Breaking through the Routine - 10 May 2017

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Leila
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Breaking through the Routine - 10 May 2017

Postby Leila » 11 May 2017, 12:22

8:59 PM Marlen Vargas
set the channel topic: Breaking through the Routine – We’ll start 5 after the hour
9:03 PM Valentin Rozman
Hi
9:05 PM Marlen Vargas
set the channel topic: Breaking through the Routine – Let's start!
9:06 PM Lauri Kotaja
ah it is no this channel... was on the other for a moment
9:06 PM Marlen Vargas
Hey guys! So, let’s open up a nice life-hack that we can look at in terms of those moments where there are opportunities to change, to create ourselves, to ‘break the routine’ as in ‘breaking the pattern’ or stepping out of our comfort zone
9:06 PM Lauri Kotaja
hi all
9:06 PM Cerise Poolman
hey guys
9:06 PM Marlen Vargas
Yet in those moments we might still be facing a form of struggle, experiencing an obstacle that doesn’t allow oneself to complete break-through and step into real time change, breaking a particular habit/addiction/pattern or even ‘inertia’ as in not doing something that we know we Can be doing, but instead, one gives into a form of resistance, apathy, helplessness, giving up, frustration etc.
9:06 PM Carlton Tedford
Hello
9:06 PM Marlen Vargas
*completely
9:07 PM Miranda de Haas
Hi
9:07 PM Marjo Poorter
Hello
9:07 PM Marlen Vargas
I guess we all can relate to this kind of points in our day to day, right?
9:07 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
yes
9:07 PM Miranda de Haas
Yes
9:07 PM Viktor Viktor
Yes
9:07 PM Randy Krafft
yes, marlen
9:07 PM Marlen Vargas
k cool so!
9:07 PM Matti Freeman
within that also - where do I choose the pleasure of the same / routine over the challenge of the new and unknown
9:07 PM Carlton Tedford
Yes
9:07 PM Alexander Boon
hello everyone
9:08 PM Randy Krafft
indeed @mattifreeman
9:08 PM Marlen Vargas
Here what I’d like us all to do is to first identify one point of your day to day where you see that we could break-through it and create a different outcome, where we see that we could be changing that habit/pattern/addiction or inaction into a point of self-creation.
9:08 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
One thing that I’ve found very helpful is to actually do some work to prepare oneself to step out of a comfort zone, and then also prepare for in ONE MOMENT when the opportunity arises, step into it immediately - no thinking, just do it. That’s worked for me several times
9:09 PM Marlen Vargas
and where the outcome is usually going into the usual 'routine' of going for the 'fast reward' of a point of comfort, pleasure, inaction as 'comfort zone', not expanding, not really changing
9:09 PM Lauri Kotaja
well, I am currently walking stress. I had a super busy start of year and now I've taken a little vacation. Even tho I have nothing to do I still feel stressed like I have to constantly do something. I am using breathing to walk through this addiction to stress, pushing and racing.
9:10 PM Marlen Vargas
yep here the point is to also start identifying these points of 'comfort zone' as such, because sometimes they have become so 'regular' in our lives that we don't even count them as such, yet where we know such points are not allowing oneself to expand, grow, stand in a point of self-creation, but where the routine becomes safe, and we don't question it as much, or where we believe that 'someday' we'll be able to 'break-through' it and procrastinate that moment to an 'unknown future', instead of bringing the point here to change in the moment
9:11 PM Viktor Viktor
One point for me would be when I get home from work and feel tired – that I then do not push through that and physically activate myself – get my blood flowing
9:11 PM Dan Malara
i can relate!
9:11 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
One point that I’m working on is this stress I go into when I’m about to go out the door and I need to get Lora ready and she’s screaming etc. I tend to become very stressed and reactive until I’m in the car.
9:11 PM Marlen Vargas
so let's look at that example there @viktorpersson what is the 'comfort zone' in that part of your routine? where you go into a tiredness and you see that there is a potential there, what would you like to be able to live there instead?
9:12 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Oh if you’re specifically looking at routines - I’m not specifically good at eating new food lol
9:12 PM Viktor Viktor
Or another one – when preparing my breakfast – that I sometimes do not push myself to make nice sandwiches with vegetables on them – because I feel that it is too much of hassle to pick them out – cut them – clean the utensils etc.
9:12 PM Garbrielle Goodrow
yes can relate Viktor
9:12 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
like I usually order the same kinds if I eat out
9:12 PM Alexander Boon
I would say that I am facing exactly this point right now in regards to writing/walking process. I just looked at my blog and its been almost 2 years since I last wrote or shared a blog. I saw that short about burden and I can see that I am carrying around a lot of burdens and weight. I would like to break this cycle cause its like buggering up my ability be dynamic and I get stuck in the comfort zone of not doing anything to change it.
9:12 PM
Its causing some stress in my day to day.
9:12 PM Viktor Viktor
I would like to live consistency
9:12 PM Marlen Vargas
so here identifying the point of routine which is 'getting home from work' and where the routine is 'getting tired' - what would be the actual potential there for you to step out of that pattern/routine, what would you like to live there
9:12 PM Viktor Viktor
That I am the same throughout my day without any dips
9:12 PM Matti Freeman
anna though food preferences are not necessarily this kind of 'comfort zone' that we're looking at
9:12 PM Marlen Vargas
ok consistency with regards to doing what?
9:12 PM Miranda de Haas
I am having dreams at night that I remember very clear when waking up but I don't write them down because I get up immediately and start doing the things 'i need to do'. What happens is that during the day, the dream comes up as a sort of reminder.
9:13 PM Viktor Viktor
Movement – action – walking
9:13 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Ok then it is somewhat unclear to me what exactly we are looking at @mattifreeman
9:13 PM
Routines, comfort zones or patterns - can mean different things
9:13 PM Marlen Vargas
k cool so not going into the 'low' as inaction, but practicing continuing a flow in moving, doing things - so how do you practically see you could implement this, bit by bit yet consistently being able to do it?
9:14 PM Viktor Viktor
Well – as we speak about – I can see that there is a polarity of 'too much' action when I work
9:14 PM Marlen Vargas
awesome @alexboon cool example, let's look at it as well, what are the usual responses/reactions to you considering writing a blog? what are the obstacles, emotions, experiences that come up?
9:15 PM Matti Freeman
anna, more where you see you allow a point of comfort zone / routine that for instance, stands in the way of developing your potential in a significant way / creating yourself as your potential -- so I mean, if you see that eating new foods is such a point, then yes that would apply
9:15 PM Marjo Poorter
One point I saw today, just coming from the Netherlands and driving in Croatia where I got angry about the behavior of the other drivers who are not following the rules, I write a lot about it but felt again in this pattern of anger and irritation.
9:15 PM Viktor Viktor
Hence – I am a bit too intense – too forceful while working – thus causing myself to become tired when I get home – hence – I would have to correct that point as well to become consistent – and then when I get home – that I remain stable and consistent in my movement and that when I notice myself going into tiredness – I apply self-forgiveness – stabilize myself – and continue to move
9:15 PM Marlen Vargas
@anna a comfort zone as in not changing, not expanding in points we know we could change, redefine, live words into but where we give into the 'same old' because it feels 'safe' and 'comfortable' in terms of our programming, where we are aware we could change but don't do it out of having a reaction to it
9:15 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
with going to Europe it was cool to be in a different space and get perspective - where for instance I saw more clearly patterns/reactions I was participating in - especially stress on the farm -- then in being in Europe and not being triggered 'my usual way' - where I was more relaxed - made the commitment to keep living that relaxdness on the farm. Easier said than done lol - now I am back it is so easy to slip back in how I used to experience things and have to consistently remind/move myself out of it
9:16 PM Marlen Vargas
yep can relate to that kind of 'automated reactions' @marjo so the comfort zone there is just 'getting angry' and irritation as a routine, so breaking through that pattern, what are the words that you see would be most supportive for you to live in those moments?
9:16 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Ok yes - because to me routines and comfort zones are quite different points, although they can be connected.
9:16 PM Alexander Boon
I have tried writing a few times and I keep coming to this wall like I just sit there and no words come through, like I am having a hard time in identifying the points that I am looking to clear and I just give up. I find it easy to listen to the eqafe material and I can see how I relate but it is not translating into my personal words easily at this point. Im not sure if its just that I am creating a block for myself there..
9:16 PM Marlen Vargas
that's cool @leilazm stress as this 'routinary' thing that you now were able to spot through getting out of your 'comfort zone'/routine and so be able to go back with a fresh pair of eyes, which required a movement as well
9:16 PM Marjo Poorter
Acceptation, calm, understanding
9:17 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
yes it was like a constant 'subtone'
9:17 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
So if we’re looking at comfort zones specifically, I’ve definitely been challenged - well also with my routines - by Lora coming into my life and me not being able to do “my thing” anymore
9:17 PM Marlen Vargas
@alexboon that's a great example here where the point of 'writing' in itself becomes a thing to resist or that we cannot 'get through' so, what would you like to be able to live as words in the moment where You decide to write, what kind of actions would you require to actually get to do it?
9:17 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
and what was also interesting was that I didnt realise how much I stresssed lol
9:17 PM Cerise Poolman
I've been pushing myself to see things differently, and to place myself outside of my comfort zones over the last few months
9:18 PM Randy Krafft
yes, you've had to create new routines anna
9:18 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Like I have this very particular way of living, having coffee, looking online etc. lol and now suddenly this little creature requires me to live in a completely different - and much more physical way - which is really awesome in fact, but also challenging, especially to my mind
9:19 PM Marlen Vargas
@anna yes that's also another example there where you have had to expand, change, adapt based on having to take care of your child - so if there are any reactions that come with it, then we could open those up here as an example - if all is ok then you're simply expanding, changing, adapting... so here the point to look at is where or how you could experience a friction/conflict to those moments of change
9:19 PM Cerise Poolman
About 2 weekends ago I visited my mother and discussed points with her that I never thought we'd talk about. In the moment it was happening I was feeling almost like "wow, who would have thought?"
9:19 PM Miranda de Haas
I can relate to that @anna. My daughter is almost 11 and still find it hard at times that I can't do my own thing.
9:19 PM Adam
leilazm that coming home thing after being away - I noticed also very much getting home how the normal routines in my way of doing things were very apparent as a choice to go back into or not, in the details of things, like part of me looking for my script of how I did this thing
9:19 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
In fact now, she pooped so I have to go change her poopy diaper…
9:19 PM Alexander Boon
I would like to live as a point of like… determinism.
9:19 PM Marlen Vargas
yep @cerise can def. tell, expanding ways to look at things, I can definitely relate too where if I had not made certain decisions that seemed 'scary' at first, I would not be doing what I am now
9:19 PM Randy Krafft
why is it that we have to be removed from a setting to see that stress, leilazm? i totally get what you mean...
9:19 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
yes Adam exactly!
9:19 PM Marlen Vargas
nice @cerise
9:19 PM Cerise Poolman
yes marlen
9:19 PM Miranda de Haas
lol anna
9:20 PM Randy Krafft
cool adam
9:20 PM Marlen Vargas
that's very cool and timely @adam, so for many of you also the traveling point can be a breaking-point to the routine from now on, become more aware of it
9:20 PM
@alexboon cool, determinism, what kind of actions this word imply in the context of getting to write for yourself?
9:20 PM Miranda de Haas
Ah, that's why I want to travel more....
9:21 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
lol Miranda
9:21 PM Yogan Barrientos
Throughout my life I have known a few individuals who could easily and readily talk to people. When I look at them, and then I look at myself, I am not like that. So I wanted to see how I can be like that. I was spending time with someone and I was driving the car. So attempted to live this thing, talking. I observed and saw that these individuals must be talking without inhibition or reserve, without using the mind, because when I attempted to talk to this individual I notice that I would get distracted from driving. And it is a pattern for me that when I talk to someone while driving I cannot pay well attention to the road. I have also observed the same talkative individuals to be able to drive well while talking. I also observed a moment when I was seeing images in my memories when I was talking the person. So my conclusion is that I need to let go of limits and inhibitions, similar to when people drink alcohol and they become more talkative. I never really drank alcohol, so the word inhibition is more free for me to use. I don't have a history with that. I also noticed that the few times I did drink alcohol, I didn't really change. So observing myself I saw that I am very much in control of my expression and reserved in my expression. So what I started practicing with this person is to just talk whatever is on my mind, so say whatever is on my mind. I didn't literally do this, but i pushed to be able/willing to talk about what is here within me. So I would see something in my head that perhaps came from seeing something in my environment. I looked for something I can share. I could see some of the limits and judgments, like this would be stupid to share, or what would this person think of me? So reminded myself what I was trying to do, to be able to let go of the limits, constraints, the inhibition, and being able to talk freely and share freely. Sort of like entering a comfortability of myself. Not thinking about what I am going to say or what i just said. I see this is something to practice and something that will become physically integrated over time. I also see it is more that I am just releasing the mind's controlling programs, and allowing my being to be here and express. So my expression is already here, the sharing is already here. I am just removing the constriants. I believe I will be able to drive while talking, because my level of talking will be natural, here, free and unfiltered. And of course if there are things that I say or that come up in me that are not cool, I can change it.
9:21 PM Alexander Boon
Like being able to sit and stick to it, whatever that is, Im quite tired within myself of failing at that point and I can see that this triggers some depressive tendencies within me.
9:22 PM Marlen Vargas
so @miranda can see what words are you considering that you are 'missing out of' because of having to take care of her, what are you defining as your own thing? which would be the points that you see you would like to create but are 'stuck' in the routine of believing that you just 'can't' at the moment, how could you redefine those aspects so that they are not in friction or conflict with you having to take care of her
9:22 PM Matti Freeman
for me it's been quite challenging pushing the point of stepping outside of my routine and comfort zones because I have tended to experience anxiety, nervousness, stress, manifesting physical symptoms like irritable stomach, diarrhea, loss of appetite, sweating, nausea - feeling like 'this is just WRONG' -- basically, lots of discomfort. And so this would lead me to want to choose to remain within what is familiar, normal, routine, comforting. Can anyone else relate to intense physical symptoms?
9:22 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
cool Yogan
9:22 PM Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen
@anna did you listen to this recording, an oldy. If I'm correct it explains the transition of going from I to we as a parent. https://eqafe.com/p/life-review-a-mothe ... e-of-guilt
9:22 PM Rebecca Dalmas
Cool Cerise, I recently did that with my mother. Her reaction reminded me of working with children in reading, she became somewhat of a dear in the headlights, which is cool, because it means she is processing what I was describing as a whole. Within this, I have been working on the habit of wanting instant understanding, moving more into realizing how mutual understanding is built. And, just had a man I have been talking with tell me today that he signed up for DIP lite and is already enjoying what he is going !
9:22 PM Agnieszka Lewandowski
Hi all
9:22 PM Rebecca Dalmas
doing+
9:23 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
ah yes Matti
9:23 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Lol man with sleeping with a baby - so sore and stiff. So annoying that I can't just turn when I want to. LOL
9:23 PM Matti Freeman
the fascinating thing is that eventually one's 'resonance' adjusts to the new things / new environment
9:23 PM Cerise Poolman
awesome rebeccadalmas
9:23 PM Matti Freeman
and - you feel 'normal' again
9:23 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Oh right Sylvia I forgot about that!
9:23 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
cause you have physically conditioned your body to particular states of mind and routines
9:23 PM Rebecca Dalmas
cool @alexboon
9:23 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
and your body literally goes into withdrawal symptoms
9:24 PM
and going all kinds of strange things
9:24 PM Marlen Vargas
so @alexboon for example there the comfort zone or routine is 'going into depression' while you also see that you would like to be able to accomplish it, so, what do you see is missing in you to be able to not give into the comfort zone of depression and be able to move past this 'routine' into the point of actually writing, what kind of experience do you have to give up on in order to live consistency, live determination?
9:24 PM Matti Freeman
leilazm yes - like withdrawal and panic
9:24 PM Miranda de Haas
Good questions @marlen, it is a process of working with what comes up in the moment. Will continue to work on those points
9:24 PM Alexander Boon
I find that like a lot of the time when I am attempting to write I get up and get sidetracked a lot. So I’m sure that some of it has to do with preparing, getting settled, agreeing with myself that I am going to dedicate myself to this moment.
9:25 PM Dan Malara
so it's then to accept the weirdness and breathe? leilazm
9:25 PM Rebecca Dalmas
yes @leilazm The withdrawals are sometimes weird. Like a robot acting discombobulated !
9:25 PM Marlen Vargas
yep surely, looking at the words, expressions that you consider you can't live in those moments can assist greatly into transforming the relationship of you towards her as well, substantiating you instead of living in a routine of perceived lack/unfulfillment, so it's a cool point to identify, where am I not living myself yet
9:25 PM
@miranda
9:25 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
with me I know I blush tomato red very quickly when I am in a vulnerable spot or move myself to share something vulnerable -- where I WANT to move through the point but then KNOWING I am going to be soo red I dont want to do it, cause its like my face is a headboard for everyone to see what I am going through - so been pushing that vulnerability points and the blushing/redness
9:26 PM
to be grateful for my body so clearly showing me my issues lol
9:26 PM Viktor Viktor
lol @leilazm
9:26 PM Matti Freeman
within the discomfort of 'new things' and challenging my comfort zones, I noticed also that then I would tend to start thinking about all the nice, familiar, comfortable ways I am used to and -- this would 'feel right' -- which I would also describe as 'happiness' -- like, yes it would make me happy to stay how and where I am
9:26 PM Marlen Vargas
@alexboon so practically and physically speaking, how to hack-through the 'sidetracking'? because that's the nitty gritty here towards actually getting past it, breaking the routine
9:26 PM Viktor Viktor
Bernard was really good at pushing those vulnerable points in moments where – well – it felt like too many was there to hear about it
9:27 PM Marlen Vargas
yep @leilazm can relate, and then I say oh how embarrassing, but it's already red and I already 'knew' it would be an out of the comfort zone point but it's actually enjoyable to do it lol
9:27 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
yes and quite fascinating how fast the body can flush up that face!
9:27 PM
like DAMN fraction of a second
9:27 PM Marlen Vargas
that's a cool example @mattifreeman where such 'comfort zones' come up in the form of flashbacks, imaginations, pictures of 'I wish I could be there instead'
9:28 PM Randy Krafft
lol @leilazm
9:28 PM Matti Freeman
but - every time I've pushed through such points and walked through the discomfort based on seeing an opportunity to expand and grow --- I've experienced that that previous 'happiness' point then no longer exists. It's like a process of gradually becoming more and more at home in my body / where I am / with what is here - rather than being defined by the external routine / environment / familiarities
9:28 PM Marlen Vargas
yep @leilazm
9:28 PM Alexander Boon
Practically I can see that there is a point in just stopping myself from getting up… or opening another tab, or many other things that just seem to pull my attention away from the moment of writing.
9:28 PM Randy Krafft
very cool @mattifreeman
9:28 PM Alexander Boon
breathing and settling back in.
9:28 PM
Currently it happens a lot where I just kind of float off
9:29 PM Marlen Vargas
aaah there you go @alexboon from the 'distraction' as opening other tabs, other 'entertainment' points for example, to keep or stick to say 'word program' and not moving from there that's the kind of actual detail we're looking at in terms of living 'determination' in the context of getting to write
9:29 PM Alexander Boon
so practically it would help to recenter myself everytime that happens
9:29 PM Agnieszka Lewandowski
Cool point leila - the other day i had a stress reaction within a split second my bogy responded with heart beat ect. Its cool to see it from the perspective of my body showing me so clearly the point
9:29 PM Cerise Poolman
ah speaking of red in the face, when I think i've said something stupid I blush, usually it's when I'm judging myself - so it's been a cool point to challenge how I respond to those situations, how I "speak to myself" in my mind
9:29 PM Alexander Boon
until that routine is realigned
9:29 PM Marlen Vargas
and so from 'drifting' or being 'aloof' around the point, you can practically use what's here as your computer, the program, your fingers, the keyboard, your attention, focusing on what you want to open up, and start doing it @alexboon
9:29 PM Matti Freeman
like with traveling for instance - with everything being so different -- it's a point of looking at what words have I been living within a relationship to external points, rather than as myself
9:30 PM Alexander Boon
Cool
9:30 PM Marlen Vargas
yep it is @cerise or where we believe that someone else has a 'different idea' of who we are therefore we are stepping aside from the 'character' and find that unsettling/embarrassing, and so once getting past it it becomes just a part of one's expression, so yep interesting programming there with the blushing
9:31 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
With sleeping at night and being uncomfortable and not sleeping properly - to me it is still a point of adjusting to a new life, also where someone else’s needs comes first but ALSO where it doesn’t mean that I automatically have to suffer - but where I simply need to find new ways of adapting myself and really expanding - because my world has very literally expanded to include a new being
9:31 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
ah yes its more the judgment towards the vulnerability than the actual vulnerability
9:31 PM
thanks for that Cerise
9:32 PM Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen
@alexboon have you tried to get th epressure of the whole writing point and for instance only write a word or a title or a topic on a memo and expand from there the next time and pick something from the memos and see if you can write about it ot tell yourself something about it out loud. Just taking it step by step and still being focussed on the ppint of within a few days or weeks writing a blog with a certain amount of text.
9:32 PM Marlen Vargas
for example in my case even if it is still in doing something out of routine, I may have control points within those 'out of the comfort zone' things, like if something is messed up in a moment, I still go into a bit of a short-fuse situation, so what I see I can live here - and a reminder again - is to be ok with mistakes, things not going 'perfectly' even while stepping out of the comfort zone lol
9:32 PM Agnieszka Lewandowski
I enjoy travelling bc it IS different, and it is 'easier' to explore new ways, create new habbits
9:32 PM Valentin Rozman
Today I went to the gym. Before I go outside I usually look at my face if I look ok. When I watched myself in the mirror I noticed several red spots on my skin because I scratched my forehead and nose too much yesterday. Usually I apply some powder on my skin so that those spots are less obvious. What others think about me was very important for me. However this time I decided not to apply the powder and I went to the gym without any shame or worry what will others think about me.
9:33 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
haha in Brussels I saw I immediately accessed 'where I used to go' and 'how I used to walk in Brussels' - was quite fun with Gian and Sunette who would improvise in the moment
9:33 PM Viktor Viktor
Cool @valentin.rozman
9:33 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
where I also saw I went into control and twitchiness - like no cant do that, maybe we wont find our way back or, or or...
9:33 PM Randy Krafft
cool @valentin.rozman
9:33 PM Marlen Vargas
@anna yep, in that case there are things that simply have to be done and that even with the constrains or limitations they represent at a 'routine' level, you can still decide to live them differently so yes, that's the kind of 'breaking-through the routine' if such points of expansion are accompanied with an emotion, reaction, etc. So this goes in the sense of every moment is an opportunity to change, to break-through
9:34 PM Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen
lol leilazm
9:34 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Oh man one thing I’ve seen is an issue for me, though I wouldn’t so much say it is related to routines, but what you said reminded me of it Marlen, is when my physical reality doesn’t align to what I am wanting/expecting in the moment, like headphones getting intertwined and falling out of the pocket, and I’ll get SO irritated and blame physical reality like “why can’t you just do ask I want you to!!?” But then I’ve realized that it is most often because I am not being specific enough in my handling of reality - and so I need to humble myself
9:34 PM Marlen Vargas
cool @valentin.rozman that's part of 'breaking-through' a comfort zone in terms of looks and just going for it
9:34 PM Adam
lol leilazm
9:34 PM Randy Krafft
indeed marlen - "So this goes in the sense of every moment is an opportunity to change, to break-through"
9:34 PM Cerise Poolman
lol anna yep
9:35 PM Alexander Boon
@sylvia I can see many topics that come up and have lots of like half started pieces of writing that I have not continued with. Plenty of points but I kind of see the problem as being one of giving up on it. It seems to be a one of my core systems in my life where I have a issue with carrying through and finishing what I start.
9:35 PM Rebecca Dalmas
yes, I notice this in the smallest of movements even in making coffee. I slow down and look at how I am moving, to move out of comfortable habits and practice being more present. Then I ask myself if I need that cup of coffee, is there something else I can do that would be of more benefit to me.
9:35 PM martijn
I had I used to live very much organised in my home. Now I live with two ladies who are not that organised so everything changes all the time, for instance where stuff is placed or lays around. That was totally out of my comfort zone.
9:35 PM Marlen Vargas
yep @anna in my case this came up when Matti stepped on some vendors merchandise in the city so it wasn't even 'me' doing it, but it was like why couldn't you just keep an eye on the pavement!! type of thing, wanting things 'perfect' lol, so realized how I was about to make a big deal out of it and had to calm down
9:35 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
haha Cesar also has than Anna say he wants to put a toy upstraight and it keeps falling over and over then he goes CMON!!!!!
9:36 PM Alexander Boon
So thats probably the point to start with.
9:36 PM Yogan Barrientos
Anna just a pointer for you. I have seen this wording from mothers I have known. "by Lora coming into my life and me not being able to do “my thing” anymore" A person could have said "when I decided to have Lora..." . So the difference here is the point of resentment within human being, from either parents, fathers or mothers, where there is blame against the child. This might be the sign of a little seed within yourself which may grow if you keep feeding it with thoughts, and what you say. I have also seen parents speak with other parents in the same way, where it them becomes like gossip and they start justifying each other's feelings and emotions. A reminder that all thoughts, emotions and feelings are bullshit. This program is way more complex then I could describe in a paragraph.
9:36 PM Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen
ah alexboon so that's the point you're looking at.
9:36 PM Marlen Vargas
@alexboon there you go, you got the whole point identified so, I'd say now be aware of the 'habit' the 'routine' for example in opening up the other tabs, the distraction, the standing up and drifting away from doing it, test it out and see what you can pull-through
9:36 PM Leila Zamora Moreno
don't know where he got that from :face_with_rolling_eyes:
9:36 PM Randy Krafft
so, how did you deal/change with that @martijn ?
9:36 PM Viktor Viktor
lol
9:37 PM Alexander Boon
Gotta stop riding the depression-go-round.
9:37 PM Marlen Vargas
yep that's the routine-point @alexboon
9:37 PM Rebecca Dalmas
lol, I catch my one son pacing around and I realize he got it from me.
9:37 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
I see what you mean, though I am not entirely sure that I agree in this case - I will look at it though, thanks.
9:37 PM
@alexboon
9:37 PM Marlen Vargas
so breaking through means that such comfort zone of 'depression' has to be given up as such, if you are indeed seeing the benefit of you actually developing determination @alexboon
9:37 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Oh sorry I mean @yoganb lol
9:38 PM martijn
I got the hang of the kind of movement that's going on and I got myself in there and direct some here and there. @randy
9:38 PM Agnieszka Lewandowski
The way a child changes life as it used to be is SO unexpected lol comfort zone bye bye lol
9:38 PM Alexander Boon
@anna lol
9:38 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Sorry @alexboon lol
9:38 PM Alexander Boon
@marlen I get what your saying/
9:38 PM Randy Krafft
cool martijn
9:39 PM martijn
it's another way to live perfection
9:39 PM Viktor Viktor
lol yes – when a child comes things will change – unavoidable
9:39 PM
Same is true with animals – my cat wakes me up every morning – he pushes my comfort zones as well
9:39 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Hehe yes @agalew but it is also such a gift. Lora is SOOO physical - so whenever I see I react, all I have to do is be with here right here and I’m back in the physical, so it is also like having a physical manifestation of the reminder to be physical
9:40 PM
haha yes @viktorpersson - he can cuddle a person to death.
9:40 PM Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen
the point is do we resist the change of a child bringing new challenges or do we embrace it.
9:40 PM Randy Krafft
indeed agalew - it's that realization that you're not the most important person/being in your life anymore
9:40 PM martijn
right Randy
9:40 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Yeah I hear a lot of parenting discussions where people say to parents “you can’t change your life according to the child’s needs” and its like “wtf?” lol you don’t have a choice.
9:41 PM Marlen Vargas
another comfort zone is for example when facing a point of stress or anxiety and one looks for ways to 'comfort' that experience through a form of addiction, can be entertainment or porn or just getting frustrated or tense about it, these are also routines where one gets stuck at the point of change because one decides to instead go into the experience that one has believed is a comfort zone, so there it will invariably require to identify how can I change the experience that I go into as a reaction, as a way to 'cope' with the source of stress' and instead, actually work on the points that are causing me stress to begin with.
9:41 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Like as though children are these little pests that worm their way into your life only to steal it from you haha
9:41 PM Randy Krafft
no shit, anna
9:42 PM martijn
I once visited a couple in the evening for some matter, I never met the before. And at some point they mentioned they have two kids. I was like WHAAAT, there was no trace of them in the entire living room. Yes two portraits on the wall or so.
9:42 PM Cerise Poolman
speaking of children, i must run to look after piglet
9:42 PM Viktor Viktor
lol @martijn
9:42 PM Rebecca Dalmas
Yes @randy It is said when the youngest reaches seven, often what the parent has not resolved within themselves, returns. Evidently, many divorces happen at this point. The children consume all of the focus.
9:42 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
awwwww
9:42 PM Cerise Poolman
bye all, thanks for sharing
9:42 PM Randy Krafft
lol cerise
9:42 PM Adam
lol
9:42 PM Viktor Viktor
bye
9:43 PM Marlen Vargas
nice @cerise
9:43 PM Randy Krafft
interesting @rebeccadalmas
9:43 PM Matti Freeman
yes marlen - like, where do we experience moments where we come to a block with communication, expression, skill development, creating a new pattern -- yet instead of breathing and really opening up the experience and finding the WORDS that can be investigated and redefined, we immediately go to the comfortable pattern of whatever is our favorite way to distract ourselves until we feel better
9:43 PM Agnieszka Lewandowski
Comfort zone sounds so positive, but there are way more 'negative' comfort zones, and its really strange to become aware that i "hold" onto points that i myself do not consider as good, meaning constructive/supportive
9:44 PM Adam
yes agalew
9:45 PM Marlen Vargas
ah that's the gist of the topic here @agalew exactly that
9:45 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Well it is because the comfort is based on fear and the zone is created with control and limitations
9:45 PM Alexander Boon
I for sure like to comfort myself with some sci-fi media.
9:45 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
A real comfort zone would be this awesome inner space
9:45 PM Viktor Viktor
being comfortable with self
9:45 PM Rebecca Dalmas
yes @anna
9:45 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
So really a ‘comfort zone’ should be called a ‘fear controlled zone’
9:45 PM Rebecca Dalmas
yes
9:46 PM Marlen Vargas
identifying where we hold ourselves captive into these Perceived 'comfort zones' where we in fact are not expanding, growing, changing in our day to day, therefore trapped by the apparent 'comfort' or routines, habits, patterns, where we have made it 'common' to just give up, or react, or walk away from that moment-opportunity to change and break-through
9:46 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
That doesn’t sound as nice
9:46 PM Randy Krafft
indeed anna
9:46 PM Viktor Viktor
a comfortable zone should be everywhere – not limiting comfort to only where we feel safe and secure
9:46 PM Adam
come to fort
9:46 PM Agnieszka Lewandowski
Lol yes anna
9:46 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
To be one’s one comfort zone
9:46 PM Rebecca Dalmas
no, but it begs a cool question @anna
9:47 PM Marlen Vargas
yes @anna so that's how the starting point here in identifying what we perceived as 'nice' or 'good' like say porn addiction and how that feels apparently 'good' yet we all are aware of the trap in itself it represents when it comes to one's overall expression, that's kind of like the 'example' by excellence here
9:48 PM
so yes, redefining 'comfort' is eventually as what viktor said, where one can change, adapt, expand, have 'self' as that pillar of support, self-trust, self-direction and the plethora of words we can live in those moments, that's real comfort to me, no matter where I am or what I do I can learn, grow, expand, etc. new kind of comfort
9:49 PM
fort = fortaleza = strengths so there you go @adam come to your strength, develop your strengths, and that becomes a comfort zone for real, as oneself, not based on 'activities' or people' or 'environments' or 'habits' or 'routines' etc.
9:49 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
And to also not allow oneself to be comfortable with/in fear and self-limitation, to break that habit
9:49 PM Marlen Vargas
exactly anna
9:50 PM Rebecca Dalmas
expanding out of a busyness of protection and into being more changeable in a moment. And with principled direction.
9:50 PM Viktor Viktor
Yes that is a cool redefinition
9:50 PM Adam
cool marlen
9:50 PM Marlen Vargas
where we know we are fucking ourselves up yet believe that's 'comfortable' or fear breaking through it, it's one of those paradoxical situations we create within ourselves that definitely have to be broken-through
9:50 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
You know today I was reacting to how I looked in the mirror and I looked for a word to live, and to my surprise the word that came up within was THE MATRIX - to when I experience these judgments realizing that I am entering into the matrix zone - that what I’m seeing/experiencing isn’t real and then return to reality, to real touch and real physicality
9:51 PM Rebecca Dalmas
cool @anna
9:51 PM Marlen Vargas
I've seen this with expression man, where at times if I would hear my thoughts, I would be sooo suppressed! lol so I've seen the difference in simply being more physical, acting, doing, learning from it rather than 'standing behind' so to speak and refraining from living
9:52 PM Randy Krafft
cool marlen
9:52 PM Agnieszka Lewandowski
Oh, the word zone is the limitation, 'comfort' ( the in prison so to speak
9:52 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
Yes @agalew
9:52 PM
a zone is a limit
9:52 PM Agnieszka Lewandowski
Sorry for typos i am on my phone
9:52 PM Rebecca Dalmas
cool @agalew like in prism
9:52 PM Anna Brix Thomsen
which doesn’t have to be limiting - depending on what it is zoning
9:53 PM Carlton Tedford
cool aga
9:53 PM Rebecca Dalmas
yes, bringing things forward is not necessarily a ' bad'
9:53 PM Agnieszka Lewandowski
So its our foraleza as force in the prison
9:53 PM Carlton Tedford
agalew
9:53 PM Marlen Vargas
so, breaking through the routine can be as simple as always going into a form of judgment when talking to someone, and in that moment deciding to not do the 'usual' and instead simply speak and share what one in fact wants to share and see what happens
9:53 PM Randy Krafft
indeed anna - we define our own comfort "zone" - therefore, we are limiting ourselves....
9:54 PM Marlen Vargas
or where one knows that there is a 'pending task' to get done and instead of giving it direction in the moment, one decides to drift into watching something entertaining instead - and saying nope, let's get this done now that's here, and that actually simplifies life as part of our routine
9:54 PM Yogan Barrientos
One thing i appreciate about my mother is that she took responsibility for being a mother. When you look in her eyes and here her speak you can see that she owned being a mother. She had stability, and made sure the physical environment was the best she could make it. She didn't put blame or punishment. She voiced herself on how she viewed the world, and she left that space for us to question. She wasn't perfect, but i can compare her to other mothers who really hated being a parent and blamed their kids. That abuse is just sickening, because there is no self-responsibility for that fact the person chose to be a parent, the child had NO choice. A view parenthood as a major responsibility that you have to own completely.
9:54 PM Marlen Vargas
where then also routine is not a 'dirty word' lol, but in fact a whole day of moments where we can make it a routine to change, to expand, to challenge ourselves
9:55 PM Rebecca Dalmas
I have been looking at this as ' telling stories' . Meaning, asking myself where i am being a story instead of being here, with the real story. I remember something Bernard said, that if we remain in the practical we will be okay.
9:55 PM Carlton Tedford
cool Marlen
9:56 PM Adam
marlen - something that i noticed recently was a charge existing in the word meeting, seeing here that point of routine in the way one lives words - and I changed by stepping into live the word relationship, in which i was very much still with me
9:56 PM Randy Krafft
very cool adam
9:57 PM Marlen Vargas
that's cool @adam I mean we'd have to get some reference as to what the charge was but if in that moment you decided to change it so that you could live/express something differently, that's part of 'breaking the habits' as well
9:57 PM
sometimes it definitely takes a changing of the 'coding' in how we perceive things, people, situations and that assists a lot in 'breaking-through' as well, where even a perception of something and changing that can assist in the physical changes towards that something/someone
9:58 PM
say instead of perceiving or defining a task as 'dreadful' or 'tiring' seeing it as a point of challenge to know oneself, to change oneself, then that opens up a key to 'who I decide to be' in that whole process of getting the task done
9:58 PM Adam
I'll write some more about this point
9:58 PM Miranda de Haas
Thanks Marlen and all
9:58 PM Marlen Vargas
yep sounds good @adam
9:58 PM Dan Malara
this is a great word, routine, thanks for opening it up. My bedtime routine could use a little fixing up..
9:58 PM Miranda de Haas
Bye
9:58 PM Marlen Vargas
so! that's it for today guys
9:59 PM Carlton Tedford
Thanks all bye
9:59 PM Randy Krafft
thanks all
9:59 PM Marlen Vargas
thanks for sharing, and yes, routines are just routines, we decide who we are in our day to day so here looking at living words, self-creation, expansion, growth, transcending limitations /fears
9:59 PM Adam
thanks everyone
9:59 PM Pieter van Overschot
bye:+1:
9:59 PM Alexander Boon
Thanks for the insights!
9:59 PM Sylvia van Overschot-Gerssen
bye
9:59 PM Marlen Vargas
cool, see you guys! bye
9:59 PM Alexander Boon
Bye!
10:00 PM Agnieszka Lewandowski
Thanks all bye
10:00 PM Dan Malara
Together we build Life's new routine. Thanks all.
10:00 PM Matti Freeman
biiii all
10:00 PM Valentin Rozman
Thanks all and bye :slightly_smiling_face:
10:01 PM Rebecca Dalmas
Thanks all!



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