Cool that you've come here to share your current situation. There are some points to know about what we do here. See, Desteni is a platform of Self Support, which means that we apply tools with wich we are the ones that take Self Responsibility for our current reality, to walk a process of Self-Support through Self Forgiveness, writing ourselves to freedom and understanding what it is that it means to live in Self Honesty.
Now, due to your current experience I suggest that you first realize that here you will be supporting-you, this is a process that each one of us have willed ourselves to walk/ apply with the tools mentioned above. This is then to explain how it is not that the current situations you'll be facing will be 'erased' or 'removed' magically, no. Here we support ourselves with all the material that is shared, we read/ hear the interviews, watch and read each participants' vlogs and blogs who are also walking this process of Self Correction wherein we all face our reality, what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become to take a definitive stand to support ourselves.
With this, realize that coming here will imply applying you: writing yourself, writing and applying Self Forgiveness
, reading the forums is of great support as well to see how we apply the tools and how the process of living it goes hand-in-hand with this process of taking Self Responsibility.
For now, the process is then to ground/ support yourself through understanding that it is possible for us to correct our current patterns if we will ourselves to do so. No one else will do this for you, but yourself. Thus, I suggest to realize that this is not about wanting to run and hide from yourself now. In this process we face ourselves full-on through exposing/ revealing to oursleves through writing what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be/ become. Thus, breathe through this, share it so that we can support you when necessary on providing feedback on your writings and as you go walking this.
What Desteni is about is able to be read all over the forum, check out the articles in the homepage. Suggest you browse through the topics Writing yourself to Freedom, wherein you can also open up your thread to share your writings, check out Sharing Self Forgiveness to see how that works as a written and lived process. We list all our blogs and vlogs as we go publishing them which you can also browse through to get a more tangible feedback on what walking this process implies.
I suggest that you take your time to do this, read through it, go writing for yourself is stuff comes up as you read and if any questions arise within any of the threads, you just leave the question/ comment for further feedback.
Here you get the tools and support to support yourself - so, suggest you take this opportunity to do so to finally see how it is that we have craeted all our disorders and can in fact stop and live a self-corrective process to start finally living, which is what I could say equates to being 'free' yet within taking into consideration a principle that is lived/ applied and considered at all times: what's best for all.
You can use the search button to find any keywords that you could use to support yourself within the specific points you're facing at the moment.
Welcome to the forum.