Porn Addicts Journey to Life

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Anna
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 20 Feb 2014, 23:51

Porn and Sexual Attraction: DAY 29
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... on-day-29/

I am a person who has participated in porn for much of my adult life and the imagery associated with porn or the sexual attraction defined within the images of media, which is able to stimulate sexual attraction within the mind,consequences for myself in this life. Consequences because I have given more attention to the mind and the attraction/energy stimulation within the mind than the real physical attraction existent within the physical. This means that sexual stimulation or attraction primarily comes from images and is stimulated by images and the physical sexual attraction - like when the physical body is showing me that it is stimulated - has been suppressed and not given attention simply because I have given more attention to the mind.

Since I have participated in porn for quite a while in my life; sexual attraction has definitely become warped. The images and ideas of what is sexual promoted through porn have become what I have wired the brain and mind to define as `attractive` , and these ideas and images are not real whatsoever, they are idealized and absolute illusory ideas of sexual attraction and/or images of body. Like if you take for example the various subreddits of porn on reddit and how each subreddit is geared towards a specific fantasy or idealized version of a form of sexual attraction it is easy to see, through those examples, how warped the idea of sexual attraction has become through porn. The idea of sexual attraction or the sexual stimulation is only based on images, based on the thoughts that those images start to represent and are only ever an illusion that one participates within ones mind, it is not real whatsoever; it may be believed to be real but when it comes down to the actual practical participation in sex the images are not able to stand equal with the physical because one is not having sex with the idea or image, one is having sex with another individual. This is where the fuckup can exist because when one is initiating sex with another individual and is participating in the images and ideas of what turns oneself on then one is getting off only on the ideas that one is participating in and not, in fact, participating equally with the other in/as the act of sex.

This doesn’t only exist within porn and the images that porn represents but it also exists within media and thoughts. So like when you think for example "That person has a nice ass" or "That person has a nice body" those thoughts as well are participating in an illusion of sexual attraction because when those thoughts come up the image of the other person is being sexualized through the images and ideas persistent within the mind at that moment and then if one creates sexual attraction through those images and thoughts then one is not paying attention to the physical body in/as the life that it is in/as sexual attraction through the physical. At that moment one is allowing oneself to participate in the illusion that the mind is presenting in that one moment that suggests is sexually attractive and one is believing that sexual attraction to be real in that moment; instead of paying attention to the physical body and the messages that it is sending.

For myself I have slowly started to see/realize/understand that what I am participating in when I am valuing the image and idealization of the body parts in which I have accepted as sexual attraction have been an illusion. I have slowly started to see/realize that the thoughts that I have in regards to sexual attraction are as well only an illusion because as I see the thought and see the imagery within/as the thought and take note of the thought I see that the image and representation of sexuality that the thought is presenting is not here in the physical reality; it is within the mind being presented as real through media influence and porn influence when in fact it is not reality based here in the physical. So when that starts to happen, as of recently, I can start to control what I will accept and allow to be influenced by, so like if a thought comes up I can stop in a moment, assess that thought, and decide whether or not to be influenced/affected by the thought

The thoughts and imagery being an illusion isn't the only point within porn and the idea of sexual attraction. Through allowing the illusion to take precedence over the physical body and it's natural expression of sexual need we start to lose contact with the body and how it physically operates within/as sex. We start to require and need imaginary stimulation in order to participate in the physical act of sex, making it less than it is able to be and limiting self expression within sex because we are aiming for the ideas instead of participating here in the physical in the limitless amount of ways that one is able to express oneself during/within/as sex

I'm sure most men won't want to hear this as we value porn and the imagery that associates porn to quite an extent and are willing to fight for the continuation of porn over real physical intimacy with another person, but through living within this system of porn for a long time and not heeding the messages of the body I've brought consequences to myself that are certainly not worth the illusion. Through time and corrective application one is able to stop those images and thoughts that are presenting a false idea of what sexual attraction is and is able to actually explore oneself physically to see what one truly in fact likes and how the physical operates within/as sex without mental masturbation being a bridge towards sex/sexuality.

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.
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Anna
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 01 Mar 2014, 18:52

Walking Through the Addiction to Pornography: DAY 30
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... hy-day-30/

I started to watch pornography in the first year of high school. There almost everyone was interested in sex and relationships and for the guys with computers it become natural to share their porn collections between each other. Every time someone brought a new porn movie into the classroom it would be a point of discussion and almost a fight as to who gets to borrow and copy it first. The discussion would be in the veins of “Is it good?” “Yeah, it’s fucking amazing!”. The discussion participants referring to the energetic experience, or high, they got from this particular movie. That’s where my definition of sex and the sexual experience between man and woman developed. So what is this definition of sex based on pictures, movies and visual stimulation? It is an addiction to the energetic experience of rush, anticipation, excitement, connected to particular body shapes, sounds and movements as depicted and recorded within a porn movie. Is it natural to “enjoy” pornography? Where and how does one create the connection, and as such accept and allow to have certain emotions and feelings triggered within oneself, between watching pictures or video of people having sex and the energetic mind experience itself? Is it something natural, something one is born with or is it something one actually learns to do through observing ones environment? From my experience it is indeed something one is taught to do through constant manipulation through imprinting the connection between beauty as certain specific human body shape as defined within television and literature and pleasure as a result of interaction with such a body shape through and as sex. And this manipulation is not only present in the pornography itself. It is present within the very first stories we tell our children about the beautiful, innocent princess and a strong, handsome, young prince and their eventual connection as love, romance or marriage defined and depicted as something wonderful and great. That is the initial stage where I’ve created the basic outline of what it is that I desire from a relationship, from another human being, from a woman. The next step is learning about sex and that such interaction is possible between two people. This is the next layer I would imprint on the initial blueprint of the perfect prince and princess and their perfect relationship. This sex is something they can do and as they’re bodies, skills, abilities, deeds and personalities are perfect this sex they experience must be perfect too. This perception of perfect sex and the pleasure it allows one to experience is reinforced within the cinematography from it’s very beginning. There you can see the perfect people enjoying perfect romance and eventually perfect sex as the pinnacle of human expression and as the most ecstatic experience one can engage into. Within observing this the though of “I want to experience this” emerges. The desire for a perfect relationship and within that the desire for the perfect sex is born. Pornography is then the next logical step one immerses into, if one has access to such a thing. It further reinforces the belief one has already created about certain body shapes as pictures on the screen and what one experiences within the interaction of such body shapes as sex. One connects, reinforces and multiplies the feelings of excitement, rush, being overwhelmed with ecstasy with these pictures. Pornography then provides for more specifics like what are the specific sexual positions and techniques one would like to experience as those are the ones that one experiences the most intense feelings when observing them on the computer or TV screen. This can go on for years. And in my case it did. I watched pornography and used it to generate energy as excitement to have a nice experience within masturbation from the beginning of high school. I stopped only when finally facing myself for the first time for real within the application of self-honesty and self-forgiveness within studying and applying the Desteni research. One of the points of stopping the addiction to pornography was to actually face myself within having a real physical sex with another. Engaging a woman and creating a relationship with her as to eventually have sex was something I allowed myself to do only when I decided to stop with masturbating using fantasies and pictures. Only within that decision I mustered enough courage to actually do what I dreamed about for years. And to my surprise, it was nothing like I though, imagined and believed it would be from watching pornography. The difference between the belief and fantasy of what sex is, created through pornography, and the real physical act of sex Within my first real sexual experience I obviously tried to apply everything I’ve “learned” within watching pornography. And I did. Yet it was no ecstatic experience. The orgasm was “less than” what I’ve experienced within masturbation. There are two routes one can go from the realization that the real sex is nothing like what one dreamed about from watching television, reading and watching pornography. The first is to hold onto the belief that the perfect sex as depicted within pornography is somewhere out there and one only has to get hold of the perfect partner and amass enough experience to be a porn star on ones own. Such a route is not something I recommend taking. It operates based on the belief which one proven to oneself not to be real. It operates within the assumption that something will change in the future and this dream of mine is waiting there for me only if I do this or that and/or get this and that. That is not something one can build on, one can develop. It’s a never-ending search for something better. Yet this is what most people choose to do. And you can see the results within all the crashing relationships of all the perfect personalities as celebrities, actors, models, “soul mates” and the “leaders” of our world. It all crashes, the dream of perfect relationship and the perfect sex is never fulfilled. The solution I present to you another way. First stop and let go of, remove, delete, discard and forgive all the fantasies, pictures, beliefs, energetic connections, dreams, expectations and blueprints within and as your mind and body. This in itself is quite a process, yet something you do step by step, breath by breath and within that it’s simplistic and doable for everyone that dares. Everything on how to remove these things is presented within the Desteni material. This stopping is like entering an abyss you have to walk through and survive the quench. Your ability to stand within the face of the desire, allocate oneself, keep walking and moving oneself without emotional wobbles is what determines the length of the whole process of giving up that which does not serve you as the addiction to imaginary “sex” supported through pornography and imagination. By the way, mentioning imagination – it is the same thing as watching pornography. You’re using other people, rape them in your mind, without their permission and you justify it with that it is harmless. It’s not. First you support the whole concept of sexual abuse and rape where you want something, you can’t get it through the means of actually agreeing with other real person on walking together an exploring your sexuality, so you find a way around it. It start within the mind, then proceeds to actual physical acts that eventually lead to rape. So sexual imagination has to be completely stopped as well. C’mon, apply some self-honesty and see for yourself what is the actual outflow of what it is that you’re doing. Apply your imagination in a constructive way: intensify everything you’re doing – having to use constantly more brutal and brutal fantasies to get the same energetic experience as excitement and rush and see where it leads to. If you can see that and you actually have some brain left – stop while you can. It’s worth it. Because as you walk through the abyss of stopping and giving up that which you identifying as invalid within yourself you can slowly proceed to exploring that which is real. In my case I walked the stopping of the porn addiction for a few years. And I’ve fallen many times – where I would get back to using porn to masturbate. Then I had to stood up again, start from scratch again and forgive myself. As I got better with it, my resolve and trust within myself grow stronger. Within that I was able to actually approach females and communicate, actually enjoy it and relax within it as there was no, or very little, backchat as sexual fantasies. Within that you’re able to appreciate another being for who she really is and not just a picture in your mind you want to fuck with. After some more time, application and standing by my decision, I found a partner I walk with, enjoy my time with and explore sexuality within open communication and without any hidden secrets, agendas, wants and needs. It’s something that flows naturally through us walking together, supporting each other and enjoying each other within communication, work, play and sex. The sexual expression develops slowly, step by step, breath by breath as I explore my body and the body of another and learn what it is to actually be within my body and what it is to touch another, to be intimate with another, what it is that each one enjoys.

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.



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Anna
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 10 Mar 2014, 09:12

Stopping The Porn in My Head - Pt. - DAY 31
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... pt-day-31/

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.

While I was stopping masturbation to porn I found that a common fear of mine was `how do I masturbate without porn?` `How do I stimulate that belief and attraction without images or without words or without something external from myself?` What I was saying within this statement was that I was so disconnected from my body that I could not be here with myself and masturbate here with myself in a point of self expression. I was saying that I needed an external stimulus or either porn, ideas, images, or thoughts to stimulate the desire to masturbate. Never did I question what was going on in this statement; I held it as a belief so that I could justify and excuse myself to accept myself to masturbate to porn or accept ideas related to sex, or accept myself to look at memories of images in the mind so that I could stimulate myself to masturbate with energy. So again, I thought and believed that I needed porn or images or ideas to stimulate myself enough so that I could masturbate

That belief that I had is an absolute separation from the body. When you take a look at masturbation without the mind all that is here is self in the body masturbating. Thus within the physical action of/as masturbating all that you need is self here with the body. When you add the mind to the equation, what then exists is an emotional fuel source for the mind and an energetic fuel source for the mind to revel in the movements of emotions, energy, desire and from this compound the programmed ideas beliefs of what will stimulate self to be able to masturbate. So what I was saying within the statement that I cannot masturbate without images or porn is that I want and desire the energy within the emotions and reactions and lust within viewing images and I wanted to, you know, create fantasies within the mind about how I would be within that position when/as viewing porn which again is not an equal alignment here with the body.

When I first attempted to masturbate without porn, I couldn't do it. I could not get it up because I had programmed the body and mind to use the ideas/images of porn or within thoughts to stimulate the body to arousal and therefore I was quite disconnected from the body. From this I became frustrated because I wanted to masturbate at that moment but I obviously couldn't. I then used that belief that I needed porn to continue looking at porn instead of investigating why it was that I could not be here with the body and express myself within self honest masturbation - self honesty meaning I know my starting point is to express myself and not to support the ideas, images, beliefs of what I held as attractive or sexually arousing. I mean since masturbating from about age 12 or so, the body became programmed to need that form of sexual arousal because I rarely, if ever, masturbated solely with myself here in the body. And since there was the use of porn the ideas that stimulated the arousal started to become more specific, so specific to the point that only that image/idea would arouse me which meant no sex life because sex within the physical reality does not coincide with the ideas and images that I would use to stimulate myself and programmed the body/mind to respond to.

With many males who are facing the same process, one of understanding the body and getting back in touch with the body through exploration of real self expression within masturbation/sex, it will certainly take time to understand how the body is going to function in these cases because all that we've ever told the body is that we have no use for the real self expression within sex/masturbation because we have primarily used the ideas/images/porn to masturbate to = saying "I have porn and I will use that to generate arousal instead of listening to the body and how it in fact becomes aroused." So from the body's perspective it isn't being used to stimulate itself nor is it being explored within self honesty; it realizes that the mind is `taking over` the point of sexual attraction via using emotions and feelings so to speak, so it doesn’t move when/as physical arousal is here because self within the body never explored that point.

There are preventative measures that one can take, as well as corrective. The preventative measures relies on the parents teaching children exactly what porn is, like sitting down with them and showing them porn, showing them what is really going on behind the scenes and showing that most of the scenes/movies are all staged and acted out and how real physical sex does not relate to what is being shown in porn. From there it is to let the child decide for themselves, no judgement, no morality, no reactions, simply showing them the consequences of their actions if one chooses to continue to participate with viewing porn. The corrective measures are firstly stopping participation in porn, the second is to start to investigate how the body responds to movement on itself and the then explore the body and sexual expression from the starting point of no images, no desires, no thoughts, no porn, no ideas, and simply move from an absolute clear starting point. It most likely won't be easy at first, lots of frustration came up within me, but the key is to move through that frustration and to remain committed to ones principles of stopping porn and living what is best for self in relation to sex/masturbation/sexuality

In the next post I will write self forgiveness statements on the above mentioned



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Anna
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 13 Mar 2014, 08:28

Stopping The Porn in My Head - Pt. 2 - DAY 32
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... -2-day-32/

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.
Related articles


Continuing from Part 1 with Self-Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I cannot get it up without images stimulating a sexual arousal within me that I cannot masturbate without images which is only an excuse and justification to continue my relationship with porn and masturbationI forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the reason why it is difficult to masturbate without images is because I have told the body over time that I require images to stimulate a sexual arousal within me and that I have no use for the body's natural sexual expression and therefore the body's natural sexual expression has become defunct because I have decided within myself who I will be in relation to the body and sex and masturbation through the continual use of porn and images to excite the mind to then say that I want to masturbate now. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the body by deciding within the mind when/as it is time to masturbate simply because I am bored or I `have nothing else to do` wherein I then masturbate many times within one day only because I am accepting a thought that says I want to masturbate instead of listening to the body and what it is telling me about sex/masturbationI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and excuse my relationship to porn and masturbation by assuming that without porn or images or any external stimulus I won't be able to find that sexual stimulus that provides the attraction that I have defined in relation to the ability to masturbateI forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, or understand that I have been abusing the body by masturbating to images and that I have been abusing the body by not being here with the body but up in the mind with the desires and emotions and feelings that generate a feelingsin relation to masturbation when in reality, when you take a look at the physical reality without any emotions or movements within the mind all that exists with masturbation is the physical body and self

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by masturbating to porn throughout time and by looking for more and more stimulus to get the mind excited with different varieties of porn and throughout time becoming more specific with what I am defining as what will excite me I am creating more and more of a separation between the body and me and more of a connection between myself and the mind resulting in a limited spectrum of sexual expression defined within/as the images/ideas that I have become more specific in which I say `excites me` or `gets me off` or `turns me on` , this results in limiting the body and mind within what will excite self when masturbating and thus when attempting to masturbate without porn it is going to be `difficult` because the body has not been supported with it's natural expression within masturbation and only the increase in specificity of the ideas have been supported

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize or understand or see that it is going to take time to discover what the natural self expression of the body really is, and it is going to take time to remove the images and ideas that I have placed within the memory so that when I decide to explore the natural sexual expression the images and ideas do not come up thus I can be with the body here and explore myself in relation to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form the body through accepting myself to masturbate to porn and believe that only through porn, through images, through ideas that I will be able to masturbate, absolutely denying the physical body and how it operates, stating that I only need the mind to masturbate and create sexual arousal

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I masturbate from porn, what I am masturbating to is emotions and feelings regarding what I am watching and what I am thinking in relation to what I am watching and through compounding the emotional energy and the thought processes over time I separate myself further from the body which may result in not being able to masturbate solely on my own and may lead to impotence with a partner that I have because I have programmed the body to only respond to the emotions/ideas/thoughts that I have accepted and allowed from the mind while I am masturbating to porn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the body it's natural sexual expression through masturbating to porn and stating/believing that I can only masturbate to images or porn, justifying why I do not want to let go of the addiction to porn and the emotions/feelings/thoughts that I create while masturbating to porn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that while I masturbate to porn and have thoughts or ideas about what is turning me on I am programming the body to only respond to those images or ideas in relation to sex/masturbation which will result in an absolute dependency upon porn to become aroused which is going to affect the physical relationships that I have and my ability to speak to women as that will be all that I see when/if I see a female

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that through masturbating to images/ideas/thoughts/porn over time that I am going to be dependent on those images/ideas/thoughts/porn in order for myself to express a point of sexual arousal; absolutely limiting myself in regards to self expression within sex/masturbation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my relationship to porn and masturbation through accepting the belief that I cannot masturbate without images/porn and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question why I cannot masturbate without images or arousal or thoughts stimulating emotions or stimulating lust

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when/if the time comes that I cannot masturbate without images that I have created a consequence wherein I am separate from the body and the understanding of the body in the natural sexual arousal of itself and that I have created a consequence that may not be possible to turn back from, and in this to realize that I have gone too far with my addiction and my acceptance of myself masturbating to porn/images/ideas/thoughts/emotions

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the shame of my actions resulting from masturbating to porn and act on that shame in relation to investigating the shame and what I have accepted from myself in relation to the relationship between myself and porn and sex/masturbation and women. From this see this shame of my actions and forgive myself while the shame is here for what I have accepted and allowed from myself in relation to masturbating to porn and the consequences that I have brought myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/understand that if I continue my relationship to masturbating to porn I will be creating a life for myself that I would not in fact like to live and I am creating a life of hate and anger and frustration and depression and fear and insecurity because of the relationship I have allowed to the body and to the idea of the image of women

Continued in the next post



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Anna
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby Anna » 14 Mar 2014, 19:00

Stopping The Porn in My Head - Pt. 3 - DAY 33
http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... -3-day-33/

This is the third and last series in the series about stopping the porn in one's head, the fantasies and imaginations. Read the first two parts here:

http://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpre ... -2-day-32/
I commit myself to understanding how I am abusing the body and how I am creating a defunct sexual expression by allowing myself to watch and masturbate to porn, to understand this by looking at the consequences of my actions, by looking at what I have defined as sexual and relating that back to the physical reality in participating in communication with the opposite or same sex
I commit myself to realizing the reason why I cannot masturbate without images is because I have only used images the entire time that I have been masturbating and have programmed the body/mind to react to only images
I commit myself to reconnecting with the body by giving myself patience as I practice removing the images/ideas/thoughts/stimulus created from porn when they come up, forgiving myself in that moment, and understanding that if I am to continue with masturbating to images/thoughts/ideas that I am only creating more of a presence within the mind and further separating myself from the body
I commit myself to honouring the body as life by stopping myself from participating in idea/images/thoughts when masturbating and if they come up while I am masturbating in self honesty, stop, reassess my starting point, clear the starting point and if they remain present, to stop myself from masturbating in that moment
I commit myself to treating the body with respect by stopping my relationship to believing that I need images in order to masturbate and then pushing beyond that belief within practicing and testing out masturbating without images and masturbating only with myself here
I commit myself to understanding what it is that I am doing to the body while I am masturbating to images or creating thoughts and ideas within the mind based upon those images and what it is that I am telling the body through masturbating to the images meaning that what it is that I am showing the body in relation to only focusing on the images to get myself off and from this reassess my starting point within masturbating to images and give myself a clear understanding/realization of what I have accepted from myself
I commit myself to stopping the images of porn or of sexual attraction when they come up in the mind, so meaning, when/as I am walking on the street and I am faced with a sexually provocative advertisement and I become aroused, I stop, I breathe in the moment, I take the thought/idea/image here as myself and through breathing remove and stop the energy that is moving in that moment bring myself back here, meaning not influenced by the image, and re-direct myself within whatever task that I was doing in that moment
I commit myself to realizing/seeing only an idea of what that image is representing and seeing/creating an idea of what/how I would like to experience myself in relation to that IMAGE and that IMAGE is in no way related to the physical movements of sex or the physical body of another nor myself. So when/as I see an image that provokes sexual arousal I bring that sexual arousal in relation to the physical reality and see if it holds up, if it doesn't then I commit myself to in that moment let it go because it is not a living embodiment of the physical expression of the body that when I see an image that provokes sexual arousal within myself that I am
I commit myself to when/as I see an image and think about how I would approach the idea of the image to realize that I AM NOT THERE within the idea/image and thus I commit myself to bring myself back here to physical reality and direct myself in that moment here with myself in/as the body and not allow the image/idea to direct the physical body as I am not a slave to the mind nor the thoughts that pop up within the mind in relation to sexual arousal and in this I commit myself to allow the only sexual arousal to be from here within the physical, meaning if I am touched by a person and physical arousal exists then I allow it, if the body is telling me that I am aroused then I allow it, in this I commit myself to remain self honest within seeing where/how the arousal comes up and if it is from an idea or energy that I stop it and release myself from the energy
I commit myself to realigning myself with the body by working with masturbation with myself here without images running through the mind, without being stimulated by images and without ideas of what to expect or ideas pertaining to what turns me on and in this to move myself unconditionally with the body exploring what the body in fact likes within being touched and explored and how to move myself in equality and oneness with the body, realizing that I am the body and the body is me thus meaning that I can move myself within the body without judgements or expectations of myself in relation to masturbation and simply explore myself with the body here in physical touch
Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.



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ZachWang
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Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby ZachWang » 27 May 2014, 05:54

Can somebody give me some suggestions.Thank you!
I am in my second year of university.I was born in 1993. Now I feel I am out of control frequently when I have to face the situations that can easily arouse my thoughts emotions and feelings in an extensive way so that I always fall when they come. I am a boy. when my mind is full of emotions,thoughts and feelings,it really drives me mad.Self-forgiveness and breathing does not help.Maybe it is because I was already in it,in other words,I was already in the trap of mind, getting out seems impossible.As for my background,I was born in an ordinary family in a countryside,in my memory, money is always short.And since I was very young,my father and mother have been fighting and arguing all the time.I can only see the darkness and coldness of humanity.My father is addicted to alcohol.Many times,he came back in the night and were very drunk.Then there were shouting,arguing and fighting.I was always frightened.There was only fear and the darkness within me.I remember my sex system was activated before my primary school through watching a woman(maybe a little naked, I can not recall it clearly).But I can still remember that sort of feeling I had then.It is really a sort of energetic reaction.You know,people's mind is always feudal and conservative where I live.They are very sensitive to the topic about sex and avoid anything linked to it.I do not know how to masturbate until the summer holiday before going to university through reading the words of methods about how to masturbate on the Internet.At that time,there was already so much much emotions, thoughts and feelings within me that I can not handle at all.Still, I had already started watching videos spreaded out from Desteni but not many.When masturbation is done,it is really like a releasing and venting of the emotions,thoughts and feelings that had accumulated since my very young age.when it comes to things that are related to other people,I will become very nervous before it really occurs.Currenly,there is one.I have a radio live broadcasting interview publicly in my school tomorrow.Last night, I was thinking about how to answer the questions properly and perfectly so that I can make them understand what I will be talking about.I was aware then.I was out of hand.I cound not stop thinking.The thoughts,emotions were just floating around.The anxiety came up in my stomach area.I coped that situation, yet not completely.So this morning,when I walked out of the dorm department.I saw the girls with naked legs.I completely went out of hand.So,then I masturbated through watching porn videos just an hour ago.Because the anxious energetic feelings within me is so extensive that I can not handle that pain within me.There are so many emotions thoughts and feelings and a lot of reactions within me.I have stood up and fallen for many times.Only when my emotion is in a high level,then I have to release it through doing something.Jack said masturbation is harmful.What do I do? I do not want to masturbate.But what if there are lots of emotions I have not sorted out. Speaking in public or doing anything in public is always a challenge for me,it always arouses massive emontions and thoughs and feelings within me.Can you give me some suggestions to tackle the situations ?



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sylvia
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 23:02

Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby sylvia » 27 May 2014, 08:16

Hi 王张楷 welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story.

I would start with opening your own thread in the section Writing yourself to Freedom and Sharing Self Forgiveness, that way you can share your process and others are able to assist and support you where needed. Since you mentioned that Self Forgiveness didn't work,it's cool to understand how you use it and how you do it. Self Forgiveness isn't simply magic or a magic want that can make things go away. It is a process of awareness where you discover through Self forgiveness what patterns, emotions, feelings and fears you are participating in and then to correct that in real life.

If you are really in a turmoil of emotions and feelings Self Forgiveness may not seem to work and even worsen the situation, because then our starting point for Self Forgiveness is fear and hoping that it will safe us instead of seeing that it is us that has to safe ourselves by stopping addictions and fears and emotions by stopping the mind. And that's why we call it process, since it is quite a lengthy process, though worth while when we stick to it.

I would recommend to listen to the shocking secrets of masturbation on Eqafe which is an entire free series. This will give you more inside on what it is and how to deal with it. As you said you feel a lot of emotions and feelings inside of you and these build ups of energy are easily mistaken by us for sexual energy. Which results in thoughts that the only way to release those energies is through masturbation or sex. It's first of all to get to know yourself better in order to see what those emotions and feelings are showing you and where you are at in your life.

And Jack might have said that masturbation is harmful, but it is essential to understand his starting point from where he said that. He didn't mean it is harmful to masturbate on porn, he meant the physical act of being intimate with yourself without any pictures or ideas in your mind to sexually stimulate yourself is harmful.

So when you do feel anxiety when going on air in the school's radio show, just look inside yourself and see in Self Honesty what it really is that you fear or what ideas and opinions you have of yourself that you want to achieve that might not be aligned with your physical reality. Use the four count breathing to ground yourself and not fly off on your mind's thoughts.

Have you already enrolled in the DIP Lite course, because that's a nice way to get to learn how to write yourself out and how to exactly apply Self Forgiveness. It's a free course with buddy support, so if you haven't I would suggest to look into it.

By the way is there a way we can write your name in Western characters? If so let us know and we can change your name for you.

Please let us know if this answers your questions and do feel free to ask for support.



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ZachWang
Posts: 201
Joined: 20 May 2014, 08:50
Location: Beijing

Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby ZachWang » 27 May 2014, 11:03

hello,sylvia,Thank you for your assistance, it is really helpful! well,I do not really have a English name or any other western names.But it can be written in letters.So,please help me change my name into wangzhangkai,thanks. But I do not quite understand this sentence: "He didn't mean it is harmful to masturbate on porn, he meant the physical act of being intimate with yourself without any pictures or ideas in your mind to sexually stimulate yourself is harmful."can you specify it? Yeah,I joined DIP this morning,thanks for your suggestion.I will try my best to post in proper areas in this forum as you suggested.



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sylvia
Posts: 926
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 23:02

Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby sylvia » 27 May 2014, 11:28

Hi wangzhangkai, what I meant with that sentence is the following (and the interviews about masturbation will explain you that in far more detail):

When we masturbate most of the time we do that while watching for instance a picture of someone or by watching porn or even think about someone in our mind. Which results in having 'sex' so to speak with a picture and the ultimate orgasm will be an orgasm that is mainly experienced as a mind orgasm. While when you masturbate from a point of being intimate with your physical body without pictures and mind chatter, you're simply there with the physical, touching and physically feeling. Which results in an orgasm that is physical without interference of the mind. Understand that it takes a process to get to this point where emotions, feelings and pictures do not dictate you how to have an orgasm, but simply be and experience your physical body and be comfortable with it.

So masturbating to get rid of the energy that is accumulated by emotions and feelings is not really the way to go. Release them through writing and Self Forgiveness so you understand what is happening to you within such moments. Use breath to ground yourself and to keep you here within your physical reality instead of being in the mind that's offering you all kinds of wild fantasies.

Cool you joined DIP Lite wangzhangkai!



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ZachWang
Posts: 201
Joined: 20 May 2014, 08:50
Location: Beijing

Re: Porn Addicts Journey to Life

Postby ZachWang » 27 May 2014, 12:22

Thank you,sylvia.I get it.You are right,I need to write them down to slow myself down to sort out the seemingly out-of-control energy within my mind.I am ready for my process to oneness and equality as you did or are doing.




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