I can relate a lot to what you said in your initial post here. I also checked out the links you posted, they were fascinating and I could relate to many different aspects of this disorder explained in article and video as well. Personally, I have OCD with a self-harm element, which, interestingly enough is one of the symptoms or outflows of BPD. Even just writing oftentimes I experience shortness of breath, and what feels like lightning bolts of fear and anxiety, while all I am doing is sitting in my bed and writing! So there is seemingly no logical or rational reason for me to be feeling this way most of the time, yet I do. I too have been experiencing what I would often describe as a 'living hell' in terms of the internal chaos of dizzying confusion, overwhelming anxiety, intense fear, and real physical discomfort/trapped/festering feelings that feels like claustrophobia in my own body. I also have a lot of difficulties with the courses because for me to sit still and just be in my body is sometimes like a nightmare and as much as I want to just write, I just can't seem to force myself to. Often times I will end up harming myself or just going to bed because then I will be unconscious and can't do any damage that way, like an 'off' switch, that is, if I can sleep! So, I just wanted to express a bit about what I go through or have been through to show you the similarities even though the disorders are different.
I can also understand how frustrating it can be when the medical world doesn't seem to offer any solutions, like, none at all, which feels really terrifying and scary because when I realized that, I really felt like I was on my own. BUT, I have been walking my process with the Desteni tools for about 7 years now and I will say that the phrase 'on my own' has taken on a whole new meaning. What I mean is that this is no longer a scary thing to me, but I rather feel empowered and not alone at all. Not only do I have myself, but I have this amazing group of people that has supported me unconditionally even when I am not consistent and come and go with varying degrees of effectiveness and stability. Most people or institutions will give up on such behaviour, but I have now been shown unconditional support and have found it in myself as well. And I will tell you that I have managed to push myself to write and uncover and untangle bits of myself, and even those small bits have served me and are serving me now.
I'm not here to say this is an easy way out at all, but I know that you have the potential to develop yourself into someone that can handle this and walk through this disorder, simply because I see it in myself and in those around me, and I have seen the change. For me personally, it's almost as if my experience has become more intense since I started my process, but I know it's because I have accumulated quite the consequences, as well as having gotten rid of all of my vices and distractions, so I am now facing the thing head on. It seems unbearable, but at the same time, I'm still here. And I'd rather be here in my own apparent 'living hell' then an alcoholic, a drug addict, completely crazy, or dead (among the many options available to people with mental disorders). I will not give up on myself and I will not give myself away to any of these things. Even though it seems hard now, it could be a lot worse if you give up and succumb to it. We have been developing these disorders our whole lives and now we have a way available to stop and develop ourselves and our strengths instead. it's like stopping creating a destructive force in your life and instead creating something completely opposite: constructive, beneficial, supportive, caring, nurturing, understanding and more.
Sunette suggested treatment and that is cool, but not cool if you can't afford it. I was in the same position for years, held back by finances but also by my own mind (shame, embarrassment, pride), because I didn't even want to admit to a doctor about what I was going through. But with the common sense and practical perspective that I was able to enhance and develop through this forum and all the support, I was able to see that I had more resources available than I would have originally thought. I ended up (after many years and life changes) getting a different job that offers insurance so I am now about to investigate cognitive behavioural therapy, which I will of course combine with the writing I am pushing myself to do. So, I would say, take a good look at your reality right now, and really push yourself to see what resources are available to you, ones that you might have before not considered due to mind stuff like resistance, pride, embarrassment, doubt, etc... Looking at your living situation, your employment situation, your family situation, what government resources might be available; what changes can you make in your life to open up different opportunities or access to resources etc... . If you really see that Desteni is a solution, you will also see that you are worth doing everything possible to support yourself. If you have the wherewithal to post here for assistance and support, than you have enough to take the first steps.
Also, if you find the course structure difficult, you can also try just writing when and as you are able. Try out some self-forgiveness statements just for you, with no other purpose but to support yourself. Keep investigating the material as you can, read and watch and listen to the material available. Start writing here on the forum so that you can get feedback and suggestions etc... there are many places to start, and there is always support available here on the forum.