hiram noe hernandez' process

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Anna
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' process

Post by Anna »

hiramnoehernandez wrote:it seems like one reazon why i might oversleep is because i don't want to face this reality.
why don't i want to face this reality? why do i rather fall back asleep? because facing this reality is not easy. and id rather fall back asleep because in the moment where i deside whether i will fall back alseep or not, i see it is more enjoyable to fall back asleep than to wake up and face this reality.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in to what is easy instead of commiting myself and living my commitement to face this reality.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to oversleep to not face this realtiy because oversleeping is more easy and comfortable instead of accepting my self-responsabilty and embracing it, in this specific point - by waking up.
corrective action: i wake up and i get busy with facing myself/working on my process, instead of falling back asleep as much as i can and allowing lazyness to overpower me.

"is not easy" = polarity.
Also suggest to look at that the reality you fear facing, is the reality of self first, reflected onto and as the external reality. So you can investigate this point even further and look at what exactly it is that you fear facing. The description of it as not being easy, is how the mind justifies self not facing self. So suggest to investigate that as well.
Marlen
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' process

Post by Marlen »

Hi Hiram

I agree with Anna, Self Investigate where you are creating your own 'difficulties' to face yourself.

What I've realized as well is how the accumulation of those thoughts and such experience - if allowed to be continued - is like a snowball that grows every single day if we don't diligently stop ourselves. That's when we'll create all forms of excuses and blaming 'the world' for not being suitable for us without realizing how we are responsible for it not being an actual place to live and express.

If I see that this world is not a place that's best for all then I make that my motivation point to wake up every day, being +1 to be standing as the creation point of an Equal world in that single day breath by breath, facing myself as all that I've accepted 'in the past' as 'who I am' which is then here to be corrected.

So see how such commitment is a self-willed action, it won't 'come by itself' and within that you'll see how YOU have to make sure you move-you.

I leave a link to this point I opened up some time ago http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.co ... ing-moves/
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hiramnoehernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' process

Post by hiramnoehernandez »

why do i deside i wan't to masturbate to pictures/images? why am i atracted to images of human women bodys? who am i within masturbating to images of human womens' bodys? i am a slave. a slave to the belief that i am atracted to masturbate to images of human womens' bodys because it is energetically something that i can give in to and it will carry me like the current of a river.
why do i accept something/some current to drag me? so i don't have to worry about being self-directive. because aparently being self-directive is not as easy as letting myself get draged around by energetic currents.
i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to stand up to energetic currents and that i have thus allowed myself to not exist because i don't have real self-will because i am just being draged. like a dead body would.
corrective action: i don't stop being consistent and i keep daring to continue walking day after day through myself as the mind.
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hiramnoehernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' process

Post by hiramnoehernandez »

i fell recentley. for two days i smoked crack. i've been off it for about 2 days now. i experienced afterwards a lot of regret. but im going to continue.

i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to smoke crack.
i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to smoke crack.
i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because i smoked crack.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself with regret because i smoked crack.
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hiramnoehernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' process

Post by hiramnoehernandez »

shit. what i fear facing is what i fear writing about here on the forum.

what i fear facing is my past. and how it has affected my experience in the now and how i see the future. what i fear facing is that i in the past experienced self penetration. i judged myself a lot about that and experienced much guilt. and it showed in my actions. in the way i walked and in my posture. i have for some time now stoped the self penetration but i still fear walking where people can see me. this fear, i have allowed and accepted it to limit me extensivley. what i did in the past, i was so posesed, and i literaly fucked up my physical body. there is an area within my intestine that is constantly in pain. like i think i have some infection and im gona die soon. yet i haven't seeked medical help because the fear of how it happend has been so extencive.
i fear knowing that im going to die really painfully. yet i haven't done anything about it.

i am going to do something about it.
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hiramnoehernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' process

Post by hiramnoehernandez »

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as powerless.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience self pitity instead of living the realization that i am responsable for everything i experience. i alone in esence am responsable for my outcome.
it is useless to blame my circumstance for who i have become.
i forgive myself for judging myself that i have not realized that i am responsable for myself.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself that i fear applying self forgiveness.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear applying self forgiveness.
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hiramnoehernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' process

Post by hiramnoehernandez »

im starting again.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i can not learn to forgive myself and become effective with/within self forgiveness.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself that i have given up on self forgiveness. i continue.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not get this done.
i am going to take a walk for a while.
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sandymac
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' process

Post by sandymac »

Hi Hiram
I have had the sleeping issue as well. Definately a point of not wanting to face my life/reality/an escape! It is fear. You have started a process (it is a process, i remind myself to be patient and kind to myself) of standing up for yourself as one and equal to all that exist! That is mind blowing right there, so awesome! As you continue your process daily, as you fall and get back up and walk, it will improve. Through my course, writing/blogging, vlogging I have been able to let go of much-a lot-of fear. I stand with you.
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hiramnoehernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' process

Post by hiramnoehernandez »

hi, im letting you know that im not gona be blogging for sponsorship for the moment.
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hiramnoehernandez
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Re: hiram noe hernandez' process

Post by hiramnoehernandez »

i am going to blog for sponsorship again, simple.

1/31/2012

Enlil suggested to ask yourself this question: why do you communicate? To be self-honest in investigating that and that one will find the truth; but only If one dare to be self-honest; and self-honesty is also just what is HERE; and one cannot really abuse self-honesty.

1/31/2012

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume sugar.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop participation in things which I realize and see in the moment that are just a mind fuck and so instead I go into a time loop just to face the opportunity of transcending that mind fuck later on in some time and in that postponing transcending the point of that particular mind fuck.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself yesterday specifically to become possessed by watching and rewatching the videos I had recorded for several hours, instead of practically living out what I was seeing at the same time I was possessed, which was, I could see this was a mind fuck yet I didn’t stop.

A point that I should take a look at and also self-forgive is that of deliberately speaking and interacting with the ideas of diferent people that I have created in my mind; and that I don’t stop myself even though I see what it is that I am participating in, which is not acceptable.
And also, I wanted to specifically do self-forgiveness on yesterday when I was watching the videos I made over and over and I was seeing them through the eyes of these ideas of people to from within my mind experience those people watching the videos and feeding of that.
So, the point I see within my writing is that of not stopping myself when I am participating in a mind fuck which I am aware and see and realize it’s a mind fuck, and in that not allowing myself to take the opportunity for trancendance, and in that just POSTPONING.
I also see in my writing specifically the point of allowing myself to talk and interact with ideas that I have created in my mind of others. In participating in this deliberately and not stopping I am POSTPONING my opportunity for transcendence, and also, I am feeding energy through attention to these entities in my mind.


1/31/2012

Points I will work on before I go to sleep today: the point of eating sugar( this has to stop for real, completely and absolutely; because I can’t keep deliberately allowing and accepting unconscious mind control. I mean that is taking what is here, as this limited window of opportunity to make myself real, for granted. That is stupidity. It is simple. I’ll make it if I simply use the time I have effectively; I won’t make it if I give in to this illusion of procrastinating and making excuses and just fucking wasting my time; and after I die, there’s no second chances; this is it. wake up!). and also the point I need to open is that of me talking to diferent people in my head; talking to the idea and playing with the idea that I have created of them as if it was them. In this, ….. I think about it and I see that maybe I will have to actually start sorting out my personal issues with these people and how I identify myself in relation to these people; so it looks like it’s a bigger matrix.

So this is what I want to do, what I am setting myself to do, before I go to sleep today. I am committing myself to carry out what I am setting myself to do which is to embrace these points that I’ve mentioned. Im not accepting and allowing myself to quit on this; no more; Im either gona do this or im not.

Im gona add a bit. Im also gona embrace the point of over eating today before I go to sleep. I mean it’s possible to do this that I am setting myself to do. Now it just needs to get done; simple.

1 .point of sugar
2. point of overeating
3. point of talking to people in my head; most likely opening up my experience in relation to these beings and how I defined myself in relation to them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to consume sugar.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume sugar, and in that accepting and allowing myself to submit deliberately as I know what I am doing to myself – to mind control, and in that rejecting my limited window of opportunity that I have to make myself real; and in that proving that I did not allow myself to see what was really here, because I gave in to procrastination and to talking things for granted.
Why do I do this of consuming sugar? Because it is addictive. So why do I accept and allow myself to be controlled by the addiction of consuming sugar? Why don’t I stand up and stop if I know that by remaining participating in this addiction for sugar, I am simply allowing myself to remain enslaved, and in that taking for granted what is here.
It has been discussed in some interviews, that beings won’t stand because they have this very deep regret within them. And that they key to stop regret is to embrace oneself.
My suggestion to myself is, to set goals of what I want to get accomplished like, during the day, and to give myself the opportunity to see for myself that I am able to finish what I set myself to do. Because currently, I am used to always failing and giving up in what I set myself to do. So there’s this sense of regret. Because I know I turned my back on me. So therefore that is my suggestion to myself to maybe diminish this regret that keeps me from embracing me because I hold a resentment towards myself because I turn my back on myself and accept and allow myself to be useless, and I mean what the fuck, that is fucked up.
I suggest to start in the mornings when I wake up. To point out to myself what it is that I want to do that day, and set myself to do it. I mean imagine everyday going to bed knowing that I finished what I set myself to do; that would be pretty cool. And I mean, the way I am going to structure this is, I will in the morning set what I want to do. During the day if I see other things that I decide that I want to get done as well I will also set myself to do them during the day. But I will put as priority what I had set myself to do first, in regards to time; unless during the day I see that I want to do something or realize that I must do something that is more relevant or/and of more importance or/and urgency than what I had set myself to do before that. So that’s how I am deciding right now that I want to do this; I really want to do this.
I am existing in regret because I don’t want to accept what I see, that is what I have become, and I don’t embrace it and therefore deep inside I remain in regret. I am doing this.

Right now for the past like 30 minutes I’ve been trying to focus and see what else I am to apply self-forgiveness for in relation to sugar, yet nothing is coming up. So I’ve decided to move on to the next point; and simply leave the sugar point at that, I simply won’t allow myself to consume any type of sugar, and if the experience of wanting to give in comes up I will simply embrace it because I have to.
I’ve been considering stopping my consumption of sugar; and if im self-honest, I mean it’s obviously got to go, COMPLETLEY. So I mean, I can’t allow any product with any level of sugar no matter what it is. And also im not going to eat fruit. Because I know that it has sugar, and what I heard on an interview before was that one has to eat the fruit before it ripens to not be exposed to the addiction effect of the sugar. So why the fuck would I allow myself to eat fruits that are already ripen. I don’t quite specifically know what the specific definition of the word ‘ripen’ is, but I mean ‘ripen’ as – when the fruit is mature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overeat.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use overeating as an excuse to not face myself.
I forgive myself that I didn’t allow myself to see that I over eat and in general participate in addictions to not face myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overeat because it’s like I keep on masturbating to feel some sort of high, and in that I am not accepting and allowing myself to face myself and correct myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to use overeating as a way to remain in regret.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-responsibility through overeating and in that causing myself to remain in regret, because I understand that if I don’t take self-responsibility I will be fucked for eternity.
So I have to eat responsibly. So I will only eat 3 times a day.

2/1/2012
1:10am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within the mind as talking and playing with the ideas that I’ve created of other people and pretending that im interacting with them actually and accepting and allowing myself to not do anything about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed these entities of ideas of other people that I have created in my mind – energy, and in that disregarding the consequences of such allowances.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility for this mind fuck of having entities in my mind which are the ideas I’ve created of how I see other people through my mind.
Why the fuck am I doing this of talking to people in my head? What am I not seeing?
What is it that I usually talk about?
I talk to my old friend Daniel in my mind about how he is blind, and how he does not see nor know the truth. I also talk to Jenna about that in my head.
Also I dream in my head and play scenarios in my head that are related to me liking Jenna.
Also in my mind I tell my sister Nancy that I don’t really give a fuck about her and that she’s fucking stupid and blind and deluded in mind control bullshit.
Recently I talk in my mind to my friend Jesus who I haven’t seen in a while; i talk to him as if im starting him off on this process and telling him that he might make it and that I see that he isn’t as deluded in bullshit as most people so that’s why I have decided to stay in touch with him. I also tell him that eventually he will see and read things about me that maybe he will judge, but that he shouldn’t judge desteni because of who I’ve been and what I’ve been through.

So what I see and think, is that I am talking to these people about certain things in my mind because of unresolved issues, unresolved intentions.

Also I see that I want to save certain people.
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