Perspective required

Share and ask your moments and experiences in random, unpredictable, sudden moments that happened to you - you'd like to understand. Whether it be during a discussion with someone and not understanding why certain thoughts / behaviours came up in you or another. Not understanding another's facial expression or even your own when looking in the mirror etc. So, this thread is dedicated to the everyday life moments we WONDER about but never ask.
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William
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 00:19
Location: Ottawa, Canada

Perspective required

Postby William » 26 Dec 2016, 05:56

Hi Everyone,

As you may or may not know, I have come upon a number of stumbling blocks. A few months ago I while I was putting out quite a few blogs, I encountered significant resistance when a number of destonians began calling me out on a number of different points simultaneously. I do welcome constructive criticism, as it is essential support when one has a tendency to overlook things, especially after having had some time away from blogging, added that I had been mostly pushing myself to blog at the end of the days while feeling tired. I remember a specific post of mine where I did not take the time to proofread my work, and my words were likely a bit overzealous or a bit harsh and not tempered.

Anyway, there was so much criticism that it caused me to step back and look at myself asking what am I doing wrong here? (which incidentally brought up more questions and uncertainty and lead to more stagnation) I was uncertain of the exact source of the problem(s) I was creating/manifesting, hence I became analytical and (over)critical of myself and made effort to correct myself in what I initially thought was a potential solution to what I assumed was the primary point. Suffice to say, what I tried at the time did not work, and after much consideration I became somewhat upset and discouraged. Over analysis is a problem admittedly.

I realize that I did not approach the problem appropriately. Perhaps I should have approached each person individually to confront them to see what exactly they saw as the specific problem, so that at least I could have a clearer starting point to investigate for myself. As it stands, I am still unclear, hence I find myself unable to blog publicly without having cleared the points. So I will start here to see if I can get some input as to how I should go about handling the situation(s). Should I post specifics here for feedback, or address the topics in blogs, or should I confront people directly via email or Skype, or is something else recommended? I wish neither to create nor avoid conflict, and if there is conflict, I will seek to take responsibility to diffuse it into a practical and suitable solution for all so that I may move forward.



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Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: Perspective required

Postby Luc St-Amand » 26 Dec 2016, 06:35

Hey William. I'd say if it's been awhile since this situation took place to let it go. continuing your writings Wether public or not is what matters here. Not how people respond/react to your writings. Just a perspective ol friend. Cheers.



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William
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Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 00:19
Location: Ottawa, Canada

Re: Perspective required

Postby William » 28 Dec 2016, 06:27

Hey Luc, thanks for the response. Good to see you are still hanging around working yourself out too.



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Leila
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Re: Perspective required

Postby Leila » 28 Dec 2016, 18:27

Hey William,

You can place the links to the blogposts here which had the comments, then we can give feedback/perspective



Marlen
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Re: Perspective required

Postby Marlen » 29 Dec 2016, 19:15

Hi William, agreed with Leila, you can simply copy your blogpost and the comment you'd like to further discuss or address, because an aspect that we can easily react to is being 'pointed out something' that we then take personally and perceive that one is doing 'all wrong.' But in fact, I'd say it's actually quite cool that others can leave feedback for you to consider.

In cases like that, you can look again at the starting point of you sharing your writings in the first place as well, because if they are in the internet, they are there to be read and possibly commented on by anyone that comes to find them. So, receiving feedback is actually quite cool, but if you see you are reacting to it, then it means there can be ideas you have about yourself or your writings where, one example here, we tend to fear 'being wrong' or 'making mistakes' or 'not doing things in a supportive manner' and if someone points something out and then we feel some disempowerment within ourselves related to their comments, then we know that those aspects/points that others are making us aware of is what we can work with, align and change within ourselves next.

Because if you look at it, when you received all of the feedback and went into disempowerment, you allowed yourself to have your own reactions 'get the better of you' in stopping sharing altogether - when in fact those are moments where one can instead take the feedback on, check within oneself and one's writings to cross-reference in self-honesty what's being said, clear one's reaction to the comment and then see what opens up Within you about 'what was said' or done by others.

That way you clear up the energy-reaction related to you reading that feedback, dispell any defense mechanisms existent within you when it comes to 'your writings' or 'you sharing your blog' and then you might find it gets easier to see what others are intending to say.

As a last point, if you still find that you have something to clear up with someone, then this forum is cool for it and the process is then not to even make it personal as in 'this person said that' but simply share it as, for example "I received the following comment to this blogpost here, and I am finding x point difficult to grasp or understand in what they mean, does anyone else have an input on it? What I saw or understood in it was this/that, am I missing something here?"

So then you make sure that you first take responsibility to look at identifying what is it that you react to in others' words, what dimensions or aspects of the comment you are not fully grasping and do your own part in clarifying them for you, for example self-forgiving on the words, sentences that pop out for you as something that you might be taking personally - so that after doing that, what remains is simply the message that you can take on as feedback/constructive criticism to consider for your own process and so writings.
If something still not clear, then you can share it here.

Cool to decide to share again as well and bring forth this point for support.



Marlen
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Re: Perspective required

Postby Marlen » 30 Dec 2016, 02:53

I also add a suggested read, because it might assist you as well, here's by Anna: Reacting to Feeling Reprimanded
https://vixensjourneytolife.wordpress.c ... d-day-397/



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viktor
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Re: Perspective required

Postby viktor » 02 Jan 2017, 00:36

Hi William,

Would be cool if you post links to your blogs so we can read them and the comments, then I would be able to give a more constructive response.

Something that I have found important in my process it to make sure that I write for myself and that I do not accept and allow myself to change because I either receive positive or negative criticism. Writing is something that I decide to do, because it supports me, and if another is supported, then that is cool. Sometimes, I will get comments on my blog that are challenging yet that supports me to expand. Other times I have received comments that have been abusive which I deleted. Thus, it is about your self-honesty – consider the content of the comments – see what you can take from them that will assist and support you to expand even if you experience resistance or you feel hurt or attacked.

And I do not suggest that you stop writing in public just because of a couple of comments, rather, look at the feedback, see whether there is something you can do to expand and move yourself to become more effective, and then continue.



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kim amourette
Posts: 291
Joined: 13 Aug 2011, 12:53

Re: Perspective required

Postby kim amourette » 02 Jan 2017, 04:22

hey William! Great to see you around again!

I agree that it's definitely awesome that you decided to open up the point here as you saw that you were getting stuck in it trying to get through it yourself. It takes guts to reach out for support :)

I can relate to your experience in that a pattern that I have lived extensively in my life is to suppress my expression out of fear of how other people will react - fear of people pointing out my mistakes, fear of being seen as somehow a 'failure' in what I am trying to do/express/create. This pattern can create an overall experience of depression almost, like an experience of withdrawal where I will also physically just be less engaged and expressive, and consequently also write less blogs, make less vlogs and participate less in the group.

I have always understood that in this pattern there is a fear of rejection at play, wherein I very easily feel rejected or perceive that I am being rejected by people and/or groups of people that I walk with, like destonians. However what I recently realized is that the reason why this perception and experience of rejection so easily comes up within myself is because I have not given myself the chance to get to know people on a real level, through communication and participation, since I just tend to hold back within my expression. I realized that the more I keep quiet, choose not to express myself and participate, the more I am creating the experience as well as the fear of rejection because in fact I am busy rejecting myself by not allowing myself to communicate, express and engage. Quite the catch 22..

This pattern of self-suppression can then also create the perception that people are 'coming at you' or are 'judging you' when they want to point something out to you or provide support, which is an experience that mostly shows you how you have been pushing people as well as yourself away within and by suppressing yourself all this time. So the solution to this point, at least within my experience, is to just allow yourself to cross that threshold of fear and holding back when it comes to interacting, communicating and expressing and to allow yourself to, through communication, interaction and self-expression, get to know people and therein challenge how your mind perceives things (=through the eyes of judgment and separation).

From my perspective, it is very specific that you received these comments on your blog because it brought out this point for you to face in your process ;)



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Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: Perspective required

Postby Luc St-Amand » 03 Jan 2017, 19:09

Will I am :) I am glad to see there are still some of us from so long ago still shareing ourselves here on the desteni forums.

A fellow destonian once told me to take what is good and supportive to you in your process, and leave the rest.

People will say many things, but who you are within what is being said is what matters to you in your process. Remember you have an entirely different sent of tools you have installed throughout your life, you know how to best use those tools to bring yourself to a point of stability within and without. Thanks for shareing yourself William and please continue to as there are people out there with the same sets of tools as you that can grasp what you convey, they need your support. You need your support, one and equal. Cheers! O/



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Luc St-Amand
Posts: 183
Joined: 13 Nov 2012, 16:54

Re: Perspective required

Postby Luc St-Amand » 03 Jan 2017, 19:37

Also, William. You mention that your writing were often done at the end of the day when your mind and body was tired. Because of this you may have been "over zealous" or "a bit harsh" investigate that, See where you allowed and accepted reaction within yourself based around responses on those points. That is a great way to self support which is the best support. Cheers.




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