cat education

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mar
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cat education

Postby mar » 02 Jun 2013, 20:07

Hi everybody, I have 2 cats. One of these continues to get dirty in the house. Her behaviour is very strange because she always dirties in the same 2 points in the bathroom, usually at night but it's not predictable because it can be an entire month that she behaves "well" while the other one she starts again...

Me and my wife are quite desperate, we have had enough of this, if things don't change we will bring her to the cattery. The problem is that we think that we had tried them all...
We had bought another litter, tried to keep it as clean as we can but we really can't figure out what is the reason for this.

We had tried any sort of reaction: beatting her, putting her face in the s**t, doing nothing, talking to her as a person, isolating her on the balcony or in a cage, putting the food near the places she dirties.

We are very aware of the fact that many of these tecniques are manipulations, but the problem is that she is really aware that this is not something to do, but she continues to do it and seems even to accept the consequences. We really don't know how to better communicate to understand why she behaves this way.

We don't even think it's the case of approving this behaviour because first of all it's not hygenic (and living together with that stink it's not easy) then it really seems to me a representation of a preprogrammed pattern, because it's absolutely not practical for anybody and she knows that will experience consequences in doing so.

Problem is that we are even going to take this personally and reacting in rage towards her, taking it to a point of challenge. As a result i'm going to breath and keeping focussed on the point that her behaviour is not acceptable because it's not what is practically best for all the beings who live in the house.


I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and embarrassed for the other housemates that are forced to clean the mess that she does without being responsible for her.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that i should feel responsible for the feelings/emotions and "the unspoken opinions" that the others can have/experience

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take hers behaviour as something personal, as something which is done onto me INSPITE OF MY WILL so as if i'm considering her behaviour as if she is deliberately ignoring me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear being ignored.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that the housemates are experiencing my exact same feeling/emotion as feeling ignored/disregarded and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to promote me as the mediator between her/the event and them in doing like "don't worry ! if she doesn't give you the attention you need i'll do it ! starting from punishing her in front of you (in doing what you would do but you can't do: beating her), so to sort of "avange you" to fullfill the emptiness that this "disregarding towards you" has been created in you".

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for being moved from a feeling of excitement and gratitude when i saw that she does it in the litter (after i had scolded her) and for going in rage/betrayal after when she dirties outside again.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think and say, when i was moved by gratitude towads her saying "oooo what a good cat ! yes this is how things should be done ! thank you !", and in the end thinking "i hope that now that i have been good and lovely with her she won't begin again..."

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use love and cuddles or scolding and beats to manipulate whom i'm perceiving me responsible for.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to associate love and cuddles to a "weakness" as the "needing for somebody that comforts/supports/sutes me" and thus as another manipulation tactic in thinking:"mmm he/she needs me in the sense that needs my presence (mere presence) to sutes/nurture/support himself/herself, thus he/she must accept who i am and my "abuses" and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blackmail others in recognizing their affection/love for me and using it against themselves.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that, in showing love/affection to my cat as another, this will be used by this one to GAIN CONTROL OVER ME.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use scolding and violence also for the same attempt of manipulation in recognizing that "i need you and cannot separate me from you" so i try this type of manipulation because:
- it's the last attempt to realize what i've figured out as "expectation"
- it's the outcome of the frustration of my unconscious realization of dependence
- it's an admission of powerlessness

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react in rage in seeing this behaviour in thinking to be actually manipulated from her like if she is thinking "come on, whatever you do i perfectly know you won't kill me or abandon me"

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to want to abandon her to not admit within myself that i'm actually dependent by her.


When and as I see that I go into feeling guilty for my housemates that have to live with the dirties – I immediately stop myself, take a breath and bring myself back here; and I see, realize and understand that this guiltiness sense is derived from the assumption that they are experiencing the same emotion and feeling that i would experience "in their shoes" which is a sense of unrecognizement/ignoring/diesregarding me and who i am as needings; thus I commit myself to
- not promote me as a mediator to give them a sort of "satisfaction" and nor abusing the cat for this purpose.
- understand that there is nothing personal or intended "onto me" in this behaviour.

When and as I see that I go into think "i've been good with her/if i will be good with her she will begin to get dirty everywhere again" – I immediately stop myself, take a breath and bring myself back here; and I see, realize and understand that this is the proof that i'm using love and affect (as scolding and beating) as manipulation instruments because I'M ALLOWING MYSELF AS WELL TO BE CONDITIONED FROM THEM in the realization that i think that i NEED love and affect --> thus i need the person/animal that gives me them --> thus i compromise myself as the others in a continuos accepting our mutual abuses to keep this person/being with me --> here comes my fear of being controlled through my affect/love shows/effusions/needings (probably because i've done of the pride and control abilities a more important point); thus I commit myself to understand that i will fear of being manipulated through showing love and affect till i don't understand that love and affect are actually already manipulating me and that i don't need those but rather i need to understand what i am trying to cover/fullfill with them.


Ok i think that now i will face the problem in a more sensible way, do you have any suggestion ?

Thankyou



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Anna
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Re: cat education

Postby Anna » 03 Jun 2013, 00:54

Mar, first of all realize that cats don't pee because they are 'behaving bad'. This is a human projection onto cats. Unfortunately it is a very common misconception that has the consequence that people try to discipline their cats which often make the problem much worse. So please stop any and all brutality or screaming towards the cat as a first step.

Realize that when cats pee in a way that isn't in their litter box or outside, it is because there is something either physically or 'emotionally' going on with the cat. If cats are in pain or otherwise have problems with their urinary tract it can be difficult to pee and they might pee somewhere without being able to control it. Cats are extremely cleanly and they cover their pee and poo on instinct. So when they don't do this - there's something wrong.

Our female cat used to pee in our bed every day when we got her. After a few weeks of it driving us insane we bought a product called Feliway. It is synthetic cat pheromone. It gives the cat a sense of 'home'. We plugged it in (it also comes as a spray) and this little scared and nervous cat laid right up beside it and gave a long big sigh and fell asleep. She NEVER peed in the bed again. In her case she was anxious and nervous and scared because she was in a new place that she didn't know. And all she needed to establish stability within herself was a little assistance.

There can however be many reasons why a cat pees in the house - so i suggest investigating your living situation and whether it is optimal for the cats, If not - then change it. Cats can't be disciplined and they certainly don't respond well to threats. The best way is to arrange your living environment in such a way that it is also best for the cat. Here I suggest starting with establishing a relationship with the cat where you consider placing yourself in the 'shoes' of the cat and see how you would have wanted it. Consider if it would work for you if you were nervous and scared to be beaten, yelled at, have your face stuck in shit - Would it be an effective way of assisting and supporting you to for example stop wedding your bed? NO! Is that what is 'best for all'? This is absolutely unacceptable - consider if it was a child who had been treated this way. Unfortunately the catteries are full and it would most likely be euthanized. So I suggest taking upon yourself to create an effective relationship with this cat and treating it as you would want to be treated: Make beds for it somewhere up high that it can easily get to, make sure it always have clean litter if you use a litterbox. Get a big box or have several since you've got two cats. This can also be a reason why cats pee outside the litterbox - if it is smelling, they obviously don't feel like using it.

Realize that the cat is completely in your power through the relationship we've as humans created with animals. She can't speak or show you what is wrong. She can't take herself to the vet or clean her litterbox. That is a responsibility you've taken on when you decided to get a cat.



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Kristina
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Re: cat education

Postby Kristina » 03 Jun 2013, 01:18

This is great support Anna and I agree - there must be a point of responsibility here in standing "in her shoes" in terms of considering her as an equal and getting the treatment and care necessary for her to live an effective life.

I have two cats and for a long time I had only one litter box for them both. What I had been supported to see is that, depending on the dynamics of the two cats - meaning the relationship that they have between each other - one might become more dominant or territorial, especially if there is only one litter box for the both of them, also if there is only one food dish or one water dish - (this can create problems for the cats, such as one 'hogging' the food from the other). So it's to consider or check to see if one cat is preventing the other from actually being able to use the box - this is just through observation - keeping an eye and taking note of how the two cats interact, and consider if there is only one litter box to get at least one more. I have also heard that there should be more than one litter box then there are cats - so if there are two cats, then best to have three litter boxes.

Cats are very particular and like a stable/consistent routine - so also, if their feeding schedule is not consistent, this can also cause stress for the cats. So, once they are provided with a stable living environment, in terms of food, water and a place to for their waste, they are quite simple to care for.

We are the ones responsible for what is here as the nature of domesticated animals - they are great in showing us ourselves - who we are within the responsibility we have in 'caring for others', as we have created cats and even dogs as dependent upon us for their survival - so best we stand up within the responsibility to do to them as we would have done to ourselves.



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Anna
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Re: cat education

Postby Anna » 03 Jun 2013, 01:23

Another interesting fact about cats is that they don't like to drink water if it stands next to their food. For a long time I couldn't understand why the didn't drink any water so I tried moving it and they started drinking! I've since read that scientists believe it is because cats (who originally came from the African desert) instinctively perceive fresh water next to a 'dead prey' to be possibly poisonous as it pr. experience could have been what killed they prey. So definitely suggest to investigate the point if there's something about your cat that you don't understand or that isn't working optimally. Animals are quite forgiving creatures unlike us humans.



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Bella
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Re: cat education

Postby Bella » 03 Jun 2013, 03:00

fascinating, thanks all for sharing!



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KellyPosey
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Re: cat education

Postby KellyPosey » 03 Jun 2013, 09:02

I've got a cat here who peed a few months ago at the bottom of a stairwell that goes down to the basement. Then some weeks ago she pooed there in the same spot. So, I put a litterbox there. It was an ok spot for it. Now she goes there regularly. I figured if she's going to go there, might as well put a box and give her that option and see if she use it. So, you might try putting a litterbox near where the cat is going, if it's an ok spot to put a box, since she's going there already.

A lot can be learned from observing their behavior and like Anna suggested putting yourself in their shoes and considering what you'd like if you were them, within this really considering what it's like to be a cat, and then to be that specific cat in the specific situation/living environment, and at the same time realizing that you don't know what factors there may be that you're NOT aware of that may be affecting the behavior of the cat.

This is a cool situation to assist and support oneself to stop reactions and going into judgment and blame and develop the ability to assist and support a being through really observing and getting to know them and considering them as yourself, and in humbling self to realize you don't always know what's going on, so a really cool opportunity to stop reactions and become assisting and supportive of another being in your reality that you're responsible for, and great practice for releasing the blame/anger/resentment toward the cat. Gratefulness to the cat for such an opportunity.

Animals will also pick up on our expression - so if we're unstable and going into nastiness toward them, well, put yourself in their shoes and someone is acting like that toward you - it's rather unsettling, how can you trust them, and yet your life is dependent on them, quite an awkward situation to be in. But this is the relationship we've created as domestication, so now we've got to walk through that and cool to do it in forgiveness and grace, and realizing that the relationships with the beings that are in our personal world is the 'proving ground' where we establish how to walk with other beings in oneness and equality and just what that means, and really getting to know the other beings and forms that exist here beside ourself.



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Gabriel Aceves
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Re: cat education

Postby Gabriel Aceves » 03 Jun 2013, 22:19

Wow, very cool perspectives



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Juan Pablo
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Re: cat education

Postby Juan Pablo » 04 Jun 2013, 20:09

Awesome support regarding Cats -- and I agree, a lot of common sense here.

I realized reading this that we try to domesticate and super-impose ourselves upon animals, instead of considering investigating/observing them and giving/treating them as we would like to receive/be treated.



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ingridschaefer
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Re: cat education

Postby ingridschaefer » 05 Jun 2013, 08:48

Very cool support Anna (and others) with regards to animals and how to assist the animals when they behave 'unusual'.
Thanks Mar for sharing the situation.



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mar
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Joined: 11 Sep 2012, 01:32

Re: cat education

Postby mar » 06 Jun 2013, 01:20

At the moment i've just stopped any reaction towards the cat.

Unfortunatly maybe i've understood what is the issue. The exact problem is that she poo in the bidet. I explicitely googled it and i found that many cats have exactly this pattern ! The probable explanation is that some cat's races like smooth and glossy surfaces that remember their original/hystorical developing environment....... (don't ask me where...)

Her behaviour is not much communicative... She usually goes in the litter and sometime goes in the bidet but it's not related to the litter state, numbers of litters (we have 3 !), its position, food or water, nor i think it's related to some sort of stress ecc... And the frequency within this happen is completely unregular !

It much more seems to me that sometimes she feels this irresistible needing to go to poo there...
If i'm right isn't it just a preprogrammed pattern ? And so is it right to accommodate it ?

In a previous discussion about castration of cats we had agreed that that was the best solution for everybody because it was just a preprogrammed pattern that only creates problems to the cat and to the owner.

Here i see basically the same thing apart from the fact that it creates the problem just to the owners. But is this instinctive and unpractical needing worth of respect then ?

I think i'll try with some spray...




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