I know a person. She is my colleague. She is a person who is very energetic and outgoing. I have been attracted to her because she is always so happy and smiling and laughing, which is quite the opposite of my personality. In the beginning, I had reactions towards being attracted by her personality and the looking of her, and being single. Because if one woman is married or in a relationship, I will not try to be close to them and they will try their best to avoid approaching other men more or less, which is quite strange because these women would probably think that all men who approach them have the intention of flirting, well, not absolutely.
So, when I tried to appraoch her after knowing her for two days, she didn't feel comfortable. And then I stopped. And now, after a month of getting to know each other in everyday life/work, she starts to initiate topics with me, meaning she starts to talk to me and has interests in me where she would ask me questions almost every time she passed by me. And then I had feelings, you know, towards her in a way of 'oh my god, she has interests in me', well, a little bit excited. And then we had more conversations. And now! she didn't reject me anymore(but probably she didn't reject me at all in the first place.). So, then I had feelings towards her. Because she gave me attention and cared about me. No matter it was overthinking or anything, I just had a intimate feeling towards her. You know, today, when I talked to her, I was in a reactive way of voicing words, you know, very feelingful and I just couldn't speak the words properly. You know, when you have much feelings inside, you just want to express yourself to speak and do. And there is something like ego or superiority governing and controlling yourself.
It is impossible to develop intimacy with another without self-intimacy in the first place. Why?
Firstly, in my case of desiring to develop intimacy with another lady through my reactive feelings regardless of her feelings it is quite self-interest and egoistic. Because in my case, I didn't consider what she really thought in her mind because we didn't have very open talkings towards each other but only in a way of guessing and measuring what one thought through viewing and judging her words and deeds.
Secondly, because I hadn't yet develop self-intimacy as myself as physicality as breath, in most cases, I would be influenced by the mind to make decisions and take actions or utter specific words because I had not been the directive principle of myself and my physical body. So, without actual and practical understanding of the word 'intimacy' in my side of and through developing and establishing a physical relationship with the word 'intimacy' through living it into everyday life, it would be impossible to do this to another being, because if I don't live it as myself physically in the first place, I will not have the ability to do it.
Thirdly, Intimacy with another is self-honesty in every moment of every breath without any reactions of the mind but merely acting and speaking unconditionally to assist and support self to express to assist and support another, equal and one as what's best for all of self and of the whole existence.
In my case, when facing the lady again, I would practise firstly erasing all my judgments and overthinkings about her and unconditionally asking and answering questions quantumly and immediately without referring to any judgments or thoughts about her before asking and answering, and most importantly, I must make sure that I will not judge how I ask her and what I ask after doing it, which is a little bit difficult to stop this because after doing or speaking something I will automatically and habitually review it to check whether it is good or bad, wrong or right within which hesitation develops extensively.
My self-judgment links more to self-image, sex, relationships, authorities as teachers and leaders, financial status, and education system, which is common. So, when it comes to these points, I will practise walking through them in daily life.