Life Hacks: Giving Into Hope - 15 September 2017

Marlen
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Life Hacks: Giving Into Hope - 15 September 2017

Postby Marlen » 15 Sep 2017, 22:49

2:08 PM]
sunettedimensions Okay - let's focus this chat for the public company too


[2:08 PM]
ingrids Lol in Dutch it can be 'allemaal' which then is 'alle malen' is like 'all thinking' - but we also have 'iedereen' which means 'every one' litterally. Inter esting right these 2 words


[2:08 PM]
anna lol the real chat starts only NOW


[2:08 PM]
sunettedimensions Who has noticed a weakness


[2:08 PM]
that you'd like explanation on


[2:08 PM]
either noticed in yourself or others


[2:08 PM]
that you judge, react to, don't understand


[2:09 PM]
gian a weakness - giving into hope


[2:09 PM]
sunettedimensions let's delineate the problem first, then we go into solution life hacks


[2:09 PM]
miranda I can be cranky in one second and I noticed I judge myself for it


[2:09 PM]
joanajesus I see lack of confidence; wanting to please others


[2:09 PM]
tormod Confusion is bothering


[2:09 PM]
sunettedimensions Gian an you give a practical example of giving into hope


[2:09 PM]
Okay, let's first start with Gian


[2:10 PM]
ingrids Yep me - fear to say 'no' when i feel like a yes is expected - especially with a partner


[2:10 PM]
anna Ok I have one. So I often see women in my support groups on Facebook ask for people to support them with something they've already decided/know for themselves, which is clear from their writing. So it is like they don't trust what they see, which then diminishes themselves. So I've seen this in myself as well in the past. And I'd like to support when I see this.



[2:10 PM]
sunettedimensions Miranda, Joana, Tormod, Ingrid - please Viber me your ideas and we continue with them in future chats



[2:11 PM]
ingrids Yes @joanajesus with mine i mean more or less the same


[2:11 PM]
marjo I take the problems of my children very personal, even when they have solved their problems by themselves.


[2:11 PM]
sunettedimensions Everyone


[2:11 PM]
ingrids Ok cool @sunettedimensions


[2:11 PM]
sunettedimensions slow down for a moment


[2:11 PM]
let's do one at a time


[2:11 PM]
Gian is up


[2:11 PM]
alyson My weakness is being physically tired and feeling lazy in the evening after a full on day with little or no breaks


[2:11 PM]
sunettedimensions Giving up on hope


[2:11 PM]
Let's go to PROBLEM


[2:12 PM]
tormod Hope is a pain


[2:12 PM]
sunettedimensions Everyone above who placed suggestions - please Viber me your suggestions, so that we can go through them one at a time for time to come



[2:12 PM]
anna The problem with hope is that one puts one's faith into something that might happen, so it is a losing contact with reality to make oneself feel better


[2:12 PM]
sunettedimensions Gian - what's the scenario


[2:12 PM]
Okay, let's let Gian outline context first


[2:12 PM]
then we all add our experiences in it


[2:12 PM]
ingrids Mmm is that a weakness @alyson or is your physical really tired?


[2:12 PM]
sunettedimensions or how we personally relate to it


[2:12 PM]
gian When and as I hear fro someone that has told me that they will give me something, or contribute something, I go into HOPE as an expectation, that this person is for real, they are genuine and will stand by their words, then nothing happens, when i in return after hearing this news of this person that wil contribute, apply and live by the word that this persona has said, not yet made it physical what they said, but I already act and live as if what they said has been done and given. then it ends up nothing has come of what they have said, and all my efforts was done in the HOPE of their promise, and then I find myself sitting with more consequences as I took actions based on the other personas words, and then nothing came of their actions and then i sat with my actions, and all in vain.


[2:13 PM]
valentin.rozman Hi all :slightly_smiling_face:


[2:13 PM]
kims Yes joana same here


[2:14 PM]
alyson Good question ingrids, I need to push through the self judgement in not pushing through lol!



[2:14 PM]
tormod Like You place hope at others @gian ?


[2:14 PM]
valentin.rozman Al MAL in Slovenian = Would you a little :slightly_smiling_face:


[2:14 PM]
yoganb Gian I understand and can relate.


[2:14 PM]
carlton I can relate Gian


[2:14 PM]
miranda I can relate gian


[2:14 PM]
tormod I dont realy


[2:14 PM]
marjo me too Gian


[2:15 PM]
joanajesus interesting @gian going to hope and also perhaps blaming another for your experience of expectation and disappointment?


[2:16 PM]
miranda I can be really pissed and confused when someone is not keeping their word


[2:16 PM]
anna This happens for me if I've agreed with someone Viktor to do something and I am living as though our agreement stands, but then they don't do it, and I am disappointed and would've rather done it myself cause it creates consequences for me that they didn't do it. But I am not sure I would call that hope.


[2:16 PM]
tormod That is like dealing with both hope and faith...... poisons


[2:16 PM]
sunettedimensions Cool, so 1 - define the problem, relate the to the problem


[2:16 PM]
Let's share our personal experiences with this!


[2:17 PM]
yoganb ok


[2:17 PM]
joanajesus same here @anna


[2:17 PM]
gian @joanajesus the blaming can come in afterwards, but I in that moment see myself and what I lived, to I usually do not go into that for msyelf


[2:17 PM]
sunettedimensions Even for the public - if anyone reading relates - check in your personal self and world and write it down


[2:18 PM]
ingrids I can relate as in not so easily give something out of hands when not being sure


[2:18 PM]
If another is doing it or not


[2:18 PM]
viktorpersson I have had this a lot, especially with my mother – and I have noticed I do this as well. I say something, then I do not do it. Pretty much everyone does this to some extent – and sometimes it is also common sense to back down on promises


[2:18 PM]
alyson Yes, I was in a similar situation with the potential of choosing between going in to either the energy of hope or giving up before I started on a pretty way out project, however I had a cool session with Kim a, and decided to spend a few hours , over a week without any projections, give it a go, and then let it go


[2:18 PM]
sunettedimensions Gian, I can relate to the experience. The problem of defining someone's word as real, because it is so for you - and when it's not for them, and you acted on it as you would when you say something, theris consequence


[2:18 PM]
tormod I can place hope at desteni thinking that is something .... like faith or believe that "it" will save life. Limmiting me and my potential within so


[2:19 PM]
sunettedimensions The one problem I have found with this @gian was due to me not REMEMBERING MY PROCESS and taking into account how everyone else is still living and defining words


[2:19 PM]
anna So for me, hope is actually a form of deliberate self-decealistiption that I do onto myself to make myself feel better about something, where I k it now or it may be realistic not to happen, but then I want it to happen so much, I want it to be real, so I disregard what I know may possibly be true.


[2:20 PM]
sunettedimensions So, when I define others as the me I am now and not remember how I became who I am throughput the years of change, and in that immediate moment trust another's words as I do mine: it is my consequence



[2:20 PM]
gian Sorry Guys, busy with Cesar attention just got diverted


[2:20 PM]
sunettedimensions I am the one more aware in the scenario


[2:20 PM]
joekou i can relate - where i place a kind of hope/trust in the words or the intent of another - and when it does not come through or they do not do things the way i 'hoped/trusted' them to, i tend to then go to blame, spite, or feel 'hurt/betrayed'



[2:20 PM]
marlen I would also say in terms of money for example, to rather create plan b or c in case this/that person can't commit to whatever they offered you so that you know how to sort a debt for example and not only depend on that one offer


[2:20 PM]
anna sorry my computer is troublemaking


[2:20 PM]
yoganb Growing up, I had the view point that everyone was inherently good, and people didn't/wouldn't lie to me. So I really hope and expected the best from everyone, and from every potential friendship. I didn't think or would expect people would lie, or take advantage of me. I liked and enjoyed thinking this way and viewing people this way. It made me feel safe thinking that my girlfriend or friends were good people and meant good for me, and that my teachers were good and everyone gave good advice. I felt protected and sheltered in such a way of looking at the world and people.



[2:21 PM]
anna Yes this is exactly the same signature I saw as well @yoganb


[2:21 PM]
kims Yes Yogan, like a type of complete disbelief and diss appointment


[2:21 PM]
sunettedimensions Yes @yoganb it's a similar point of defining others as you are and not who they are and who you are in relation to them and thus being considerate


[2:21 PM]
All good @gian welcome back lol


[2:21 PM]
kims I created lots of consequences in my life because of this expectation from others


[2:22 PM]
anna Yes it's the same point I have with thinking an agreement stands whereas to another it may be more loose or not at all a fixed agreement


[2:22 PM]
kims And I took them personally, and still do at times


[2:23 PM]
Until recently someone reminded me that 'we all do that' until we change it


[2:23 PM]
marlen I can relate to that yogan though I also realized how I was creating a victimization in relation to that, perceiving myself as the 'only innocent one' when it's not really so, therefore, I had to rather understand my own lack of understanding as to how yep this kind of things happen so I rather learn to prevent and have ways to act if others can't keep 'their word' and sort it out myself or with other means/resources/people or whatever the context is


[2:23 PM]
kimk I also took this kind of thing personally @kims, because if it was something that was important to me, I would assume it was important to the other, so if and when i did not come through, I would think they didn't care or I was unimportant to them


[2:23 PM]
ingrids Can someone say how to change to open chat on the compu? I only know how to switch on phone


[2:23 PM]
sunettedimensions For me with scheduling for example, many are familiar with this. I'd say some also understand more when seeing the situation here on the farm and actually gets to see how we move and work and predictable, yet unpredictable a day can be. Together with personal planning being involved yes, but many others factors play a role too


[2:24 PM]
kimk *it did not come through


[2:24 PM]
kims Yes @kimk like a kind of disbelief


[2:24 PM]
joekou when i face these points a difficult thing for me to get back to is my own responsibility - of the points where because i trusted someone or interpreted someone's words or intent a certain way - i would then allow myself to then sit back and wait, or take it for granted as though it is here and done - and here i often dont want to see my own responsibility and tend to want to focus on how the other person let me down


[2:24 PM]
sunettedimensions Fact is, the MAIN dimension or PROGRAM I'd say we're dealing with here is not considering other's minds and lives, not considering who we are in relation to them and then acting. We just act with others usually based on who we are



[2:24 PM]
kims And the go to others and complain


[2:24 PM]
alyson Lol, I can relate to that too @yoganb, never really thought about it before, but I suppose that may have been a beneficial belief for me


[2:24 PM]
sunettedimensions everyone is doing it


[2:24 PM]
we're creating this problem together


[2:25 PM]
marlen yep, exactly joe


[2:25 PM]
kims Yes @sunettedimensions


[2:25 PM]
anna How do you mean change to open chat @ingrids?


[2:25 PM]
randy "We just act with others usually based on who we are" indeed sunettedimensions


[2:25 PM]
viktorpersson Yes – we act because it feels right to us – not looking at what is here


[2:25 PM]
marlen yep it does take two to tango in all situations


[2:25 PM]
sunettedimensions Agreed @joekou


[2:25 PM]
kimk Yes, completely @sunettedimensions, like in the video 'misundertanding'


[2:25 PM]
sunettedimensions I've also asked @joekou recently to step into my world more and speak his voice


[2:26 PM]
viktorpersson It becomes about our perception about what is going on instead of what is really going on


[2:26 PM]
ingrids From lf chat to the other chatroom we use on wednessday and friday @anna


[2:26 PM]
sunettedimensions lol with arranging things and making dates


[2:26 PM]
kims Cool @joekou


[2:26 PM]
randy indeed @viktorpersson


[2:26 PM]
anna This has been one of the most humbling and surprising points for me in this process, to realize that others do not see things like I do, or the way I do


[2:26 PM]
sunettedimensions Thanks @joekou


[2:26 PM]
Okay, so - shall we say


[2:26 PM]
anna On the left side @ingrids I have a panel where the different channels are listed


[2:26 PM]
sunettedimensions the CONCLUSION of the problem - step 2 can be defined as


[2:27 PM]
anna Maybe you need to click somewhere up on top to open the various channels @ingrids


[2:27 PM]
mattifreeman Also the idea of 'I give you my word, I promise' - there's a lot of that in movies and tv and it's a nice IDEA -- but a lot of times the nature of life and the mind doesn't work that way


[2:27 PM]
kims Yes I have found myself 'looking forward to things' and then when I was let down as I see it I then go into blame because I built up energy around it


[2:27 PM]
sunettedimensions Not considering the other's position, nor yours. Not considering who you are in relation to them. THe miss-take of defining others based on WHO YOU ARE and not WHO THEY ARE



[2:27 PM]
then you ACT accprding to who you are, without considering who they are


[2:27 PM]
kims It is like who I am is dependant on another doing something


[2:28 PM]
carlton I find myself reacting at times to the hope I created within myself off of the word of another, then going back and forgiving myself for it, but then would go back and do the same thing again.


[2:28 PM]
miranda yes anna, I am asking people what they mean with a certain word when they say it, just to make clear if we are on the same track or to understand them more.


[2:28 PM]
ingrids Found it thanks @anna !


[2:28 PM]
sunettedimensions Everyone agree with the overall definition?


[2:28 PM]
anna One point of justification I also see with this is that I then tend to think that it is not MY point of view, but a general/common point of view that EVERYONE KNOWS


[2:29 PM]
mattifreeman after all - are we living for / valuing the particular action of 'keeping my word' - is that a real practical principle and basis of relationships how we see and treat each other?


[2:29 PM]
marjo yes


[2:29 PM]
adam yes


[2:29 PM]
valentin.rozman I agree


[2:29 PM]
sunettedimensions All cool with it to walk into the next one


[2:29 PM]
marlen yep blind trust it is, gotta tread carefully with that, rather have backup plans. I have definitely learned this based on how many times I allowed myself to 'be disappointed' by that kind of promises, until I realized, well I cannot fully trust that, I can only trust myself in having other ways/means to do that, create something etc. So had to get back to the real world of how I cannot fully 'trust' someone else's word on something



[2:29 PM]
joekou with me a practical example would be sometimes when a plan or schedule is made and i plan things or projects around that - and things suddenly change as they often tend to do here on the farm - i previously would first get upset, frustrated, angry - and play the 'victim' card with myself. but now i more look at 'okay life is happening. things are changing and adapting' - and instead of getting frustrated i rather first understand what happened, why the plan is now different - rather UNDERSTAND the change rather make it personal and all about me and MY all important schedule lol - and i find that when i understand the reasons for why things sometimes change and unpredictable events come up, i not only don't have a reaction to it, i am grateful for being included and clued in on what is going on - and i dont feel 'left out' anymore



[2:29 PM]
randy yes


[2:29 PM]
sunettedimensions @gian satisfied


[2:29 PM]
kims I have a very big wake up call in the physical where someone 'let me down' as I saw it and from this I changed - so advise to not let it get to that point lol


[2:30 PM]
sunettedimensions Okay, let's move to STEP 3


[2:30 PM]
STEP 3 LIFE HACK


[2:30 PM]
tormod Interesting the energy play in media/movies @mattifreeman how we addict to the many phenomenas and.... the hope


[2:30 PM]
gian Hey yes, this is Great...


[2:30 PM]
marlen yeah also that getting the bigger picture of things joekou many times it is a humbling process and not just 'assume'


[2:30 PM]
anna hack that program


[2:30 PM]
sunettedimensions STEP 3 LIFE HACK - HOW DO I PRACTICALLY CHANGE THESE MOMENT FOR ME


[2:30 PM]
*MOMENTS


[2:30 PM]
carlton yes


[2:31 PM]
alyson Interestingly this week, I have been very aware of how at work what I say or do Căn have a huge consequence, so I sometimes I plan things in small stages, but I still have no control of how another will react or what they may say to another outside work, which can feel like stepping in to the unknown


[2:31 PM]
sunettedimensions @joekou already gave his suggestion, very cool example


[2:31 PM]
I suggest we all share our unique life hacks


[2:31 PM]
anna So, point 1 as I see it is to stop ASS-U-Meing that there is a common understanding of the point/agreement. One can say: "Ok, so this is what I understand from what you are saying/agreeing to. Is that in fact so?"


[2:31 PM]
sunettedimensions because so many different people will ready this chat and may relate to one / few and another to others :slightly_smiling_face:


[2:31 PM]
marlen have back up plans in case you are counting with someone's word on a certain thing to be done, given - so that you know how to build up something regardless of the other person being in it or not, have backup plans b,c so that then if the person keeps their 'word' to something, cool, you got plan a, if not you move on to plan b instead of going into a giving up on it


[2:32 PM]
anna And to never feel certain about anything/anyone - cause that is not realistic, and only makes you feel better, but then when shit hits the fan, you feel even worse, so that's pointless


[2:32 PM]
marlen lol yeah that crossreferencing is vital as well anna, so many misunderstanding or 'lazy agreements' go on in communication when not being very specific about things


[2:32 PM]
kimk For me, in these situations, I would say i would, rather than react, ask the person about it, or let it go unconditionally


[2:33 PM]
tormod Grounding myself.... if i expect annything i should rather do that myself and clear the air / mind fogg of "expecting" and go with the self created and supportive life - flow / grounded in substance


[2:33 PM]
anna so point 2. Accepting the fact that nothing is certain, even in the most agreeed upon of agreements. Things can happen, you never know. So that opennes is important


[2:33 PM]
sunettedimensions I would, when money is involved - first wait for the physical confirmation. As with @gian example - yes, sometimes we want to get things done NOW NOW NOW to get moving, but, being dependent on others to a degree means we need to be more patience and consider them and their processes, often remind for the agreement to allow them to remember etc. Then only act when the physical money is there. This gives you credence to act, the REAL support for the REAL action



[2:33 PM]
randy well, you don't count your eggs until you have them in the basket....


[2:33 PM]
marlen hmm yeah that's a relevant point there kimk to ask the person 'what's up' with this/that, and then understand where they're at about it, if there's no response, then moving on to next solutions.


[2:33 PM]
kims @sunettedimensions i looked to see how I hadn't been considerate in my relationship with those that I had considered let me down, broke promises etc and I had to walk lots of forgiveness and let the expectations go - I did have to be aware of going into the opposite polarity of not trusting,so for me it was baby steps to open up


[2:34 PM]
sunettedimensions That's an awesome way @marlen - thanks for sharing :slightly_smiling_face: back up plans


[2:34 PM]
ingrids It is also getting to know someone and then learning how it is when something is mentioned to do - like with some, I know I need a 'back up plan' as things can change, and with some I know they will be probably here - most important I find as also Joe mentions, to understand what happens and first of all, to be informed as much as possible if things change, but also this can something that can not be 'expected' in all cases, so understanding afterwards is also an possibility



[2:34 PM]
mikemcd curve balls happen...they are surprising as they are unexpected. be considerate of the unexpected


[2:34 PM]
sunettedimensions @kimk keep reminding too :slightly_smiling_face:


[2:34 PM]
randy yes mikemcd


[2:34 PM]
kimk Yes - that's true


[2:34 PM]
mikemcd adapt ability is my best response ability



[2:34 PM]
marlen yeah otherwise uncertainty is a major source of stress in my case, so, definitely back up plans creates a plan of motions to 'keep moving' and not get stuck in that one 'failed' point


[2:35 PM]
marjo To know it is my own programming for instance to come in time, and to see the other 's programming which is totally different from mine


[2:35 PM]
anna Oh and then ASK before You ASS-U-Me. Though I've not quite figured that one out yet.... It is soooooo easy to JUMP to conclusions. So that would be the point of slowing down and not rushing yes. Take things slow.


[2:35 PM]
mattifreeman One hack is to take the event and look at how I can be more specific next time with my initial communication / making agreements with someone -- how might my specificity or the way I approach an agreement with someone change if I am now not using expectation and assumption and hope?



[2:35 PM]
sunettedimensions THOUGH when words were spoken and the person was absolute in them , you need to first ask what happened, understand them first - and if it's just something really not valid - then you need to speak up in all seriousness of the consequences of their words and take rtesponsibility to teach and show



[2:35 PM]
randy cool mattifreeman


[2:35 PM]
sunettedimensions otherwise, they will never learn and know


[2:35 PM]
joekou i sneaky dimension to this is the backchat that we can sometimes allow/justify if a person says something and things don't come through as we think - it is very very easy to go 'aha, this person is not trustworthy. i don't need to respect them or listen to them' - it is a devious little bugger but if unchecked can wreak havok in your relationships


[2:36 PM]
marlen yeah maybe set timeframes - and even say ok can I remind you after x amount of time in case you forget? being direct yet considerate


[2:36 PM]
joanajesus it's helpful to place myself in another shoes and realise that I have been there - there were moments where situations changed and plans had to be adapted and I had to cancel my commitment, so instead of getting angry at another and thinking that I'll never trust that person again (very absolutist mind lol) I see that I can talk with another, even share where I am coming from and see what can be done (either by myself or with another) to accomplish that goal.


[2:36 PM]
anna I definitely see how there's a resistance to absolute specificty and clarity in communication - like being too lazy to being very specific and asking that of another too @mattifreeman so yes, that's a cool point


[2:36 PM]
sunettedimensions if you just go to a room / isolate yourself in your head and become all angry and emotional towards in secret


[2:36 PM]
kimk cool @mattifreeman


[2:36 PM]
agreed


[2:36 PM]
sunettedimensions rather, approach them with stability, no reactions, but as a TEACHER and GUIDE


[2:36 PM]
mikemcd ya theres a common tendency to turn our words into a sort of debt instrument...an IOU


[2:36 PM]
mattifreeman ah yes, if it was explicitly a 'yes, absolutely I will do this, you can count on me 100%' kind of thing then yeah I agree some practical questioning would be useful - but not in judgment


[2:36 PM]
sunettedimensions showing the seriousness of the consequence and the suggestion of what to do a next time


[2:37 PM]
NOT FIGHT WITH THEM AND MAKE IT PERSONAL AND EMOTIONAL



[2:37 PM]
kims @marlen that's interesting because often if someone says that to me I react a little, like don't you trust me lol


[2:37 PM]
sunettedimensions SUPPORT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


[2:37 PM]
anna Yes


[2:37 PM]
mattifreeman @anna though I would say it's not about 'absolute' specificity necessarily lol


[2:37 PM]
ingrids lol yes @mattifreeman or already out of 'fear of being disappointed', not being specific on forehand


[2:37 PM]
randy that's the key sunettedimensions


[2:37 PM]
marlen it's cool to consider that on 'making another aware of the consequence' there, makes sense, otherwise we don't assist the other person to see what are the outflows of not keeping their word


[2:37 PM]
mattifreeman because that would imply you see absolutely all possible playouts of something


[2:38 PM]
sunettedimensions don't react in your head in secret to people who keep pissing you off - otherwise, you are making the same mistake that they are in that they are continuing a pattern you can actually support but instead you go into a pattern of reacting in secret and make yourself seem better cause now you've been victimized an dit's all their fault


[2:38 PM]
mikemcd 100% agreed. no fighting required


[2:38 PM]
joekou ah yes i like that wordplay mike - words as IOU/debt instruments that we get others to buy into. interesting metaphor


[2:38 PM]
anna hmm yes I didn't consider the absoluteness of the word absolute there @mattifreeman


[2:38 PM]
kimk Yes, the responsibility extends beyong self if you really want to make a change. Support yourself and the other as you


[2:38 PM]
marlen kims yeah I guess that there it might be common, but I'd say it also speaks from having had 'previous experiences' so using more practical methods to bring the point again and keep it in both people's awareness


[2:38 PM]
sunettedimensions when both of you are now in a patern really and neither good


[2:38 PM]
mikemcd yes sunette


[2:39 PM]
a mindfuck indeed


[2:39 PM]
yoganb There is a part of me that likes/enjoys thinking people will be like me, such as keeping a promise or doing what they said they would. So first off is to forgive accepting and allowing that feeling and the Belief/expectation. Within that realizing and understanding that people can say something and not do it, which can happen for various reasons. Sometimes people change their minds, and they don't tell you. Other times, the physical environment changes where things are outside of their control and they can't keep their promise. Other times, could be because of various mind programs depending on who the person is. There are pathological liars, and con artists, for example. So the only practical thing I can do, is to check and see if the person keeps their word, and to ask them why they didn't. Because also it is a program to not want to tell someone that you couldn't keep your word, feeling embarrassed or less than. So you can assist them in overcoming this program as well. I have done this, where I said I was going to do something, and I didn't and then I felt very embarrassed and couldn't bear to face the person. So I ignore it and avoid talking about it.


[2:39 PM]
sunettedimensions SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO rather slow downtake responsibility for your reactions and understand them to support yourself and them



[2:39 PM]
marlen yep, breaking through the avoidance makes sense which means sorting one's reactions about the other person, rather creating an opening to communicate on it, get things straight and decide from there 'what to do'


[2:39 PM]
tormod I mind myself before i speak.... like "where will my words come from ?""What will my words represent ?" Hope and positivity or stable grounded integrity / self honesty


[2:40 PM]
mattifreeman in my experience a lot of times when a person acted differently from what they said - it wasn't a 'malicious' act - they were simply doing what in their minds, within themselves they've become accustomed to as being normal --- ways of doing things that start in childhood and conitnue into adulthood and they may simply not be aware of how an action affects another or creates a consequence the same way that we might



[2:40 PM]
anna cool @tormod


[2:40 PM]
sunettedimensions I would say it is never so muh about the person as it is about ourselves



[2:40 PM]
randy cool tormod


[2:40 PM]
sunettedimensions the only thing we can do really is take responsibility for ourselves, our lives, and them stepping into it



[2:40 PM]
ingrids yes @mattifreeman


[2:40 PM]
anna Agreed @mattifreeman - @viktorpersson has taught me this, very humbling to realize


[2:40 PM]
mikemcd these moments are a real test of character...as yes...its all about best living response ability


[2:41 PM]
anna And it comes from childhood where we are scolded by adults that we 'should've known better' and so we learn that that's how you deal with mistakes


[2:42 PM]
joanajesus it's also a cool opportunity to break through the limitation!


[2:42 PM]
kims Yes and parents as role models not keeping their word Or being confusing in their speech


[2:44 PM]
sunettedimensions *never so much


[2:44 PM]
kims I also see the dimension of fear from parents threatening things like the boogie man when child's been naughty as they see it - and he doesn't arrive lol


[2:44 PM]
mikemcd if a reaction comes up...its my point of responsibility that has been "lying" dormant...suppressed within myself...and is now opening up...revealing as opportunity to direct myself...stand up



[2:45 PM]
change


[2:45 PM]
randy indeed mikemcd


[2:45 PM]
anna Maybe can use world humble here as: Whom-so-ever-are-able - to remember that we're all capable/able to everything, that whereever we are it is simply a matter of location/positioning. So playing on both sides of 'able' in that the tables could've been turned any which way and so once I see that "You are me in another life." I can embrace/understand you/stand as you better.



[2:46 PM]
marlen yep, back to self and planning reality


[2:46 PM]
mikemcd yes. i have shown myself that I am not immune to mistakes...moments of ooops


[2:47 PM]
ingrids lol I only got back sometimes as 'it's your own fault' or literally treanslated 'your own blame' ('eigen schuld' in Dutch) - which is bringing it back to self but also gives a charge of blame and self-blame) - @anna refering to what you wrote as 'should ve known better'


[2:47 PM]
alyson Sometimes i have to make a choice to do or say something if it opens up in that moment, even if the timing may not be the best, as if one is always on a tight time schedule, the consequence of waiting for the perfect time, would mean that nothing would get done or have the potential of moving forward


[2:47 PM]
joanajesus .... and allowing ourselves to let go to start a new relationship (with that person and with ourselves in that situation)


[2:47 PM]
anna Interesting @ingrids


[2:47 PM]
mikemcd my attitude is own it...direct it....express the change and my response ability



[2:48 PM]
anna So that is a cool challenge @alyson - to learn how to be considerate/specific/clear even in such moments


[2:48 PM]
mikemcd as my response ability


[2:48 PM]
marlen yep not holding a grudgeo or anything, rather understanding the person and their situation, position, mindset, all of it - and even possibly using the opportunity toa ssist them in seeing how to sort it out or be more aware of the consequences of saying something and not doing it - we all have done this



[2:48 PM]
ingrids I am actually learning more and also definitely here in the years with Desteni, that it is also okay to change scedule and appointments and not be too stricked in this because I 'already said so'.



[2:48 PM]
mattifreeman Another dimension of this point would be to look at where in our own lives do we tell ourselves we're going to do something and then not do it



[2:48 PM]
randy yeah, alyson.... sometimes you just gotta do or say it when You have the opportunity, even if it's not the "best" time



[2:49 PM]
anna Yes @ingrids


[2:49 PM]
mikemcd yes ingrid


[2:49 PM]
kimk Definitely @ingrids, to also be flexible with oneself



[2:49 PM]
mikemcd yes matti


[2:49 PM]
alyson Yes @anna


[2:49 PM]
sunettedimensions Absolutely @mattifreeman bringing back to self first


[2:49 PM]
joanajesus nice one @mattifreeman the ultimate self-honesty


[2:49 PM]
marlen yep that's a basic back to self where we want to hold others accountable for 'not doing what they said they would' and we don't first have that look back to ourselves, I'm sure we can all find that something we can take as a point to understand the other person as well



[2:50 PM]
mattifreeman And how easy and 'normal' it seems to not stick to a self commitment or decision in moments


[2:50 PM]
mikemcd gtg all - best regards


[2:50 PM]
kims Bye mike


[2:50 PM]
marlen lol yes that's where we in fact keep each other stagnanti n not sticking to our words, we definitely have to change that trend


[2:51 PM]
alyson Bye Mike


[2:51 PM]
marlen so it seems creating an all around awareness on these points becomes supportive for all involved, talking to the other person, taking it back to self and directing reality with the consequences taken on


[2:51 PM]
mikemcd "I give myself the self responsuibility to accept that I do have the will and action and fortitude and steadfastness to walk till all is equal in every way that all abuse may end forever" - Bernard Poolman



[2:51 PM]
anna YEEEEEES


[2:52 PM]
sunettedimensions Agreed @marlen


[2:52 PM]
tormod Interesting turn .... to stick to plan/commitment as self integrity ..., common sense : cool reminder


[2:52 PM]
sunettedimensions Alright to all and public!!!


[2:52 PM]
THANK YOU for participating and reading


[2:53 PM]
anna Thank you!


[2:53 PM]
miranda Thanks all, bye


[2:53 PM]
randy thank you all...


[2:53 PM]
sunettedimensions let's ourselves and everyone out there read all the DIFFERENT UNIQUE INPUTS assess whoever you relate to and would like to try out the LIFE HACK, but there are MANY LIFE HACK VARITIES for this problem dimension to test out!!!!


[2:53 PM]
kimk Thanks all!


[2:53 PM]
aldin thanks all, byeee


[2:53 PM]
joanajesus awesome chat! Thanks all


[2:53 PM]
sunettedimensions See what works best practically for you and your life / lifestyle and situation :slightly_smiling_face:


[2:53 PM]
Thanks all, thanks @gian for the question and input, as well as sharing


[2:53 PM]
gian Also, what happens is, people tend to not live up to their words, then we tend to not speak or voice ourselves, or commit to anything as the easy way to avoid facing this point, as we would rather then say nothing and thus commit to nothing, and thus not have other rely on us or be disappointment in us for nothing, but we build self-disappointment in each moment we can not trust ourselves to commit to something, to speak the words and live the word. and so make ourselves irrelevant instead of relevant and face some hard points of living to our commitments and words.



[2:54 PM]
carlton Thanks all


[2:54 PM]
joekou cool chat all


[2:54 PM]
gian Cool Everyone, really cool points, thank you for the sharing and all the points.


[2:54 PM]
sunettedimensions Well said @gian there you bring in how we take it back to self first


[2:55 PM]
always when you get angry in secret inside yourself towards another, ask wait, where am I doing this in my life? when I blame another, it shows projection and I am not reflecting on me and taking responsibility for where I am doing the exact same



[2:55 PM]
in a different way


[2:55 PM]
lol interesting how our own reactions actually lead the way to find the real truth, cause we hide behind the reaction



[2:56 PM]
adam yes


[2:56 PM]
randy yep sunettedimensions


[2:56 PM]
sunettedimensions So, when you let go of the reactions. take responsibility - you become the truth here



[2:56 PM]
randy if there's a reaction, there's a point within self to look at



[2:57 PM]
mattifreeman reactions = scenario to investigate - all the same letters except 'T' lol


[2:57 PM]
sunettedimensions As simple as that


[2:57 PM]
marlen yep def. important to look at victimization and blame in it and take self-responsibility, otherwise it's a comfy spot to keep reacting on it


[2:57 PM]
ingrids yes @randy


[2:57 PM]
sunettedimensions @randy


[2:57 PM]
valentin.rozman Thanks all and bye :slightly_smiling_face:


[2:58 PM]
alyson Thanks all and byeeeeee!


[2:58 PM]
marlen yep I don't get it matti, can you explain


[2:58 PM]
ingrids Thanks all


[2:58 PM]
randy that's really cool mattifreeman


[2:58 PM]
mattifreeman The word scenario can be spelled using letters from 'reactions'



[2:58 PM]
marlen ahh interesting


[2:58 PM]
mattifreeman except scenario doesn't have letter 't' in it


[2:58 PM]
adam lol


[2:59 PM]
marlen ok got it that's a cool hack


[2:59 PM]
ingrids Bye


[2:59 PM]
marlen bye guys and thanks for the openings


[2:59 PM]
mattifreeman Latte!


[2:59 PM]
joanajesus bye everyone!


[2:59 PM]
marjo bye everyone


[2:59 PM]
marlen lol


[2:59 PM]
gian Bye everyone


[2:59 PM]
yoganb Goeie Dag


[2:59 PM]
adam bye everyone thanks


[3:00 PM]
randy thanks again everyone. Bye



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