Porn Addicts Journey to Life

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Anna
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Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 13 Aug 2013, 10:39

Please support Porn Addict's Journey to Life here:
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... ife-day-1/

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn. Who we are doesn't matter because we're the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.

DAY 1

Desteni doesn't support Porn - Here is WHY.

Many people mistake the stand we have against porn as either bigotry or the desire to step on someone's apparent 'freedom of choice'.

Obviously those that portray us as Bigots have not seen their own Bigotry as intolerance toward others who hold different beliefs, such as the one that porn sucks -and not in the way this word has immediately brought to mind.

Stating that porn sucks without explaining why would be a form of bigotry comparable to the one that upholds the right to Porn as Free Choice, so I want to take the time to explain in as clear words as I can line up the reasons for this stand, so those who are insisting in standing as part of the group may consider the need to align and those who are affirming their apparent god given right to porn, may reconsider what they are really standing for.

I am a woman, and I have been addicted to porn, in this then I can qualify as an expert on the topic with an insider view on the problem.

Of course no one likes to disclose what they have participated in and they didn't like about themselves even while they were doing it, specifically because as I will tell my story, those who are addicted to porn may find some familiarity with
the progression that I will describe and may see that

they are not originals
they are not particularly bad or disgusting
they share exactly the same pattern as all porn addicts
they may heal

The first point to understand about porn to put it in proper contest is that it's a BUSINESS.

In fact it's more than a business, it's a Multi Billion Dollar Corporate owned business.

This is a very important point and it will be the lead to how I want to expose this point, because many don't yet get it that they are NOT choosing porn, they have chosen it at the beginning maybe, out of curiosity, or the desire to break their taboos, or to educate themselves about sex because they didn't know where to go to learn what a healthy sexuality is all about, but that was just the first point, there was only one choice you have ever made, that was the First time you went and looked for it, after that you never had a free choice, you only had a biochemical urge to satisfy, it's called Dopamine release, it's the 'feel good chemical of the brain, once you started it you gave your permission to your brain to produce this chemical at will, then you never really wanted porn, you wanted 'that feel good' moment that you experienced the first time, you basically became a Drug Addict.

Please note that I'm not making anything up, this video will explain to you how your brain works on Porn from a scientific perspective.

As it happens with every drug, once the body gets used to it you have to 'up the dosage', of course if you liked to get aroused watching people having sex in a missionary position, you must understand that, in time, that won't be enough, that 'image' won't trigger anymore the same good feeling, and unlike other drugs you can't shoot yourself up several times with the same image, you have to 'up the image content', the more porn you watch, the more you seek for devious, deviant images, come on, did you really think anyone has ever had a fetish for dwarfs with dogs until porn became a problem inside people's minds?

Since I was young I have watched the progression of pornography to a point of shame, at my time there were erotic comic books, in black and white, for an extra kick they re-did all the fairy tales with sex, sure you can work out what Snow White and the seven dwarf did, or Beauty and the Beast, there was an ironic twist to taking fairy tales and turning them into porn stories, I'm sure a lot of women of my time stopped being affected by fairy tales because their unbelievable stories were superimposed with sexual images - apparently now Disney is doing that subliminally to your kids, it's just to catch their future porn clients earlier, mind you, it's nothing personal, it's just business.

A decade ago the porn website that were available for free had so many subcategories to cater for all tastes, uniforms, family play outs, animals, forced sex, and should we write it - yes lets' - children.

For many that see pedophilia as the ultimate evil, it's important to understand that we are not seeing the whole picture here, porn is a much bigger picture than what we want to admit, disowning our understanding that users will go for ever more shocking pictures makes us look dumb and not the supporters of the freedom of choice we claim to sustain, we are just into porn for an absolutely self interested kick, claiming 'freedom of choice' as something that we must uphold to not be abused, it's an abuse and I want to explain why porn is an abuse and how it is an abuse we cannot separate ourselves from, if we keep using it.

So, as I said and as the video 'Your Brain on Porn, clearly explain, as the need for Dopamine increases, we seek images with a higher shocking content, we need that shock to release dopamine, to feel good, problem is that as we abuse this biochemical trigger, the body will try to protect itself and will become Dopamine resistant, which mean we now have to double up the shocking content of the images we watch for that kick - basically this is how people go all the way to images that they can't even conceive entertaining and under the pressure of which, caught between the need for the drug and the shame, they squeeze themselves in darker and darker corners in their own mind, until they become a danger to themselves and society.

I took porn as far as I could within what I could accept, I didn't go for children because I didn't have the balls and I feared getting a taste for it, but I did go for images of abuse, of women debasement of anything that could shock me enough to get my fix, at the height of my pot addiction I did so much porn that my brain fused and I had to face a time when everything I saw in reality turned into a sex image, a chair/table leg (no wonder Queen Victoria had them covered), the hand of a waiter, a cucumber, my life, the real physical life turned into a porn movie, that was when I switched off the porn, when I feared that I would no longer be able to lead a normal life, like ever.

I don't believe in brain differences between men and women, I am sure that what happened to me happens to men, I am not so sure though that the overflow of images has the same effect on women or men, porn didn't make me want to rape a man, women don't need to, we can always find someone to have sex with, but what if I were a man, where would those flashing images take me? Which stories would I make up to justify why it was my right to fuck someone that didn't want sex, how far would I go? Would I rape someone? Why not? Because of Morality?

Now Morality and sex is a funny mixture, men with a sex addiction and a morality problem are possibly those that rape a woman and then blame it on her, they have to since they didn't do the work to either rid themselves of porn or of morality, notwithstanding that claiming morality and doing porn is just as hypocritical as the Catholic church, preaching sex as a sin and having priests abusing children.

Here is why you can' have morality of any shape or form, nor any integrity if you do porn: unless you are in total denial of reality you know porn harms you, you have seen your progression into the most debasing images you can find for your kick and so you can't deny what porn is doing to you, you have seen as well that those images don't go away and that you are NOT in control of them, they flash up as they please, you were once a consumer but you are now consumed by them, get real about this

You are abusing yourself as well through self judgement, through shame, guilt all emotions that you may in desperation direct toward women who you make out to be the source of your problem because you don't want to see yourself as the source, the originator and perpetrator of everything you are going through because of porn and your participation in it you know that porn harms others, starting with your partners with whom you no longer have an honest physical relationship because all you can think and see is genitals popping up in your head while you have sex -if you have sex with another human being and you have not driven yourself so far down the porn rabbit hole that you can't bring yourself to have a real physical relationship because you now fear that Your desires as your fantasies will never be satisfied, can't ever be satisfied, because your potential partner will never be a dwarf that likes to have sex with dogs while you watch or other similar kinks for kicks

if you don't know porn harms those who are involved in the business as well, here are some eye opening interviews where you can face the truth of porn and what it means to the porn stars in the business to undergo what they have to do just so that you may have your kick you are supporting the sex slavery trade, many women out there would never do what you have now grown a taste for, you need a slave for that, maybe one with a happy smile so that men like you can believe that they are happy and enjoy doing it and you are just an innocent bystander, watching happy women having sex...wake up.

Last and by no means least, you are as objectified as the women you make up to be objects, you are the object of a Corporation scheme where you have lost all the free choice that you never had, you are 'free' to choose your kink but no longer to choose IF you want to use and when, you are an addict, face it, the freedom of choice you claim is just a nice word to say you don't want to give up this point no matter the harm you are causing.

Porn is one of the plagues of these last two centuries, Internet allowed it to go viral, viral as in a disease, as a result of porn we now have children raping children, so no one should have the gall to say that porn and rape are not related, it's a mathematical understanding, one builds up an energetic desire until the bubble bursts and overflows into real life.

If you do porn, you are a Class A Abuser, I gave up porn, it's possible, I know many inside Desteni that did, many are males and willing to offer support on the Forums.

There is NO excuse to engage in porn once you understand all its dynamics, you just have to stand up and break your addiction, is it going to be easy? No, of course not, you are a Dopamine drug addict, but you can get on with your recovery and leave the abuse behind for good.

Stand for a world that works for all, say No to Porn so that Sex as Self Expression may be born in this world and children can learn that instead of learning how to set up a rape corner at school where they can abuse other children.

Support is available for you to stop, it's FREE and given by those that walked out of this addiction before you at Desteni Forums. Join now, switch off the porn for Life, for Good, to build a world we can truly be proud of.



User avatar
Anna
Posts: 3724
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 16 Aug 2013, 12:17

Trapped in the Porn Movie of our Minds: DAY 2
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... ind-day-2/

“Pornography is the quadraphonics of sex. It adds a third and fourth track to the sexual act. It is the hallucination of detail that rules. Science has already habituated us to this microscopics, this excess of the real in its microscopic detail, this voyeurism of exactitude.” -Jean Baudrillard

The following is my story of how I got introduced to porn through working in a porn cinema and I will share the realizations and insights that I gained from this work. I am writing this to show that porn is not all the fun it is cracked up to be and to show what really goes on behind the scenes of a world where porn and masturbation is the center and primary focus. This story is not a judgment of those who watch porn, because I have been one myself and I understand how easy it is to get trapped in the addiction to porn and masturbation. It is also not a moral plea of prudence, because the point here is not to de-sexualize ourselves, to solve the problem but to understand that porn is NOT an expression of 'liberated' sexuality -- and that there's a whole world of sexual expression that we have yet to discover and explore. Sexuality has been hijacked by corporate capitalism exactly as the rest of the world -- and this is done through with our permission through our abdication of ourselves to the instant gratification in the mind, with consequences reaching far beyond what most of us can imagine.

It is time to get back to physical reality - to our physical bodies - and to stop existing in mental bubbles of delusion where we believe that we have the right to abuse and exploit others simply because it is happening within the confinements of our own minds - instead of realizing that when we have no direction over what is happening in our minds, we are the ones that are 'owned' - the question is: by who and what?

Part 1. The Sex Cinema of the Human Mind

In the late 90’s my boyfriend worked at a pornshop where they had a sex cinema upstairs. The sex cinema was established already in the 60’s and later the porn shop was added, once videotapes and DVD’s started pouring out of the production companies. The pornshop and cinema was located in the middle of the city on the corner of a busy intersection and I remember feeling like a pariah as we entered the shop; as though everyone’s eyes were on me, filled of judgment. I felt like I was about to enter into another world – a world I might not get out of alive.

The first time I visited the porn shop and cinema with my boyfriend, it was I, myself that had asked to go and I remember envisioning a place with lots of sex and money. Looking back, I can see how the idea of porn and the porn industry had been infused within me, through music videos and movies as glamorous. The reality of the porn-world could not be farther from that.

It was a bright, hot summer day and as we walked in, the first thing I saw was rows and rows of porn and dildos and other sex toys. For my boyfriend this was simply a place he worked, but for me it was like walking into a forbidden land; I felt like child sneaking into a candy store at night. I was fascinated and appalled at the same time, but what it was, more than anything, was resonating against the back drop of my upbringing where porn had become a symbol of self-liberation and of “doing something bad that feels good”. And here I was, in broad daylight on a Wednesday afternoon with mothers kissing toddlers in strollers outside the shop and before my eyes, one porn movie after the other displayed itself as though it was just another Blockbuster family flick.

It was an odd and contradicting experience and it made me feel dirty and at the same time as though I was a part of a secret society; a society of liberated people that dared breaking the boundaries of the mundane world outside of it. And even though it was broad daylight, it was still secret and dirty. This contradiction I have come to understand is what fuels the world of porn and the sex that goes with it.

The shop was small and every space of it packed with porn. A guy was sitting behind a small registry and jokingly talked with my boyfriend. I knew that we were going to the cinema, because he wanted to introduce me to his friend that worked there. I remember looking up the stairs to where the cinema was and the feeling of a dull heat emanating towards me.

When we came up to the cinema, the first thing I noticed was how dark it was. The walls were painted black and there was not a single window. The air was humid and the smell was stale and old. To the right of me was a long dark corridor and I could hear the moans of a woman coming from the room next to it. This was the cinema and it was so dark that I could not see if anyone was sitting there. I remember finding it strange to think about that someone would sit there and masturbate in the open, but obviously that was one of the allures of the place.

To my left was another corridor and I could see doors on each side that, when they were open, showed a small booth in each room. In front of me was a wall of sixteen TV-sets each displaying a different porn movie and next to it to the right, was a bar where my boyfriend’s friend and co-worker were standing.

In spite of it all, the woman behind the bar was properly what shocked me the most. I had heard that the girls working at the cinema was topless, but to see a grown woman standing there with bare breasts, was oddly contradicting to the extensive nudity displayed in the porn coming from the small TV-sets. It was almost as if it was too up close with an actual real naked woman. She was furthermore fat, had a big belly and huge big breasts. This was one the first disillusioning signs I noticed in seeing that the world of porn was not all I had cracked it up to be in my mind, even though the cinema did have a signed poster of the 80’s pre-porn legend Samantha Fox hanging on the wall.

I got a Fanta and my boyfriend offered to show me around the cinema. Besides the porn running in the main cinema on a big screen, the sixteen screens were muted and no sound came from any of the booths. At first I saw no mean there at all either. In each tiny booth there was room for a chair, a table with a TV and a remote, an ashtray, a box of tissues and a waste bin. My boyfriend worked there as a handy man and night cleaner, so he told me about his routine and how he would clean cum up from the carpets and how un-sanitized the booths were. My boyfriend also shared with me how he constantly had to change the door-nobs because they got stolen. I found that to be an odd detail and started thinking about the characteristics of the men that frequented the place and whether they were more the “door-nob stealing type” than other men. Disillusioned and slightly disgusted, I asked myself: “Is this what sex has become, confined to this tiny dark room with no windows and people that steal door-nobs? The more I saw of the cinema, the more pathetic it looked and the more I lost my initial excitement over visiting a place of “glamor” and “raw sex”.

After that first time, we visited the cinema several times. My main goal was still to get exalting sexual experiences, to break my own boundaries and being seen and desired by men and women alike. I was several times invited to come and work in cinema and every time I said no because I did not want to be topless. I saw the women that were working there as “less-than” as I could see how them being topless somehow stripped them of their humanity or power over themselves. Simply by having bare breasts exposed, where the men who came to see them were fully dressed, perpetuated a relationship where the woman was “nothing”.

The men even seemed to think that these women, because they were willing to expose themselves, were worthless as human beings, seeing them as “whores” and “dirty sluts” exactly like the women in the porn they came to watch week after week. It is an interesting projection displayed here, where the men on one hand watched porn to the point where they got extensively addicted to it and at the same time were despising the objects of their desires – the women. Obviously this despise is self-despise, yet where such points are not faced and directed within self in self-honesty, we tend to turn our spite, blame and shame of others, as so to find a source we can pinpoint our misery onto and in this case it was the women that became the objects of the men’s addiction and self-loathing.

In my own mind I displayed the same type of split personality that is indicative for porn-users, where I would tell myself that I was talking this job on as an “anthropological experiment” to get under the skin of the porn-world – but really I wanted to make quick money and I wanted more porn. I wanted to be alone with the porn and be able to browse it carefully, dwell and indulge in it; and I could do that in the porn cinema as a place where my desires were validated as normal. I also wanted the attention of men. One day my boyfriend told me that the requirement for being topless had been removed and that I could thus start working in the cinema.

So I started working behind the bar and was immediately thrown into the deep end of encountering massive amounts of porn, alongside the men that came to watch. When I have later spoken with people about how much porn I have watched, I have jokingly described how I would watch sixteen porn movies all at the same time and so as a conclusion have watched vast amounts of porn; It was literally so as I was standing day in and day out watching those screens. I started becoming an expert on the different genres and creating preferences for specific types of porn and bodily features. One day I noticed that there was a pattern in which movies were displayed where. The TV-sets were placed so that four TV’s where on top and next to each other, literally as a wall of porn and I started noticing that one the farthest left corner was the most “soft-core” porn working its way down through the screens with shemales and old ladies and pregnant woman and anal and big boobs until the very last bottom row that was reserved for the rape, torture, teen and urine porn. The farthest TV-set which I could not see from the bar, showed animal porn. All day long porn would run on these screens and men would come into the shop, buy a ticket and go into a booth to masturbate. Most would watch one of the sixteen flicks of the day, but some would pay extra to rent a special DVD in the shop, if they had a specific fetish or inclination towards a certain porn-star. Some, but very few would sit in the public cinema and watch porn on the big screen.

I remember another disillusioning moment where a famous underground drummer from a jazz-band that I had heard play some months back, came in and handed me a DVD with hardcore torture porn to place into a DVD player for him to watch. It shocked me because I had “thought more of him” and because it challenged my idea about whom it actually was that came to the cinema to masturbate to porn. Initially my idea had been that it would be creepy single guys who were addicted to porn. While there were a few men who, for some would fit in to that category, I started noticing that many of the men were what one would consider “normal, respectable family-fathers.” I realized that the single creepy guys would be more likely to purchase a DVD and sit at home to watch it, while the men that came to the cinema often were married and couldn’t risk being exposed by watching porn at home.

A surprisingly big percentage of the men for example enjoyed watching porn that focused on she-males, men that look like women with surgically implanted breasts and penises. One customer I particularly remember was an elderly gentleman in his sixties, who with tweet coat and a briefcase full of papers would come in weekly. As we started talking, it turned out that he was a professor in philosophy and we had many conversations where he seemed to forget why he had come, only to recall it yet again and slip in for a “quickie” at the end of our conversation, where-after he with shame on his face would bid me farewell.

Part 2. Life in a Sex Cinema

"I think we often make the mistake of thinking that pornography is just an image of people having sex - What pornography is: it is the worldview, it is an ideology, it is s way of understanding relationships" - Gail Dines

Many of the customers seemed disappointed when they saw that I was there. I hardly flirted with them, because I found most of them unattractive and pathetic (another projection) and since they did not give good tips anyway, I saw no reason to. Rather I started conversations to make the day go faster, asked them about their inclinations and their sexual preferences. Most of the men that came in were average normal family fathers in all ages and skin colors.

A couple of friends came in almost every day, both in their thirties, one working on a cruise-liner and the other in sales, the first was a sadist that enjoyed inflicting pain while the other was a masochist that enjoyed being tortured and beaten by women. Interestingly enough their demeanor was opposite when they spoke and expressed themselves, so that the sadist would be timid and display a passive aggressive nature of that of a coward, while the masochist would be loud and demanding.

They shared with me how they traveled to Eastern Europe frequently to buy sex from prostitutes and how difficult it was to find women that could serve their needs properly in Denmark. Both of them spent all their money on sex, in one way or another. Many customers came like this, some every day; some would even stay all day to get their money’s worth. In all the year that I worked at the cinema, I saw maybe three women there and all were coming with their husbands and boyfriends and none seemed particularly excited to be there.

At the end of the work day I would walk around into all the booths, empty the ashtrays and the trashcans with tissues covered in seamen and turn off each screen for the night, only to turn them on again in the morning with a fresh box of tissues ready on the table.

Suddenly the world of porn that had seemed so exhilarating to begin with became so sad, so empty, so trapped. I understood these men and why they came there, after all I had a similar relationship to porn. Yet at the same time, there was something so abusive and self-loathing around the entire world of porn; a world that makes huge promises of satisfaction that at the end of the day is evident only in the amount of tissues used to wipe off the sperm.

Why do people go to sex cinemas? The easy answer is that these men are not satisfied at home by their wives and that the male need for sex physiologically is simply so big that they need to masturbate frequently to “get it out of their system”. The not so easy answer is that we live in a hyper-sexualized world (at least in the west) where sex has been reduced to and is seen as peaking with the male ejaculation. Men come to sex cinemas to watch other men have sex and ejaculate in and on women that are trained to look like they are having the time of their life.

For many men it is the anticipation of the female satisfaction and orgasm that they desperately long to see, feel, touch and be a part of. But no where do we learn how to actually touch each other, how to be intimate, how to express ourselves sexually in a way that we enjoy and that our partners enjoy.

Sex has been reduced to body parts thumbing against body parts with the ultimate climax of the male ejaculation and more often than enough it is done through cruelty, degradation and brutality towards the women acting in the porn movies.

Men go to sex cinemas because it is expected of them to not be able to control their urges and because they have no alternative but to watch porn. Porn has become the symbol of an entire generation’s “sexual liberation” and although producers make sure to satisfy absolutely every fantasy (along creating new ones) in every variety possible, the sex in porn is predictable and generic.

The fact that men come to sex cinemas and watch porn in dark rooms with no windows, exists because of the fear and disconnection that people experience from themselves and each other that is so extensive that one only feels comfortable in the presence of non-human companions. We have had nowhere to learn to create intimate, enjoyable relationships in which we can share an express ourselves.

An actual sexual liberation would not rely on images that serves as instruction manuals to tell us who to be, what to like, when to move, and how to feel; we cannot even fathom what an actual sexual liberation would consist of and exist as, because we have, as an entire society become trapped within this one-dimensional world of porn and masturbation.

The visualization of sex becomes the actualization of abuse, isolation and shame. The demand and supply for commercial sex is infinite, that as a closed cycle re-produce itself; perpetrated by a De-Manned Humanity existing within a total disconnection from what is Here, as Self, as Life.

The men (and women, such as myself) that watch porn and that frequent porn cinemas are doing so because they are looking for a connection, yet they are doing so from a starting-point of separation and self-interest, where they use the images of sex to exert an experience within and as themselves. This experience becomes an addiction and the addiction becomes an obsession and the person is trapped within and as a secret mind-reality, where they can’t get enough and at the same time feels deep shame for what they are accepting and allowing themselves to participate within and as.

It is therefore not surprising that most porn-rehabilitation involves a self-exposure where the secret life of porn is pushed out into the daylight and seen for what it is.

It is the same rehabilitation that requires happening at a global level, where we push ourselves to see that porn has permeated our entire lives, from movie screens to reality shows and advertisement. We require stopping this demarcation of life that is neatly being kept in place by how porn is dancing in the shadows between the darkness of the secret mind and the bright lights of mainstream media.

To change the paradigms of sex revolving around porn, we require exposing to ourselves the extent to which we have disconnected ourselves form reality, our sexualities and ourselves - and dare to question how we have reduced our sexuality to nothing more than spare parts to which we attach ourselves as mouths, vaginas and dildos.

The display of and objectification of body parts is not the symbol of an advanced race of benevolent beings. It is a symbol of the separation that we exist within and as – that is our own creation. It is therefore only by each of us taking self-responsibility and within self-honesty investigate how we too have contributed to and are participating in this system, that we can change what is here. If we are not even willing to change ourselves, how can we expect the world to?

Support is available for you to stop, it’s FREE and given by those that walked out of this addiction before you at Desteni Forums. Join now, switch off the porn for Life, for Good, to build a world we can truly be proud of.



User avatar
Anna
Posts: 3724
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 17 Aug 2013, 22:11

Porn and Sex – Why do we allow the degradation of Man? DAY 3
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... man-day-3/

Porn and the human are a toxic mix because it creates a human who runs on illusion and desire to fulfill something that is not in fact real, it's only created in one's mind and lived out through sex or masturbation. And through porn on the whole it is used to sell products that degrades the human being usually through women being seen as an object to be used as a means to an end, and this only to make money no matter the abuse caused. Have we as a society ever considered the impact that porn has on our community, on our children’s minds, on our functionality with the opposite sex within a relationship set up, I would say no we have not. We don’t really ever consider what we are doing within watching these videos, and how it will impact within people as their states of being when we allow porn to be so easily accessible and protected through all avenues of media as if it is a normal way of behavior. But it is not, the porn culture and saturation of it in our society has created the outflows of abuse as sex slavery, child sex slaves, child molestation, rape, women objectification, and physical abuse to be rampant due to the raunchy nature of these sex scenes depicted in porn on the regular, many can’t get enough so they seek criminal ways to fulfill this desire for more.
Some Research on Porn Viewing and Dysfunctional Societal Behavior:


-Psychologist Edward Donnerstein (University of Wisconsin) found that brief exposure to violent forms of pornography can lead to anti-social attitudes and behavior. Male viewers tend to be more aggressive towards women, less responsive to pain and suffering of rape victims, and more willing to accept various myths about rape.

-Dr. Dolf Zimmerman and Dr. Jennings Bryant showed that continued exposure to pornography had serious adverse effects on beliefs about sexuality in general and on attitudes toward women in particular. They also found that pornography desensitizes people to rape as a criminal offense.

-These researchers also found that massive exposure to pornography encourages a desire for increasingly deviant materials which involve violence, like sadomasochism and rape.

-Feminist author Diana Russell notes in her book Rape and Marriage the correlation between deviant behavior (including abuse) and pornography. She also found that pornography leads men and women to experience conflict, suffering, and sexual dissatisfaction.

-Researcher Victor Cline (University of Utah) has documented in his research how men become addicted to pornographic materials, begin to desire more explicit or deviant material, and end up acting out what they have seen.

-According to Charles Keating of Citizens for Decency Through Law, research reveals that 77 percent of child molesters of boys and 87 percent of child molesters of girls admitted imitating the sexual behavior they had seen modeled in pornography.

-Sociologists Murray Straus and Larry Baron (University of New Hampshire) found that rape rates are highest in states which have high sales of sex magazines and lax enforcement of pornography laws.

-Michigan state police detective Darrell Pope found that of the 38,000 sexual assault cases in Michigan (1956-1979), in 41 percent of the cases pornographic material was viewed just prior to or during the crime. This agrees with research done by psychotherapist David Scott who found that “half the rapists studied used pornography to arouse themselves immediately prior to seeking out a victim.”

-The Final Report of the 1986 Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography lists a full chapter of testimony (197-223) from victims whose assailants had previously viewed pornographic materials. The adverse effects range from physical harm (rape, torture, murder, sexually transmitted disease) to psychological harm (suicidal thoughts, fear, shame, nightmares)
Source: http://www.forerunner.com/forerunner/X0 ... ograp.html
Also recommended interview to watch on the impact of porn:
Serial Killer Ted Bundy: Final Interview
Growing up I realized the seduction of porn as it was very specifically placed within movies and tv shows to get the curiosity growing, and within this the curiosity does grow, and it was very easily satisfied with easy access to porn through internet or tv stations, especially now a days where internet access is everywhere. Thankfully, I never took it to an addiction level, but it is a point one will eventually face in this reality and have to decide who one is going to be and what one is going to be controlled by self will or desire based on the saturation of perverse sexual images seen every where. Internet porn is one of the easiest and unprotected ways of viewing for all ages of human beings, children are especially vulnerable due to not really understanding what one is viewing and clicking away making it a virtual ticking time bomb to get to images that are not meant for anyone eyes never mind children.
And what of the women in these videos who are being abused outright, being forced to have multiple things happening to them at once with many guys, and all sorts of disgusting things that sell because the mind easily creates the desire for more and more outlandish images to continue the high that is created when the porn images are viewed, and this sells so this is what is made. So it’s an addiction for many as it’s easy to get and it’s an easy reward, but is this really a reward, a momentary release of orgasm, where through the very participation of this one gets addicted to more and more of this feeling with the consequences being physical abuse, aggression, rape, kidnapping, and torture to name a few that go on every day for people in this world and it is driven within this type of media outlet, the porn industry, which is more lucrative then Hollywood productions.
Have we ever considered that there is more to sex then just watching porn and getting off, and then going to one’s relationship and trying to live out these scenes that in reality will not actually work and can’t work cause they aren’t in fact real. We have been dumbed down to believe all we are are these out of control sex crazed humans with no self control. When the potential within us to have real physical sex as an expression of ourselves in reality one and equal with the physical exploring together with one’s partner is something that does in fact exist, but only through the letting go of these fantasy and porn induced desires and addictions completely to be able to move as self within each breath with no mind interference. It takes a process of writing, and practicing with one’s partner to get to a level of self control, but the rewards are worthwhile as it’s real not just based on energy through the mind as pictures and images.
There is a series I have listened to that explains the mind sex and the physical sex differences quite starkly and completely, called What is Sex?, which has changed my outlook on what’s possible based on hearing things that I have never considered before about sex as a physical expression and the understanding within what it actually is creating on a mind level. There is a difference to be understood. This series explores the topics of moving from just feelings and an energy release as a momentary orgasm to real physical connection with another and an exploration of yourself to find out who one really is within one’s own physical body and what it really means to touch another as self here in equality in the physical reality, this leading to the physical expression of the body as self as sex. It’s something else when one is in an agreement with another to walk as a support for each other within this process of letting go of the mind and remaining here in the physical, and the rewards through self is something I have seen the benefit of even just starting out within practicing this way of physical expression with another that has been quite exceptional.
And as a societal integration within this way of physical expression is a balanced human who respects themselves and their partner equally in reaching the ecstasy that can be reached through touch and intimacy through communication of two becoming one for real here in the physical in equality and oneness. Porn is not real sex and is only done in the mind where the energy dies, which as an outflow consequence cause horrific abuse in this world to many many men, women, and children. There is whole industries built on this abuse that is started within participating and viewing pornography to eventually not getting enough from that, so one resort to make their fantasies real disregarding those effected, but only seeking to fulfill one’s desire for release of sexual tension. Suggest we stop limiting ourselves for instant gratification and walk the process to real self expression through discipline and self exploration with another in an agreement into self expression as physical sexual expression.

Links to check out:
Desteni I Process Lite Course - Free Course to Start a Journey to Self Realization
Eqafe - Interviews to Support with Self Prefection
Creations Journey to Life Blog
7 Year Journey to Life - Facebook Group

- See more at: http://garbrielleslifejourney.blogspot. ... OhsnS.dpuf
Related articles

Porn Addicts Journey to Life: DAY 1 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Trapped in the Porn Movie of our Minds: DAY 2 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Porn is having a direct impact on the brain | BBC (andrewazzopardi.org)
Pornography To Be Blocked In United Kingdom By End Of 2013 (eteknix.com)
The New Addiction. (improvedselfblog.wordpress.com)



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Anna
Posts: 3724
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Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 19 Aug 2013, 10:17

My experience with Porn and Prostitution: DAY 4
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... ion-day-4/

I share this with the specific purpose of assisting and supporting with the understanding of how porn has led to child abuse and prostitution

When I was on the elementary school, I had one friend that was particularly much more older than me, by that time I had around 7 - 8 years old, and he was around of 15 or 16 years old, and one day I went to a room in which he was on the computer and I saw that he immediately closed a window in the computer on the moment that I entered, but I actually was able to see that it was a page that had multiple drawing s and pictures on a cartoon style, and I asked him to place again the window as I thought that it was a cool videogame on internet, then he opened again the window, but everything that I saw was pictures of naked women that were portrayed in drawings on a cartoon style (which is the gender of Hentai)

I didn´t had any particular interest for it, as all that I was watching was “just pictures”, I mean, I have a sister with who at that age, we used to take baths together, and I didn´t had any reaction towards the body of my sister or my cousins for that matter (as they are also women that were around of my age by that time); and that was the first moment that I got to know pornography, I mean, it didn´t influence me in that moment (so to speak) I would let that moment go, but years later, also in the elementary, I would be with my friends on the school, and we were on the Computer Lab, and one my friends entered to a porn site, it also had the cartoon styles and I tell them “hey, I know that stuff, I have seen it before”, and since that moment, we began with this kind of comments about “who have it more big” or “what girl have a better body”, and of course we would take by reference the pictures of the porn sites, by “reference” I of course mean that we will make comparisons about the bodies of the girls with the porn pictures and we will also make comparisons of our bodies with the pictures of the porn sites, we will continue with this stuff by several months and even years.

What would happen is that, I would become more and more anxious about having a relationship and experience sex, this process was gradually and of course it progressed and became more and more overwhelming as I begun to watch more and more pornography, and of course I would become more nasty in my way of speaking and the other guys would also become more nasty in their way of communicating, and for me it would become like almost impossible to get in a relationship, due to several points, like this one of me becoming so addicted to pornography, that I would only see the girls through the pictures and judgments of my mind, everyone would actually become only a picture for me, men and women, and then, with the years, I wasn´t able to focus on the school at all, all that I could think about was sex and pornography, this was actually one of the main reasons why it became so difficult for me to actually succeed on the school, and as I am writing this I can see a very interesting relationship and this is that I would call myself stupid, and idiot and all those kind of things as I would also hear it from the people around me, but I would accept those judgments so that I didn´t had to confront the real “point by which I was actually failing so much at the school and on everything for that matter”. I didn´t wanted to confront my addiction to pornography.

When I entered the High School, I simply quit it, and I started working as a handyman of air conditioning, on the areas that were around the center “the Zocalo”, and my coworkers would be for me already adults of 29 – 35 years old, there was also another who we used to call “the grandfather” lol, and he had 45 -50 years, I don’t remember the details, he died in the period that I was working there, because he used to drink a lot and he died from a actually all the people that we working there used to drink a lot, that was the entertainment for them, I mean you are speaking of the salary of a worker that is around “$2,500.00 – $3,000.00” a month, which is actually quite little, anyway, the other entertainment that we had was of course Pornography, we had a computer in which we had the administration of the equipment, but we also had a carpet with porn movies and, lol, I mean it is quite bizarre to remember it, I will not go into detail within it, but what I can tell you is that, whenever we were on the street, I mean, there was this point in which one lose every form of respect for yourself (knowing how the people look at you, because you are the handyman, you are no one, or at least, that was the idea in our minds) and would see them giving this looks to the women that were really nasty, and I mean, I am not any saint I would also look at them, but not in the way they would do it, even going to the point of filming the ass of women and you know, all those kind of things, I will actually feel shame when I saw them doing it, maybe because I saw myself reflected in them, and since then I tried to really not look at women, I would just focus my eyes on the floor, because I mean, one knows what one is thinking, and you know we were on the street and they will tell me, “hey look at that girl”, but I would just keep my eyes looking at the floor.

Months later, we would go around a zone that is called “La Merced”, in which we were looking for some pieces for the equipment, just to take into consideration by that time I was around of 16 – 17 years, maybe less, I don´t remember it, and there you could also find the brothels, and you know the hookers are walking on the street there are even some girls of 16 – 17 and so on, I asked my coworkers how those girls would get there and they told me that there is this business in which some of the girls enter for drugs, some do it for money, they just have to arrange it with the “pimp or el padrote” and in other cases, extreme cases, I would also see girls of 10 – 11; in that occasion I just got to know the place, so to speak, and we remained in the zone for a while and as usual they were watching and asking the hookers “how much?”, and you know, the cost goes around of “$150.00 to $200.00” depending of the hooker, and, the moment that I was there I felt this overwhelming experience inside me, growing like, you know, its just like you are just going “I do it, or I don´t do it” and that goes around in your head for days or weeks, and well there would be a moment in which I would not be able to continue resisting and I will enter, at the end of it, I felt so ashamed of myself and I mean, I was also thinking about this person that I mean, I could just imagine how much bullshit they have to tolerate every day, I saw the kids and the girls on the street, and one knows what is really going on.

The chain begins from the Pornography, creating all of this ideas about sex, because, I mean maybe one has a justification on the head of “but it is normal to look for sex at that age”, no, it’s not normal, the ideas in the head and the overwhelming experience of desire is not normal, it’s something that I created in my head for many years, and within that, I would even return there another 2 times, with a less period of time in the next occasion and you know, and then I would be changed from area, to another site which was more to the South, and I will not return there, the other reason why I stopped was because I was afraid of the diseases that one can get there.

Maybe the question is: “If you felt so much shame why you return there?” I would suppress the experience of shame with many justifications, reasons in my head to not see myself as evil; I was mainly “playing the victim” so to speak, like “this is the only way in which I can have sex”, and this thoughts of inferiority and so on, everything that I actually used to convince myself that I was “the victim, and that I had reasons to do it”. Much more later in my life, I would still had those desires of going to the brothels and I mean this is something that I just stopped recently, in the time that I came to Desteni, in which I begun to work with my mind and how it works, I began to forgive myself and to see within me how I created this relationships to sex, beginning of course by “masturbation” and my relationship to masturbation, in which I understood that I was creating this relationship of excitement towards the pictures, and it is fascinating that what one does not see is that if you masturbate without pictures in the mind or in a picture, you have the same orgasm, what happens is that we create and associate the experience of excitement towards sex and the porn pictures and we begin to create ideas about the body and we give importance to things that are actually the main problem of all relationships, which is “the thoughts, the backchat”, the desire that seems to never be satisfied, “I wonder why would that be?” lol, Satisfaction exist in the idea towards something or someone, but you depend on an idea, once that you have “used that idea, abused that point to the extreme, you will search for something bigger and bigger” and one can imagine where is this able to take one.

And just another experience to understand this, for you to see how much one can actually become possessed by porn, and this happened later in my life, when I got to know a girl with who I had sex, and I had these thoughts coming within me, violent thoughts towards her, and she would notice this, and she would ask me “What happened?” and in the beginning I was just in silence, I mean “what can I tell her?” but I decided to speak my mind and I told her, “I thought that I was beating you”, I decided to say it because, I mean, it was the best, to place it and work with it, she was quiet in the beginning, and then she just said that “If you continue thinking those thoughts, it is over”, but I wasn´t stopping, the thoughts were like coming and coming and coming, and eventually, the relationship failed, I was trying to please her in everything, and you know, I was doing that because I was afraid of losing her, but at the same time I didn´t wanted to continue because of this battle within my mind and…you know, you see all of this relationships failing and for stupid little things that apparently one don´t understand where they are coming from, and I don´t say that everything is because of sex, but at the same time it is, and if you want your relationships to work, please, stop porn, stop masturbating using pictures in your mind, it is not going to take you anywhere, really…the consequences are not necessary and those thoughts can really take you to a point in which you really think about raping someone, because that is where it took me, I was on the street walking and I would have these thoughts in which I imagined myself raping and beating and going like completely mad, and, there is people that actually go to that point, I was lucky, to a certain extent, I got to Desteni and I had the support that I required, don´t wait, that is all.

Take care of yourself and others, because using porn you don´t just hurt yourself, but those around you, just remember the kids that I saw there, they were using them, abusing them, and I was part of all of it, don´t become an abuser, because you are just making more and more difficult for yourself to really forgive you and stop, that’s is all, thank you for reading.

Support is available for you to stop, it’s FREE and given by those that walked out of this addiction before you at Desteni Forums. Join now, switch off the porn for Life, for Good, to build a world we can truly be proud of. Investigate the DIP Lite course - it is a FREE online course where you can assist and support yourself to stop porn addiction.

Related articles

Porn and Sex - Why do we allow the degradation of Man? DAY 3 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Man Allegedly Caught Downloading Child Porn While In Santa Cruz Police Station For Child Porn Charge (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com)
The truth about pornography: It's time for a rude awakening (independent.co.uk)
Online porn boom: Liberating minds or damaging brains? (bbc.co.uk)
Trapped in the Porn Movie of our Minds: DAY 2 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)



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Anna
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 22 Aug 2013, 16:17

Releasing the Shame of My Porn Addiction: DAY 6
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... ion-day-6/

My Earliest Memory of when I was ‘exposed’ porn was when I was about 15. I was with a friend and we went to a much older man’s house one time. He wasn’t someone that I had met before, but she was going out with his friend. When we got to the house they put a porn film on. I had never sat and watched one before. I had seen pictures in magazines – but never a porn film. I found myself becoming very aroused and this resulted in me ‘making out with this guy’ that I had just met because I was so turned on.

Now rewinding back about 5 years and I was around 10. I was curious to see how my friend looked when she was naked so we got undressed, but what started out as a curiosity became a fascination with the female parts. I am not a lesbian but I got a kick or ‘turned on’ from looking at woman more than men for some reason. Although I have never had sex with a woman or even kissed one in ‘that way’ but I found myself being drawn to women when I was watching or looking at porn and often times I would seek out the female on female type of porn for satisfaction. I found the males a little threatening if I am honest and that kind of ‘hard fucking’ bothered me, the woman seemed more gentle and in tune with each other.

As I am writing this out I see/realise and understand that my ‘par chant’ for women was because I was lacking within and as me that part of femininity and self love and care that I craved, so my addiction to looking at them whilst masturbating was actually my own way of trying to give love to myself.

I found that when I was in the throes of this addiction the energy was so strong it was hard not to go with it. Then afterwards I would be left feeling disgusted and guilty with myself.

I am a grown woman now and many relationships on I don’t experience the need to do this anymore. I have moved on you can say. I stopped my addiction to porn over a year ago. I just decided one day to push through the desire and it was hard, because I found, I masturbated when I was bored primarily. So I would just busy myself with tasks to literally take my mind off it.

These days my relationship to self love is different and through excepting myself and giving myself the love and care that I was lacking through self forgiveness I am not drawn to, or no longer desire to view porn and I don’t have any pictures in my mind any longer when I have sex. My sex life has improved dramatically and is improving every day.

The way out of this addiction is only ever going to be through self forgiveness as it was for me and to literally will yourself to not participate, and I guarantee it you will be a better, happier individual for it. Porn literally sucks the life out of you as an energetic addiction and I really didn’t know how much of a problem it was for me until I stopped.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I am strange and dirty because I find female bodies interesting and fascinating, and within this I had developed and attraction to them, more so than men and within this as a child I became confused because in the ‘cold light of day’ I didn’t fancy woman. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have secret fantasies about women’s bodies and within this want to view them in porn movies so that I could pleasure myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise and understand that I was escaping life and real life relationships for fantasies in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to woman with what I consider is the ideal looking body and want to look like them and have men desire me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself and guilty for preferring to view porn over and above having a sexual relationship with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view sex as a kind of chore that was based on my experience/knowledge of sex – through watching porn, and I never really fully connected with another intimately, as I assumed that I was there to pleasure them and my satisfaction didn’t really matter. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I am there to pleasure men only in some kind of mechanical fucking – so that they could get a release.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give myself the time that I deserve to get to know me in self intimacy. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard how I am really feeling for the sake of another and within this I have viewed sex as something that I must give to get love and respect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I don’t have a voice when it comes to sex and what I like. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become embarrassed and ashamed to ask.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as myself that my own physical body is ugly and that my female parts could be better looking all based on what I have seen from watching porn and within this I have created a belief within and as me that is really how woman look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed to be naked in front of a partner, and within this try to position myself in such a way that he will see my in the best light as I have defined it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create separation from my human physical body and see it as something to be ashamed of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word ‘virgina’ as a dirty word and the word ‘penis’ as a dirty word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that man are only after one thing ‘sex’ and within this I have created a belief within and as me that it makes them threatening.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself as ‘tempted’ to look at porn because I have told myself that I need this to turn me on and within this I am drawn to switching on the computer to view a site or that I want to find some pictures so that I can satisfy myself in masturbation. I immediately stop in this moment and I take a deep breath and I hold for a count of four and I release for a count of four, and I repeat this process and I tell myself that I am in my mind attempting to take myself off literally on a mind fuck so and that in this moment now that I am aware of myself as ‘tempted’ is a perfect opportunity for me to change and stop this addiction. I commit to keep applying the four count breath and I apply self forgiveness on the points still coming up with and as me as patterned behaviour.

When and as I experience myself as going off in my mind during sex, in a fantasy land of pictures and imagination – Because I have created a belief within and as me that this will heighten my experience of sex. I Immediately stop and I e and I slow myself right down and I bring myself here to who I am with in that moment, and I focus on the physical body that is in front of me and I keep breathing and I become aware of the feel of the persons skin and the actual touching and experiencing of one another, skin on skin. And I stop my mind and I see/realise and understand that when I am in my mind and not here/present with the one I am with – I am not actually experiencing them or myself as I am somewhere out there looking for a fix of energy , that ultimately does not last and keeps me entrapped in my mind as separation. I commit myself to remain here during sex, within and as my physical body, aware of every movement and touch and if I attempt to take myself off on a trip of fantasy – I immediately stop each time and bring myself here until I am at a point that I am directing myself within and as the physical and I have stopped the mind from being the directive principle of me.

Self-Commitment Statements

I commit myself to not go back to using porn

I commit myself to take more care of myself

I commit myself to keep walking my process of becoming self intimate

I commit myself to drop the shame and guilt associated with watching and enjoying porn

I commit myself to realise my potential as a woman

I commit myself to enjoy the act of sex with my partner and not go off in my mind thinking about how things should or could be.

I commit myself to never again use fantasy to stimulate me and turn me on.

I commit myself to remain here within and as the breath and nothing moving within and as me as thoughts/ fantasies /wishes when having sex or masturbation.

I commit myself to continue allow myself to get to know my own body through touch.

I commit myself to keep working with the four count breath to slow myself down and bring myself back to here out of the mind.

For more information about how you can utilize the tool of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, join, DIP Lite - the FREE online course. For more support on Porn Addiction, visit the Desteni Forum.
Related articles

Porn Addicts Journey to Life: DAY 1 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
The Most Fascinating Thing About Porn: DAY 5 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Trapped in the Porn Movie of our Minds: DAY 2 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
My experience with Porn and Prostitution: DAY 4 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Porn and Sex - Why do we allow the degradation of Man? DAY 3 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Day 62: Touch and Natural Physical Expression (viktorpersson.com)
Day 201: Relationship sabotage and porn: establishing a new self based on principles (adriansjourneytolife.wordpress.com)



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Benjamin Hailstone
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Benjamin Hailstone » 23 Aug 2013, 00:11

Thanks for sharing your story.It is a very unique account,but as you say,none of us who have been through porn are "unique",and we can all recognise similar features.Some people might consider such a discussion distasteful,but I personally consider it an import and essential one within the economic and political system we as good people are subjected to.I don't know how much I will contribute to this discussion at present.Not perhaps because I am unable to or unwilling to,but because I find writing takes a lot of energy and it is at times hard to formulate my thoughts into a coherent whole.Thanks for being so brave as to raise this discussion.



Marlen
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Marlen » 23 Aug 2013, 00:27

Hi Benjamin

It sure is an important discussion to take on since porn has become more than just any form of 'entertainment' but actually a lucrative industry that is paving the way for more dysfunctional habits in society, beginning with praising images over physical reality and even generating energetic addictions to them as a form of satisfaction. We have a way to go within this so, if you do see the importance of it, I do say: share, write as that is the way we have an ability to also clarify our stance toward these topics and develop common sense which in the end it means: how can I establish and support what is best for all. Changing this world begins with ourselves and that's how the individual process is so important to investigate to see how within what we accept and allow individually also affects the whole world.

Thanks for sharing

Thanks for sharing



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Anna
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 23 Aug 2013, 19:43

My experience on Porn and Prostitution Pt. 2 - (Self Forgiveness applied) - DAY 7
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... s-applied/

Continuing with my previous story in which I shared how I participated on pornography which eventually lead me to participate on prostitution, here I will share the process of forgiving myself for accepting and allowing to myself to participate on pornography and on prostitution. Read the previous blog here.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to myself to participate on pornography so that I were able to be accepted by my schoolmates, and I see within this that, when I was watching pornography at that age, I didn´t had any reaction to it, any sensation attached to it, it will be a process of watching it constantly and continuously in which I will see the man having an erection when he was in front of the woman naked, and then there are these scenes in which they specifically focus on certain parts of the female body, accentuating that as “something important” and then I will watch to the girls on the school, making all of this comparisons in my mind and actually when seeing the ass of the girls I will expect to have or get this of experience. The orgasm and the sounds and the expressions, were actually completely acted, as they are at the very end, only porn movies, in which the people are acting and pretending to enjoy it, when it is actually a movie with actors, and I mean, it is not even sex, because when later in my life, when really experiencing sex, I will have all of this expectations and ideas linked to it, and then I will experience this form of “disappointment” within it, in which I created this relationship towards the idea itself of “what I should experience within it”, you know, when hearing the noises and seeing the expressions of the people, one creates the idea that it is something that one will enjoy and experience as one imagines it, and in the end, it was just this experience of disappointment towards sex, only because of my expectations towards it. But instead of stopping I will then blame the person with who I had sex with, and you can imagine what I did, I will search for the girl who had the most similar “picture linked to my ideas of pleasure”, I will search girls with big butts or big breasts, and you know, the same also happened in relation to love, when I will search the picture of the girl that I would relate from movies, books, pictures and so on.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the people who were participating on porn movies were enjoying what they were doing, without even seeing that I was actually only seeing what I wanted to see, because there was moments in which I will see this movies and, you know, it’s all completely fake and the noises are completely acted, but I will disregard that and I will focus only on what I wanted to see, I remain responsible for this experience as I had the opportunity of stopping, I had the opportunity of saying “its enough of this”, but I didn´t wanted to give up the experience of masturbation within watching porn, I didn´t wanted to give up my experiences and this is because, I knew that if I were going to stop them, what I will see is how limited I have become through defining myself around just one point, as the obsession of fulfilling this emotional experiences and reactions.

Therefore, within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was getting the energetic experience of stimulation by the porn pictures, by creating this link towards them in my mind through the ideas that I was able to “have this experience or stimuli myself in the way that I was doing it, only because I was watching porn” and within that, I will notice how every time that I wanted to masturbate I will believe that I required of a picture to it, and it will actually become more worse because it will be enough that I think in a picture and I will immediately search for porn, which is actually the complete inversion of the point of “choice isn´t it?Energy in control of its owner, which is exactly the pure reflection of methodical conditioning, this is how the people rape, because once they have a picture in the mind, they will just go, they will obey the impulse. So, PEOPLE WHO MASTURBATE USING PORN LISTEN: “YOU ARE NOT DOING ANY FUCKING CHOICE OF WATCHING PORN, YOU ARE DOING IT ON THE BELIEVE THAT YOU DEPEND OF IT AND THAT YOU NEED IT” THAT IS WHY YOU JUSTIFY AND SAY THAT “I NEED PORN” BULLSHIT! not realizing that it was only one creating this experience of stimulation through masturbation and only creating this ideas towards porn as one was watching it while masturbating, which is in fact, something that one will perceive as not being able to do it without the use of pictures, yet one will get the same experience, the same point which is the orgasm if one don´t use any picture at all, because that is what I will notice, that when masturbating I was able to have an orgasm, without any picture in my mind, any picture on the screen or in a paper or anything, I will be able to do it without porn, THERE IS NO EXCUSE.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create ideas, expectations and imaginations about sex, in which I actually tergiversate what sex is, and then “I would prefer” masturbating watching porn instead of going and having sex, because I will only be able to experience my idea of sex by using porn, as it was completely separated and not real, this illusion within my mind of what sex is, and now I see that this abuse that I have accepted and allowed within me towards the child abuse and the prostitution, was actually for nothing, those people are suffering in ways that are unspeakable for nothing, and I see how I am responsible for this indifference, for my own participation on this point, only because I wanted to have my personal experience of absolute delusion, which has been only that of having an orgasm…

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to myself to participate on prostitution not caring or considering in any way the women that were on such places, and not even the consequences and the abuse that I was accepting and allowing within my direct participation on the abuse and the prostitution only to have my personal fantasies fulfill which are actually only a relationship towards this ideas that I created about sex and porn

I will continue on the next post

For more information about how you can utilize the tool of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, join, DIP Lite – the FREE online course. For more support on Porn Addiction, visit the Desteni Forum.

Related articles

My experience with Porn and Prostitution: DAY 4 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Trapped in the Porn Movie of our Minds: DAY 2 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Day 400 - My story with Porn, 'Blue Movies', etc. (yogisjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
The Most Fascinating Thing About Porn: DAY 5 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Releasing the Shame of My Porn Addiction: DAY 6 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Porn and Sex - Why do we allow the degradation of Man? DAY 3 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Porn Addicts Journey to Life: DAY 1 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
Why Real Men Shouldn't Fantasize About Women (syl101.wordpress.com)



User avatar
Anna
Posts: 3724
Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:17
Location: Uppsala, Sweden
Contact:

Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 23 Aug 2013, 19:45

Thanks for sharing your story.It is a very unique account,but as you say,none of us who have been through porn are "unique",and we can all recognise similar features.Some people might consider such a discussion distasteful,but I personally consider it an import and essential one within the economic and political system we as good people are subjected to.I don't know how much I will contribute to this discussion at present.Not perhaps because I am unable to or unwilling to,but because I find writing takes a lot of energy and it is at times hard to formulate my thoughts into a coherent whole.Thanks for being so brave as to raise this discussion.

Thanks for the feedback Benjamin. Great to hear that these blogs are supportive. As an fyi: the blogs are written anonymously by Destonians sharing themselves so each blog-post is written by a different person. If you'd like to participate, you can send your blog-post to me and I'll upload it on the blog.

Thanks!



User avatar
Benjamin Hailstone
Posts: 14
Joined: 20 Aug 2013, 00:25

Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Benjamin Hailstone » 24 Aug 2013, 10:07

Hi Anna.I am not an expert with the internet.When you say "send it to you" do you mean that I should send my post to your email? Thanks.




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