I need help now (Eating Disorders)

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Anna
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Re: I need help now

Postby Anna » 12 Apr 2012, 19:02

It's accepting the emotions that you feel when you think about certain things in your past that will lead you to see what it is your mind is hiding. :)
There is a difference between accepting emotions as real and accepting the fact that one is experiencing emotions. Because in accepting the fact that one is experiencing emotions, one can assist oneself in stopping the suppression of emotions, through which one is hiding from oneself. Yet at the same time, one does not accept emotions as real. Accepting emotions as real, means accepting an illusion/delusion as real and that is what we as human beings have been doing through eons of time, creating a relationship of polarity towards our world and reality, where we create and generate energy through 'positive' feelings and 'negative' emotions. Essentially that is what keeps the mind 'going' in and as its artificial creation of 'life' - but it is not really life, because life is here, where everyone can see the same and feel the same - while all points existing in and as the mind, are personal and personalized based on the individual's self-separation in, through and as a relationship with 'the world'. So it is not the mind that is hiding - it is us that is hiding ourselves through, as and within the mind.
yeah... thats what i said in short form. Your going to confuse the girl with your words. As much as your words are here, your stuck on the words rather then the point. She has an eating disorder. She wants to end it. Like no longer have the thoughts. Your just puking up stuff that im sure you haven't been in an eating dissorder like i have. Im just saying truth from personal experience, and the points your saying are like wiping your ass with a hula hoop. Where is the end and the answer that will trigger her mind to let go of? IN HER PAST!! IN THE ABUSE!! IN THINGS IN HER PAST! lol Anna shame on you for making someone even more confused.
'Godline' - I was replying to your comment, not to Ella.

You reacted to my words, because I did not agree with you. This is how we exist within and as the mind in ego - protecting our own asses not matter who we hurt (including ourselves) or what the consequences might be, allowing ourselves to be spiteful, vengeful and manipulating to ensure that we do not realize ourselves in self-honesty, so that we may keep existing in the delusion of being protected by the fear of losing ourselves. This is exactly what we at Desteni, are here to stop.

What you are doing here, is unacceptable as you are using someone else to hide behind, to blame - instead of facing the point/perspective that was given as support and perspective. What we are doing here at the Desteni forum, is supporting each other, as we support ourselves to get self-honest - NOT to spread spite and manipulate others based on our ego-based reactions which is actually fear of facing ourselves in self-honesty.

So if one sees a point in a reply or comment that was not effectively directed, one assists that being to see themselves in self-honesty and what they were doing, supporting them, equal and one as one would like to be supported. Spiting and ridiculing is absolutely unacceptable and will assist no-one. In the end, what that is, is in fact self-spite and self-ridicule.

If you are not here to participate as an equal in supporting and assisting yourself to get self-honest and in supporting others as you would like to be supported, why are you here?

Suggest to dare to be humble - to listen and learn and first and foremost: read and watch the material. It is pointless to participate here if you don't - and abuse will not be accepted.



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Cathy
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Re: I need help now

Postby Cathy » 12 Apr 2012, 22:21

Do you have any suggestions how else I can be completely certain that it is indeed my body releasing itself and not my mind playing tricks? I am not sure how else to completely test this as I have already tested what you suggested here and keep testing every time. Also, when I say "I am here" or "I am present"-- which I do when this happens, my entire body senses movementand in these moments I am not seeing anything in my mind, not having any visions,thoughts/feelings or emotions etc. If I can describe it, everything feels 'pure' but it is not a feeling or anything -- I am simply describing 'pure' as the experience of what I experience to put it into perspective/words. Since over a year or so now, I cannot even take a deep breath without this happening. When I take a deep aware breath, my body lets go completely -- although I do not pass out or anything, it's as if i become like a 'limp sock' and everything flushes away -- like no tension no nothing. I don't know if I am consciously relaxing my entire body through the deep aware breath or what is really happening - actually it happens with normal breath too -- but only when I stop for a split second and allow the movement to occur and I have tested this many many times -- but it seems to me it (my 'awareness'/inner Self) is always there and I am aware of it physically even when I am busy doing my stuff - but I do not allow the movement for obvious reasons.
Ella - you're actually contradicting yourself because first you say your entire body senses movement within the 'experience' your describing and you say for a split second you allow movement to occur but then you say you do not allow movement to occur which suggests exactly what Sunette wrote:
Sunette: I suggest consider in that moment when the head moves, to consider what “experience-state” you go into, what is the “energy” you experience in your mind/body – because what’s happening with the head in that moment is that it’s like “falling” and you’re not holding yourself stable/being here with the body, and this “falling” movement of the head would indicate where you are falling into experience/mind instead of walking/being here with your body.
Thus, in those moments you’re accessing a mind-construct as idea of yourself/experience of yourself you’ve created that is taking you into separation from yourself and the body.
immediately question who/what/how within me is ‘moving me’, and not accept/allow experiences/manifestation that just “happen to me” as that put me into a position of inferiority/acceptance of enslavement to myself/that part of me that is moving/directing me. So, with for example the head – I would immediately question, what within me is moving my head, because I am most certainly not making the decision with my body in self-awareness to move my head – and so, find the cause/source/origin and position/align myself into equality and oneness with my physical/the point within me that I have separated myself from. And – if you ever do not know what is moving you/how within yourself – more than welcome to ask on the forums, and I’ll assist/support.

So – with the corrective application here, suggest observing the thoughts/backchat that come up in that moment with the head moving, meaning – what are the thoughts/words as ideas of yourself and the moment that is spoken in the mind that evoke that idea/experience of yourself in the moment, as that is the ‘inner chatter’ of knowledge and information that create the energy-experience and then separate you from the physical/reality. And/or simply have a look at the nature of the energy/state you go into in that moment that separate you from normally/practically functioning/moving in reality. Then – take a breath, speak the statement “I am here” and then immediately focus yourself back into/as physical participation.
Suggest Ella, re-read All of Sunette's assistance for further clarity



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Cathy
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Re: I need help now

Postby Cathy » 12 Apr 2012, 22:26

It's accepting the emotions that you feel when you think about certain things in your past that will lead you to see what it is your mind is hiding.
NO - The moment you accept the emotions is the exact moment you've accepted yourself as them and have become them and as such you've given way for the mind as consciousness to continue to hide self from self, so in fact you're only compounding yourself within yourself as the mind instead of facing what it is your accepting as suppression of self. Writing is the key point here so self is able to apply self-forgiveness so self can begin to direct self as the mind in self-honesty.



Fuck off Godline



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Ella
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Re: I need help now

Postby Ella » 13 Apr 2012, 03:28

Do you have any suggestions how else I can be completely certain that it is indeed my body releasing itself and not my mind playing tricks? I am not sure how else to completely test this as I have already tested what you suggested here and keep testing every time. Also, when I say "I am here" or "I am present"-- which I do when this happens, my entire body senses movementand in these moments I am not seeing anything in my mind, not having any visions, thoughts/feelings or emotions etc. If I can describe it, everything feels 'pure' but it is not a feeling or anything -- I am simply describing 'pure' as the experience of what I experience to put it into perspective/words. Since over a year or so now, I cannot even take a deep breath without this happening. When I take a deep aware breath, my body lets go completely -- although I do not pass out or anything, it's as if i become like a 'limp sock' and everything flushes away -- like no tension no nothing. I don't know if I am consciously relaxing my entire body through the deep aware breath or what is really happening - actually it happens with normal breath too -- but only when I stop for a split second and allow the movement to occur and I have tested this many many times -- but it seems to me it (my 'awareness'/inner Self) is always there and I am aware of it physically even when I am busy doing my stuff - but I do not allow the movement for obvious reasons.
Ella - you're actually contradicting yourself because first you say your entire body senses movement within the 'experience' your describing and you say for a split second you allow movement to occur but then you say you do not allow movement to occur.

Suggest Ella, re-read All of Sunette's assistance for further clarity
Hello Cathy:

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post and to offer your perspective. Indeed, what Sunette suggested is what I had/have been/ and I am applying -- as I stated in my last post. As for what you are seeing as 'contradictory' -- I tried to put it in words the best I could. My apologies if it created confusion for you. I am going to attempt to be clearer with regards to what I was saying. For easier comprehension, I have taken a part of my last post and quoted yours too, in order to further clarify for you what I meant:
Ella
"When I take a deep aware breath, my body lets go completely -- although I do not pass out or anything, it's as if I become like a 'limp sock' and everything flushes away -- like no tension no nothing. I don't know if I am consciously relaxing my entire body through the deep aware breath or what is really happening - actually it happens with normal breath too -- but only when I stop for a split second and allow the movement to occur and I have tested this many many times -- but it seems to me it (my 'awareness'/inner Self) is always there and I am aware of it physically even when I am busy doing my stuff - but I do not allow the movement for obvious reasons. "
Cathy
Ella - you're actually contradicting yourself because first you say your entire body senses movement within the 'experience' your describing and you say for a split second you allow movement to occur but then you say you do not allow movement to occur.

Suggest Ella, re-read All of Sunette's assistance for further clarity
Actually my entire body senses the movement all the time – it is always there (been this way for over a year or so as I mentioned in my last post). There is no contradiction in what I meant -- I am very clear about that -- however, I will try to re-phrase it so it is equally clear to you and/or anyone else who may read this post. Indeed my entire body senses movement within the experience I describe in my post. What I meant by 'when I stop for a split second and allow the movement to occur' means when I stop all activity that I am doing, the movement (i.e. free flow of head movement and total body relaxation) flows naturally and I do not suppress it. Say for example, I am in the middle of doing something -- say I am cooking; I am clearly doing a physical activity in that moment and although the 'awareness' is still felt by me, I do not stop cooking to allow the aforementioned movements -- I instead continue with my activity. When I continue my activity in the manner I just described, evidently and in all common-sense, I do not allow myself to let my head move 'on its own' etc. However, even during these kinds of moments, i.e. when cooking in this example, if I stop everything - even for a split second, my head movements start and I immediately enter the what I can best describe as 'total body relaxation and release'. So you see Cathy, there is no contradiction in that -- it is well laid out. But given the nature of the experience itself, it might have gotten you confused about what I was saying or may be my words were not clear enough to get the message across properly.

To sum it up, when I do my activities, I do not allow myself to flow in that 'complete relaxation mode' as I will not be able to do anything otherwise :) One cannot stay in that kind of full body relaxation/release all the time as the chores won't be done all by themselves :) Therefore, my way of 'managing' that is to keep doing my activity. But it is always there. For example right now when I am writing, this 'awareness' is there. I refer to it as 'awareness' as it is the best I can describe it. So, even while I am writing, it is very much here - but I am not allowing myself to dwell-in completely as obviously I will be in complete relaxation ‘mode’.

I will give you another example: the other day, and this has happened many times, I had people over at my place. We were all conversing and for a moment or so, I had a quiet time -- as I was listening to the conversation and not talking. The moment I had this very brief 'idle time', my head started to sway gently and my entire body was completely relaxed. Of course when this happened, I immediately started to talk :-) and the movement stopped. I analyzed what was happening during that 'idle time' -- like I always do :) -- whether a specific word(s) I was hearing triggered the ‘movement’ etc. Well I found that nothing of that sort occurred. I had no thoughts, was not 'feeling' any emotions, no words in my head or anything like that. Just here with my body - that's all.

To me, this experience seems to be like my breath – i.e. always there regardless whether I am doing an activity or not – but when I am not doing an activity – or like ‘idle’, the natural flow of the body movements take that opportunity to relax and release. The reason I asked Sunette to assist was to understand more what is happening as I am not finding anything other than what I mentioned – and she has been so kind to respond to my posts since then. In fact, it does not ‘bother’ me per say – it seems a ‘normal’ thing for me now – but still I know for sure it is somewhat unusual as I don’t know of anyone in my environment who experiences this... therefore I wondered if I posted here on the forum, may be Sunette can assist me to understand further. For sure however, I would really like to know exactly what it is that I am really experiencing and also want to know if it is the mind or if it is my body slowly releasing aspects of the mind that I have accepted and allowed to manifest in my physical body thus far. That is the whole point why I approached the Desteni forum.

I hope that the above has clarified things for you regarding my experience and what specific assistance I am looking for. If this post is still in need of clarification, I would be very glad to clarify, again.

Thank you very much.



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Ella
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Re: I need help now

Postby Ella » 13 Apr 2012, 03:49

apply self-forgiveness so self can begin to direct self as the mind in self-honesty.
Hi Cathy:

The above quoted part of your post caught my attention. I would like to understand a bit more what you mean by it - specifically the part where you say: "so self can begin to direct self as the mind in self-honesty".

I look forward to hear from you. Thank you.



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Re: I need help now

Postby Cathy » 13 Apr 2012, 05:11

Cathy wrote:
apply self-forgiveness so self can begin to direct self as the mind in self-honesty.


Hi Cathy:

The above quoted part of your post caught my attention. I would like to understand a bit more what you mean by it - specifically the part where you say: "so self can begin to direct self as the mind in self-honesty".

I look forward to hear from you. Thank you.

Walking the process of self-forgiveness, we face ourselves as our mind as consciousness as our thoughts, feelings and emotions, including secret mind and/or backchat, as well as any reactions towards others which is our mind showing us where we're still allowing the mind to direct us.

Through applying self-forgiveness and remaining aware of breathing we write out those moments- where we have a thought or feeling and/or emotion/reaction and we begin to realize what we've accepted and allowed through and as the direction of and as our mind.
Self-forgiveness assists one's self-honesty to emerge and then one is able to stand within self and direct self as the mind in and as self-honesty and in common sense begin to direct self as the mind according to what's best for and as all as one as equal.

It's a moment by moment process of directing self within self-willed self-corrected actions and accumulating self daily, breathing, walking.

By the way is your name Ella or Ebba? lol - I've noticed both



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Godline
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Re: I need help now

Postby Godline » 13 Apr 2012, 11:07

I will give you another example: the other day, and this has happened many times, I had people over at my place. We were all conversing and for a moment or so, I had a quiet time -- as I was listening to the conversation and not talking. The moment I had this very brief 'idle time', my head started to sway gently and my entire body was completely relaxed. Of course when this happened, I immediately started to talk and the movement stopped. I analyzed what was happening during that 'idle time' -- like I always do -- whether a specific word(s) I was hearing triggered the ‘movement’ etc. Well I found that nothing of that sort occurred. I had no thoughts, was not 'feeling' any emotions, no words in my head or anything like that. Just here with my body - that's all.

i have followed this in myself Ella and what i found in it was acceptance or forgiveness of self, or enlightnment of mind, whatever people call letting go of ones ego, it goes on. But its removal of emotion with acceptance of what your hearing and you become put in the state of no mind or the above. If you chose to follow it more, it leads you to a point in yourself that allows you to let go of what your mind wants to hold onto, and you will find that you become one with your breathing and your state of self in the present moment. Everyone has their own way of finding that within themselves, as in what im posting is the same as everything Desteni, Eckhart Tolle, and the bible shows. It just a state of acceptance of everything. If you can accept what is, then you will begin to allow yourself to see what it is your mind has locked up. You have to trust yourself in that you know who you are, but their are personal walls that you have up based on your past that you have up, meaning from my past i put up a wall when my dad yelled at me for not listning to him. The fact was i was listening to what he was saying, but i couldn't understand why he was yelling because his parents did the same thing to him, and so on. This goes on before i was born with parents and so on. Its a learned behavior. In finding this in myself i was able to look past the man and the emotion and therefore see that the wall i had built around this moment didn't need to be their anymore as my dad is like us all and had his own walls to deal with. Sure i couldn't show him this as i was smaller, but i can accept now that he wasn't that emotion and was more of a robot directed by his emotion in that moment. This allowed me to accept that moment as it was him not in control and i was able to let it go. And that was just one of the many i started with. But the great thing about in seeing that is you can now used that as a tool to search out the things that you have walls around to look at those moments that hold onto and see that you are amazing and accepting, as sometimes, even the people that are on here putting my other posts down, are only defending the walls they have in themselves. Only true acceptance of ones self can see the truth, that emotion is a defence tool used by the mind to defend the walls they haven't looked at, and the only thing you can do in that case is either love the people that are in here, no matter what they say, or leave. I can't force anyone to see what i have to say as truth, but i know in myself that i can only love the people that are looking to break those walls down and love them for at least pushing out with what they have, because at least they are trying to live, and i respect Cath and anna for at least wanting to be better people, and thats awesome. i chose to love everyone regardless of what they say to me, and someone calling what i have to say as bullshit is only showing me that what i have is awesome as MC Hammer said in his famous video. "YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS"! But really you can touch this and its something A LOT of people have, just sometimes people get caught up in a belief so much that they defend and attack someone for finding their own way of getting to the same place. :)



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Re: I need help now

Postby SunetteSpies » 13 Apr 2012, 12:07

yeah... thats what i said in short form. Your going to confuse the girl with your words. As much as your words are here, your stuck on the words rather then the point. She has an eating disorder. She wants to end it. Like no longer have the thoughts. Your just puking up stuff that im sure you haven't been in an eating dissorder like i have. Im just saying truth from personal experience, and the points your saying are like wiping your ass with a hula hoop. Where is the end and the answer that will trigger her mind to let go of? IN HER PAST!! IN THE ABUSE!! IN THINGS IN HER PAST! lol Anna shame on you for making someone even more confused.
We have outlined for Ebba the process to be walked to assist and support herself, and what Anna shared was but One Point within the extent of what is/will be required to be walked in assisting and supporting self within one's process. So - really, no need to attack or become nasty towards an individual that shared a point of realisation within the context of her own Process, which was ONE POINT. I suggest reading the thread - the process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application that is required to walked in assisting and supporting self through the process of the Mind, to stop what creates/manifests our self and physical abuse.
And - Anna has been walking here on the Forums and in process for quite some time, and with you essentially becoming nasty/attacking in your post towards an individual that is actually assisting/supporting with sharing a realisation - simply reveals your nature. You have not done any reading/researching into the solutions we propose and that many individuals are walking, but went into immediate resistance/reaction.
So - I suggest slow down, read through the forums before jumping to conclusions in your Mind. We're here assisting and supporting ourselves and each other - so, I suggest you do the same, instead of attacking/being nasty: it's really unnecessary.



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Anna
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Re: I need help now

Postby Anna » 13 Apr 2012, 12:36

By the way is your name Ella or Ebba? lol - I've noticed both
Hi Ebba and Ella or Ebba/Ella

Yes, can you clarify this:

Is Ebba and Ella two different people or are you one person using two names? lol



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Re: I need help now - it's weird

Postby SunetteSpies » 13 Apr 2012, 12:41

Hi Sunette,

Thank you very much for further assisting me. I indeed take my process in segments and when I referred to clear, I meant I felt 'clear' in that moment. When I investigated those movements and ask the questions just like you did, and 'found nothing', I made the assumption that it was simply my body/muscles going into deep relaxation and 'loosening' parts of my body -- as it does loosen and I do feel my physical body 'releasing' itself although I experience myself here and do not feel myself 'lost somewhere'. However, looking at your perspective, I am now a bit confused about whether they are physical releases or not. This kind of 'movements' happens every single time I do my breathing or write my self-forgiveness or even when I talk about it -- like I sense it happening and decide to 'let it go' as it may be my body releasing itself -- because I have been investigating this for I guess over one year and not finding anything else other than what I mentioned.

Do you have any suggestions how else I can be completely certain that it is indeed my body releasing itself and not my mind playing tricks? I am not sure how else to completely test this as I have already tested what you suggested here and keep testing every time. Also, when I say "I am here" or "I am present"-- which I do when this happens, my entire body senses movement and in these moments I am not seeing anything in my mind, not having any visions,thoughts/feelings or emotions etc. If I can describe it, everything feels 'pure' but it is not a feeling or anything -- I am simply describing 'pure' as the experience of what I experience to put it into perspective/words. Since over a year or so now, I cannot even take a deep breath without this happening. When I take a deep aware breath, my body lets go completely -- although I do not pass out or anything, it's as if i become like a 'limp sock' :-) and everything flushes away -- like no tension no nothing. I don't know if I am consciously relaxing my entire body through the deep aware breath or what is really happening - actually it happens with normal breath too -- but only when I stop for a split second and allow the movement to occur and I have tested this many many times -- but it seems to me it (my 'awareness'/inner Self) is always there and I am aware of it physically even when I am busy doing my stuff - but I do not allow the movement for obvious reasons.

I apologize if I am writing a lot about it -- I am trying my best to explain the experience so you can provide me with more assistance. I look forward to your input and to any other tests you may suggest.

Thank you very much.
Ella, understand that – where we as humans are currently existing is in the Conscious-Mind only – and occasionally within the Subconscious Mind when you participate in personality backchat/internal conversations. Within this, you are not yet at all aware of how your Conscious-Mind, Subconscious-Mind and Unconscious-Mind function/exist in the detail of how you pre-programmed it throughout your life.
Therefore, the process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, together with the Desteni I Process we provide, is walking yourself in detail through the Conscious, Subconscious and Unconscious Mind, to stand/become equal-to and one with the entire Mind as all that it consist of and exist as, as parts of ourselves we’ve separated ourselves from. With this – the “relaxed head movements” is not a directive-principled action with you equal-to and one with the physical where you with the human physical body make an directive decision to relax the head/physical. When you’re equal to and one with the physical – ALL movements will be absolutely self-directive as an actual decision made WITH the human physical body as you.

Thus, what you’re experiencing with the head-movements / “relaxation” – is a ‘activation’ that is coming from the unconscious/mind, if you can’t see within the Conscious-Mind / through the Conscious Mind what is activating such movements within the physical; you’re thus looking at an Unconscious-Mind activation.
When one is walking here with/as breath – one is always in directive principle with/as the body, which is/will be a process, because you have to walk through your entire mind first to reach that equality and oneness with the physical, and one utilize walking here with breath to while one walk through the mind to practise standing as the physical.

Another dimension to consider thus, with the head-movements / “relaxation” is a “physical-mind dimensional shift” – where you for a moment separate yourself from the mind/physical and leave the mind in the physical as you shift out of your equality and oneness with the mind and physical. As with for example when you started speaking again – this is you becoming directive with the mind/physical as you in the moment to communicate and then the head-movement / “relaxation” stopped, which indicate that wherever you were before that moment of speaking, was not in a position of equality and oneness as directive principle with you, the mind and physical, so – you were “away somewhere” in those moments. And also, you separate yourself from the environment and others and what you were busy doing, because the moment you spoke again you were “here” and participated in what is here as yourself as the mind, body, environment and others.

When walking process through the mind with the physical – “relaxation” only exist in/as/with the breath, because of the extent to which the physical is actually in fact in pain, due to the integration/manifestation of the mind in the physical, and when you walk through the mind, you’re going to become more aware of pains in the physical as you become aware of yourself as the mind and the systems you created/manifested through it in the physical.

Thus, your head-movement / “relaxation” is a point that is directed by the mind and not yourself, because with walking process, you’ll always be here with the mind, body and environment in direct participation; there will be no ‘automated’ relaxation modes, because you are in fact here with all that surrounds you. If you separate yourself from any part – things ‘happen TO you’ and you’re not in directive principle.

So, what I would suggest doing in such moments, is take a breath – ‘bring yourself back here’ into / as / with the physical, and you will find with taking that breath – the movements will stop, as you are in directive principle of yourself in the physical, and not the mind in that moment.




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