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Please read Part 1 - 3 for proper context to this blog.
From the previous post: Here I am looking at the relationships between myself and my two children, in order to understand certain thought and emotional patterns I have developed toward them. This series and specifically this interview greatly assisted me: Eqafe Interview: Parenting Part 50: Sibling Rivalry: The Gifts, to realize that this is something I need to investigate and correct within myself, in order for that correction to pool out and into our relationships, to create an environment for growth.
Self-Corrective Application and Commitment Statements
When and as I see myself putting my son in a box with words as labels supposedly defining him, where I compare him to other men who have been in my life past or present, and I project my own emotions of anger, fear, worry, anxiety about my life and past onto him, with the excuse ‘I don’t want him to suffer like I did’ or ‘I don’t want him to abuse like X did’ I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to focus on/access what is here in physical reality. I realize he is walking his own process in life and has matured much in the last few years, I have no right to judge him as I do not know all that he is experiencing in each moment, I can practice patience with him as I was much the same with my own parents as I matured in life. Thus, I commit myself to take responsibility for my ownreactions by bringing it back to myself/examining what is coming up in me. I also commit to seeing /interacting with my son genuinely and self-honestly in each moment, no longer carrying the past as memories, within thought and emotional patterns, with me, so allowing our relationship to be unlimited, based on a true love and respect versus based on self-interest, my own desires and fears.
When and as I see myself connecting caring to ‘thinking about’ = obsessing as’ worrying about’ my daughter, creating disaster scenarios in my mind of imagination versus reality that everything is going well at the moment in my daughter’s life, participating in the mind’s design of polarities, specifically of my son being the ‘difficult artistic one’ within a negative energy charge and and my daughter being the stable, responsible one giving her a positive energy charge in my mind, going into anger when she falls from the pedestal I have placed her on/reacts to me in some way I perceive as negative, projecting her accomplishments onto myself/my life in order to make me feel successful through her, I stop, I breathe. I remind myself I am a physical being and bring my awareness back to what is really here/happening in my day. I realize I did not like it when my parents had certain labels for me/placed me in a box and I cannot actually see/experience my daughter for who she is as a dynamic/changing/growing individual, expressing herself within her own process in life, if I have a need/desire to see her in a certain way/keep her in a containment because of my own self-definitions and if she changes I have to adjust/change how I see her and my role as her mom. Thus, I commit myself to let my mind’s ideas go/let her go to freely emerge from the cocoon of childhood into adulthood, as I do not ‘own’ her but was merely the ‘vehicle’ in which she came through into this world.
When and as I see myself connecting loving my children with ‘thinking about’ my children, where I allow myself to fall into imaginations and then thought patterns that bring up the emotions of worry, fear, anxiety and excitement I stop, I breathe. I remind myself to get out of my mind of illusion and back down to reality. I realize I am able to best support, assist and enjoy my children’s company by practically reaching out to speak with/share with them, making suggestions/communicate areas of concern I have, research or plan something of value to add to their lives or times we will share in the future versus just being in some energy while I only ‘think about’ them, as this is quite futile. I also understand, when I participate in the negative energy of fear/worry/anxiety in this way and/or I swing to the polarity of expectation/excitement, I do so from the past/memories keeping us all in boxes with pictures and labels I have attached to the words son, daughter and mother. Thus, I commit myself to free all three of us, by opening up these boxes and allowing us to emerge with no definitions/labels as restrictions as the truth of who we, unlimited beings/life thus birthing the opportunity for all 3 of us to live to our utmost potential.
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