Cathy wrote:Do you have any suggestions how else I can be completely certain that it is indeed my body releasing itself and not my mind playing tricks? I am not sure how else to completely test this as I have already tested what you suggested here and keep testing every time. Also, when I say "I am here" or "I am present"-- which I do when this happens,
my entire body senses movementand in these moments I am not seeing anything in my mind, not having any visions, thoughts/feelings or emotions etc. If I can describe it, everything feels 'pure' but it is not a feeling or anything -- I am simply describing 'pure' as the experience of what I experience to put it into perspective/words. Since over a year or so now, I cannot even take a deep breath without this happening. When I take a deep aware breath, my body lets go completely -- although I do not pass out or anything, it's as if i become like a 'limp sock' and everything flushes away -- like no tension no nothing. I don't know if I am consciously relaxing my entire body through the deep aware breath or what is really happening - actually it happens with normal breath too -- but only when I stop for a split second and allow the movement to occur and I have tested this many many times --
but it seems to me it (my 'awareness'/inner Self) is always there and I am aware of it physically even when I am busy doing my stuff - but I do not allow the movement for obvious reasons.
Ella - you're actually contradicting yourself because first you say your entire body senses movement within the 'experience' your describing and you say for a split second you allow movement to occur but then you say you do not allow movement to occur.
Suggest Ella, re-read All of Sunette's assistance for further clarity
Hello Cathy:
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post and to offer your perspective. Indeed, what Sunette suggested is what I had/have been/ and I am applying -- as I stated in my last post. As for what you are seeing as 'contradictory' -- I tried to put it in words the best I could. My apologies if it created confusion for you. I am going to attempt to be clearer with regards to what I was saying. For easier comprehension, I have taken a part of my last post and quoted yours too, in order to further clarify for you what I meant:
Ella
"When I take a deep aware breath, my body lets go completely -- although I do not pass out or anything, it's as if I become like a 'limp sock' and everything flushes away -- like no tension no nothing. I don't know if I am consciously relaxing my entire body through the deep aware breath or what is really happening - actually it happens with normal breath too -- but only when I stop for a split second and allow the movement to occur and I have tested this many many times -- but it seems to me it (my 'awareness'/inner Self) is always there and I am aware of it physically even when I am busy doing my stuff - but I do not allow the movement for obvious reasons. "
Cathy
Ella - you're actually contradicting yourself because first you say your entire body senses movement within the 'experience' your describing and you say for a split second you allow movement to occur but then you say you do not allow movement to occur.
Suggest Ella, re-read All of Sunette's assistance for further clarity
Actually my entire body senses the movement all the time – it is always there (been this way for over a year or so as I mentioned in my last post). There is no contradiction in what I meant -- I am very clear about that -- however, I will try to re-phrase it so it is equally clear to you and/or anyone else who may read this post. Indeed my entire body senses movement within the experience I describe in my post. What I meant by 'when I stop for a split second and allow the movement to occur' means when I stop all activity that I am doing, the movement (i.e. free flow of head movement and total body relaxation) flows naturally and I do not suppress it. Say for example, I am in the middle of doing something -- say I am cooking; I am clearly doing a physical activity in that moment and although the 'awareness' is still felt by me, I do not stop cooking to allow the aforementioned movements -- I instead continue with my activity. When I continue my activity in the manner I just described, evidently and in all common-sense, I do not allow myself to let my head move 'on its own' etc. However, even during these kinds of moments, i.e. when cooking in this example, if I stop everything - even for a split second, my head movements start and I immediately enter the what I can best describe as 'total body relaxation and release'. So you see Cathy, there is no contradiction in that -- it is well laid out. But given the nature of the experience itself, it might have gotten you confused about what I was saying or may be my words were not clear enough to get the message across properly.
To sum it up, when I do my activities, I do not allow myself to flow in that 'complete relaxation mode' as I will not be able to do anything otherwise
One cannot stay in that kind of full body relaxation/release all the time as the chores won't be done all by themselves
Therefore, my way of 'managing' that is to keep doing my activity. But it is always there. For example right now when I am writing, this 'awareness' is there. I refer to it as 'awareness' as it is the best I can describe it. So, even while I am writing, it is very much here - but I am not allowing myself to dwell-in completely as obviously I will be in complete relaxation ‘mode’.
I will give you another example: the other day, and this has happened many times, I had people over at my place. We were all conversing and for a moment or so, I had a quiet time -- as I was listening to the conversation and not talking. The moment I had this very brief 'idle time', my head started to sway gently and my entire body was completely relaxed. Of course when this happened, I immediately started to talk
and the movement stopped. I analyzed what was happening during that 'idle time' -- like I always do
-- whether a specific word(s) I was hearing triggered the ‘movement’ etc. Well I found that nothing of that sort occurred. I had no thoughts, was not 'feeling' any emotions, no words in my head or anything like that. Just here with my body - that's all.
To me, this experience seems to be like my breath – i.e. always there regardless whether I am doing an activity or not – but when I am not doing an activity – or like ‘idle’, the natural flow of the body movements take that opportunity to relax and release. The reason I asked Sunette to assist was to understand more what is happening as I am not finding anything other than what I mentioned – and she has been so kind to respond to my posts since then. In fact, it does not ‘bother’ me per say – it seems a ‘normal’ thing for me now – but still I know for sure it is somewhat unusual as I don’t know of anyone in my environment who experiences this... therefore I wondered if I posted here on the forum, may be Sunette can assist me to understand further. For sure however, I would really like to know
exactly what it is that I am really experiencing and also want to know if it is the mind or if it is my body slowly releasing aspects of the mind that I have accepted and allowed to manifest in my physical body thus far. That is the whole point why I approached the Desteni forum.
I hope that the above has clarified things for you regarding my experience and what specific assistance I am looking for. If this post is still in need of clarification, I would be very glad to clarify, again.
Thank you very much.