marlen set the channel topic: Moving Through an Experience In the Moment – Let’s start !
marlen Hey guys! Let’s look at a way in which we can in real time apply ourselves in moving through fears, desires, judgments, resistances, blame, self-beliefs that may prevent us from actually getting to do something that we have set ourselves to do
marjo Thanks Marlen for the beautiful pics.
marlen sure thing marjo
As you read this description, see what comes up in your in relation to a point you’ve recently faced and keep it in mind because we’ll go sharing real time what the ‘components’ of this experience are as a way to identify them and walk through them in real time
anna Oh funny, I was going to do a video on this topic
ida nice timing
anna This is not my strongest skill, however it is something that I've been getting better and better at - so let me start by saying: if I can do it, so can you.
marlen So! I’ll go sharing my recent experience so that at the same each can go observing this situation and if you want to share it go for it –
tormod Hi Carlton !
marlen My case was with doing something out of my comfort zone which was hiking, never done it, had ‘no experience’ to it yet I wanted to do it, but as I started seeing how it wasn’t as easy as ‘taking a walk’, I started seeing all of these ideas, fears, desires, self-beliefs and even blame point emerging as I was doing it, which surely was creating a ‘quivery’ experience within me as I was physically moving, so I knew that I had to in real time walk through these points because! I wasn’t going to give up on this, so
carlton Hey Tormod
marlen First dimension I identified as I was moving along were the fears: fears of falling, slipping, injuring myself, fear of hitting my teeth and all of these were related to memories only of ‘all the worst case scenarios’ that might happen when doing something that’s ‘out of my comfort zone’ in terms of moving and exercise
anna So the other day, I woke up "in a mood". And I was quite quickly like "what is this?" (Previously I would've just went along with it, in fact I would've dived head first into the emotion. So alone me stopping up is a sign that I've changed which is really cool. Then, I sort of "held" the experience within me and checked what it was related to, I did some SF on an argument that had come up the day prior, and eventually I realized that it was my mind that had reacted to my body being tired (hadn't slept much in the night before and several nights prior). So because my body was exhausted and "lethargic" AND it was the morning which is usually my "GO!" time, I interpreted it as the mind as "oohhhhh I'm depressed."
marlen Why fears first? Because they were the most prominent ones that were popping up and taking most of my attention and creating a noise inside me in every step I would take - what did I have to practically do? Be more aware of where I was stepping, be OK with getting all muddy, and also very important took others as an example of how to do it, and as anna said in that same fashion of 'if they can do it, I can do it' which was very supportive
anna And then I looked at how my tendency has been to go: "alright, I'm depressed, let me match my experience to something in the world so that I can ACCEPT this experience as real" lol and then I'd go: "yeah man, my life is so bad man" lol - so it was really cool to see the whole potential playout but having stopped it midway.
marlen yeah cool anna that's a second point identified that came up, the 'Self-Belief' such as in this example: I'm not fit for this, I've never done it therefore it's just not for me, I'm not savvy on this, I rather just not do it at all, I can't!
so everyone else following with in terms of identifying the fears first to see what's causing the experience? If you have examples, please do share!
anna Then the feeling was still lingering, but I wasn't controlled by it anymore, and eventually I pushed myself to physically move through it by doing things together with Lora, where I physically stated through my action that "I am not a/in a mood/depressed AND i took a nap because that's what my body needed. Quite cool.
marlen cool @anna so made the decision to not identify with the experience, but move through it by doing something else, which is a supportive thing to do to 'break through' the ongoing experience, and that's where the deliberately doing, stepping in or intervening comes in
anna Yes @marlen - though also first embrace it/accept the fact that it is here, which for me definitely is an important step as my default otherwise has been to deny/suppress/judge - so embracing/accepting is a nice anti-dote/hack for not going down that route.
marlen Yep in terms of fears what I did was in real time start moving through these fears, what does this practically mean? Self Forgiving inside me these fears, and instead directing my focus to where I was stepping, climbing, finding roots of trees to use as handles, start focusing more on being aware of where I was stepping on rather than just being up in my head and not focusing 100% on my reality
and yep, using breath and making it more visible for me to also through that move through the 'quivery' experience that fear can create at a physical level
anna For me it is quite a new application to hold the experience within me and allow myself to go into it/feel it, but I see that it definitely depends on where one is in one's location point, as to whether that's what's most supportive ofr not.
viktorpersson I had an experience at work, where I reacted to a colleague, because I thought of her as being lazy and not pulling her weight – I became angry and started to backchat about it – I could see what I was doing – so I decided to breathe and not entertain this train of though and this experience – and to instead of feeling that it is unfair – check if I am able to take on the point and walk it – and if that is the case – then there is no reason why I should not
michelle Im seeing a holistic doctor and she prescribe me some things to order. I had to order the medicine by myself at the pharmacy and still not so confident in speaking the language. My fears were that the workers at the pharmacy will not understand me, but I realized this medicine is of top support for me so I utilized that as a reason to just go and get the medicine, realizing that it I dont understand them I’ll ask them if they can speak to me in English or we’ll find another way.
tormod I have also have these points or energies come up, where I am quick to do a self forgiveness for it and disarm it... see where it came from, investigate that with writing. I dont want to find myself in polarity energies and there is more of a alarm system or awareness going of now - than before
marlen the same with the self-beliefs which in my case then came along with memories of myself as a child being very fearful of anything that represented 'outdoor activity' and with that, what came up was BLAME towards my parents - as a thought, nothing too overwhelming but interesting anyways - blame them for 'not teaching me how to do these things' or not taking me 'outdoors' and learning to do these things from a young age - so I had to practically also SF and let go of that point of blame lol, interesting though how 'far' it took me away from the moment.
yeah viktor there you go so instead of focusing on the other, comparison, rather assessing practically 'ok I can take it on so I just do' and if it becomes a pattern then just communicating with the other to see where is each in their responsibilities
mattifreeman @viktorpersson interesting I've experienced similar scenarios - and where once I am able to drop the judgment and blame as you described, and actually be able to consider taking on the responsibility myself -- other options also then sometimes open up, like seeing how to communicate the point effectively to the other person or bring it up in a constructive way -- if that opening exists
marlen right @michelle moving to the solution, resourcing, seeing what's at hand to get it done, regardless of how it sounds etc. can also consider google translate in the moment as an option - and always communicating about it is supportive, maybe beforehand letting the person know you are not 'native' so 'bear with me' as I try to say this type of thing, up to what you can do in the moment
carolyne For me it would be when my children cry, throw tantrums. Just by the loud sound, i go into pieces within myself through panic fear stress anxiety, all fearing the loud sounds because of my fears/believes attached to loud sounds from my childhood memories. Then i go into a rush within me to try and make everything ok again so the kids stop crying meaning manipulative tactics. So now lately am learning to be ok with this, to let go of my past memories defining me, now am breathing more and more through chaotic moments with the kids. Am am also planning my days better to avoid loopholes for chaos to come in within and without and if they do, im ready in breath. If i find myself overwhelmed again, i start again back here.
viktorpersson Yes – when it is not about what is fair or not – then practical realities can be discussed – and for instance – this colleague gets easily stressed when she has a lot to do – so there is a dimension to consider in that as well – that what is best is not necessarily fair
tormod often when i think like: i could offer my help here, this could make the job of X more easy, I can chip inn here... and then offering my assistance, and then having things and cool solutions opening up unexpected....a huge bonus - from voluntaring to assist
marlen yeah @carolyne in real moment doing the self forgiveness in relation to those fears, experiences that come up with the crying, there's an eqafe interview on that as well, how the reactions to crying are cool points for us to open up. So that then what you can focus is not on 'the fears' but your children in fact, in the moment
viktorpersson Cool @tormod – reminds me of the biodynamic farming interview – where it was explained that the earth likes sharing
anna Something else I also use is to deliberately look at the internal/external (global/existential) mind-consciousness-system dimension of what I am facing which is also a deliberate hack because it makes me drop the veil of what I think I'm seeing as real. So for example when I've had reactions towards how my body looks, I go "wait a minute! Is this real?" and then I go "no it is not. this is a living breathing body, It is not an image. And it is not under rule by this beauty system. And it is functional and there isn't something wrong with it."
carolyne Yes @marlen
marlen Another point that came up and I decided to move through as well is COMPARISON as in 'It seems so easy for others, it isn't for me, so what's wrong with me!' type of thing, and instead use others and how they are doing it to learn from it, it's funny how I could have trapped myself in seeing others' moves as just 'impossible' for me, but as I moved through it, one step at a time Literally - lol - I got it done
tormod yea - talk to the dirt @viktorpersson lol
carolyne Cool @anna
tormod i do that every day btw
viktorpersson hehe ok
anna I can very much relate to that @carolyne and it would seem that part of the reaction towards children crying is ingrained. I also have a physically uncomfortable experience like "MUST ACT; MUST ACT; MUST STOP BABY'S CRYING" lol - it's horrible. I told Viktor the other day that I couldn't focus because Lora was crying. It takes up all my focus. So its a clever survival mechanism too. And all I can do is to breathe.
tormod yea.... this field or... that trea... a area of forrest - communication
anna Oh man @marlen - been there, done that.
yoganb For Marlen's context, I call this like physical exercise or movement context, which for me I have been stable in and cool in throughout my life because of how I have lived it and walked it since childhood. But in I do have the same kinds of reactions in other contexts. So I will describe the common point here, which is context where you don't know what to do, you are inexperienced, its new. So that describes the context for me, and for what I see in marlen's hiking example, and I have similar thoughts and fears. By combining my experience in what I lived/walked with physical exercise/movement and at my reactions in a new/unfamiliar context which I am reacting to, this is my answer/solution. Basically, don't focus on what other people think or say, because it doesn't matter if you are moving fast or slow. It doesn't matter whether you are doing in well or poorly. What matters is that you are doing it. And through time you will get better naturally. If you have fears of messing up, realize its okay to mess up, and its okay to move slowly and carefully. Are there people that will tell you: "You are moving to slow!!!" "hurry up!!!" "You are so lazy!!!" "you suck at this!!!" Yes there will, because I have heard it my entire life, and I didn't let it affect me in the context of physical movement, because I know my body, I like my body, and I like myself, and I will learn through time, and if I reach my maximum performance and ability and others still make fun and say insulting things, then it doesn't matter, because I have reached my personal best. I do have physical limitations that others don't have that can't be changed. I accept that. I understand that. And so I also understand others who also have their own limitations, that are out of their control. What matters is the spirit of the person! their being! Their inner self! Do they keep walking, hiking, and doing what they do! That should be admired, regarded. So step aside from all insults and attacks. Know yourself, and focus on you. Your thoughts become the representation of what you accept and allow to affect you, so that you can transcend it.
anna Speaking of which, I hear a baby crying lol. Gotta go. Will be back... or not...
marlen yeah @tormod it's a constant moving in that sense and quite a physical one.
tormod yea. calm, here, sound, physical.... cool dimensions
marlen cool @yoganb in this case I noticed it was only me putting such pressure on, all I had to practically do is communicate to 'slow down' a bit and in that embrace my newbiness at it, which is something we all are doing in any process of change, it will feel completely 'out of place' or 'very difficult' or 'super challenging' or 'not for me' to live a point of expansion, but what do we know?that's exactly what we have to do then
viktorpersson Comparison is a fucker – especially when we compare though completely arbitrary and out of context – because obviously we cannot make a encompassing comparison with someone else as to how good or bad they are at something in relation to ourselves – because we have lived totally different lives
marlen so it opens up a cool dimension there of being OK with slowing down, not taking it as something I had to 'perform' on but to embrace the learning and 'first experience' process it actually was and communicate about it so that the other person was aware of 'where I'm at' with it
viktorpersson It cannot be done – different lives, different bodies, different pre-programmings, different everything
carolyne The past few weeks i realized i was going deeper and deeper into self doubt in regards to a point i want to bring into creation. Even after investigating and gathering all materials and even doing quite some amount of studying, i still doubted myself that i could do it. So i decided to go for it anyway, immerse myself in the unknown and just start somewhere and i did. Its a video making project, something iv never done before. Im curious to see what will become of this. Im not giving up.
darrylthomas Aloha everybody... just popped in to see what condition my condition is in
marlen exactly @viktorpersson, it is a fucker and 'out of place' at all times consideration, so I rather in that moment turned that comparison into a learning from others, observing how they do it so that I could try it out myself, sometimes worked, some others I had to adapt and do things differently
anna So what condition is it in then @darrylthomas?
marlen there you go @carolyne that's moving through a 'self-belief' there of 'I can't do it' or any self-doubt, so that's cool
viktorpersson Cool I like that – inspiration instead of comparison
anna That is awesome to hear @carolyne - really dig that
viktorpersson Nice @carolyne
marlen yes @viktorpersson exactly, and then it assists in actually seeing/observing how they move their body, how they grasp things etc to get it done
darrylthomas Still movin an groovin
mattifreeman @yoganb I've had that experience as well - particularly in new job environments where I don't yet 'get' how things are done, and the person training me is like, rushing and explaining things in a vague way lol - I learned to become comfortable with just asking more questions until I actually understand - where is that, how do I do that, what do you mean by that, etc, etc - and explaining - hey this is all new to me so I'm going to ask you a lot of questions probably. Whereas previously I would maybe have just said 'yeah okay', or 'yep I understand' - and then not know what to do really lol
anna I really have a giggle over myself these days when I go into jealousy, because it is so obvious and in my face. It usually starts with something along the lines of: "that bitch..." (not exactly, but that type of expression.)
Then I know "oh oh, I'm jealous. And then I can look at the gift the other person is expression that I'd like to live for myself.
adam marlen - I liked that point you made where you got muddy - for me that represents a point of well I am here and in it - like a point of accepting what the situation is
tormod cool @carolyne
marlen ah @adam exactly lol for a bit of a 'picky' person that I had identified myself as, I simply had to embrace it and seeing well that's how it is and everyone else is going at it so, yep, hereness it is! and in that letting go of so much crap in fact
Another point identified that was coming up was the DESIRE point which matti was explaining as desiring 'the comfort zone', such as where we would instead 'rather be' in those moments of facing these challenges - usually involving Not being there, getting away from it, 'never doing it again' etc - which are also interesting obstacles that come up that generate the same 'giving up' experience if allowed within oneself. This is a tricky one because it definitely takes us away from what we are there to face.
and we definitely know where 'comfort zones' leave us: constrained, fearful, not expanding, remaining in the 'self-belief' and in the lesser version of ourselves. Of course all within the context of what is humanely possible lol and definitely taking on that stance of: if others can, then sure I can too
darrylthomas We equate comfort with stability, safety and predictability, dont we?
carolyne Yes @marlen my kids here have been a tremendous support in letting go such beliefs, nit wanting to explore something because of my belief, perception of it eg making mess etc where i now embrace messes we the knowing that, we can always clean tidy up and so now, lets just have fun.
mattifreeman yep - routine and predictability and control
darrylthomas Which is the goal of desire
marlen that's a cool point there in terms of believing that stability is associated directly with something predictable or 'knowing my territory' type of thing, where there are times that we are in a certain fully new/ unpredictable situation yet we can create such stability by focusing on what we are doing 'one step at a time' and in that creating such stability even if and as challenges are still rolling up
exactly @darrylthomas so identifying these pesky thoughts of 'Oh I wish it was over now, or I'd rather be doing something else than this' or 'Man, this is the last time I EVER do this!' all of these were a product of same fears, self-beliefs etc, so I had to move through physically to the 'real thing' which was what I was stepping on and doing real time - definitely taking this as a metaphor to apply to any other 'realm' we might find ourselves in
so the bottom line is that stability is not being like a 'zen master' inside oneself with 'nothing moving' in the mind, but rather focusing on moving on the point and through the experience in a physical manner, by actually DOING things, which leads to another point here
tormod there is allways somehere for me to stand (up) there is allways parts of me to strengthen
darrylthomas What's been coming up frequently between Deedra and I has been a recognition of a difference within us of our pain tolerance with unpredictable events. We don't have an equal pain threshold with uncertainty. Which isnt a bad thing.
marlen yeah that's a cool approach as well tormod, in terms of embracing that 'there's always room for me to improve, expand on, learn, embrace' etc.
@darrylthomas yeah that's cool to communicate about and get to know where 'each one' stands in relation to different things, it assists with also being able to support one another with walking through such points. Otherwise if we keep them inside ourselves, then the other person has 'no idea' what we are going through, so there you go, communicating about it is definitely a solution-point there as well for sure
adam the word Courage continues to be support for me in situations where a fear comes up: just simply allowing myself to embrace courage and acknowledge that there is fear in me but all the same not stopping or being stopped
carolyne I once held on to the illusion that when things go wrong bad then it means im not stable because im not in control lol where stability fir me was perceived as a form of power and control over reality, people, situations etc. This is a point am still walking but certainly supported me a lot to realize that, the only power and control i should develop is towards myself in regards to my relationship with my mind, power here meaning my ability to stand for myself and control meaning directing myself in a way that supports all.
marlen So another practical 'hack' is in those moments where I felt quite 'quivery' and strained because of what I was doing, is to simply take a break for a moment, do something different instead where I direct my focus and attention on something different- in this case it was stopping to see the views or take pics and focusing on the detail of the environment, that assisted a bit to not want to go 'full on' with doing it all one step after the other, but take a break and let go of the 'I must get it fully done now!' type of mindset, which means, allowing myself to enjoy the moment as well
tormod cool @adam i see also courage as a word for me to expand with
yoganb Living the word gentle has helped me. Where I move gently, speak gently, and become gentle, which I can see I become in how I breathe, and inside my muscles I can see gentleness. So it becomes a physical thing that I see is here in my body.
marlen exactly @adam acknowledging the fear, self forgiving it within oneself and practically moving through it as in living courage 'I am doing this, I set myself for this, I decide to learn how to do it'
cool @yoganb yeah that's a nice word to remind ourselves when in situations where we are getting too 'stiff' too 'tight' or too overtly 'driven' to do something where one then only sets out this goal to 'finish this' or 'get to the top' and in that missing out the actual moment of expression, slowing down, being gentle, not simply pushing things
carolyne Courage, i cool word to look and apply for myself. Thanks for sharing @adam
yoganb oh, for me I use it when faced with fears, insults, attacks, anger etc... Because when you are gentle, you can't also be fear or insults, attack or anger.
adam Taking out the elements of perfectionism out of courage was a key for me
marlen And so those were mostly the points identified while moving through in the experience, 'embrace' is also another point, embracing my ability at the moment, embracing learning, embracing the dirt and environment, being OK with doing it slowly and taking 'baby steps' at a time, focusing on the physicality of it rather than my 'mental projection' or idea of 'how I should be able to do things' lol, definitely letting go of the 'projected self' in that
ah nice point there @adam yeah I can definitely relate with what I just typed above
because there was also this idea that I could 'get it done' in a certain way, but that was an IDEA only, wasn't at all matching physical reality, so had to get down and dirty lol with it and in that sense let go of the 'flawless' perception
adam cool marlen
yoganb I like the image of a very mad man yelling at someone, and the other person having a slight smile on their face being gentle, and so being untouched/unmoved by the yelling.
anna I created an image today of the 'guard' in front of my mouth and mind being a Masai warrior that's like super tall and skinny and has long big feet solidly planted on the ground, and then he stands guarding my mouth and mind with a long spear. lol
marlen So! Recap of points to look as one is moving through an experience: what am I fearing, where am I desiring for a comfort zone, what am I believing about myself in this situation, what are the self-judgments that are leading me to comparison, what's my ideal 'projected self' in this situation and identifying any old memories being the obstacle, any 'blame' point as well - of course there are many ways that can be used as keywords to remind ourselves to look out for these dimensions, but they usually emerge in situations like this, so as to 'know' what they are and work through them
yoganb cool, anna. Seems effective and is comical.
marlen any other points to add to the list? Cool words were shared, embracing, courage, gentleness, moving to a solution, communicating about the situation, letting go of perfectionism, willingness to learn, getting out of the comfort zone
darrylthomas "This too shall pass" is a good credo to hold, as you know*
marlen Ah also acceptance and consideration, in terms of where we're at in relation to something as well, embracing my current experience and understand it as a 'this is a new thing for me, this is yes a challenge but I'm determined to walk through it'
miranda Thanks Marlen and all, bye
anna Also: where is the mind consciousness system at play here?
marlen It's an interesting one there @darrylthomas I've also used it though at the same time also being aware that I am not using as a way to 'wash through' the experience and not look at it at all, so in that more like seeing the 'greater picture' yes, while also going into the detail of it
carlton Thanks all bye
darrylthomas Eh, in the school of hard knocks, you learn to roll with the punches
marlen So! that would be it for today guys, sharing some real time observations and solutions, thanks all for the shares and walking with
adam thanks everyone bye
carolyne All thank you for being here and sharing. Till next time, its goodbye from me.
darrylthomas Cheers, and Mahalo, everybody