Sadoon

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Sadoon
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Sadoon » 17 May 2012, 00:15

Realizations on self directing and self understanding

Marlen suggested that I change my self correcting statements from something like ' I will blah blah blah' to ' I realize blah blah blah'. This changed me within the moment of applying self correcting statements when points arise. I tell myself the realization that allowing myself to participate in energy is equal to making the decision to be controlled by energy. Understanding this within that moment makes the idea of participating in energy seem crazy, and therefore stopping myself is met with less resistance. Before however, it was more like a battle. When saying 'I will not allow myself blah blah blah'- I was usually in a 'serious' state of mind, frowning and saying the statement in a very assertive voice. Almost like I was treating myself like a child who needed to be disciplined. This I have found to be quite taxing as fighting myself is not the answer. So it made me think about something I have heard from destonians before but never realized- that walking points is more like an act of understanding self and not fighting self.

I also watched the video 'Facing the mind's energy walls' as suggested by Kimkline and from this I gained more perspective as to how understanding myself within a situation is what makes me able to walk my points. The interview made me look at laziness as resistance and resistance as an opportunity to release myself from the patterns I have allowed myself to exist as. Again, understanding this makes giving into resistance seem crazy. My self correcting statement will be something like ' I realize that I have created this feeling of resistance to protect the systems and patterns that control me' in the moment of facing resistance to cleaning for example. So instead of being serious and sort of aggressive to myself, my thought process would be more like ' oh, there is just this resistance in the way of freeing myself from systems' which makes pushing through resistance seem like such a small price to pay. Whereas before, resistance would bring self pity and despair as it seemed like an endless struggle or a battle. Its funny how simply changing the way I look at myself within a situation, changes my motivation- which I think clearly reveals that self judgment is a point that I need to stop.

I will post some self forgiveness in regard to these points tomorrow on my self forgiveness thread.

Till next time!



Maya
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Maya » 17 May 2012, 12:23

Very cool Sadoon!



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Anna
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Re: Sadoon

Postby Anna » 19 May 2012, 11:03

Cool Sadoon.



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Lindsay
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Re: Sadoon

Postby Lindsay » 19 May 2012, 12:20

Sadoon wrote:Hi.
At the moment i cannot afford the SRA course so I wish to be considered for sponsorship. I have read the guidelines and will start a thread in the "Writing yourself to freedom" section of the forum and will create a blog in the future.


Great!

However, it is here that you will place your writings to be considered for sponsorship - not in the 'Writing Yourself to Freedom' thread - yet, if you would like to keep a consistent thread in 'Writing Yourself to Freedom' suggest when you post your writings to post both here AND in 'Writing Yourself to Freedom'

ENJOY



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Sadoon
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Sadoon » 25 May 2012, 21:29

Starting point

In the past month much has been revealed about self deception and sabotage. I have walked some points but fallen on others and it has now become clear that much of this is due to a dishonest starting point. I knew of the danger of starting from a point of energy/mind but didn't realize that this was exactly my starting point. I think that revealing self deception is what makes the self agreement stronger but I know that there is still much self deception to be encountered. But as this deception gets revealed through writing, the starting point is more self honest and aware though not entirely. Walking the process and falling on decisions and writing self forgiveness has given me more perspective on what it actually means to change. Some points of self forgiveness I am doing again because I have not done it with much real perspective as to what it means.

When I first commit to and walk a realization, everything is cool and I think I'm already changed. I know that change has to be walked in time but falling for that false sense of security is a habit that I have allowed myself to exist as. Because I 'see so clearly' in those moments, it just seems like I'm never going to fall lol - I watched an interview of Sunette 'When realizations become ego' and it made clear that change takes action and when I think I have changed simply by realizing something and not having walked it, it is just ego talking. I considered why I would think that realizing is equal to changing- a few things I have considered. I'm used to being in the mind where there is no time and I am not subject to any limitations so I am different in that moment but this 'change' is based on a delusion since I am 'in' a physical reality and not 'in' my mind and therefore I am subject to the laws of space-time and to change means to walk realizations breath by breath. This delusion has been easy for me to fall into since I have always perceived myself as the mind and therefore I have allowed myself to exist as the pattern of existing as the 'content of my mind' in any moment when really- I am the constant of my physical self that has become physically fucked and to change that takes time. Also it is more self deceptive in the sense that I want to be changed in that moment and therefore disregard the fact that change is not determined by how I feel or think but rather measured by my participation in time. This has made my starting point of my self agreement a point of deception since it does not reflect the reality of how I change.

To change means to stop that which I exist as. I had not realized what this really means. I have to stop being me/ have to loose myself- 'me' who I fear loosing more than anything. The 'me' I exist as is not really me but the system of energies and ego and mind when the 'real' me is the physical me so I would not 'really' be loosing me. But since I have accepted and allowed myself to be exist as an energetic system, change is met with self deception. Reason being, I have not known myself as anything else than the mind/ego so 'I' do not want to change and 'I' will try everything possible to stop me from loosing 'myself'. So I didn't realize that I actually 'am' what I am trying to loose and therefore I cannot make a self agreement from the starting point of ego, as I have stated in the above paragraph. I have to actually start as the real (as real as I can get) me and live as the real me. From this I understand more the importance of breath and why I must live as breath since when I am in the mind, I become that which is fighting to remain in power and therefore make it impossible to change.

This self deception is at its worst when it is in forms of 'justifications', but more accurately, excuses. Again, this wouldn't happen if I am in breath since justifications are a product of the mind fighting for survival. I use all sorts of reason and rational that support self interest and happen to be very convincing. These are not to be trusted and should be completely disregarded. The idea of needing a motivation plays a big part in self deception since walking whats best for all is very simple- in that it is just meeting the requirements of physical reality and requires no thought process or reason as motivation. Justifications as a mind process gives reason behind action and makes it seem plausible to participate in the mind since the mind gives me 'good reasons'- this shows that justification in itself is just a trick to continue to exist as ego and there is no excuse to participate in thought debate since it is completely unnecessary for doing whats best.

Resistance is less deceptive but more forceful. It comes as a physical energetic feeling. This happens when I'm stopping the mind with breath and the mind is trying to pull me back. As long as I have still not removed the systems, I will create resistance to stop this removal. At least resistance proves that I have still not transcended a point and it is something that I must expect for years to come in my process. Being in false realizations of change, resistance is completely unexpected. This is another way that these ego realizations are self deceptive because resistance then becomes an excuse like ' OK so I haven't changed'- when really, I was in the middle of changing by actually walking through time and experiencing resistance on the way. The starting point of believing that I can change in the moment and not experience resistance, keeps change from happening as within that starting point I do not realize that change means walking through resistance.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself realize what it means to change

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I 'feel' changed in a moment, it is self deceptive as change is not determined by how I feel or think but by my participation in physical time, breath by breath, year by year

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I feel like 'I will never fall', I am actually existing as the mind and taking for granted that I am and will always be the content of my mind in that moment when in fact the content of my mind is subject to change

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that to change myself, I must remove what I currently am to myself and therefore I will experience self deception and resistance as I have accepted and allowed myself to exist equal to that which must be removed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing what I have perceived to be me even though I exist as abuse and delusion in that self perception

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that my personality is a self creation and self delusions and are not me in fact

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as that which I am not

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have created justifications as a form of self deception so that I can continue to exist as the mind

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that justifications are only convincing because they support self interest and I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self interest

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that reason and justifications are self deceptive as walking whats best for all is simply meeting the requirements of the physical and does not need reason or justification

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that my reason and justification is not trustworthy as it has become a tool of validating self interest and violating whats best for all

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that resistance does not mean that I have not changed but rather it shows that the mind is resisting the change that I am implementing in that moment and is therefore an opportunity to walk a point of self correction and change

I realize that change is the process I am walking and not the information I realize. It is the process of birthing myself as the physical and stopping myself from existing as the mind and personality. I realize that my starting point is not based on a feeling, reason, justification or thought as these are products of the mind but rather it is based on the realization that I am physical life. I realize that committing to stopping the mind within the starting point of the mind is self deceptive and is not allowed. I commit myself to a starting point of breath in the realization that I am physical life and not the mind system of energy, habits and personality.

I realize that my reason, justification, feelings and thoughts are not trustworthy as they are products of the mind that support self interest and the system of my personality. I realize that they are not necessary as I am walking the process of doing whats best for all which is simply attending to the requirements of the physical and thought processes only arise to neglect this responsibility and to support energy and self interest. When and as reason and justification arise that support the mind, I stop, breathe and bring myself back to physical reality in the realization that any 'reason' to participate as the mind, is in itself a trick that, I as the mind am using to continue to exist as the energy of the mind and not as that which I am in fact: physical life.



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Lindsay
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Lindsay » 25 May 2012, 21:43

Awesome self-support and self-introspection Sadoon - thanks for sharing!



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Kristina
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Kristina » 25 May 2012, 22:21

Thanks Sadoon - very cool support about what it means to Live the change as the realization!



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Sadoon
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Sadoon » 31 May 2012, 22:27

I miss partying

As most people in process say, one will inevitably change or remove some aspects of one's self environment to fit the process. The first thing that comes to mind is family and friends and how one's participation with them eventually changes or stops. I live with my family and they are seeing the few changes I am living as a positive thing so my relationship with them has only gotten better at this stage. My relationship with my group of friends is changing because I see them much less now since I no longer 'go out' to get stoned or drunk.

There's more to my relationship with my friends like discussing or doing interesting things- but they love to party! I still do, but its just too clear that meeting up to get drunk or stoned is just a waste. Its a waste of time. It takes up one whole day and the next! Its also a blatant disregard of responsibility. There's so many things to correct and all we want to do is get energized! So many things are uncovered when one stops the energy- so much deception and fear- these need correcting and chilling ain't the way. Resistance has come up in stopping the point of stopping alcohol and going out, but asking myself the question 'who am I within this?' is helpful in revealing self deception since the answer to that question is only: someone who is living in a self created bubble of energy and fun until the bubble bursts!



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Sadoon
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Re: Sadoon

Postby Sadoon » 31 May 2012, 22:32

Thank you Lindsay- I messed up with this post because I haven't proven my commitment yet. I will keep blogging in my other threads until I have proven my commitment over the coarse of a month or two and then I will come back here and start a thread for sponsorship. Do I create a new thread in this case or continue on this one?



Maya
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Re: Sadoon's writings

Postby Maya » 31 May 2012, 22:36

Cool that you see the points Sadoon however, i suggest to walk the Self Forgiveness statement to make sure there is no energy movement, a desire or reactions with regards to partying, Alcohol and drugs.

also a point to consider is your statement with regards to your friends being less than you.. so basically, what you should look at is why and how are you using your friends to sustain and empower your ego within the polarity design of inferiority/superiority and thus, instead of standing as an example for your friends, you are judging them as less than you which in doing so, you are not supporting them but only support your Ego.




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