves to become something better by using tools of self-purification: purifying ourselves from the war and destruction within and towards each other. We can for example identify the problems that compromise ourselves and our lives, forgive ourselves and script a new way of living.



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Re: Realizations from working with Children

Postby Michelle » 01 May 2016, 22:32

How the Serious can be not so Serious for Children
Today 6 year old T came up to me with a smile on his face and said ”I’m going to destroy the Children’s House.” The Children’s House is the building we are in. I know T wasn’t serious about this, because I know his antics and his silliness. I don’t know the full story as to what influenced him to speak the statement, but my point within this was how such statements, which are really serious if you look at what the words are implying, were not serious to this child, because he did not actually MEAN it.

I only had a few moments with T before I had to continue with my work, but what I got to fit in with him were some questions like: But what about your brother (who is upstairs in the toddler group)? What’s going to happen to him? T said something like ”ok, I will wait until he finishes school and when I’m a grandpa I will destroy the children’s house” so then I ask but what if you have grandchildren and they want to go to the Children’s house?

My intent was to have T gain some awareness on the impact of his words, that saying something of such nature is actually serious, yet he made it not serious when it is said out of silliness/unawareness. Children may not actually be serious in what they express, but the actual words in the statement can be serious.

Take for example the words ”I’m going to kill you.” This is actually quite serious if you place those words on paper without context, but we use it as an expression of ‘getting back’ at another for what they did to us. If we are not really going to kill the person, then why are we saying it? Is it just an accepted and allowed expression we use without looking at what the words ACTUALLY are? Am I ACTUALLY REALLY going to kill someone? Or is it that I just want them to ”pay” for what they did to me (as a form of revenge)?

Did you know on average there is one murder PER HOUR in El Salvador? That means people actually LIVE and APPLY the words ”I’m going to kill you” and kill/murder people. This is why I firmly believe we need to be careful with what we say, to stop using expressions that support abuse, and harm onto others , and instead use expressions that communicate exactly what we mean, that in some way supports ourselves and others. The School of Ultimate Living is my favorite example of the type of education we all need to make sure our words are aligned in support of ourselves and our life.

There are so many things to consider and look at when it comes to what we express, and the words we use when we communicate with others. Obviously if we as adults are not serious or aware about the words we are using, our children will pick that up and live it out too.



Michelle
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Re: Realizations from working with Children

Postby Michelle » 01 May 2016, 22:33

What Really Goes on in the Classroom?
I attended a parent’s evening where the other teachers and I got to give presentations on what we do with the children and answer questions for the parents.

One of the teachers I work with shared a new pattern that has been developing with children in our classroom – and that is children judging and critiquing other children’s work by calling names in a negative sense, like for example a boy saying to another boy’s painting ”that is kitsy kratsy” – an expression basically meaning that work is babyish/like scribble.

When the teacher spoke and acted out the words as the boy (”kitsy kratsy”) at the meeting, the parents in the room laughed. This was an interesting behavior that I did not expect from them, and perhaps it was because I forgot for a moment that the parents do not get to experience what it’s like in the classroom, and that to see the reality and the outflows when children make fun of each other’s work is actually not funny and we have a as teachers/staff have to deal with it.

Sure it may seem funny when the teacher pretends to be a child and act out the calling of names, but when you’re actually experiencing it by seeing other children say these remarks and comments towards another with the intent of getting some form of attention or to trigger reactions in another child — it’s actually not something to laugh about. The result of a child crying or becoming upset is not fun to see and experience, and if the parent saw their own child having their work being made fun of/criticized/judged by others I’m sure they would not be laughing too.

One problem from this is how parents/child caretakers are very much separated and unaware of the social interactions that go on in the classroom, and I really think they should be aware of their child’s daily interactions with others because it is through daily interactions children have with the environment and other people that they develop themselves by seeing what is accepted and allowed and ok, and from this act on what they see others do.

If we have parents/teachers/adults allow bullying and name-calling to go on in the environment without intervention, children will continue to do it because they see it as ok. If we find these things funny and not so serious to deal with, this may damage the child more than we may realize. But the problem is is that we are not skilled or prepared (as teachers/parents, etc) on how to deal and handle conflict effectively to the point where we can support a child to stop and change a behavior completely that is best for all. In the classroom I work in, we have intervened, though it has been difficult getting through to the child to stop the behavior/pattern completely — where the child will repeat it the next day. There seems to be an addiction to triggering other’s reactions by name-calling and bullying, and perhaps it is because of the nature we as adults exist in being addicted to the positive and emotional energies of the mind.

So, before I get off track, I’d like to get back to my point and that is how parents/caretakers are not aware of what goes on in the classroom as much as teachers/school staff, and I really think the parents should be aware 100% of how their child is acting in the classroom and interacting with students, because there is only so much teachers can do — we can direct, intervene, share knowledge, but it is really the parents that require to be just as attentive, supportive and aware of how the child is in the classroom because only then can they see what they need to align in themselves and their lives because however and whoever the parent is in their self-expression in how they exist for their child will influence the child, and the child will act according to how they have been brought up and witnessed in their parents and act it out in the classroom (and in life too).

Yet parents have to work to make money/survive and the education system is exactly set up to allow parents to fulfill their daily jobs while the children are taken care of by teachers. I really truly believe the best education a child can receive is from their parents, where parents really show and stand as examples of what it is like to treat others the way they want to be treated and live life in respect of oneself and the world. This to me is ideal, because if the parent is sound and stable in who they are and they through their living actions and words show their child how to live and act, that will influence and strengthen the child positively, that will send ripples throughout the world.

At this time parents and caretakers must go to work and use their time away from their child to perform duties simply to make money to survive. Despite this, there are courses and information parents can read and utilize from the (little) time they may have to assist them in understanding how to take care of oneself and one’s child in thought, word and deed in a way where the ripples of one’s action is a step to making this world a better place. They can listen to parenting recordings on EQAFE, learn how to live through the power of words, and take a free self-developmental course.




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