What is it that I am projecting on Jenna? What is it that I feel to be lacking and require Jenna to give to me? How come the thought of wanting to be in an agreement was activated when I saw Jenna? What does Jenna represent to me?
I ask myself this but the answer doesn’t just come up.
See Hiram, all of these statements above are projections. As soon as we think/believe/feel something towards/about someone else, that is a projection. What you can do is to replace "her/Jenna" for "me/myself/I" and you can look at for example, how have I defined myself in relation to "petite" or "pretty".I have defined myself as “I like Jenna”.
I have convinced myself that I really like her appearance.
I remember when I first met her that I really liked her face.
And I liked that she was all petite. I thought she was really pretty.
And then after we began interacting more
I felt that I really connected with her.
And then I was convinced that I didn’t ever want her to leave my life.
It felt/I experienced it as if I couldn’t live without her essence.
I wanted her to complete me.
I really enjoyed having her attention/her interest.
I recall I created this whole story in my mind; it was like a fairytale.
I also recall that since I became obsessed with her,
a lot of the time now I talk to her in my mind as if she is there;
so linked to this obsession for Jenna is probably the fear of being alone.
And I became convinced for some time that she was my ‘soul mate’;
and I was convinced that I could see myself in her, and I thought that If I were to be a female that I would be her.
Also - the reason why people fall for certain people is entirely pre-programmed. The Sex Series expands on this into the minute detail of the system and supports with bringing ourselves back here, where we understand that it wasn't about the other, but about ourselves all along.
FREE introduction interview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAO-PZFy ... e=youtu.be
Part 1-6: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-i ... troduction
Part 7: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-part-seven
Part: 8: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-part-eight
Part 9: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-part-9
Part 10: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-is-sex-part-10
Part 11: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-i ... em-part-11
Part 12: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-i ... ex-part-12
Part 13: http://eqafe.com/i/abrix-thomsen-what-i ... ng-part-13
Part 14: http://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-how-we-c ... es-part-14
Have a look here as well Hiram, there is also projection - See?A note I wana write, is that I have seen how nasty this so called “love” really is. I saw this when this guy who went by the nickname of ‘Spoon’ became obsessed with me. And he wouldn’t respect me; like he actually attempted to rape me, but before he actually did he stopped himself. And i saw how fucking consumed he was by this idea he had. And it was “killing him”.
So why an agreement? Why not a "normal relationship"? When the starting-point is the pre-programmed desire to have sex and relationship, it is not about an agreement and I would not suggest going into a relationship and call it an agreement, because that in itself is deceptive and inaccurate. So - as Maya said, focus on self-agreement and understand that your obsession with this girl is a program of and as the mind running - it is not real. Exactly as you say: you "don't really care about her."And this I can relate to me being obsessed with Jenna. and if im self-honest I don’t really care about her as an individual; because I want to own her in a way.
An I’ve been wondering – can I face this fuckness by establishing an agreement with her? Is it possible?
Or simply from yourself?So maybe Jenna represented to me – an escape from my problems.
I do realize at moments – that this is all just in my mind. it is an illusion; it isn’t all there is.
It is not the girl that is "a system" in this context, meaning obviously she too is existing within and as the mind-consciousness-system, yet is not of it, but in relation to you here - it is not her that is the system, it is your idea about her, your feelings and emotions that are coming up in relation to her. So this is another point of subtle projection that is cool to identify.It is fascinating how I have denied myself within all this; to the point that I can’t see me continuing into infinity without another specific being; and how I don’t want to see that she is a system, and that all as who we really are are one and equal.
In the mind we live in the past as memories. - COOL Realizations here Hiram!It is fascinating how, this entire idea of me in relation to Jenna, exist only in memories; because if the memories are not there, what’s left is the physical; what’s left is me here as awareness.
So that means that I am hiding from myself; because I am ‘here’, yet I am wanting to follow what I see in my mind as memories and ideas/beliefs.