Be Practical When Quitting Porn

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Joseph Floretta
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Be Practical When Quitting Porn

Postby Joseph Floretta » 21 Oct 2013, 10:49

Hi all. So, my apologies for not having viewed all the Desteni-related material in regards to stopping porn addiction, as I have recently took on this stance of life. But, what I have found to be of support over the past few days of having not participated in the use of porn, is the necessity of taking practical, physical steps to move myself away from porn addiction.

Before I realized that this taking of practical steps was the only way of actually quitting porn, I relied solely on my mind and thinking to quit using porn, within this not wanting to see that it was my mind in the first place that has created this porn addiction, and to use my mind to unsort myself out would be very foolish and not at all helpful, as I can see how evasive I can create my mind to believe that I am actually doing the right thing.

How I 'tried' to use my mind to sort out my porn addiction went along the lines of this internal conversation: "Damn, it's really late right now, I need to go to bed so that I can wake up in the morning effectively." Backchat "Oh yeah, I definitely need to go to sleep, but that's not going to happen until I get off, until I masturbate."
And so I set up a scenario in my mind that always portrayed me as 'trying to quit', as if I am making little by little effort in the steps of actually quitting porn addiction, as each night I used justifiers such as, " well, at least I didn't give up so soon and masturbate as soon as I got into bed, I attempted a little bit of a struggle before giving in," always lying to myself that I was actually getting somewhere, when I myself created the unresigning backchat that I was not going to be able to sleep until I got off.

So, once I realized that there is no thinking this through, I realized that I must do something else. From here I proceeded to going onto my phone and computer to create blocks that denied access to all porn related searches. This is one of the most crucial decisions one most make if one wants to actually quit using porn, as it will prove to you if you are actually ready/willing to quit using porn. Making the decision now that I am not going to allow myself future opportunities to go back into those easy old ways, as all porn addicts could easily validate doing, is a huge step for moving forward.
The next thing I realized within practically walking myself out of porn addiction is that I should not go to bed unless I am ready to sleep. Instead of wasting time in internal battles before bed that lead to potential compromises, I can read, write, go take a run or do anything other than lie in bed and think about porn.
Another great thing I realized is that I can still masturbate, and when the thoughts come up about placing myself in a position of someone in a porn for example, I can breathe and remind myself that I am here, and do not require outside stimulus to complete a definition I am trying to uphold about myself.
The last and most beneficial step I took is writing myself out to see why in fact I have come to require porn to get through my daily living, saw how it was all based in fear and self interest, and so I was able to forgive myself through writing and resonating my realizations through my beingness, and move on. I will share soon the writings I have in relation to this point.

Please share any practical steps you took within quitting porn addiction for support, as well as all writings you think may be of help. Thanks!



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sylvia
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Re: Be Practical When Quitting Porn

Postby sylvia » 21 Oct 2013, 12:30

Here are a few links in case you haven't found them yourself:

DIP You Tube channel where the Google Hangouts about porn are posted
https://www.youtube.com/user/DesteniIPr ... ture=watch

The Porn Alt Delete Facebook group
https://www.facebook.com/pornaltdelete?fref=ts

A blog with various authors about porn and quitting porn
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com
Instead of wasting time in internal battles before bed that lead to potential compromises, I can read, write, go take a run or do anything other than lie in bed and think about porn.
Another great thing I realized is that I can still masturbate, and when the thoughts come up about placing myself in a position of someone in a porn for example, I can breathe and remind myself that I am here, and do not require outside stimulus to complete a definition I am trying to uphold about myself.
The last and most beneficial step I took is writing myself out to see why in fact I have come to require porn to get through my daily living, saw how it was all based in fear and self interest, and so I was able to forgive myself through writing and resonating my realizations through my beingness, and move on. I will share soon the writings I have in relation to this point.
Cool Joseph you came up with these personal steps to move you out off porn.

With every addiction it is important to see and realize what triggers lead you going into the addiction.

-recognizing the trigger point
-breathe
-deciding in the moment that you are not going to be directed by this trigger
-breathe
-taking your decision into action
-watch your breathing
-any emotions or fears that occur, write them down and write them out in the moment or when appropriate
-write down what went well and what still needs adjustment
-use the points that went well to create yourself an environment that is supporting and assisting you, instead of tempting and triggering you
-don't avoid situations when you already mastered some self-directiveness, don't tempt yourself when you are not stable yet, avoid it for the time being
-when things do get rough when quitting an addiction know there is still the 4-count breath technique to calm you down and get you back in the here and now
-falling into the addiction doesn't mean you suck, you simply need to reconsider your starting point and do the quitting patiently, take baby steps
-succeeding in quitting the addiction will make you confident and enables you to trust yourself again, because starting an addiction is one thing, quitting is self-power.



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Gian
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Re: Be Practical When Quitting Porn

Postby Gian » 21 Oct 2013, 22:23

Hey Joseph Floretta.

Cool post here - I like the practical steps you are giving here, I have walked those exact same steps within me stopping Porn addiction.

here are some extra things that i have done to stop porn and some realizations/perspectives to help anyone here.

First of all, I have realized within walking my process through the years in relation to porn that it starts with everything I do in my day, when i watch TV or when I listen to the Radio or Music or when I am simply walking down the street or in a conversation, that the porn is already happening in my mind in what I see within my environment and then what I make up in my mind from what I am seeing within my environment. this is what I see as the small Little points, the details, because what I saw was that I will see women and men all around me, I will hear women and men speaking and or singing, and I will within these physical thing shape my own private Radio in my head, making comments and announcements on the females and males within the environment.

I will comment or make an announcement on a females body and then make a comments on the parts, and within making the comments I will assess what i Like or Dislike, and accordingly keep looking and entertaining my mind/consciousness on these points.

so lets give an example - i am sitting in a restaurant and then a women comes in, the moment she hits the door I am already looking and in that single moment I have already identified Body parts and or characteristics of the women, and as quick as quick can be I have already on just seeing the body in its totally identified if I like or dislike, and thus - if I will entertain my eyes/mind or not within looking more, and then lets say I like what I see with my mind I will now make the announcement on the best part of the females body and then make comments in my head, these comments generate energy and then attraction. and this is obviously sex related, always, and thus i am actually setting up a Porn scene in my head, like behind in the studio, and all of this is happening quite quick - and then as the women goes in and sits down I will starts reacting and acting in response to the female that just walked in within my personality and who i am, as a way of adjusting myself to get attention from this female somehow, even though I know this will go nowhere and nothing will happen because she has a Boyfriend with her, but I do it anyway, I am kind of taking on a Porn actor personality, a better me that this female will want to have in bed and so the game is on, i am already within all of this actually having porn in my head/imagination.

through this the practical steps I took was red flagging such moment for myself within my daily live, when I catch myself looking at a ass, or at boobs, or legs or arms or the entire body or specific parts of anyone in my environment, I would change my behavior in that moment to STOP the behavior, to Breathe and let go, and to practically direct myself and whats happening within myself within common sense as simplicity, its just an ass, its boobs that is designed to feed a baby, its legs that are made for walking and moving around, it is arms made for moving things and making things, its an entire body that's here as my own body that is Bones covered in meat and skin - I remove within these common sense Physical points the energy that I have attached to all the parts as the Imagination, and then I realize that if I stop the imagination then there is suddenly nothing, so why was it ever real to me in my head and within me as a energetic experience/addiction?

is like looking at a ass and then there is a automatic response in our heads that go - OOOHH YHEAAA!! - that Oh Yhea has a entire definition/meaning/memory behind it with a energy attached to it added by self through learning from those that's gone before us, we just placed it into a few simple contained sounds/words and then use those every-time instead of saying - I like that ass because i masturbated to a ass like that my first time when I was 11 and it was the only magazine I had in the house which i found underneath my dads bed and then took that one picture to my room, because my friend said one day at school that his older brother said that a man must like a women's ass when it is small and tight and round and then a man must want to tap that which means he wants to take his thing and put it in her thing and then this is what a man must do and now i like this ass because of that moment very long ago that I have forgotten and don't really remember Yet I will say that - I LIKE THAT ASS - but all i have to do now is say - OOOHH YHEAA!! which contains all that information in two words/sounds.

obviously this also took a lot of writing and self forgiveness for myself in my Journal on pen and paper and then practicing these points. because Porn on the Computer is simply a easy direct access of what we do daily in our minds, and its more clear and naked to our eyes, so we make it seem more, yet it is within the daily moments in what we have defined as Normal moments that we are accepting and allowing the energetic charges to have an effect, and to have justifications for why they have such effects on us, and then when it comes to porn we go OH YHEA this is what I like. but is it really what we each as individuals like, when daily magazines/TV and normal regular shops in the malls tells us what we should like, what is nice and pretty and then we do that to ourselves All day in our own minds as-well? these are some questions i was asked and asked myself to support and assists myself within stopping the porn addiction.

In the end in simplicity it is skin, that's all it is, no matter what shape, no matter what size, its all just skin touching, the exact same stuff we all have. what ever extra comes in is what we make it to be in our imaginations and through our acceptances and allowances as a global consciousness.



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Joseph Floretta
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Re: Be Practical When Quitting Porn

Postby Joseph Floretta » 22 Oct 2013, 23:30

here are some extra things that i have done to stop porn and some realizations/perspectives to help anyone here.

First of all, I have realized within walking my process through the years in relation to porn that it starts with everything I do in my day, when i watch TV or when I listen to the Radio or Music or when I am simply walking down the street or in a conversation, that the porn is already happening in my mind in what I see within my environment and then what I make up in my mind from what I am seeing within my environment. this is what I see as the small Little points, the details, because what I saw was that I will see women and men all around me, I will hear women and men speaking and or singing, and I will within these physical thing shape my own private Radio in my head, making comments and announcements on the females and males within the environment.

I will comment or make an announcement on a females body and then make a comments on the parts, and within making the comments I will assess what i Like or Dislike, and accordingly keep looking and entertaining my mind/consciousness on these points.
Awesome. Having been walking the process of working backwards the details and origins for creating/entertaining/participating in sexual/pornographic fantasies has been extremely beneficial and essential to work through -- seeing how the little points, the details of this 'mental make-up of character,' start with everything that we do in our lives, and within the realization of how all of these points compound together and form the personality/mind that can't seem to stop entering the exploitation of others, sexually (mentally, via imagery; and physically), we can stop the trigger points--the little reasonings that are so deeply rooted into our self definition that we don't realize has been effecting us until writing out in self honesty what led to the point of abuse of porn and sex--that form as another part/reason about ourselves that will justify this sort of behavior.

For me, I allowed myself to use my environment as society as a justification for the abuse of sex, wherein I also experienced the 'private radio,' too. In self realizing my trigger points, I was always afraid of being alone and not in a romantic relationship because I saw how loads of people were in relationships and seemed to be the most happy, as most of my desires to survive as mind are based in the pursuit of happiness, but since gave myself all sorts of reasoning to be too afraid to get myself involved with meeting other people, and I clung on to fears that if I were ever let down/rejected it would add onto further depiction of self despair and self un appreciation of myself along the lines of 'I do not look good enough/I am not smart enough/I am not compassionate or romantic enough/I am not worthy enough' to be with that person, and thus would make me feel more shitty about myself. Within this, I used polarity to keep me trapped, as it was easier to stand in self pity than standing one and equal to all self judgment and then letting go and starting over, so I used porn and the secret mind of wanting to sleep with everyone that appeals to my sense of likes/desires as a point of hope that I do not always have to be in this point of feeling inferior to the point of having romantic relationships and sex -- all in all so I wouldn't have to change myself and my relationships to my self worth/identity for real. I would just keep playing on the same habit: be afraid of acceptance from others; use porn to feed the imagination and use the energy to pretend that everything is alright because I have that point of release/escape; and thus never allow myself to change in the name of ego as 'managing my problems on my own'; and thus still be afraid of acceptance from others.

And so what I have been working on within walking this path is writing out everything that I judge myself for, in regards to firstly my looks. I realized everything that I judge myself as not worthy enough based on my looks has originated from how I judge other people according to my self definition as to what is beautiful. I for example have felt less than beautiful when I have had acne, but only because I have judged other people with acne as not looking the most pretty based on my alignment with culture as having to be flawless. I realize that my fear of not being worthy enough is not actually based on other peoples opinions about me then, but my opinions about other people in comparison to myself, where my opinions about myself through that comparison of others is based on fear of not being the best, not being the one to enter the 'top notch relationship/sexual scene'. And so what I have been doing is stopping the judging of others, which was really judging of myself to see if I can compete so I can be the one that 'has the best relationship' over another. And thus I have realized that when I judge I am giving the ok to everyone else that this is acceptable to do, to judge people, because if it isn't permissible to do, I would 'like to believe' that I'd find the heart to change my ways; and so therefore I am part of the problem of that there exists fear of acceptance on a global level because I accept and allow in on my individual level.

And so being able to see that this is not supportive of life because of the justifications that follow, such as ok well since this fear is here I can entertain porn in my mind to escape and never see that change is viable, I was able to stop the judgment about myself when it arises to judge other people about how they look/carry themselves about society, and live practically here in the physical seeing/accepting/allowing the truth that when I accept this fear of myself by judgement of others to be my life, its ok for everyone else to do the same, I stand equal to the example I place to others, and within the message and support of 'this abuse ok to do,' it's obvious to see that not everyone can handle addiction the same, and thus rapists, etc., exist. This was a cool point of realizing my responsibility to be a physical example here, to help me stop porn for the time that its been.

Awesome recaps of experience and what you went through to change your ways, thanks, Gian!



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Joseph Floretta
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Joined: 03 Feb 2013, 06:17

Re: Be Practical When Quitting Porn

Postby Joseph Floretta » 22 Oct 2013, 23:34

With every addiction it is important to see and realize what triggers lead you going into the addiction.

-recognizing the trigger point
-breathe
-deciding in the moment that you are not going to be directed by this trigger
-breathe
-taking your decision into action
-watch your breathing
-any emotions or fears that occur, write them down and write them out in the moment or when appropriate
-write down what went well and what still needs adjustment
-use the points that went well to create yourself an environment that is supporting and assisting you, instead of tempting and triggering you
-don't avoid situations when you already mastered some self-directiveness, don't tempt yourself when you are not stable yet, avoid it for the time being
-when things do get rough when quitting an addiction know there is still the 4-count breath technique to calm you down and get you back in the here and now
-falling into the addiction doesn't mean you suck, you simply need to reconsider your starting point and do the quitting patiently, take baby steps
-succeeding in quitting the addiction will make you confident and enables you to trust yourself again, because starting an addiction is one thing, quitting is self-power.
Hey Sylvia. Thanks for this awesome template -- this should be the forefront of every addicts' recovery model. Will definitely use to help fill in the blanks to the full picture of my addictions. Thanks



Matti Freeman
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Re: Be Practical When Quitting Porn

Postby Matti Freeman » 26 Oct 2013, 20:15

Another point which I have found assisting not just regarding stopping porn, but stopping participation within any point of energetic stimulation that has been 'a part of my life' for a long time -- is to realize and remind myself and make peace with the fact that I don't 'know' what it's like to just be here without this point of stimulation / energy -- that's something I'm going to have to discover / learn.
I found this point supportive when I'd be experiencing a moment where there's a temptation to give in and go and participate in that point of stimulation - whether porn, or some reaction, or some thought, or depression, or really anything that, up until this point has just been 'part of who I am and how I experience myself' -- to remind myself that -- I'm going to get through this, I'm just walking a process of establishing myself within stability as just being here without this point of stimulation -- I'm learning what it is to be here without this point of stimulation.

Because I initially had the tendency to want to 'experience' immediate stability and 'freedom' from the point of stimulation / addiction - but in that just creating a new point of stimulation / energy / feeling based on an idea/ expectation -- which then I'd have to maintain, and where I would eventually drop out of that 'positive point' and feel like 'oh I've failed at being stable / free from that addiction', and then be tempted to 'go back' to the addiction point -- when in reality -- I didn't 'fail' at being here / stable as breath -- I'm walking a process of learning to be here without creating any expectations / ideas about how I'm going to experience myself

So with porn for example what I found effective with that was to stick to the basics of just Breathe - Stop - Breathe - Stop - Breathe - Stop -- to not try and analyze the moment of temptation or think about it but to just simply -- STOP and breathe, and STOP and breathe --- like if you were wanting to quit drinking alcohol for example -- it's simply a point of -- don't pick up the bottle - don't go to the bar - don't buy the alcohol -- realizing that obviously it's going to be a process of learning what it is to just be here without alcohol, but that eventually I'll be okay being here without it because - it's just an addiction and it didn't always exist in me and therefore -- I can be here without it



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Denise
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Re: Be Practical When Quitting Porn

Postby Denise » 26 Oct 2013, 23:46

This is an awesome thread! It can apply/does apply, like Matti said to other things, not just porn addiction. I was addicted to sadness/energetic responses with regard to abuse, violence toward a family member. This week I decided to stop participating in the drama FOREVER surrounding the murder of my parent. I decided that the addiction to the energy was harming me. it was harming my family, it was all-consuming and it's taken me a full year to stop altogether and this past week, an opportunity arose to get caught up in the drama again and I started to go into depression/energetic responses to and as sadness. I EMPHATICALLY TOLD MYSELF NO, I BREATHED. I REALIZED THAT MY ADDICTION WAS SEPARATING ME FROM OTHER BEINGS....I let go and had some moments of connecting with others because I chose to not be in my head about the past and why/how I got to the point of being addicted to sadness/energetic responses......... it's cool how the support here can apply to many addictions, not just one. Thanks all for sharing support and experiences within stopping/quitting addictions:)



Matti Freeman
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 22:40

Re: Be Practical When Quitting Porn

Postby Matti Freeman » 27 Oct 2013, 04:22

Cool Denise, thanks for sharing



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Anna
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Re: Be Practical When Quitting Porn

Postby Anna » 27 Oct 2013, 10:14

I agree. Awesome thread guys!



Nick
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Re: Be Practical When Quitting Porn

Postby Nick » 04 Aug 2014, 20:33

(copied from my thread - introducing myself, Nick)

Something I found out these days is that I judge more that I thought. I judged myself for watching porn. I was like porn is bad and wrong.
Yesterday I watched 3 short videos of porn. Then I stopped it and masturbated myself to get myself away from porn. I thought at least it better than having these images in my mind. I try to not feel guilty about it anymore. It doesn't work to blame myself. It doesn't work to call porn bad or wrong. Its a judgement. And when I tell myself that it is wrong that it becomes a forbidden area.

Porn is not bad and not wrong. But it does not serve me. It is not healthy for my system, it is not beneficial for my being.
If I call it bad or wrong, than a part of myself will go like ''fuck it, fuck the world, fuck your judgements, fuck yourself, fuck your perceptions of the yourself and the world, fuck the universe, I don't want to deal with all that so I am going to watch porn''.
It is unbelievable how this works but it is like this. Judgments does not work. They create a bigger problem. Judgements create problems from problems and problems from solutions. hahaha isnt it fascinating.




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