In this topic, I am going to use a couple of times to cover and write to assist and support myself and those that have similiar experiences to face ourselves when approaching women. I am going write some in each time. And if you guys have something to say, just post a reply, thanks.
Women's voice has a specific pitch/tone comparing to men's. So, from the voice, it is difficult or impossible to tell the difference between one and another. So, if I have been obssessed or possessed by a woman's voice, meaning having an energetic linking/connection to her voice, then I will be influenced by all women's voice to trigger or stimulate my memories in a way.
Whereas, the pictured presentations of women are quite different from looking at their faces, specifically. I have judgments upon women's faces. Well, it is not the case that I immediately judge a woman according to her face. But after communications and talkings, there is also nothing-inside the being that I met-that I am interested in, meaning their interests, hobbies, what kinds of abilities they are capable of, what they like doing. So, I saw her as an empty shell, nothing, worthless. And plus, that she does not have a good pictured presentation of her in both face and body. I just refused to let her into my space/world. But, if she has a perfect pictured presentation of her physical, all other things will not matter much. If she has an interesting hobby or ability, all other things will not matter much. So, I judged her from inside to outside. Then an interesting thing happened.
We were in the same company. I am being trained to be a teacher. And I have to practise teaching through doing all kinds of physical expressions, body language, specific voices and tones, facial expressions. You know, I am going to teach young beings aged about 6 or 7, maybe a little bit older or younger. So, I have to present myself in a specific way/expression when I practise it. And I was in a classroom practising on my own. And then my colleague came in. I felt uncomfortable when she was also here. It was not afraid of being judged as wrong, not good enough or something negative but fearing to be judged as good and positive. Because, when she spoke, she uttered words in kind of a flirting way, like affected sweet. I don't like that. And because when we went to a restuarant for lunch, she said that she was going to pay, very quickly, she said oh there was not enough money. Then, I said we were going to pay on one's own. During the whole lunchtime, she didn't say a word, just watched her cellphone. She was also deliberately letting me help her with something that was actually nothing. Then, I became sick of such being. Just want to get away from her. So, when she entered the classroom where I practised, I became very uncomfortable with being with her. I was trying to perform normally when I practised teaching and trying not to look at her. But all ended up with performing badly or lowering my voice and de-stretching my physical body. I had sexual energetic feelings generated only when hearing her affected sweet voice.
And I also had another colleague who was quite an interesting and unique person where I enjoyed talking and being with her. She is very stable and can enjoy herself most of the time. Talking with her sometimes is talking to myself because she kind of takes nothing personally. And when I practised teaching in front of her, I became nervous and fearing of being judged as not being good enough because she has interesting hobbies and many things inside her that I can totally relate to. And most importantly, she knew much about me because we talked a lot. So, when she looked at me directly when I performed myself, I became nervous. But I told her to watch me because I needed to overcome such nervousness, and then she agreed. Still, I was not confident with myself.
So, recently there are two beings that I reacted in total different ways in my immediate environment. I will continue next time.