for example:I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by energetic possession of masturbation and smoking weed because it makes me hate myself and makes me not want to forgive myself
So its been a few days since I have smoked weed, drank alcohol or masturbated. I just experienced myself allowing thoughts pushing me to smoke weed or masturbate. It built up and I applied self forgiveness with the intent of doing it anyway.
This doesn't mean your forgiveness wasn't effective! In fact, if you are experiencing these feelings it could be because you are uncovering things about you that you've been hiding- you're facing the parts of you that have suppressed who you really are, and it you find yourself angry with yourself, you're probably on the right track. We have all abused ourselves extensively through our participations in our minds, and the things is, deep down, we knew what we were doing, so there's a lot of anger. Sunette has explained that anger is really the only authentic emotion, and it can be chanelled to kick ourselves in the ass when we need it. You describe self-hate. That is NOT necessary. Anger- ok, but self-hate diminishes you because you are innoncence as life. We are all innocent as all Life is innocence, but we were ignorant and we fucked up. So, the point is to take responsibility for that ignorance by forgiving the fuck-up and to CHANGE it by walking the process of self-transformation that we're walking.. I noticed that this self forgiveness was not effective as I felt self hate and powerlessness about participating in these points
Realizing the extent of our enslavement is a necessary part of this process. It's not to react to it or to feel bad or discouraged- it's not necessary to 'accept' that you are directed by these points. The point is to realize it, see it, understand it- because that gives you 'leverage' in a way, wherein you will get to the point where you're like "Fuck That! I Will NOT accept or allow these point to direct me ANYMORE!' -and then you stand.I tried returning to breathing with no real intent of keeping myself out of this energetic drive- so I accepted that I am directed by these points.
Awesome!!Nevertheless, I thought to myself "before I do anything, at least go to the forum for a little reality check"- so I went to the forum and started reading the support I have received, removing my attention to these points. It made me slow down enough to be able to be aware of my breathing and now I am past that specific energetic possession and realize that I am allowing myself to give these points so much importance in my life that I deliberately sabotaged the removal of these points by not stopping thoughts and feelings driving me towards these points when and as they arise. It seems to me that since I entertained these thoughts, the energetic possession only increased until I finally put my attention elsewhere. However in the moment, I clearly did not allow myself to return to breath without the support of reading what I have become on this forum which is unacceptable.
Awesome forgiveness! (and cool support from Barbara above)I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the energetic experience of masturbation and smoking weed above my well being and stability.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop participation with thoughts directing me towards the energetic possession of masturbation and smoking weed even though it only makes the energetic drive to grow stronger and inevitably possesses my mind so that I do not think of anything else.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to apply self forgiveness with the intention of allowing the energetic experience I get from weed and masturbation to direct me further away from myself as the directive principle.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to forgive myself unconditionally
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel powerless in stopping participation with the points of masturbation and weed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by energetic possession of masturbation and smoking weed because it makes me hate myself and makes me not want to forgive myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop participation with thoughts and feelings driving me toward the energetic rush of smoking weed and masturbation through allowing myself to pay attention to every moment of breath and breathing through the possession towards stability
I remember having these emotions quite a few times myself and in that, I eventually understood that wanting and desiring ourselves to transcend points with ease is actually based on guilt, regret and 'the hero construct' where we have an idea that because we profoundly understand Equality, we judge ourselves within the idea that "I should be able to transcend all these points immediately". Observe yourself within your participation, and when you see a point of deliberate self-dishonesty, stop and breathe and apply self forgiveness. Then if guilt or regret comes up, apply self forgiveness for these points to clear yourself. Do not allow self-judgement to cause you to become disheartened, 'down' or depressed because that is a system designed to keep you suppressed within your mind. Being disheartened is based on an emotional reaction, so don't allow that system to subvert you. Start fresh in each moment within your commitment to become life as Equal.was feeling disheartened about not transferring my progress with ease
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