Input = Output / How thoughts create emotional outbursts and words create constructive living - 22 Mar 2017

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Leila
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Input = Output / How thoughts create emotional outbursts and words create constructive living - 22 Mar 2017

Post by Leila »

8:39 PM]
Sunette Spies Our first public chat evening! :slightly_smiling_face:

[8:39 PM]
Thank you to all who supported with setting everything up, much appreciated

[8:43 PM]
Sunette Spies set the channel topic: Input = Output / How thoughts create emotional outbursts and words create constructive livingf

[8:43 PM]
Sunette Spies set the channel topic: Input = Output / How thoughts create emotional outbursts and words create constructive living

[8:49 PM]
Gian Robberts Hello

[9:00 PM]
Sunette Spies set the channel topic: Input = Output / How thoughts create emotional outbursts and words create constructive living - Start 5 after the hour

[9:01 PM]
Leila Zamora Moreno here

[9:01 PM]
Valentin Rozman Cool

[9:01 PM]
Carlton Tedford Hello

[9:01 PM]
Cerise Poolman Hi all

[9:02 PM]
Miranda de Haas Hi

[9:02 PM]
Sunette Spies set the channel topic: Input = Output / How thoughts create emotional outbursts and words create constructive living - Start 5 after the hour

[9:02 PM]
Marjo Poorter Hi

[9:02 PM]
Maite Zamora Moreno Hello

[9:02 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow hi all

[9:02 PM]
Fidelis Spies Hello

[9:02 PM]
Marlen Vargas hi guys!

[9:05 PM]
Yogan Barrientos Hieee

[9:07 PM]
Gian Robberts Hi

[9:07 PM]
Sunette Spies set the channel topic: Input = Output / How thoughts create emotional outbursts and words create constructive living - WE START

[9:07 PM]
Anna Brix Thomsen Hi all.

[9:07 PM]
Sunette Spies Good evening all!

[9:08 PM]
Mike McD hi everyone

[9:08 PM]
Fred Cheung Hi sunettedimensions! I have translated How Hate becomes you and found it very supportive! I'd suggest you guys consider elaborate more on the consequences of "Blame" and why and how to transcend Blame - it could help many people out there, Thank you very much!

[9:08 PM]
Yogan Barrientos Good day

[9:09 PM]
Sunette Spies Let's look at the FIRST DIMENSION of INPUT = OUTPUT when it comes to thoughts, inner dialogue, projections - building up emotions WITHIN (INPUT) and then MANIFESTING into one's OUTPUT - your words, voice and actions

[9:10 PM]
For example:

[9:11 PM]
A past pattern I dealt with is suppression. Tending to keep all my "emotional upheavals" towards others, myself, my body, everyday life irritations to myself; YET what started happening is "taking out my suppressions" when simple things happen for instance

[9:12 PM]
when light switches wouldn't work, I couldn't find something, petty unnecessary moments would lead me to 'blow up'

[9:12 PM]
Joe Kou yes - am also familiar with this pattern

[9:12 PM]
Anna Brix Thomsen oh yes

[9:12 PM]
Marlen Vargas yep where unsorted irritations can be coming up in 'short-fuse' temper type of moments

[9:12 PM]
Sunette Spies So, can anyone share a more specific example, a recent one - where you had thoughts / projections / backchat with an emotional attachment WITHIN (INPUT) and how did it exactly become / manifest into your action (OUTPUT)?

[9:14 PM]
Joe Kou i can share that in recent weeks i had been holding on to points of self judgment in relation to someone - and as this continued and i tried to 'keep it to myself, work on it myself' - my actions and behaviors toward this person became more and more visibly uncomfortable and at times rude/harsh

[9:14 PM]
Marlen Vargas Yes, I recently dealt with a relationship breakup and a part of that phase was going through some anger about it which I had not opened up and dealt with, this became an irritation that I started lashing out on the ways that I was behaving towards the person I was in a relationship with and other family members around me where it became how I expressed towards them for some time, until I actually placed myself to work on the anger itself - so it was a 'lashing out' onto others instead of dealing it with myself as the source of it

[9:14 PM]
Anna Brix Thomsen I’ve had a lot of "little thoughts” about not being good enough as a mother, comparing myself to other mothers etc. and suppressed them (they were running in my mind as a constant ‘secret’ voice over) eventually actually causing me to lash out on my partner and project all my built-up self-judgment onot him

[9:14 PM]
Joe Kou where my behavior became that of a spitefulness/blame manifest -in my tone of voice, my presence around this person, etc

[9:14 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow i did where i was walking herni, and it's winter here so it's really cold with a wind chill, i found i would become irritated within myself - having thoughts like 'come on henri, let's go, stop sniffing everything, jeeze are you doing this on purpose', and by the time i got to my door i was irritated at him, pulling him more and more to come, where he would buck at me and just not move.

[9:14 PM]
Joana Jesus indeed Sunette, I notice that too and after the outburst (often related to small things that build up inside) when I look back to the memory I ask myself 'Why did I react so much?'

[9:15 PM]
Marlen Vargas yep same joekou

[9:15 PM]
Maite Zamora Moreno I notice this at nights, if there are things haven't cleared up from my day, and I attempt to go sleep, I will get super annoyed as soon as I feel a fly or a moth come to sit on me or even if I hear it flapping its wings, things like that - so, when I notice this starts, I first take a moment to breathe and look at anything that is still moving in me/BUGging me - so I can release it and place a direction as a commitment before going to bed.

[9:16 PM]
Joe Kou the solution i found was to take all the points back to self - but to also find ways to communicate/share/clear the air with myself first and THEN to do the same with the other person.

[9:16 PM]
Yogan Barrientos A moment where I was meeting someone new and I was afraid about sharing something that made me appear in a bad light. So I had suppressed and not shared it. So the *Inner* being the emotions of fear, insecurity, anxiety, and the *Outer* being not talking as much, staying more quiet.

[9:16 PM]
Fred Cheung 1. When my mom disagree with me and I am quite confident that I am right, I got pissed off from her quickly

[9:17 PM]
Marlen Vargas also when going out for a walk, I used to become short-fused 'angry' at people not respecting the traffic lights, becoming more like a constant trigger in me until I decided to see what was I actually bitter about in my life, and it had to do with a complete set of different things, like 'bitterness' about my life in itself that I then used other 'triggers' out there to react to in a very quick and automated manner - until I also got to write about it - actually on the open forum - and ever since then has been a different story in my relationship to 'traffic/cars' out there lol

[9:17 PM]
Fred Cheung 2. Before, when I was at the bank and need to line up for an hour, I got very angry and frustrated, blaming the bank for cutting off staff and I need to wait/waste an hour for nothing. Output - Angriness all over my face

[9:18 PM]
* at her quickly

[9:18 PM]
Valentin Rozman My pattern that I became aware of recently is reacting with envy to Facebook vlogs where people present themselves as happy and successful in abundant or exotic environment and within the videos giving others advices how they can also become equally satisfied and rich.

[9:19 PM]
Joana Jesus cool point @joekou the relationship we have with another is a mirror of the relationship we have with ourselves - need to remind myself of that!

[9:19 PM]
Yogan Barrientos cool Marlen! Like road rage but for pedestrians. So maybe it should be called sidewalk rage haha.

[9:20 PM]
Sunette Spies Yes, so definitely a dynamic we can have a look at and question in that:

[9:20 PM]
Mike McD i had done this recently about travelling....specifically judging and comparing the place where i was to where i was going....where the place i was was better than the place i was going...and when i got to the new place....it was like i wanted to be sad and depressed....and i could see this coming up....and my solution was to let go of that 'attitude' stop the judgement...realized that it was charged emotionally by a plethora of reasons...basically loose lips in not being spot on in accountability for my words. So, there was work to be done in my new environment....so i got myself moving and starting creating opportunity to set up sweet accomodations

[9:20 PM]
Marlen Vargas Also an experience of 'disgust' I had once when seeing a lot of people in the streets and I reacted with annoyance, disgust, almost going into a dizziness about the situation, which I had not taken back to myself to see how every time that I had gone out - specially friday nights- I had accumulated a lot of reactions, judgments towards people in particular scenarios of 'having fun' so I had to also then see where and how I wasn't allowing myself to have fun, enjoy and how I turned it into this 'bitterness' that I then used as an excuse to see 'the people' lol as the source of it

[9:20 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas I have moments where I start to judge myself when communication with another does not have an expected outcome.

[9:20 PM]
Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen While walking on the sidewalk with the dog and my daughter, suddenly a woman jumped out of her house and garden onto the sidewalk. The only thing we saw was the woman jumping on the sidewalk, so I had a moment of what the fuck. Then a few meter further I said to my daughter that it was kind of strange behavior to jump that way on the sidewalk. I have an opinion about this woman, she and her family are parking their bicycles on the sidewalk, so people have to use the street where the cars are driving. So I see her as irresponsible and on top of that they are a very religious family, so I could not understand why they live the way they do. So when I spoke to my daughter about her behavior I sensed guilt in my voice and I stopped the conversation, since I could see that I was ventilating my back chats and didn't want to end gossiping as I already had started.

[9:20 PM]
Joe Kou a particular pattern would be thoughts of feeling uncertain about myself, feeling out of place, thinking thoughts of 'i don't think i fit it/i don't think i am good enough'. so then when i make a mistake or forget something, all the accumulated stuff will want to activate and i will go "see! i really don't fit in. i really am incompetent!" and then justify my inner tantrum

[9:20 PM]
Marlen Vargas yeah yoganb been there done that for long, but not anymore, can safely say, does kind of try and come up but am more aware to stop it

[9:21 PM]
Yogan Barrientos awesome Marlen!

[9:21 PM]
Joe Kou in listening to some old bernard recordings there was a specific phrase that stuck with me this week - where he said "Meet your maker. Your maker is your thoughts". and this really sank in for me in what i've been looking at - in how the thoughts we allow become the life we create.


[9:21 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas Yes joukou, I see that too, and it all wants to accumulate , and it is a tantrum of emotion.

[9:22 PM]
Sunette Spies Why, when we are in fact dealing with a PERSONAL ISSUE related to / projected onto ONE / FEW PEOPLE in our MINDS - do we tend to take it out on OTHERS??? Why not immediately self reflect, take responsibility...it's interesting how I have observed people throughout the years and noticed how lost we can get in our thoughts and emotions that we "forget" we create our own and so, easil;y justify / excuse lashing out on simple / small / insignificant completely 'out of context' things / moments


[9:23 PM]
joekou would add there "the thoughts we allow, become who we are, defines how we live - and so in moments within the days, day by day, we create the reflection of who we are, as thoughts" = if you knoiw the beginning, you know the end. If you beginning is "self as thought" = your end will be "self as thought manifest" for example

[9:23 PM]
Marlen Vargas yep exactly, and specifically things we have taken for granted as 'normal' like me'lashing out' onto the people in their cars for not respecting traffic lights - it had become such a 'normal habit' until I questioned it and this had to be pointed out to me by another person, and also reflecting on reading others' experience at the forum on it which was the 'aha' moment to take it on for once and for all, but it Is astounding how long I simply 'allowed it to be' within me

[9:24 PM]
Joe Kou yes sunettedimensions absolutely.

[9:24 PM]
Mike McD yes sunettedimensions

[9:24 PM]
Valentin Rozman I had exactly the same issue with perfectionism in traffic years ago @marlen

[9:25 PM]
Mike McD i remember Cath talking about that in i think her first recording....realizing/seeing how much time was spent in thoughts about others

[9:25 PM]
Yogan Barrientos oh cool example Syvlia of the past thoughts accumulating, like how the bicycles are on the sidewalk. And how that led to an *Outer* moment of wanting to gossip.

[9:25 PM]
Mike McD if i recall correctly she said it was about 3 years of her life

[9:25 PM]
Kim Amourette I definitely see it clearly in relation to our dog Molly, where I sometimes think i am 'directing' a behavior when it's actually a reaction so my expression then becomes harsh and rigid -- it becomes clear to me then that there are actually points going on in the background where i am accumulating frustrations and tension which i havent been resolving

[9:25 PM]
Marlen Vargas it's probably very common valentin.rozman also came up in the Future of Awareness interview, now I see the connection lol

[9:25 PM]
Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen yes yoganb

[9:26 PM]
Sunette Spies Awesome observation sylvia indeed! So few even as of yet have the will to stop speaking, slow down and take responsibility immediately. Already showing sylvia how you are progressing in your awareness-change real time application, well done! Thanks so much for sharing1

[9:26 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow yes eventually one will face the consequence of such actions either through direct reflection of the point or through physical outflows - either way there is opportunity to learn and grow from it, i find this point of accepting and allowing it to continue to actually be the point of self compromise done onto self, we have made self compromised so habitual and normal, it seems this is who we are when in reality it is not

[9:27 PM]
Valentin Rozman We allow ourselves to project because the thoughts are voices that only we hear and we think that thus nobody else will hear us and thus there will be no consequences if we think about others whatever we want

[9:27 PM]
Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen Thanks sunettedimensions, yet in that moment I did not see myself as doing well, I was more like I've been there and yet I'm there again, so more self-judgement than really seeing my growth, so thank you for pointing it out

[9:27 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas I notice how much the blame is projecting onto something outside of myself, what is necessary, or what I want it to be, when what i want the other to be is often the practical things necessary to build a more informed understanding. This requires bringing it back to myself to investigate the practical and clarify. It is the same with completing a task for myself, getting annoyed at what needs to be done, because I want it to move faster - more often than not. Usually, it is something else that I am believing within myself where I am not being practical.

[9:27 PM]
Marlen Vargas "we have made self compromised so habitual and normal, it seems this is who we are when in reality it is not" garbrielle I agree, and it mostly comes up in the 'fine details' of our day to day as well - the devil is in the detail type of situation

[9:28 PM]
it's a part of us yes, to change for sure

[9:28 PM]
Mike McD the details....the fine tuning of our self-direction

[9:29 PM]
and as our self direction

[9:29 PM]
Marlen Vargas sylvia definitely cool, I'm realizing how judgment is like an automated nature and I have to intervene sometimes outloud to say ok stop it, or even when I see something/someone that could trigger more judgments, before it comes up I say 'ok don't go there, stop' and breathe and keep going, it's an every moment thing mostly when being out and about

[9:29 PM]
Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen Yes, absolutely marlen

[9:30 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas yes mikemcd

[9:31 PM]
Sunette Spies mikemcd very well illustrated of how your comparative thoughts would have lead to quite the depressive experience - and so with changing self in relation to the thoughts, transforming self and one's actions, therefore RELATIONSHIP with environment - transformed the whole SEEING of everything to POTENTIAL instead of COMPARISON

[9:31 PM]
Mike McD in listening to the recent recordings with joe and sunnette....i realized my tendency has so much so been to just let my shit out....and be an asshole from time to time....as like sorry...this just came up....and seeing how i created so much unnecessady consequence...bring others into my shit....as a result of not being patient, disciplined in taking the time for myself first

[9:31 PM]
"unecessary'

[9:32 PM]
Sunette Spies So, it is UNDENIABLE the fact that - INPUT as thoughts, creating emotions and leading to ACTIONS of word and deed exists in the EQUATION of INPUT = OUTPUT and our own self responsibility within it

[9:32 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas yes, it is like an automated virus, and within being that I realize how often I do not slow down and look at the potential , to listen and meet in mutual understanding before moving forward.

[9:32 PM]
Mike McD Yes

[9:32 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas yes

[9:33 PM]
Yogan Barrientos Oh cool example Kim with the dog Molly. How the attempt at correcting/guiding Molly's behavior can be a vent for accumulated emotions. This reminds me of where some parents or a caregivers will vent emotions while also attempting to correct/guide a child's behavior. Thanks for sharing!!! kimamourette

[9:33 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow I didn't realize we were suppose to write out our correction - so for the point that i walked with Henri, i realized he is giving me a gift where he is actually walking in the physical, explore the enviroment around him and thus giving me an opportunity to do the same - so i found living the word child as in exploring nature like a child and also patiences where i wait and walk as an equal with henri, giving the time he needs to do what he wants to do and use common sense when a move is necessary

[9:33 PM]
Mike McD we are a reflections of the Planet...a living Plant Body...and our words/thoughts/deeds are our nutrients

[9:33 PM]
if our nutrition is compromised

[9:33 PM]
so to is our growth potential

[9:33 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow it's been cool cause i like practice patiences and he is giving me a great opportunity to do it

[9:33 PM]
Mike McD funny, really and fun :slightly_smiling_face:

[9:34 PM]
yet a disciplined craft indeed

[9:34 PM]
Sunette Spies Can anyone share here how they changed the INPUT and OUTPUT - and how it changed you and the action

[9:34 PM]
Kim Amourette cool sylvia/marlen - I have been noticing with myself in conversation with Paul where I feel very comfortable, I will sometimes within that comfortability easily say something about another person without really looking at where the statement is coming from. I have also been noticing more that I cannot allow myself to sink into that comfortability but to rather always be aware of the subtle nuances and energies behind the words I am speaking, because sometimes it does come from a place of judgment and reaction

[9:35 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow haha cool Mike

[9:35 PM]
Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen yes kimamourette

[9:36 PM]
Kim Amourette yes that is the point i was looking at within it as well yoganb, how it's because from a mind's perspective she is 'inferior' so I have no social controls in place so to speak, in terms of worrying about what she thinks of me or how she judges me - so I will then end up more easily allowing myself to just express whatever is there

[9:36 PM]
Leila Zamora Moreno ssgfhhjjjkoolllllllllllldd

[9:36 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas I have noticed that if I slow down and allow another person to speak, to understand where they are at, that what i initially wanted to say, completely changes.

[9:36 PM]
Sunette Spies For me, for example - suppression (the initial INPUT) and redefined into SHARING or WRITING - where, the moment I see I am just keeping what I am going through IN - I would talk about or write about it (NEW INPUT). Then in the writing and sharing I would see what I can take responsibility for, change, consider and this would COMPLETELY change how I APPROACH another / people - in the end, have more people UNDERSTAND ME than react towards me

[9:36 PM]
Mike McD yes, basically i noticed how i didnt have any structure really in the beginning of my days....where the structure was in no structure....like nothing specifically planned until a bit later...and so what i realized i was doing.....and it took me awhile to realize the extent of it....was that i was just following thought inputs that would come up when i would wake up in the morning

[9:37 PM]
and so , overtime....this made the rest of my days more sloppy in terms of getting my best out of each day

[9:37 PM]
Marlen Vargas by writing out/investigating myself as the source of my irritation and then seeing in detail what was the source of my 'pissed offness' so to speak or general bitterness about myself in my life, and I actually found out it was related to me simply not allowing myself to enjoy, to embrace living potentials but still believe that I living potentials and living words was just 'too positive' so, keeping this attitude of being 'against the world' as some kind of personality habit that was actually preventing me from embracing these corrections, this ability to live differently those moments. And also to consider how I cannot control others, but can only change who I am - therefore being more cautious when walking out considering not everyone is actually following the rules.

[9:37 PM]
Mike McD so, i decided 2 small points of regard

[9:37 PM]
Leila Zamora Moreno sorry, Cesars output still needs some refinement

[9:37 PM]
Mike McD one i get up and go for a walk, stretch , warm up the body

[9:37 PM]
2, i make myself a smoothie

[9:37 PM]
Sunette Spies We don't realise how many people resist / react cause they tend to respond to people 'real time without context' - and so we create our daily relationships

[9:38 PM]
We can 'blame them' for not asking

[9:38 PM]
Marlen Vargas figured that out leilazm lol

[9:38 PM]
Sunette Spies HOWEVER

[9:38 PM]
it is also equally our world we are creating

[9:38 PM]
our relationships

[9:38 PM]
our starting point matters

[9:38 PM]
Valentin Rozman With my pattern of reaction with envy to videos of happy successful people where I see them as competition I am reflecting back to myself how I also wanted to present myself in a similar way in order to get attention from others and consequently feel good about myself. So the correction is to forgive myself desire to feel good and be special and to be grateful that there are so many others who also teach people how to improve their lives so that eventually we could all enjoy life in harmony and abundance.

[9:38 PM]
Yogan Barrientos So in a moment I was feeling anxiety, and nervousness with talking about a flaw, mistake that I made with someone I just met. I decided to share myself and speak anyway. This did involve centering myself within my body, and taking control of my words and expression, where I spoke each word exactly how I wanted it to be. So my *inner* reality was more stable. I could still sense the remnants of nervousness and anxiety. And in my *outer* reality I was speaking and sharing, by my own direction. so yeah!!!


[9:40 PM]
Sunette Spies So, what I am also in the process of creating with more awareness is the following: look at where I blamed people for creating ideas, perceptions of me based on only glimpses of seeing me for example, where am I not sharing / communicating enough?, where am I expecting 'them / they' to know and even reach out and really ask for example - where can I take the LEAD in my own self, relationships and life, define me, the relationships, the communications and be MORE AWARE and CAUTIOUS of how and when exactly I speak / behave to ensure at all times the moment is clear from my side


[9:40 PM]
Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen Weeks ago I had a similar point as judging another and how I thought they were based on only a little part I had seen of this person. I wrote out an creational MC, did SF and SCS and then I applied the commitments I made. It worked, I could walk through it because now I understood where I was coming from, I understood me, and then a few days later I saw this person do the opposite of what had triggered me and got me into reacting. Really cool experience.


[9:40 PM]
Fred Cheung When I am facing my mom, when she exert her frustration on me, I walk away if I can and breath, do as much as I can even If I blame her, make it as little as possible and emphasize on stablizing myself first - not fuel my emotions and make things worse - at the end of the day, it's my Blame at my mom for I still don't see my self-responsibility in/with her


[9:41 PM]
Mike McD ya, blame is a funny fucker in a way...because when you are in it....seldom do you realize it....untill you doo.....and it's such a flip flop once you do realize the lameness of the blame. Been playing with the subtle changes in my communication...where if i catch myself going that way, i take ownership of it and acknowledge the ridiculousness and from there move on....also been playing with it in how i share with others, challenge the blame card

[9:41 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas cool fred

[9:41 PM]
Marjo Poorter I had a pattern of reactions towards my husband when my granddaughters are here and he did not assist me while sitting on the couch. Then I was looking for a living word, I found the word 'cooperate' and while I was saying this in myself, everything changed, he asked me to help me, and I asked him to help me instead of having backchat and irritations.


[9:42 PM]
Miranda de Haas Someone had borrowed my car and brought it back the next day. He didn't pay for the gas and didn't mentioned it. I went straight into backchat about it, at least for half an hour. Then I said to myself 'is this who I want to be', I stopped myself, write it out with SF and SC so I could direct the whole situation in a stable and clear way.


[9:42 PM]
Mike McD it's interesting also with blame....because it can be a sort of self-righteous distraction and justification....where it's like make the problem and focus about somebody else and deny/suppress the truth of self

[9:42 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow ahh that's a cool one i haven't yet consider yet @sunettedimensions

[9:42 PM]
Marlen Vargas yep cool point I've seen how easy it is to assume that others know exactly 'where we are at' in a moment, and if not, then conflict ensues - when the reality is that we don't open up and share and rather ask the other people like please understand I am going through this process/situation, forgive me if I am being rude towards you, I am working through it within myself - I did that only after the lashing out had happened towards other people in my life, would have been best to do it 'as it was happening' but... better later than never


[9:42 PM]
Mike McD ironically, while the blame is very specifically self-revealing

[9:42 PM]
coool sunettedimensions

[9:42 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow - a yet

[9:43 PM]
Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen Cool marjo, it looks like you found the strength inside of you by using a living word as a tool.

[9:43 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow cool Miranda that point can be potent

[9:43 PM]
Marjo Poorter thanks sylvia, yes it is cool when you see how it works

[9:43 PM]
Mike McD well put Marlen....being considerate with our "Accommodations" within and as our Communications

[9:43 PM]
that's real community living!

[9:44 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas I find with the blame card, that it takes me slowing down to place myself in the shoes of another, because until this is better understood, I am speaking more in self interest, and that is like bringing forward facts that cannot be heard, because what I call ‘ a border ‘ of understanding is not created as a starting point to move into solutions that lend self capacity.

[9:44 PM]
Fred Cheung Based on Sunette's suggestions, I realize we are very often too tunnel visioned and trapped in the Ego of I am right! I must be right! This is not my fault it is the other person's fault

[9:44 PM]
Kim Amourette cool Sunette, that is a point I have also come to understand and push myself to apply within my relationships with people - is to not assume that they know who I am and where I am coming from, but to always communicate as much as I can about things to through communication create that base platform for understanding and connection to take place - this because I also used to have a tendency to barely communicate about myself, assuming and expecting people to know and see who I am and consider me accordingly, which then often just lead to me feeling disappointed or hurt even when it turned out that someone misinterpreted something about me or had created a certain perception of me or didn't consider me. Every time this showed me that I was not creating that communication and consideration by not expressing myself.


[9:45 PM]
Sunette Spies Very cool fred

[9:45 PM]
Marlen Vargas yeah blame makes us lame as in not l.a.me not looking.at.me lol

[9:45 PM]
Mike McD cool rebecca....slowing down is key...blame likes to move quick

[9:46 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas cool marlen

[9:46 PM]
Valentin Rozman Bingo @mikemcd

[9:46 PM]
Carlton Tedford cool marlen

[9:46 PM]
Mike McD yes Fred, the battle...the fight for our right

[9:46 PM]
this versus competion in mind

[9:46 PM]
who is the ultimate highlander

[9:47 PM]
there can only be one ultimate right one here lol

[9:47 PM]
Sunette Spies Yes kimamourette - I actually applied that a step further in realizing "we can't always know who we all are exactly at all times, my responsibility to me and others I am PRACTISING defining where - I can be response-able for my words and behavior in making sure my personal shit does not filter through with someone else in a random moment AND when I notice I am reacting to another, I can be response-able to be more assertive in not allowing my emotions to get the best of me"


[9:47 PM]
Takes time to practice though, but gets better with time

[9:48 PM]
Marlen Vargas yeah kimamourette ! I've also found that sometimes even when trying to 'communicate' this to others it just doesn't come out through as the actuality of our experience, because if I haven't first opened it up for myself, then how can I then communicate effectively towards 'others' - so this is where the self-writing comes in as a first-point of self-communication, self-understanding to begin with

[9:49 PM]
Yogan Barrientos I had a moment 4 days ago where someone was speaking to me and they were speaking with emotions. I did react and spoke in a way to shut the person down. In the moment and the next few hours I was seeing at the time that they were at fault. In honesty I was responsible for how I reacted. So if I react to someone else reacting, I am still responsible no matter what. Just because someone else is reacting is not an excuse.

[9:49 PM]
Fred Cheung Thank you Sunette! and at the it is not so much about the issue/event anymore, no matter how small/trivial it is - it has exaggerated inside us and I realize, I have to be Kind, be Considerate and Compassion about others like my mom, and work together, work things out in a calm way. Whenever I instigate my anger/about to erupt inside me, I red flag myself - Everyone is me, they don't currently see the way I see it, be calm, be patient, Breath and don't Crush others just to prove I am right, I am always right. I can't be right all the time, as a matter of fact, I made a lot of mistakes to learn/build up my experience


[9:50 PM]
Adam the principle of care in speaking and in hearing words comes up for me in this

[9:50 PM]
Valentin Rozman Cool @yoganb

[9:50 PM]
Marlen Vargas so relevant, it's not justifiable in any way to project it/lash out onto others, that's where self-control for a moment can be applied if we cannot in that moment really open it up and lay things straight through writing/self reflection for ourselves, so best to breathe and not act out on the accumulated emotional experience/thoughts

[9:50 PM]
very cool fred

[9:50 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas yes Marlen, I have written things out, and then used personal stories to connect, and while sharing, suddenly realized the implications of my own actions with greater clarity.

[9:52 PM]
Valentin Rozman Specificity in communication is what is lacking in general and this is the reason why there are misinterpretations and misunderstandings

[9:53 PM]
Marlen Vargas I'd say not only specificity, but self-responsibility/taking it back to self first valentin

[9:53 PM]
Mike McD a willingness to practice and get better...that is a cool point...i've struggled with this at times as a result of being so defensive and suppressive of my weaknessses. ive found that changing my relationship with myself to 'weaknesses' to be the key in further developing my skills in different areas....like it's cool to really understand and know a weakness because it can totally become a strength and it is a support point for the already existing strengths.....like me within my body in skiing....i didnt realize how much i favored my right side...and that goes deep into me the ego of being right and ive been realizing how ive made my 'strong side' kind of the weak side as a result of putting more and more build up of pressure/stress on it

[9:53 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow yes marlen and also understanding one's mind

[9:53 PM]
Marlen Vargas yep

[9:53 PM]
Kim Amourette ah yes cool sunettedimensions - not allowing my emotions to influence and guide my expression has been a big point for me the past few months in my relationship with Paul specifically where I understood that no matter how disempowered or victimized or overwhelmed I feel in relation to a reaction/emotion that comes up in a moment, allowing myself to express it will just create so many ripple consequences in him, our relationship and myself at the end of the day as every time i allow the emotion to guide my expression I emphasize and integrage the point of victimization further into myself. It has been difficult for sure and at times felt like it was impossible, but I am grateful now for having pushed myself to create that stability because just the few times of going into stability and self-responsibility rather than expressing my emotions have already assisted me a lot in feeling so much more strengthened in relation to those emotions which I believed would always overwhelm me


[9:54 PM]
Sunette Spies Yes valentin.rozman our personal everyday worlds and who we are within what and who is HERE each day - is the most relevant platform / starting point to start establishing your foundation of self change.../


[9:54 PM]
Marlen Vargas interesting observation on the right side strength/weakness mikemcd, sounds like developing the other side for equilibrium makes sense though easier said than done

[9:55 PM]
Mike McD ya marlen a balancing act indeed...what is interesting though is that in a way the weaker side is the stronger side...in that i wasnt overloading it as much

[9:56 PM]
so it's interesting because ya...a total balancing act

[9:56 PM]
Sunette Spies Yes kimamourette INDEED - can agree that it takes time hey PHEW! Not easy to catch those sneaky thoughts and emotions whicfh STILL happen...BUT getting more direct with myself in not letting it go to judgment and self anger when making a MISS-TAKE of me expecting myself to be 'perfect all the time and always in all ways GET IT' - so, change happening faster and with more ease in moments where patterns repeat

[9:57 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas It is interesting too, because the more i recognize my own accumulation of insecurity, moving into blame, the more I understand this in others, and the greater my ability to be patient . Then when something is not effective, I have to admit that I did not slow down enough.

[9:57 PM]
Sunette Spies Haha which, if you suppress your own anger / judgment for NOT being effective, can again MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE more and faster!!! Awww man

[9:57 PM]
I love process sometimes

[9:57 PM]
Mike McD awesome stuff kimamourette

[9:58 PM]
Adam lol

[9:58 PM]
Yogan Barrientos :smile:

[9:58 PM]
Marlen Vargas lol facing stuff anyways

[9:58 PM]
Sunette Spies Trying to change you reacting to others, then you do react, get angry at yourself, suppress it - leading to making thatr very same mistake AGAIN you got angry with within yourself lol

[9:58 PM]
Marlen Vargas it's like trying to fit a broken shoe and going oh damnit why is this not working! instead of realizing we have to actually correct it/fix it, otherwise it will keep 'bothering' us

[9:59 PM]
Mike McD lol yes all too familiar

[9:59 PM]
Carlton Tedford wow cool

[9:59 PM]
Adam groundhog moment

[9:59 PM]
Marlen Vargas lol yes!

[9:59 PM]
Sunette Spies All, GRATEFUL - GREAT-FULL - full of great appreciation to the support shared here for ourselves and EVERYONE ELSE READING

[9:59 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow lol

[9:59 PM]
Sunette Spies GOOD STUFF here

[9:59 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas I had to look at a reaction I encountered the other say, again, after slowing down and checking what happened, and I noticed one small moment, where I avoided facing something! lol

[9:59 PM]
Mike McD lol being stubborn makes it a certainty that you will stub yourself again

[10:00 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas day*

[10:00 PM]
Valentin Rozman I started to enjoy writing blogs more and more and I feel deep satisfaction because I have done a lasting progress in becoming a better person

[10:00 PM]
Marlen Vargas very true mikemcd

[10:00 PM]
Sunette Spies Thanks all for attending our first public chat - looking forward to the rest to come

[10:00 PM]
Kim Amourette yeah awesome chat

[10:00 PM]
Mike McD yes Gratitude is a Great attitude. #Grateful

[10:00 PM]
Adam thanks

[10:00 PM]
Marlen Vargas yep thanks for sharing as always, see you!

[10:00 PM]
Miranda de Haas Thanks all, bye

[10:00 PM]
Marjo Poorter thanks all, bye bye

[10:01 PM]
Mike McD cheerio

[10:01 PM]
Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen bye

[10:01 PM]
Garbrielle Goodrow thanks all, bye!

[10:01 PM]
Carlton Tedford Thanks all bye!

[10:01 PM]
Sunette Spies Byyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for now - speak again soon

[10:01 PM]
Pieter van Overschot Bye all, great chat!

[10:01 PM]
Adam byee

[10:01 PM]
Valentin Rozman Awesome first public Desteni Slack chat :slightly_smiling_face:

[10:01 PM]
Thanks all and bye!

[10:02 PM]
Fred Cheung Thanks all for sharing! Great Chat! Bye now!

[10:02 PM]
Rebecca Dalmas thank you all!

new messages
[10:02 PM]
Yogan Barrientos Adios!!!!!
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