Looking at a point that has been 'eating me away' for the past couple days. This point is how my dog has been REFUSING to eat her dog food-literally- to the point where she has stopped eating for DAYS. The reason for this is not sure but throughout the course of the past 8-9 months, i have been feeding my dog Lilly every and all scraps off my plate, giving to her treats of 'human food' meals of 'human food' as if i were a dog, this is what i would have liked, -not eating that horrible smelling,tasting, crunchy hard pellets that clink around in the bowl. remembering the quote every since the beginning of my process with desteni by Bernard-'food to an animal is like money too a human'-along with the principal of 'loving thy neighbor' and as well as 'giving to others as i would like to be given too' as well as understanding that 'nothing in my house is truly mine, there for i have no reason to hold it as 'higher regarded for human beings' or 'mine' - because all the food originates from this earth--nature, the animal kingdom etc--- it only makes sense to give back to those through kind gestures like giving my dog some tasty food.
This as been a point i have faced in the past-a point of ego- wherein i only wanted the food for myself and did not want to share or give it 'to a dog'. My ego felt 'higher', 'better' than a 'dog' and therefor the 'dog' could eat its 'dog-food' and 'I' will eat my 'human food'. within this recognized a seperation within me, a belief or idea that i was somehow 'higher' or 'better' than the physical, and that 'food' was not just 'food' but some 'made?' only for human beings. within this distorted view.belief of reality, it also supported my suppression of life as other beings as equal,- equal in pain, equal in hunger, equal in enjoyment, equal in TASTE,-- equal in everything.-- there for i began forgiveness on these points that came up and directed myself through the points of ego in 'wanting to keep 'human food', for ME-'a human'- and give the 'dog-food' to the dog, 'a dog'' and pushed myself to give to my dogs as i would like to be given too
So lately. i have noticed my dog getting un-usually 'big' around the chest area and also, ( I should add that it is commonly known about how feeding dalmatians, specifically, TOO MUCH 'human food', is very ''unhealthy' and will cause many 'problems')unusually picky with, now, not eating anything but the food i give her from my plate- she will leave a bowl of food sitting for 3 days, surviving the duration with things from my pate like macaroni noodles, or toast crusts-. Frequently, i will make up a bun with butter and salt just for her-one for each of my dogs- and they love that, i feel 'good' because i am walking through my ego and supporting my dog-loving her by giving to her as i would like to be given too-. So i was sitting next to her on the couch the other day and noticed her breathing becoming very shallow, not as though she was panting out of breath after running but quick gasps, bursts of breathing -inout..inout..inout.. it was at this moment that i realized it was because Ive been feeding her so 'unhealthily' that this was the manifested consequence of my actions. i was responsible, therefor i have stopped feeding her for a few days now-stopped feeding her 'treats' and buns and things like that. The problem with this being, is that i have become one and equal to feeding my dog these things over the past 8-9 months and she has become dependent on my giving it too her-to the point where she will NOT EAT the food in her bowl, EVEN IF ITS BEEN FOUR WHOLE DAYS-she still refuses. because i guess she doesn't like it- she wants human food
A point within me is a point of 'sadness' for her, a point of 'pain' for her, as myself as i know how hungry she must be by now and yet she still refuses to eat-and myself causing that for her is like starving myself-this point is eating away at me- as i can either continue to feed her these unhealthy foods wherein she might die, or not feed her the foods and have her starve herself out of refusal to eat. Looking at this point within me of -not feeding her these foods- is not a point of ego, as i want to feed her them so bad so that she will not be starving herself- but i have chosen not too out of love for her. loving her is not feeding her foods that will kill her and cause her un-comfort, that is my responsibility as a human being,
even within this-my writing this forum-i am looking for a way, a justification to feed her because that's what i truly would like to do. yet
i dont know what to do about this situation, i feel as though my dog is assisting me in a way that i am not seeing. if there is anybody who has walked through a similar point i would be great full for your assistance/insight.