Williams Journey to Life

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William
Posts: 171
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 00:19
Location: Ottawa, Canada

Re: Williams Journey to Life

Postby William » 17 Jun 2016, 06:52

Day 299 - Silence is Consent


http://transmutation-process.blogspot.c ... nsent.html


There is only One Problem with our World and Reality, and accordingly, only One Solution.

The Problem (and Solution): The Refusal to Stand for, and As, the Solution to Life - as what is Best for All Life - as is necessary of each Equal Participant in this World and Reality.


There is only One Point that the Entire World can come to Agree upon - that is - If we are serious, and Care enough to Restore Ourselves, and so to Change, and to Correct this Sickening Mess we have All assisted in Creating here on this Earth. Without Equality, there is no real Agreement. Any Agreement without the starting point of Equality is doomed to the ultimate realization of Self Deception and Abuse.

That imply's, that there is an Equal Responsibility among each and every Human Being, to make some form of visible support, declaration, or proclamation... Because really, if we do not stand for Life, then we are Against it, and thus against ourselves.


Silence is Consent


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be half hearted in my process of realization, in learning what it really means to stand for Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self interest to get in the way of my process of standing and becoming life. I realize that there is so much more to this process than what I am living now - many things which I cannot yet conceive - because I have extensively limited myself within living myself out in my Mental Reality, and not yet fully walked out my commitment to honor Life in the physical, to be the Best that Life would have me be, in full alignment with my beingness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is really only one problem, and thus only one solution to our collective existential woes - Inequality/Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall victim to a world of consumerism, rich/poor polarities, self-interest, greed, and every kind of abomination to life imaginable... and within that judge myself without realizing that I can forgive myself and change the patterns in order to correct what I have accepted and allowed to exist within my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in false authority as self righteousness, allowing myself to worship false characters and attributes such as wealth, pride, boastfulness, rich personalities, false humility, narcissism, intelligence, and other such charades like these - only to realize that I have misplaced the Trust in myself, which I should have been using to create practical solutions to the common sense betterment of all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in false gods of knowledge as my Savior, within the assumption that a person with knowledge is more worthy of life, when Life is not defined by how much knowledge one has accumulated - as the false self.

I commit myself to realize more of myself each day, so that I may grow in my understanding of myself and my systems, so that I may assist others to transcend their systems so that we may all stand as Life, as those who are willing.



User avatar
William
Posts: 171
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 00:19
Location: Ottawa, Canada

Re: Williams Journey to Life

Postby William » 18 Jun 2016, 05:05

Day 300


http://transmutation-process.blogspot.c ... ption.html


Some writing on a point that came up this morning.

Looking back, I see that I was so embarrassed and ashamed of the fact that I desired to be someone special - as opposed to being in alignment with the real me, as an equal - that when I saw this point play out within myself, I withdrew myself, appalled at myself, and in complete self doubt at the realization that there was only partial self honesty, and partial self trust within myself.

Partial self honesty and trust because I did not understand myself in how I had accepted and allowed such a (foolish and naive) point to play out... so I dealt with it in the only way I felt would keep me from reliving that same horrible point within myself - by punishing myself and taking revenge on myself, in the fear/knowledge that the possibility existed that I could repeat the pattern, and do the same thing over and over again.

I did everything I could to prevent that from happening, as well as indirectly trying to blame and punish others for what had happened within myself... yet the real point was resentment - not wanting to forgive myself - because it felt better to go into that point of revenge on myself, as I was aware there really was no one to blame, and no one I could trust, if I could not trust myself.

I felt like such a complete fool for falling for the lies and misdirection of this world, because I still realized at the same time that I had allowed the deception within myself.

I felt I could not do nothing - yet I had to do something about it because it was eating me inside. The only way I could conceive of to relieve the inner anguish, was to punish myself through thinking thoughts of abdication, and hiding within the point of self suppression, self sabotage, and revenge. Like alcohol, it may help alleviate the symptom for the moment, it does not solve the problem at all.

What adds to the problem is that, because it is not fully understood as to what it actually is (false perception of reality), and if there is acute awareness of the fact that there is a massive problem - anger and rage develops, which increases the intensity of the feelings, and hence the desire to self harm and blame others, as no one is 'there' to assist us in getting ourselves out of the cycle.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself with feelings of embarrassment and shame through my false perception of reality, and so within this, rather than see myself as an equal, desire to be someone special that would help make myself feel better about myself, as the point I see that existed within me was that something was wrong with me and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the feelings of shame and embarrassment, withdraw myself as the feeling of being appalled at myself took control of my mind which justified me going into feelings and emotions of self judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself within the realization that I was only being partially honest with myself and thus only partially trusted myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as foolish and naive to allow such points of misalignment and false perception of reality to play out within myself, and as a result of that then blame myself for having these false perceptions. I realize that the point was not harmful in intent, yet turned into a point of self harm/abuse because I did not correct the point through fully understanding root cause of the point, and from there applying self forgiveness and corrective application to realign myself and my perception of myself and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only solution to my problem was taking revenge on myself through punishing myself in various different ways such as thoughts of self harm or harm towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, rather than forgive myself and correct myself, take the easiest path within myself as blame and revenge within the belief that others were responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe that, within the realization that I ultimately am not special in any way, that I must have failed to realize myself, or work hard enough to get myself to a point of self acceptance and fulfillment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe (through emotions) that I am such a complete fool for falling for the lies and misdirection of this world, rather than forgiving myself and taking responsibility to change myself and my perception of reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could do nothing, when self honesty is always a possibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself through abdication, hiding within the point of self suppression, and self sabotage as revenge. I realize that these reactions to the problem were not solutions, but only temporary means of covering the problem up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger and rage through the long term suppression of the problem, and so compounding the problem and making matters much worse for myself through adding to the already significant consequences I have to face within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to extreme self harm and blaming others, as within the belief that - no one is 'there' to assist us in getting me out of the cycle - when in fact, I should have addressed the issue directly and expressed in the best way that I could, and within that directed myself within self-honesty in trusting myself to walk out the correction through self forgiveness.

I commit myself to address this pattern when and as I see it manifest within myself

I commit myself to work through any issues of false perception within myself so that I may align myself with the physical reality as an equal.

I commit myself to stop self judgment and blame within myself through taking responsibility for myself to correct myself.

I commit myself to expose all false perceptions of reality for what they are - deception and abuse of life.



User avatar
William
Posts: 171
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 00:19
Location: Ottawa, Canada

Re: Williams Journey to Life: Day 307

Postby William » 27 Nov 2016, 06:10

Day 307


From Saturday November 26, 2016

Constructs.
Fear of letting everyone down
Fear of messing everything up
Fear of rejection

Process

I apologize for my inconsistency and instability as of late. Things have been tough going, and I have been learning a lot about myself, in how I have a tendency to handle certain situations and circumstances. Through a considerable amount of writing and introspection over the last while, I am confident I have discovered the core issues within myself. Now I will apply what I have learned and walk the points out as myself being the point of change and self-trust.

Fears were suddenly manifest, at which point I did not see the starting point. My interpretation was that I was compromising the group somehow, and in looking at the point, it became clear that I was unaware of many dimensions, thus the potential for me to have realized my worst case scenario, as having messed up everything not only for myself, but for everyone else as well. This was not something I wanted to face, as there were many points which I did not understand, and thus I felt it was best if I just stop participating altogether. In hindsight, that was not the best idea, however it was my solution at the time... it was what I thought was best in light of the fact that I believed others were better suited for managing the direction of process in general. My fear was that I was being egotistical, and ranting without seeing my own shortfalls.

I realize I let things go on for too long, however I really did not see a real solution. I should have investigated more, rather than just hiding myself. I really thought it would be best if I just laid low for a while until things blew over, however, in doing that, I became stagnant and allowed other systems to play out within myself which compounded matters in a way that produced significant guilt and remorse - to the extent that I was even more reluctant to move myself. Instead, I became lost in my direction, and seriously suppressed within my own understanding of myself. I tried to change myself, but I could not escape my own guilt and the belief that I had completely messed things up for myself and everyone. I realized that applying oneself is nigh impossible without support.

I realize that there is no place to hide from myself, no matter how ashamed I am of myself. I also realize that I was in a point of revenge, where I was trying to get others to take responsibility for what I had allowed, for what I refused to see and change within myself. I was blaming others instead of correcting my own patterns.

Perhaps I trusted myself too much without giving to others the opportunity to realize things for themselves, and in doing so, I came off as overbearing, thus creating a barrier to realization, also a fear as harm rather than support. I realize I was trying to make amends and correct my past through pushing myself onto others, and that created guilt within me. I was trying to 'do something good' to augment how I had judged myself as my past as 'disastrous' and 'inconsiderate'. I had not adequately forgiven myself for my past it seems.

I did not consider others within the point that, I was anxious to blog for my own purposes without considering what direction I should be going, I mistook liberty for equality - whereas I took the freedom instead of standing equal to the point, and standing equal to the group. I saw the point of self judgement, however I did not see the perspective of the solution to simply stand equal to the point. It sounds really dumb as this is what I have been practicing for so long, however there were a number of other issues that were complicating matters somewhat.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting everyone down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go on ranting without having support of understanding my direction from the group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, in myself being unaware of many dimensions, that I was thus guilty of all kinds of terrible things simply for being unaware.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I was messing up everything for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself and others for the belief that I was messing up everything for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected, and so manifest the rejection of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I was compromising the group in some way in which I did not understand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embarrass myself through a mental projection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself as less than, (or better than) rather than an equal member of the group

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for my own created internal belief and justification that non communication is communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see beyond my programmed fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the potential to explore my options and ask for assistance and clarification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there was nothing I could do to correct the problem, in that I believed myself to be the problem, therefore I should have realized that I am also the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the problem was too extensive to correct in the short term.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overbearing in pushing myself and my perspectives onto others without living the principles for myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to do something good in order to augment the guilt I had inside, where I now realize that first I must address, forgive and correct the guilt.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to adequately forgive and correct my past.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be fully considerate of others and how I treat them as well as myself, as equals.




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