Thanks for sharing guys.
Sometimes what’s needed is to identify particular traits or behaviors as addictions as well, actions that have become part of our self-definition to such an extent that we stop questioning them and start seeing it all as ‘normal’ while we know that there is in fact an addictive pattern behind it, which usually involves getting a fix of any kind, that means, an experience of any kind.
So for me recently it had to do with first of all being willing to identify something that I ‘seek for’ as an addiction. This means that I decided to upon seeing the consequences of acting out a particular set of behaviors and seeing that my motive behind it is merely experiential, for the sake of getting an experience out of something and the extent to which I can be ‘there all the way’ to do it, is a reason for me to name it or label it as an addiction, because it assists me in identifying it and investigating it as a behavioral pattern that I have believed throughout my life that I have control of/ I’m in control of, and I can be there all the way in doing it and knowing that I should not be doing it by principle, yet still going for it. To me this plain awareness in and while doing something is what became a conflict to me and I can only make sense of it by understanding that this is what it is like to allow myself as my mind that has become physical to become the directive principle in such moments and not deciding to fully stand up in the moment and instead ‘giving into’ the experience, and knowing I’m there all the way, and thinking about the consequences, and knowing what I’ll have to deal with as I am participating in this pattern.
I consider that we always know what we are doing, we conveniently play blind when we can. In my case, I have been fully aware while doing it, so here what’s relevant to me is to redefine the behavioral pattern by principle, and that means to change the nature of what I’ve allowed to be so casual and natural to me to the point where even if I questioned it, I would still go into it because I decided to swipe it throughout my life and not see it as the addictive behavior it’s become where, even if there was a time where I believed I had successfully changed it, I realized that I was merely suppressing it, containing it, treating ‘the habit’ as a bad thing to do therefore containing myself yet not actually investigating it to understand it, find and identify ‘who I am’ all the steps of the way within this behavioral pattern.
And yes, there is such a forsaking, letting go and giving up that must take place in order to settle oneself in relation to an addictive pattern, however to me it is also relevant to remove the idea that I’m missing out, suppressing ‘my nature’ or think that I’ll be somewhat restricting myself. This is where the redefinition process comes in, where I can instead see what kind of determination I was able to bring through to ‘get my fix’ so to speak, what kind of traits I developed in order to ‘get’ what I wanted and redefine those aspects to live them in a supportive way, for me and others. So, as much as we like vilifying addictions, I’m seeing that one also get to do and live certain words that can in fact be supportive, but if we change the purpose and reason to do them and seeing how ‘motivated’ we can become to follow our fix, why not redirecting that attention, focus, drive, creativity and determination to doing something that is supportive, to change the way that we relate to this part of ourselves and decide to let go of merely getting a fix and instead build something that is genuinely integral and standing in self-respect as Kasper mentioned, which I agree on.
So here’s where the decision to stop or break an addiction becomes not only a ‘cutting off’ or ‘letting go’ or ‘giving up’ but I realize that there is and will be such ‘empty hole’ that I now need to substantiate with a redefined way of living in that aspect or part of myself that was previously defined through a certain addictive behavioral pattern.
What will this practically imply? That every time that I see the ‘temptation’ arising to follow through this particular behavior, I have to decide to redefine my relationship to that particular moment, from allowing myself to be moved by the undercurrents of energy and the thrill that it implies to rather deciding to stand in integrity, to cut the energy-drive and redefine it as another expression that can still come through and be expressed yet without seeking the actual ‘fix’ in itself and standing in integrity. And yes this means that I have to change such behavioral pattern from the moment that I see I am ‘planting the seeds’ for it, because I’ve now seen how real they become in a bit by bit process to the point where we keep justifying it and making it as something that is ‘in our control,’ and that’s where self-awareness is required. But at times, not even being aware of it is sufficient.
Unfortunately sometimes facing consequence is the way to wake up and smell the truth of ourselves and it’s not the preferred way but it’s simple action-reaction process that I now decide to embrace, not judge but recognize as something that is causing consequence and therefore it requires my change, my attention and determination to see through it.
And the one way to do it is by writing it out, self forgiving the points, investigating the core and essence of who we are behind what we do as an addiction. So for that the desteni process tools are the way to do it and finally create an anchoring to understand ourselves in the experience and from there be aware of what we are willing to continue doing or not doing once that everything is out on paper/on the screen.
I’ll share any other insights that may come through walking this process, but definitely the redefinition of self after stopping or giving up an addiction is relevant so as to prevent ‘going back at it’ and as Matti has shared, rather focus on self-creation and having the discipline to realign this 'nature' of ourselves to the outcome that we can live with.