Why?

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ionaWilliams
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Why?

Postby ionaWilliams » 05 Dec 2014, 18:05

Why do I feel like I have committed a crime, when I have actually told the truth?

It is a question that I am not even sure of myself. I have told the truth about someone thieving if that helps.



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Anna
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Re: Why?

Postby Anna » 05 Dec 2014, 21:00

Why do I feel like I have committed a crime, when I have actually told the truth?

It is a question that I am not even sure of myself. I have told the truth about someone thieving if that helps.
It could be because 'snitching/telling on someone' can be perceived as 'taboo', as something that's not okay to do. The effect is that people fear telling the truth. So having such unwritten rules in our interactions with each other, we make sure that people can do things that aren't acceptable without having to stand accountable for their actions. So I would say that the feeling of having done something wrong comes from this very belief; that 'snitching is wrong'. There - you can then look at your reasons for telling the truth. Did you do it because you saw it was best to do, that it was best for all within the given situation? If so - then you are clear on your starting-point and that you can stand by your actions within self-integrity. Then it's more a matter of letting go of the belief that 'snitching/telling on others' is wrong. I suggest working with this as you walk through the DIP Lite course where you can work with this belief within yourself and let it go - so that you can stand by the decision you made in self-trust.



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ionaWilliams
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Re: Why?

Postby ionaWilliams » 06 Dec 2014, 12:39

Thank you Anna,

I feel like it probably was that people say things like that, I know it has been going on for too long and I have been stringed along into it. I didn't/don't want anyone to get in trouble, I just want it to stop, because the 'thief' said they was going to stop, but they lied to me. It is making me feel sick, as this was a person I once trusted.

So I will see this as my starting-point, I will stand by my actions, because I know what is right.



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YoganBarrientos
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Re: Why?

Postby YoganBarrientos » 08 Dec 2014, 03:38

Hi Ioana, so Anna is sharing some valuable points on this self-judgment that occurs. I would certainly focus on myself, if I was in your case.



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ionaWilliams
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Re: Why?

Postby ionaWilliams » 08 Dec 2014, 15:52

Hi Ioana, so Anna is sharing some valuable points on this self-judgment that occurs. I would certainly focus on myself, if I was in your case.
I will focus on myself more now, I think that is something I keep forgetting to do! I used to worry about others much more than I would myself but now I'm seeing it's not gonna make me happy.



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sylvia
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Re: Why?

Postby sylvia » 09 Dec 2014, 10:43

Cool support guys!

Most of the time we do not even know the truth, and is it more information and knowledge that makes it feel like a burden that we have to share. Knowing that someone is a thief, could be a burden on us, thus telling this truth may seem like a relieve to us and doing the right thing. Then you found out that the person who said they would stop, actually didn't stop at all and you felt like your trust was violated. You were lied to, while you only wanted the truth to get out there. As aid by the others it is actually you dealing with yourself within this situation. So you can ask yourself questions like:

Where have I lied to others or myself?
How did that make me feel?
Do I want to know the truth about myself?
What was my starting point for wanting to tell the truth?
What was my exact plan when wanting to tell the truth and not wanting to get anyone in trouble?
What steps could I have taken within this all, when acting in the best interest of all, looking back on it?



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ionaWilliams
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Re: Why?

Postby ionaWilliams » 11 Dec 2014, 16:27

As soon as I found out that they violated my trust, I felt like there was no need to return the favour. I have realised, most things are just what people live up to and I know, in myself, that when I tell the truth, my mind is clear and I don't have to keep building things up with lies, because I haven't lied to myself and all this about 'family loyalty' it doesn't exist at all, it makes me feel proud and strong, knowing that everyone just lives up to that, just because it is in their minds to do so. I am S L O W L Y waking up and I am getting to know the true me, because my starting point wasn't for anyone to get into trouble, it was so it could end once and for all.

When people start lying, they convince themselves that it is the truth, that is why it is good to be honest.

Thank you Sylvia! :idea:



Marlen
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Re: Why?

Postby Marlen » 11 Dec 2014, 20:10

As soon as I found out that they violated my trust, I felt like there was no need to return the favour. I have realised, most things are just what people live up to and I know, in myself, that when I tell the truth, my mind is clear and I don't have to keep building things up with lies, because I haven't lied to myself and all this about 'family loyalty' it doesn't exist at all, it makes me feel proud and strong, knowing that everyone just lives up to that, just because it is in their minds to do so. I am S L O W L Y waking up and I am getting to know the true me, because my starting point wasn't for anyone to get into trouble, it was so it could end once and for all.

When people start lying, they convince themselves that it is the truth, that is why it is good to be honest.

Thank you Sylvia! :idea:

A suggestion here is to first look at the situation not from your experience and history with the person starting point, but to see things devoid of the relationship you have with this person: if this person has committed an act that violates a form of agreement and that harms others and you are aware of it, telling the truth is then not an act to 'spite them back' because 'they violated your trust' but rather it is about speaking up because that will prevent further abuse.

Whenever we integrate our personal agendas with people in something like this, then our starting point of speaking up is not clear, it is based on 'wanting to spite back' or 'take revenge' or 'pay with the same coin' to another, which is not a clear starting point for doing something, ever. So as it's been said, focusing on yourself means first understanding that if you 'tell the truth' it is for the benefit it will have in a certain situation, not because you want to personally 'hurt back' another or make them aware that 'they violated your trust first' - so this is actually a point to self-forgive within you, whenever you integrate your personal relationship and history with another as the experiences you have accumulated toward them, which you use as a reason to do something.

This taints the actual process of 'telling the truth' as in that, there is an agenda of you wanting to 'do the same to them' as you have felt they've done onto you - this is what is suggested to not follow through with, as it then becomes a personal game of spitefulness instead of simply focusing on clarifying and making a point of abuse or potential harm known so that it can be stopped and so prevent further problems, such as further theft in this case. The problem arises where you actually use this knowledge to spite the person back, there it becomes a personal vendetta or 'vengeance' of sorts which becomes a point that one then has to also work on first, to ensure that whenever you speak up about something it is not emerging from a desire to 'spite' someone or to 'expose them because they have exposed you' somehow

So, I would actually suggest to write answers to the questions Sylvia has placed here, to see where you have also done something similar to others that you are currently judging as 'having done something to you.' As humans we are very prone to delegating our responsibility to others through blame, where we avoid looking at what we have done, what we have also participated in that was self-dishonest.

So the idea of 'returning the favor' is where the power games and self dishonest ways are perpetuated. So, telling some truth has to come from the starting point of how it will benefit everyone with it, and ensure that it is not to spite anyone back - as that is then a point to first clarify and self-forgive within you.

Another point is to consider that whenever we create a 'positive' experience based on how we judge others, we create only another character within us, such as 'feeling proud and strong' in relation to how you judge/see everyone else, even if it is 'true' or what most people actually do, to develop real pride and strength is not something that exists in relation to 'how you see others' - these are words that you can learn how to actually live and express as you walk in this process - but I can tell you: they are not an experience that makes you FEEL good at all - that is energy, that is the mind and that is a polarity created to 'feel superior' to everyone else, which leads us back to separation, to inequality, to self-dishonesty.

I used to very much feel that 'Knew better' than most people even more so when beginning this process of self-honesty wherein I believed that because I understood 'more' then everyone else was just 'living a lie' and in that, of course I then realized that I had ALSO created a character to 'feel good/feel superior' with my new understanding, without realizing how I was creating another character/personality, an idea of myself being 'over that/having transcended the lies/ being superior' in relation to others.

So, it is cool if you do see that the starting point was to 'end it for once and for all' - to clear any personal vendettas, and to ensure that you also understand how this is a process wherein yes one slowly but surely as you walk through, can get to see what real strength, real self-support, real stability can be established by you as you go applying the principles of doing what is best for all, taking responsibility for your own mind/experiences, which is what self-honesty is about: getting to understand the starting point and origin of all the thoughts and experiences you participate in on a daily basis, and not 'trust' them as a fact, but rather use the tools of self-support to understand them, to learn how to see yourself as your thoughts, emotions, feelings so that you can stop trusting them as the only thing 'you really are' and instead, use them as a compass to ask yourself:

what is it that I actually want to live in my life?
Who do I really want to be, how do I actually want to live?
Am I willing to commit myself to support me?
Am I genuinely willing to take responsibility for my own experiences and ensure that I stand by principle in my life?

So self-honesty is something different from 'honesty' as in just telling the truth, that you will also be able to understand more as you walk in this process, however it is a cool starting point for you to start seeing where you lie to yourself, where you've lived as a lie in itself and in that gather further perspectives to not only see 'others' as the 'only ones living a lie' because we all have lived AS lies - here i share a blog I wrote on this topic

"we have never been alive, it’s only been systems that we’ve become and played without a question, because of accepting fear as a real limitation to see behind the scenes and go backstage to reflect upon the roles, to see, realize and understand why we are putting up this show for and if it is in fact something that is best for all. None of our lives have lead to a best for all outcome, nothing in this world is currently set to support actual life, but only overcome the obstacles that we created in the first place, only mitigate the consequences that we created and inflicted upon ourselves as a limitation, as ‘who we are’ from the beginning, only create a good experience to ‘help those in need’ while we’ve been the ones that neglected the unconditional support to all in the first place." https://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.c ... real-then/


Enjoy getting to know yourself



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ionaWilliams
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Re: Why?

Postby ionaWilliams » 12 Dec 2014, 18:01

Thank you Marlen
A suggestion here is to first look at the situation not from your experience and history with the person starting point, but to see things devoid of the relationship you have with this person: if this person has committed an act that violates a form of agreement and that harms others and you are aware of it, telling the truth is then not an act to 'spite them back' because 'they violated your trust' but rather it is about speaking up because that will prevent further abuse.
I understand this bit, and I know that I did this so it could stop, but it seems like they have turned spiteful on me, because I have spoken up. Which isn't understandable, because it is almost as if she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She is a very depressed, miserable person and family friends have said that she is trying to put her depression onto me. I don't know if that quite makes sense.

I also understand bits and pieces of what you are explaining to me, I have not quite gotten that far in my process to fully understand and take in though. I am currently on my self-forgiveness course, which I'm still trying to learn.



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Andrea Rossouw
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Re: Why?

Postby Andrea Rossouw » 12 Dec 2014, 20:18

Hi Iona,

great that you are sharing your experience here with us. I suggest if there are any points that are not clear to you - to ask - this is the best way to learn and someone will either explain or point you to material on the subject

So enjoy the forum




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