Sadoon

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Sadoon
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Sadoon

Postby Sadoon » 28 Apr 2012, 22:49

Hi.
At the moment i cannot afford the SRA course so I wish to be considered for sponsorship. I have read the guidelines and will start a thread in the "Writing yourself to freedom" section of the forum and will create a blog in the future.



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Sadoon
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Sadoon's writings

Postby Sadoon » 28 Apr 2012, 23:49

Hello. This is the first time I will be sharing and writing out my points and I look forward to laying out and dealing with my points one at a time, in this way.

For my first post in this, I will share my day.
Yesterday, i allowed myself to drink alcohol, smoke weed and "hang out" with some friends as I had already taken care of my practical day to day things. I realized on my way home that I had simply wasted many hours and that it was not self honest or supportive to decide to go out and get stoned and drunk. I went to bed and woke up this morning feeling a bit of a hangover and pretty lazy. I used this as an excuse to not be productive once again and just wasted more time slothing around. This time i found it harder to pretend that I can escape myself by doing nothing, drinking, smoking and having as much fun as possible. I had slowed down enough to notice how doing nothing and escapist enjoyment is actually making me deny what i have become and feel anxious about worsening it. Therefore i stopped, breathed and acknowledged how I was sabotaging and abusing myself and forgave myself. As always, being able to forgive myself and embrace myself, I felt De-burdened and energized and returned to the first point of myself: breathing in every moment and took care of my practical things as a restart. Something else i noticed after applying self forgiveness is that I went from feeling lazy and fear to joy and happiness. I stopped this "happy energy" as I saw that I was using self forgiveness as a way to just make me happy by removing the burden of guilt. This i realize is no different from using drugs and friends to just make me happy instead of using self forgiveness as a way of realizing and embracing self. Thats all i will share for now and thanks for your support.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to use alcohol and drugs as an escape from what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to hang out with friends as an escape from what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to make it more difficult to support myself by allowing myself to drink so much that i feel physically weak and unstable the next day.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to justify abusing what is here by being lazy and unenergized.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to think that once I have taken care of my day's obligation I can be counter productive by enjoying things that are not supportive in my process.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to think that experiencing energy is more important than supporting myself.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to use self forgiveness as justification for escaping through experiencing energy instead of supporting myself.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to not returning to breath as support in realizing what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear using breath to realize what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear realizing what is here.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to not accept what is here and what I am within it.

I am now keeping to breath and will start reporting on my experience with breathing in assisting me to realize and direct myself.

Thanks.



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Garbrielle
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Garbrielle » 29 Apr 2012, 14:43

Really cool Sharing Sadoon, thanks....a suggestion and a point that helps with giving self direction after the self forgiveness statements are written is to write out self correction statements after the forgiveness statements have been placed, to give yourself a physical practical way to stop the patterns you are forgiven and stand as the correction when the patterns arise again in your daily life.

For example,
'when and as I see that I am going into points of escapism through drinking or smoking, I stop, breath, and speak, "no, I will not participate in these patterns of escaping" and I push myself to stand as this decision to not accept and allow myself to fall into these patterns once again as I realize the drinking and smoking are only used for me to escape myself and not have to face who I am.'

So here you have a point of direction for yourself to use as a guide to walk through the pattern when it arises again. The words 'when and as' I use and has been shown to me are points of taking responsibility for each and all moments that this point comes or could come up in your world, so no back doors are taken and one fully realize that all moments that I face this pattern I will push myself to stop.



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Anna
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Anna » 29 Apr 2012, 14:45

Awesome Sadoon and cool support here!



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KimKline
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby KimKline » 29 Apr 2012, 16:53

Hey Sadoon, awesome first post and cool self-realizations.
Yesterday, i allowed myself to drink alcohol, smoke weed and "hang out" with some friends as I had already taken care of my practical day to day things. I realized on my way home that I had simply wasted many hours and that it was not self honest or supportive to decide to go out and get stoned and drunk. I went to bed and woke up this morning feeling a bit of a hangover and pretty lazy. I used this as an excuse to not be productive once again and just wasted more time slothing around. This time i found it harder to pretend that I can escape myself by doing nothing, drinking, smoking and having as much fun as possible. I had slowed down enough to notice how doing nothing and escapist enjoyment is actually making me deny what i have become and feel anxious about worsening it.
I (and many others) also went through the point of stopping drinking and smoking weed. I used to do it daily and as I continued in my process have stop both entriely. I can relate to you in how you see that you are using the substances as self-abuse and suppression but continue to do it anyways as self-sabotage. I find that as you continue applying yourself to this process, that these points become so obvious that the decision to stop becomes a realization of self. For me, it was less of a 'stopping' and more of a 'starting'- starting to take responsibility, starting to face me, starting to work towards actually Living.
Something else i noticed after applying self forgiveness is that I went from feeling lazy and fear to joy and happiness. I stopped this "happy energy" as I saw that I was using self forgiveness as a way to just make me happy by removing the burden of guilt. This i realize is no different from using drugs and friends to just make me happy instead of using self forgiveness as a way of realizing and embracing self. Thats all i will share for now and thanks for your support.
Cool self-honest realizations here, wherein you see when you are participating in the polarity of feeling low, 'slothing around', and then going into the polarity opposite of 'happy,' light, and de-burdened. So you can use this understanding to realize that all energy functions in this endless cycle of polarity, keeping us enslaved to highs and lows instead of walking within stability.

Also- in this quote you realize the potential to abuse self-forgiveness in self-interest by turning it into an energetic experience rather than an actual living application in which you face self in every moment. Like Garbrielle suggested, this is where and why self-corrective statements are necessary, so that we can direct ourselves by writing out 'what to do' within our new understanding as a re-scripting, so that we dont fall into the old familiar patterns that are so comfortable and automatic.

So, awesome that you are taking on these points. You'll see that there are many who stand as an example that getting over these escape mechanisms, demonstrating that it is very possible and do-able, and they have documented their experiences with it on youtube, in these forums and in their blogs. You'e got a lot of support in this way, cool you are Here standing up Sadoon!



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Lindsay
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Lindsay » 29 Apr 2012, 17:18

Very cool sharing and support here - thanks all!

Looking forward to reading more of you Sadoon.



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Rozelle de Lange
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Rozelle de Lange » 29 Apr 2012, 20:40

Very cool sharing and support here - thanks all!

Looking forward to reading more of you Sadoon.
- Indeed. Thanks for sharing Sadoon.



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Sadoon
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Sadoon » 30 Apr 2012, 20:26

Hey guys I just wrote the next addition to my writings but it got lost so Im gonna be a bit half assed and just get to the point of the message.
I was talking about gambling.

Gambling has been a big issue in my life. So big that I would loose every paycheck I got and borrow money continuously from family and friends and even pawn family possessions. Obviously this fucked up my money and therefore my life. So for a few months now, I've been kinda good in gambling as I would not gamble money I couldn't afford to loose. However, I have noticed that by entertaining the idea of gambling and giving it enough significance to keep it in my life, I am slowly but surely allowing it to escalate to the point it was at. Therefore, I am now making the decision to walk the process of removing gambling in its entirety from my life.- So-

Why do i gamble? I love winning but hate loosing even though I loose most of the time.
Why do i gamble if I hate it most of the time? because I believe I can win- when I loose, I would gamble more to try and turn the hate into love.
Why do I believe I can win when I always loose? after loosing, I would think of another way to win, then loose again and make the same excuse- so clearly I just want to gamble- feel the energy experience ( its quite a kick when all your money is riding on one spin he he )

I forgive myself for allowing myself to risk loosing money
I forgive myself for allowing myself to harm my family through gambling
I forgive myself for allowing myself to give gambling enough importance to keep in my life despite my history with it
I forgive myself for allowing myself to not make the decision of stopping gambling entirely
I forgive myself for allowing myself to gamble even though I hate it
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that I can win from gambling
I forgive myself for allowing myself to risk more money after loosing some
I forgive myself for allowing myself to make excuses to keep gambling

So, I will walk the process of stopping gambling and update you all in the future.
Thanks for reading and for your support



Marlen
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Marlen » 30 Apr 2012, 20:46

Hey Sadoon

Cool for taking on this point in your process.
It reminded me of a clip I watched in the past weeks about this gambling point becoming a serious problem for many people in the UK - as an example: High Stakes: Gambling disease spreading in UK faster than ever

And I wrote about it: Addicted to Gambling: all for the rush of 'winning' as a 'good feeling' while actually losing it all in the end and resorting to 'criminal activities' to pay for the Debt. What's wrong with this picture? How can we become Addicted to WINNING as a FEELING while Neglecting the consequences that comes when indulging in such entertainment. What is 'missing' within a human being's life to resort to this? Unconditional support to actually express and live instead of see.king to Win-win all the time. Only Equal Money will make of 'gambling' a sheer moment of entertainment other than a 'health problem' when it comes to realizing that we All Want to Win all the Time. www.equalmoney.org to solve this money-driven reality for once and for all.

So - as a point to consider look further into the experience you would get when gambling, observe your inner experience and thoughts around gambling within the very moment of gambling itself. See what comes up as you go writing this point, investigating deeper about the actual 'addiction' that develops within this.

Thanks for sharing



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KimKline
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 06:05

Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby KimKline » 01 May 2012, 05:11

Awesome beginnings here Sadoon! Gambling is a grea point to start with because it touches on some 'big' points that tend to run through many other points, such as polarity, or acting irrationally because you are in an energetic possesion which you've accepted and allowed to direct you (instead of YOU directing you).
Why do i gamble? I love winning but hate loosing even though I loose most of the time.
Why do i gamble if I hate it most of the time? because I believe I can win- when I loose, I would gamble more to try and turn the hate into love.
Why do I believe I can win when I always loose? after loosing, I would think of another way to win, then loose again and make the same excuse- so clearly I just want to gamble- feel the energy experience ( its quite a kick when all your money is riding on one spin he he )

I forgive myself for allowing myself to risk loosing money
I forgive myself for allowing myself to harm my family through gambling
I forgive myself for allowing myself to give gambling enough importance to keep in my life despite my history with it
I forgive myself for allowing myself to not make the decision of stopping gambling entirely
I forgive myself for allowing myself to gamble even though I hate it
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that I can win from gambling
I forgive myself for allowing myself to risk more money after loosing some
I forgive myself for allowing myself to make excuses to keep gambling
The questions you ask yourself and answer in self-honesty above are useful in expanding or specifying your self-forgiveness. I'm going to give you some examples on how to expand or specify your self-forgiveness:

Specifying:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the energetic highs and lows of gambling which lead me to loose money because I accept and allow this energy to posses me to the extent that I do irrational things which do not serve me.

Expanding:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become possesed by the energetic highs and lows of gambling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-directive principle to the energetic possession I accept and allow myself to enter into when I gamble/think about gambling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to become possessed to the extent that I no longer base my decisions and actions upon the reality of my current situation, but rather upon the pursuit of the internal feeling and emotional rushes of the highs and lows I experience when I gamble.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become addicted to the energetic and feeling rushes I experience while gambling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses to justify my desire as an addiction to gambling, because I know that it's abusive behaviour towards myself and others, yet I do it anyways because I like the way it feels.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the way gambling makes me feel above my own well-being and the well-being of others.

Maybe you can relate to some of these? If not, then you can use them as an example as to how to sepcify and expand upon your self-forgiveness statements. This is important because it ensures you are taking absolute self-responsibility for what you have accepted and allowed yourself to be and become, so that you can in fact remove the construct from your life entirely. Remember: if you don't take responsibility for it, you cannot change it. It's a tough pill to swallow sometimes, but that's why its so empowering, because once you take self-responsibility, then YOU direct YOU, and NOT your addiction!




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