Porn Addicts Journey to Life

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Anna
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 01 Dec 2013, 00:40

Hi Anna,

I relapsed a few weeks ago. I have not yet identified
a trigger. Just today i recalled the continuing discussion
and support available here, which helped me initially to
confront and stop my porn addiction a couple months
ago. I did not at all resist this relapse, in fact i barely
noticed it happening, and really did not
consider it to be an issue at all. It once again was so
automatic, and time consuming, to click on porn, scene
after scene after scene, even after no longer stimulated
enough to masturbate. My emotional tone has dropped.
I take this first step once again to stop viewing porn.
The amount, variety and availability of porn online is incredible
and i expected more participation by now from others
seeking help on this site. Perhaps most others viewing
porn do not consider it a problem? What matters here and
now is that i help myself through this, and perhaps
support others who share this struggle to quit porn.
Hi Paolo.

Very cool that you decided to come and share yourself.
Relapses are normal when one is quitting an addiction - because the habit has exactly as you mentioned become automated and therefore it takes a process of 'deprogramming' oneself, both from the habit and from the addiction to the energetic experience that one has derived from watching porn. So the most important thing I would say, is to not judge yourself or be hard on yourself or see it as something negative that you relapsed. There's nothing else to do but to stick to your commitment to stop and to know that the more you don't participate in porn, the easier it will be to refrain from relapsing. I can recommend getting an 'add blocker' on your internet browser, because that will prevent porn adverts from coming up as you surf the web. And then if you do see images that might trigger the desire to watch porn - you can make a commitment for yourself to breathe and remain stable, simply look at the image while breathing through the desire that comes up. It might be intense in the beginning, but the more you let go of the energetic experience of desire, the easier it will be to stop.

I also suggest commencing with writing about the addiction and like a scientist investigate the 'pattern' that is constituting the porn addiction, because through understanding the 'mechanics' of how the addiction work, you can prepare yourself and prevent relapses by seeing the triggers that activate the desire/addiction. Another suggestion is to change your relationship to masturbation and sexuality in general so that you can replace the desire to watch porn with a real sexual expression that isn't based on an addiction to energy, but where you can get to know yourself and enjoy yourself physically as an unconditional expression of yourself. Here I suggest listening to the Masturbation series from Eqafe if you haven't yet - where much support is provided on how to redefine masturbation.

I agree with you that many who watch porn do not consider it a problem, because in many cultures it has now become quite normal to see porn, even in main stream media where it becomes so 'normal' that we no longer notice that what we're looking at is a form of porn that triggers specific energetic reactions within us. However - everyone does know, underneath it all, that porn is not a real sexual expression and that there's a abuse/self-abuse involved in watching porn. But this is how it is with addictions - we find ways to justify them for ourselves so that we can keep being addicted.

It would be very cool if you could continue to share yourself here and the process you go through of stopping this addiction so that it may assist others who are walking the same process.



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paolo
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby paolo » 06 Dec 2013, 19:04

"so, one day, i simply stopped..."

Once again, last week. Positive results literally overnight;
Increased energy and self motivation; higher emotional tone;
Socially comfortable and more communicative.
A renewed optimism toward my potential for a relationship!
It is clear now that one trigger had been my own self-created
Thought that "i will never find a compatible mate..."

Those subtle, but now noticable, thoughts to find a porn fix are now under
my concious control. I find support here to acknowledge, confront, and vanish
these undesirable thoughts... To share this process with others.

In the future, i will acquire a larger device, to enable more convenient
participation in these forums, and perhaps establish my own journal here.
Til then, thanks for sharing this thought-space with me and others, Anna.



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paolo
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby paolo » 16 Dec 2013, 16:07

Continuing success here.
Since last post, I literally "caught" three momentary thoughts directing me toward porn.
I applied the practical steps offered here, and in the other related thread.
Stop, breathe, identify the trigger, reassert my own decision to stop and change.
This is actually an amazing experience, being so self aware, in the world of THOUGHT.
As others have pointed out, this self awareness practice can be applied to self help
Any addiction, or simply to improve ones life toward desired goals.
Thank you again Anna, and others for your support, for sharing your thoughts.



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Anna
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 16 Dec 2013, 18:36

Very cool Paolo!

Grateful to hear.



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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 30 Jan 2014, 16:37

Letting Go of Porn Addiction – Pt. 1 – DAY 23
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... -1-day-23/

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself when it comes to stopping my addiction to pornography

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am unable to stop my porn addiction because I so far have been unable and fallen within this point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is “normal ” with relapses in terms of dependency and use this as an excuse and justification to fall back into my addiction

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and understand that I alone is the determining factor that decide whether I should continue to be addicted to porn or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subject and surrender myself to a mental dependency and make this dependency larger and more relevant than the physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my energy dependency of porn bigger than myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can’t live without pornography and the energy boost this gives me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the simplicity of the solution to stop pornography by just stopping , breathing and thus applying myself in the physical reality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up in myself, stop myself and breathe when the desire to escape to pornography occurs

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate within myself what it is that I am attempting to escape or avoid when the urge to masturbate to porno arise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at pornography in order to generate an excited state and to feel “alive”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the excited state I experience when I look at pornography with life and being alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in this energy generating process, although I know exactly how I experience myself afterwards – tired , depressed , anxious and remorseful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to open the same doors and go down the exact same dead ends even though I know exactly to where they lead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my porn consumption on that I’m “addicted”, in an attempt to abdicate my self-responsibility to a psychological phenomenon that is “beyond my power”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have become more excited the longer time it goes from when I last masturbated, completely without realizing and understanding that it is I myself that generate this excitement by accumulating thoughts and fantasies during this time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape from commitments and relevant activities such as studies and my process of self-honest writing, to pornography and masturbation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my addiction by thinking that I do not have a partner to have sex with and therefore “must have at least something “

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that my many years of pornography addiction has made me unable to have an equal, physical and stable relationship with a woman because I only see her as an object of my sexual desires

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to go into the sexual fantasies whenever I see a woman, and place this woman in pornographic scenes that I have accepted and allowed myself to be conditioned with for years of porn consumption

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to masturbate to pornography even though I know it only prolongs and compounds my addiction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to calculate in my mind whether I, from the perspective of an energy-dependent mind consciousness system, win or lose on stopping my porn consumption

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “try” to stop pornography addiction instead of physically, self-directively and actually stop within and as a decision that is best for me/life

I forgive myself that have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that the word “try” implies that I have already fallen and left the door open to give up, and within this suggesting to myself that there is indeed some other factor outside of myself that is necessary for me to stop

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and understand that the fact that I similar to a zombie allow myself to be automatically controlled and driven by mental energy desires, is reason enough to stop my pornography addiction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the mind direct me instead of physically directing myself within the principle of what is physically best for me/life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need any reason at all to stop my porn consumption

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself so addicted to porn and masturbation that I have physically manifested it in my body in the form of shaking, chills and headache when I have not masturbated to pornography in a few days

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb to and follow my thoughts which like a pushy drug dealer says to me “just one more time, just one last fix!”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body to the extreme point where I can’t masturbate with a physical presence without the use of porn or to go into mental fantasies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate masturbation with pictures and pornography, instead of seeing masturbation as a physical self- expression and an opportunity to be physically intimate with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to masturbate within the starting point of reaching an orgasm, even though I am well aware that I only recharging my energetic mind and thus prolonging my process of self-realization

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate orgasm with life and living, within reasoning that I am the result of an orgasm

To be continued…

I suggest you also listen to the indispensable interview series Shocking Secrets of Masturbation to hear never-before-considered perspectives about masturbation:

https://eqafe.com/series/7-shocking-sec ... sturbation

Pornography Messed up my Sex Life – Life Review – https://eqafe.com/p/pornography-messed- ... ife-review

Shocking Secrets of Masturbation – Relationship Imprinting – Part 1 – https://eqafe.com/p/shocking-secrets-of ... ing-part-1

Life Review – A Cheater in my Mind – https://eqafe.com/p/life-review-a-cheater-in-my-mind

Sunette Spies – Women Masturbate with Common Sense – https://eqafe.com/p/sunette-spies-women ... mmon-sense

What is Sex? – Introduction – Part 1-6 – https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-introduction

Sunette Spies – Sex and Success – https://eqafe.com/p/sex-and-success-sunette-spies

Also check out the Facebook page Porn Alt Delete and watch the live google hangouts on Pornography.



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Anna
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 03 Feb 2014, 23:49

Letting Go of My Porn Addiction – Pt. 2 – DAY 24
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... -2-day-24/

”If you need a picture to masturbate or see a picture and then need to masturbate–you are REACTIVE

Masturbation is NORMAL — masturbating to THOUGHTS and PICTURES is ABNORMAL”
~Bernard Poolman

In this blog I continue to write self-forgiveness and self-commitments on points / relationships I’ve come to realize about myself in relation to masturbation and pornography. I suggest you read the first blog I wrote on the same topic here.

I want to start by clarifying that this is not about judging masturbation itself as something "bad" or "immoral" - but to see and realize how I turned masturbation and sexuality from being an innocent and physical point of self-expression into an energy dependency in complete separation from myself and the physical reality, and to see to what degree I have been enslaving myself within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a physical resistance in my stomach when I’m faced with the decision to stop pornography, and think "I do not want to walk this process", "it will take too long time/too much effort" and "it may not even work”, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act according to these thoughts

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I created my current relationship to masturbation by instructing myself becoming addicted to images / metaphysical energy / fantasies and to react to pornographic images, and what I need to do to stop pornography is simply changing the instructions and step by step, breath by breath walking myself backwards / change the direction of the process and instruct myself masturbating physically / present in the physical world without pictures / fantasies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a resistance to anything that is not rapid, immediate and perceived as "easy"… and I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and understand that behind all that is perceived and that by the system is presented as "easy, "quick” and “immediate”, there exists a chain of consequences, suffering, abuse and sacrifice (just as in the case of consumption of products)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience it as easier to exist within and as the mental / mind and be completely blind to the physical hardships that have made this apparent “ease” possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in a belief that I can’t masturbate without porn, which in turn implies that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my physical penis and the rest of my body doesn’t exist / is alive, but that my physical body is an empty, lifeless shell which is dependent on mental energy / the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the energy “buzz” I experience when I masturbate to pornography / images / fantasies and that this energy is the "ultimate experience" that makes life worth living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm making a big sacrifice and "giving up" something when I stop masturbation to pornography / images / fantasies, when in fact it is the opposite - that in my participation in pornography / images / fantasies / metaphysical energy I am giving up myself as who I really am as the physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can not have any other relationship with masturbation than to pornography, and thus ignore how my relationship with masturbation was as a child, before pornography, when masturbation was an innocent, unconditional and physical self-expression in full presence

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to convert and twist masturbation from being an innocent, physical and unconditional self expression, to being a psychological addiction because I accepted and allowed myself to be hijacked by pornography and develop an addiction to images

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the stress I've submitted my physical body to with my compulsive masturbation - cramps, palpitations, irregular breathing - and associate this condition with something "positive", "life", something "good", when in fact it is uncomfortable, exhausting and painful

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and understand the difficulty of stopping pornography / masturbation based on energy is because I have not yet established a starting point based on self-reliance and a physical relationship with myself, but still define myself as / according to energy

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and understand that all it takes to stop pornography is a process under which I apply Breath -> Decision -> Physical action

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up my relationship with myself as a physical being and my relationship to others in favor of illusory energy experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my process of self-realization by defying myself and my self-forgiveness statements and defying and sabotaging myself by doing the exact opposite to what I see is best for me / life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in the belief that I can never trust myself because I betrayed myself "too many times"

I commit myself to transform my relationship with masturbation from being a mental picture and energy based REACTION into being a physical, equal and one self-expression, with which to develop a physical relationship with myself as a physical being through a process of learning to masturbate physically without images / fantasies / pornography, in physical presence and within focus on the physical sensation and touch of myself

I commit myself to face and push through the resistance I experience in relation to stopping pornography and mental masturbation, by slowing down and breathing until I am stable and grounded within and as the physical reality

When and as I notice that desires are automatically triggered by pictures / memories - I stand up in myself – I breathe - Four seconds in - four seconds out - four seconds in etc.. until the energy and desire has dissipated and I’m stable and grounded within and as the physical reality - because I see and realize that I thus develop self-reliance and a physical relationship with myself

I suggest you also listen to the indispensable interview series Shocking Secrets of Masturbation to hear never-before-considered perspectives about masturbation:

https://eqafe.com/series/7-shocking-sec ... sturbation

Also investigate lite.desteniiprocess.com - a completely FREE online course with buddy support, where you teach yourself how to assist and support yourself to overcome any addictions, fears, anxiety, boredom, relationship problems, and more.

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.



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Anna
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 06 Feb 2014, 19:26

Letting Go of My Part in the Porn Industry: DAY 25
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... ry-day-25/

I suggest reading the two previous blogs on porn before continuing:

Letting Go of My Porn Addiction – Pt. 2 – DAY 24

Letting Go of My Porn Addiction – Pt. 1 – DAY 23

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume pornography, even though I am well aware of the abuses that are a direct consequence and manifestation of this pornography

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume pornography, even though I am well aware that I support a sadistic and misogynist culture in which the woman is merely an object of men’s desires

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to invoke my "free will" and use "all is well entitled to fantasize about what they want" to justify my porn consumption, without asking myself where my "free will" was when I was indoctrinated from childhood with sexism in the media and pornography - and without seeing and understanding that the young women who participate in pornography would not participate in it if it wasn’t for the need to make money to survive and are thus not participating from a position of "free will"

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to ask myself where my own “free will” was when I was exposed to the normalization of the sexism in TV-shows and movies, where my "free will" was when I was exposed to hardcore rape themed porn as a young boy, and where my “free will” was within my parents permissive and allowing stand as "boys will be boys" and "it's normal" when it came to porn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to excuse and justify my consumption of "free" internet pornography with that I at least aren’t nourishing the porn industry with money, without realizing that a big part of the revenues of internet pornography, which globally reaches about 5 billion dollars annually, comes from advertising revenues (Internet Pornography Stats)

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that I also support another person's pornography addiction when I download pornography that this individual is sharing through so-called p2p programs or torrents, and that I within doing so is 1 vote for pornography and, in fact, say "it's OK with pornography, just continue"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spread pornography online, thus doing the opposite of the principle of 'do unto others as you want others to do unto you', in that I now wish I had never been exposed to pornographic images / movies at a young age because I see the harm it has done unto me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support an industry in which the average life of the actors is around 37 years, as a result of drugs, alcohol, suicide, murder, and sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV / AIDS (The Average Life Expectancy of a Porn Star)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the porn industry despite the fact that pornography is increasingly normalizing rape, sadism and torture, and further reinforce the secret and suppressed fantasies and emotions that have already been allowed to germinate in an environment where sex is seen as something "forbidden" and "dirty"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex and sexuality as something "wrong", "forbidden", "disgraceful" and "dirty"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself from my own shame of myself / my physical body and my fear of experiencing humiliation if others were to see my naked body, by looking at pictures / pornography where I see others being humiliated and exposed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that with the suppression of my fear of exposure and humiliation, look at and seek pictures / pornography where others are subjected to humiliation, to not have to face my own fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my power to shame - and in doing so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by exposing someone else to humiliation / shame, I will somehow get back my lost power - therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define humiliation of someone else as "power"

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see that the reason I was afraid to give up my addiction is that I would have to face myself / see who I have come to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to face / see that that which I have accepted and allowed to exist within me

For further points on nakedness and shame read: Day 26 – Hell-th day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the porn industry despite the fact that virtually all sexual sadists, rapists and serial killers with sexual motives, since a young age have been large consumers of pornography and of which many of them mentioned pornography as the starting point in their fantasies / abuse (Ted Bundy Final Interview), and since we are not taught any tools to stop ourselves from manifesting fantasies and act them out on the physical reality it often results in gruesome consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume pornography, despite the recent year’s reports of children as young as 10 years raping other children and reporting that they wanted to be like the adult role models in the porn films they had seen

Read the following reports:

Online porn drove boy of 12 to rape girl, 9: He wanted to 'feel grown up' after viewing explicit images

Children as young as 11 are performing sex acts on rows of boys as online porn turns children into sex attackers

Internet porn and the rape suspects aged TEN

Judge blames 15-year-old boy's internet porn obsession for his rape of girl, 14, in a 'heinous' attack

Babysitting teen, 14, who raped girl, 5, spared custody as judge says he was corrupted by internet porn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore these consequences and backgrounds of suffering and abuse, and instead selfishly chosen to focus on and prioritize my personal and short-term “enjoyment”

I commit myself to take a decision based in the principle of what is best for all, to stop and ban porn from my life based on the daily atrocities that are a consequence of and powered by the porn industry

I commit myself to show and expose the hidden abuse within the porn industry, as well as the dire consequences resulting from it, whenever someone is defending pornography

I commit myself to do everything I can to implement a system that meets the physical needs of all earthlings, and therefore will put an end to greed and survival-based fears, to create beings with actual free will that act in the interest of the whole/life (See Living Income Guaranteed)

For further porn debunking see the following playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P ... 7564FAECDD

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.
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Anna
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 12 Feb 2014, 23:38

Binding Myself With Sex: DAY 26
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... ex-day-26/

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my attention primarily on sex, where I think about sex every 7 seconds, allowing sex to occupy the majority of my existence here on this planet, and allowing myself to be enslaved to sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about sex at work to pass the time while I am at work because I do not want to be at work and sex is an `easy` escape from myself at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about fantasies throughout the day regarding sex allowing myself to be unaware that I am here as life breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to possess myself with the idea of sex because it seems so great within the idea that I have accepted in the mind, and that this idea is so enticing that I must think about it every 7 seconds in order to get an energy fix

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about sex so much that I forget that I am here in this world, that I am here where billions are on the bread line, that I forgot that I am breathing here and that I forget that there are `bigger` things to life than just sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about sex every 7 seconds allowing myself to preoccupy myself with the thoughts and wants/desires of sex wherein I then allow sex to be an easy control of myself, but in this missing that I am controlling myself through holding sex up on a pedestal, making it more than who I am here as life, not being honest that I am the one who creates sex with myself, that sex is not something outside of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy my time with a mass of thoughts regarding sex, sexual fantasies, sexual stories, memories wherein all I then start to think about and become possessed by is sex, wherein I end up blinding myself to what is actually going on in this world because of the amount of thoughts I have accepted and allowed regarding sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place sex on a pedestal as more than me, wherein I then allow myself to think about it as a point of desire, as a point of getting, not realizing that all that is needed for/as sex is me here in breath, and that me here in breath is equal to sex, wherein the only thing that I am in fact desiring within sex is the energy rush that is created through the act of sex, in realizing all of the built up energy within the body through/as the act of sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire sex so much that I allow myself to think about it every 7 seconds which is a clear indication of possession, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself in regards as to why I want sex, how I accepted the want in the first place and why is the want so heavy, in this investigating as to why, it is said that men think about sex every 7 seconds, and why I have blindly accepted sex to be the object of my life throughout adulthood and why as men we think about sex every seven seconds and not remain here in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child become influenced by the media in regards to sex wherein I started to wonder what sex was like because all throughout the media there was such a large consideration placed on getting/having sex, and that all the main characters of movies would have a girlfriend/boyfriend in that imply that they are having sex, or that the goal of the main character is to get a relationship, in this throughout the years notice that this is the pattern and then start to value sex or having a relationship in the same manner wherein I then started to allow myself to become sexually curious by the age of 10, curious about what sex is, what sex was like, and started to place sex on a pedestal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system that influences the people on this Earth to have sex, and to have sex as the main object/goal in life in order to keep humans occupied with desire wherein they then do not question what is going on in this world, nor question why people starve, why people live in poverty, why wars are abundant in human nature, why there is separation between religions etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child realize that this world is quite fucked up but in this allow myself to, as I grow older, and have more experiences with relationships, to engulf my life within self-interest wherein I start to search for sex more and more, search for that first experience of sex, search for a girlfriend, in this allowing myself to blind myself from the fuckupedness of this world, and to even purposely ignore this fucked up world, in order to get that fix within sex for the addiction I have created to energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an addict to sex because of the energy that is created within/as sex and the experience that I create within/as sex in relation to all the past memories and built up anticipation within the act of sex, wherein I then allow myself to ignore this reality when/as I have a desire come up for sex and allow myself to only then think about sex when/as this desire comes up allowing it to fester within me until I become possessed with sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid taking responsibility for myself within the desire for sex through placing myself within separation of the desire, as something that randomly pops up within the mind and which I am ultimately subject to, instead of bringing the point back to myself here and take responsibility for creating the desire through investigating what in fact triggered the thoughts and wants of sex in the first place in this realizing myself within sex, realizing how I in fact created myself this way in relation to sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place sex within the ultimate desire, wherein I then allow myself to search for this ultimate desire because I have accepted and allowed a definition of ultimate desire to exist within me, in this guiding my life within/as finding the ultimate desire, in this disregarding myself here as life in that which supports me to exist here in this life through taking this life and making it into desire, instead of giving back to life in which was given to me in equality and oneness, meaning instead of taking this life and making it desire, give my life back to life and back to myself wherein I give up the self-interest to make life the best life possible on this planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sexualize everything in my life, clothes, hair, money, way of walking, way of communication, facial expressions, lips, eyes, words, etc, etc allowing myself to throughout walking this life be continually stimulated within sex, because I have accepted and allowed myself to place sex as the relation point within myself within this world, not allowing myself to see life in all ways always, but to only see sex in all ways, always, allowing myself to limit myself as life to the single manifestation of/as sex, not allowing myself to be who I am in fact as life, as sex is not life entirely it is only a single manifestation of/as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to before I go out, make sure I look sexually appealing to the opposite sex, so that I can create that desire within myself, instead of making sure that I am stable within breath before I go `out` and make sure that I am the directive principle as my movements and actions as I walk this Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energy to be the direction of myself while walking this earth, looking for the next energy fix within/as sex or money or happiness, or positivity allowing myself to be possessed by energy within/as the addiction to the feeling of/as energy wherein I then do not see life here because I as life have abdicated my responsibility to/as life in order to get energy, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not, as life, be the directive principle of myself as I walk this Earth, making sure that I as life do all that I can in order to make this world and life livable in a dignified existence for all life on this planet, in all ways, always, wherein I commit myself to making sure that there is absolutely no point in this entire universe where someone has less suitable living conditions than another, and make sure that all life here is supported equally as myself as life, committing myself to life for life as life as that is what I am in fact, in this realizing that I am not desire, that I have placed desire in separation of myself, and that the object of desire as sex is in fact irrelevant because me here as life breathing is in fact equal to sex within the physical.

I commit myself to stopping the desire for sex through thoroughly investigating myself in relation to sex, I who I am in relation to sex, using the tools of self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty in order to get to the root cause of my relationship to sex and re-create my relationship to sex as equality and oneness as myself here in every breath as life.

I commit myself to letting go of the self-interest direction of myself in/as life and commit myself to making sure that all life everywhere on this planet and in existence is worth living through, in this life, dedicating myself to implementing the equal money system wherein all life here is supported as life.

I commit myself to show how we as humanity have disregarded life, as clearly shown through the current state that the world exists in, in order to fulfill our desires, again as clearly shown through the current state that the world is in, and that what we have done is in fact a crime against life that we will never be forgiven for, and that we must forgive ourselves for creating

I commit myself to placing sex within the physical within/as breath, using the tool of/as masturbation to support myself in investigating myself within/as sex within using breath and sticking to the physical and stopping the desire placed within the mind, manifested through/as the creation of porn and the usage of porn.



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Anna
Posts: 3724
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 17 Feb 2014, 15:54

Using Porn to Suppress My Emotions: DAY 27
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... ns-day-27/

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.


Self-Forgiveness on Using Porn to Suppress My Emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use porn as a method to hide from the negativity that I feel within any given moment - viewing porn to alleviate myself from any negative experience that I exist within in any given moment - allowing myself to suppress the emotions within me within viewing porn - not allowing myself to understand myself within the emotions nor allowing myself to transcend the emotions by/as standing in equality with them as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resort to a form of abuse within the usage of porn to avoid the emotions that I create within myself - creating more abuse through the avoidance of the emotions that I create, and in this allowing myself to create a relationship with myself and feelings of fear and evasion through allowing myself to view porn when/as I go through emotional experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not go through the emotions that I experience in any given moment and walk myself within them - understanding how I created the emotions and what they are connect to so that I can move through the emotions within equality and stop them as me so that I stop myself from further creating abuse through the viewing of porn to make myself happy through stimulating the chemicals within the body that I have attached to viewing porn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resort to methods of stimulation through viewing porn or eating candy when I experience any emotions, allowing myself to create abuse and support abuse through the abdication of responsibility for myself within creating the emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate myself within the emotions that I am creating within myself and investigate how I've created the emotions and what I;'ve connected the emotions to within my reality to see how I am creating these emotions, but through viewing porn I abdicate my responsibility that I have for myself within the emotions and abdicate the responsibility in knowing myself within how I create the emotions from the connections that I have made within myself to reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a quick fix to the emotions that I fell through the usage of porn, wanting an immediate high in regards to feelings and emotions - not realizing that any solution that would provide a stable long lasting real solution will involve time and effort that I put into the solution as myself in breath - and that through viewing porn to suppress emotions - I give myself no chance to create a long lasting solution to myself in the emotions and feelings and transcend myself within creating the emotions and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that a quick fix solution to myself within the emotions is not going to be a real permanent solution but only a temporary avoidance of the emotions through creating feelings ontop of the emotions to avoid the emotions that are still sitting there underneath the feelings - creating a blind for myself in seeing myself within the emotions through layering myself within the mind in feelings and emotions to avoid the negativity that I experience in the emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use porn to blind myself from the experience of emotions that I create within myself as I walk through my day and reality - blinding myself from living any real solution to myself within manipulating myself with emotions and feelings so that I can get a rush of positive energy through attempting to avoid the experience of emotions - not realizing that it is the same things no matter if I have feelings or emotions within me - the same points exists within each wherein I will attempt to make more feelings when I have feelings and I will attempt to make feelings when I experience emotions - feelings being positive and emotions being negative - all leading down the exact same path of actions and habits

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate the darkest points within me and understand myself in them walking through them to see myself within them - but to attempt to avoid and evade the darkest points within me through/as creating feelings within myself to put a veil over the emotions that I experience - blinding myself from myself seeing myself within the negativity through creating feelings overtop of the emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that viewing porn is only creating more veils and covers from myself when experiencing emotions and that in this I am creating more and more covers to myself when I experience emotions - not allowing myself to see myself within the negativity that I create, or the lows that I create, but through as moving into a high through viewing porn I separate myself here from grounding myself within walking myself in the emotions that I feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I experience emotions I am able to write myself out and investigate myself in the emotion and understand myself in the emotion and what I've connected it to within my reality, and within this I am able to forgive the connection to it and walk myself in correction within the emotion - and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a quick easy fix to myself in the emotions by viewing porn instead of giving myself the time and effort to sit here with myself and write myself out in self honesty to get down to the point of myself in which I am accepting and allowing these emotions for a specific reason or purpose to further self interest - which in this clearly seems to be for an influx of feelings through/as viewing porn or eating candy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself in the connection to the emotions that I create within myself while walking in my reality through allowing myself to view porn as a point of suppression of the emotions that I feel - not allowing myself to see or come to a solution for myself in the emotions that I've created and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've only been avoiding myself in actually living solutions from by/as walking myself in the emotions that I create through allowing myself to look for a positive experience when feeling emotional

I commit myself to when/as I feel an emotion to sit down with myself when I have the next available time to write myself in the emotion and allow myself to walk through the emotion with myself in equality and oneness - and in this not looking for a positive experience from/as writing myself out or applying self forgiveness but to write myself out unconditionally, not hiding from myself - forgiving myself from the point of forgiving myself for connection the emotions and feelings - not from a point of looking for the opposite experience to the negativity that I've created

I commit myself to stop looking for a positive experience to hide from the negative experience of myself within and to face myself in the emotion that I've created and to walk myself out of the emotion - not into the opposite, but to self direction within equality and oneness with myself in this world to actually see myself and what is here by/as stopping the veils that I've created within myself by creating feelings ontop of emotions

I commit myself to when/as I am viewing porn to hide from myself in the emotions that I feel or eating candy or sleeping or entertaining myself - whatever it may be - to stop myself in that moment and walk myself in writing and investigating myself in self honesty of the emotions that I am creating and experiencing, facing myself in seeing myself in the experience and see what I've connected to it - in this forgiving myself in the emotions, allowing myself to see myself.



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Anna
Posts: 3724
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 18 Feb 2014, 14:14

Looking at Women on the Street and in My Mind: DAY 28
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... nd-day-28/

In the past few posts I've been writing about the desire for energy and within the desire for energy comes the specific example of sex and masturbation wherein as the mind starts to get sex on the mind the desire for the energy from within/as sex or masturbation to/as the images of sex existent within the mind becomes very enticing for myself and I start to want the energy within sex or masturbation to porn to the extent that I allow myself to give into the desire for energy even though the images and ideas within the mind are not valid or real when put into context within the physical reality and/or physical intimacy with myself or another.

Within this post I will be writing about staring at women on the street or in public and the objectification of women and the images that pass within/through/as the mind as the sight of a female image enters the mind and how through allowing myself to participate in the objectification of women for/as sex and as sexual images I allow myself to build up that energy that, soon enough, becomes overwhelming and I allow myself to become possessed by the energy and want/desire for sex and/or masturbation to the female objectification existent within porn

Starting at the main point. When/as I am in the car or out in public - walking along a street or at a mall or at a coffee shop etc, if I see a female whom I define as physically attractive I will look and stare at the body parts of the girl and from that quickly create images of what the body looks like based on the definitions that I have created within the mind of what is sexually attractive. This happens quite often. I mean I can be driving and not really be paying attention to much else other than driving and in the peripheral vision catch a glimpse of a female and then quickly turn my head and look and create the images, create the fantasies and create the energy via the images and fantasies.

Throughout my process I've applied stopping to this point time and time again to which I have allowed myself to give into the fantasizing and having the images be quite clear within the mind to create the energy. Within this I've wanted the point of looking at women to just simply disappear and within wanting it to disappear I become frustrated and angry with myself that I am continuing to stare, fantasize, imagine what a girl would look like, and what having sex with said girl would be like. I see that this is not going to happen, meaning that looking at women is just not going to disappear from me without effort on my part. What I've failed to realize in the past within this point, is that as I stare and as I look and as the images come up, any moment in which I allow the energy, the desire, the want, the lust, for a girl to reside within me without correction is where/how I've been allowing myself to fall and simply not correct myself. In this, now, I see that since it is not going to disappear so `easily` that each time that it comes up, the key is to breathe, separate myself from the images, separate myself from the thought, give myself back direction of my eyes, of my head and of my neck…of myself and direct myself within/as breath and allow the image and fantasy and desire and lust to simply fade as energy always does when it is not given attention and when I decide within myself to really apply correction to myself within directing myself to turn away, breathe, focus back on myself, and direct myself within the one moment.

After time of applying this I see that even if the images and pictures remain…which they most likely will because this world is wrought with objectification and sexualization of women, it is who I am within the point, who I am within the direction of myself, who I am within the decision to either allow myself to continue to stare, or to stop, breathe, and direct myself to stop staring, stop fantasizing, and stop allowing myself to be subject to the desire for sex, stop allowing myself to be a slave to the desire for sex, desire for the energy within/from/as sex and the fantasies and creations of the desire for sex within the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated and angry at myself when/as I stare at a women in public wherein images and fantasies come roaring up within the mind and I see/experience the energy in that one moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated and angry because I want the desire and lust to disappear and be `free` from that which I am correcting within myself, not seeing/realizing or understanding that this point has built up since I was a young teen and started looking at porn and thus is going to take time and correction and application over time to correct this point within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the frustration isn't necessary if I in fact commit myself to walk through the desire and lust and energy and images and fantasies as they arise, wherein each time they do arise, I am here with myself seeing myself within the lust/desire/energy and directing myself within the point, and that in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply remain constant and consistent within this point and committed to myself in correcting this point within myself each time that it arises within the mind - directing myself each time, each moment, when I allow myself to distract myself with images of sex, fantasies of sex, and desire/lust/energy

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the want for the desire/lust/energy/fantasies to disappear is because I do not want to have to `deal` with this all the time, do not want to be affected by the desire, in which I am stating within myself that I do not want to be responsible for myself in all moments that this arises within the mind and within the physical reality stimulated from/as the pictures/images that are here. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with myself with this point wherein I have not wanted to direct myself within it because I have, in fact, wanted to keep the desire/lust/energy around, and I have wanted it to disappear because I have not wanted to be responsible for myself in every single moment that it arises.

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.
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