Addiction and Brainwash

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Ann
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 06:37
Location: Belgium
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Re: Addiction and Brainwash

Postby Ann » 15 Aug 2011, 21:53

I used to be a gamer as well, I enjoyed to play games, all kind of games. I wasn't really addicted, I just didnt knew what better to spend my time with since I was stuck in depression mode a lot, saw the world fucked up, didnt knew how I could change it, was stuck in inferiority complex feels not good enough to really do anything or be afraid to go out and activly do things because I would imagine everything going wrong and that I would fail or people would ridicule me or something bad would happen etc...

At a time I started to play world of warcraft, I played it for months. I got to the highest level and tried out all characters. Once I was at high level, I got bored because I liked the questing and adventure and new things. But then at a high level its all about raiding and fighting and I disliked that. So I stopped.

So it was a pre-occupation which is similar to an addiction. You can still game, for example an hour a day, but dont let it pre occupy your life or your day. Through discovering desteni I learned to direct myself, stop my inferiority complex step by step and push myself through my fears and not allow those thoughts of doom to stop me from doing things or feeling like shit. So within that I also participate with desteni, I blog and vlog, do desteni art, am writing a book, go to university to become more effect in this system, comment on videos and reach out in various ways. So when you learn to do these things, direct yourself in your life, you dont allow yourself to let gaming for example control your day.
So I can relate to what joe kou shared here as well.
It are often distractions for people, who spend time in their own world and bubble while the world turns to shit, while we support a system of worldwide abuse. Some dont care, because they have been programmed to not care, and they will just live for their own pleasure and for example game a lot and not change anything or want anything to change.
But if you do care, you wont allow that.



TangKaChung
Posts: 14
Joined: 01 Aug 2011, 16:32

Re: Addiction and Brainwash

Postby TangKaChung » 18 Aug 2011, 09:48

Writing about games addiction(16/8/2011 Diary)

When i stay at home ,i just want to have entertainment and stimulation ,i don't want to get bored and harassment ,I don't want to face all my fear ,anxiety ,pressure ,I have allowed my home to be the best place for me to VENT and ABUSE extensively.

I means, there are so many problems,specially in the time when i am studying desteni ,i understand and realize so many things ,I begin to understand my responsibilities and Duties ,I realize I have a long road to walk.

At the same time ,I failed and I blamed myself, I fall into choas ,I can't refind the stability and peace which I used to have, all I see inside myself are conflicts and fear .I means ,I listen a great deal of Bernard's material , some of his document i have listened more than 10 times ,likes "revenge of the ego",or "Close a Door ,that a Door may open" And ,his words do fuck with me because I am willing to consider his message for real.

At the same time ,I saw my self forgiveness isn't as effective as I thought ,I always thought about my future ,job ,money ,family ,the relationship between Desteni and I ,karma. I begin to feel pressure and anxiety concerning these things .

So ,I start to fear ,I start to run ,I start try to forget,I don't wanna face the mess within me.So ,I start addicted to games and porns(without masturbation),
because ...........just let me run and hide.Thatz why I am addicted to games.

Yes ,I utilize addiction for me to hide and forget.Because my life is in pain ,I am struggling bewteen standing up for real and fearing to lose .So ,just let me to be entertained and stimulation ,I don't want to face those who are suffering as I will feel shame and guilt for this.

So,here ,I see I suppress myself tightly ,I control all my behaviors by my fear and alertness, believeing that I have self will and free choices.
i see i demand and blame myself in my whole life , giving hope and goals to let me feel good ,prove that I AM NOT LESS THAN ANYONE by trying to prove I AM BETTER THAN SOMEONE.

I never dare to enjor success and other's appreciation ,because I deserve all of these ,I am just having the little step to success, those appreciations just prove my fear is fake.

For now ,will I retry and reconsider the compelte applicaion of principle living in my life?
NO ,unless I can fully forgive my fear of having racial change ,
unless I give up the toys which are used for me to mental masturbate,
unless I can fully embrace Breath and forgiveness .

Standing up for life is not simply a slogan
Standing up for life is not a faith
Standing up for life can't be self definied
Standing up for life needs to prove for real in self honest

End(I am not as expressive in words as most of you )



TangKaChung
Posts: 14
Joined: 01 Aug 2011, 16:32

Re: Addiction and Brainwash

Postby TangKaChung » 18 Aug 2011, 10:09

How I keep my addiction "alive" to suppress myself for 5 to 13 hours a day

1.I play a game which have many characters ,modes

2.I change game charecters and modes fast(to keep me being stimulated high)

3.I change many different games (3 to 4 types , RPG ,MMOPRO ,STRATEGY) (to keep me being stimulated high)

4.In every different game ,i will repeat '1.' and '2.' again

5.Tomorrow I will the same as today (to keep me being stimulated high)



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joe kou
Posts: 451
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 22:52

Re: Addiction and Brainwash

Postby joe kou » 18 Aug 2011, 16:41

How I keep my addiction "alive" to suppress myself for 5 to 13 hours a day

1.I play a game which have many characters ,modes

2.I change game charecters and modes fast(to keep me being stimulated high)

3.I change many different games (3 to 4 types , RPG ,MMOPRO ,STRATEGY) (to keep me being stimulated high)

4.In every different game ,i will repeat '1.' and '2.' again

5.Tomorrow I will the same as today (to keep me being stimulated high)
cool - you have laid out the pattern/script that you are currently using.

so now consider the new script that you will use whenever you see this pattern coming up again. a point that i had difficulty with was actually applying self corrective statements and applying myself within actually changing - because self forgiveness is able to stop the pattern and delete the energy around it, but unless i am the one who stands up each time that pattern comes back, i will not actually change and i will only diminish myself each time to do the thing that i 'forgave' myself for doing.




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