How can I stop backchat, reactions and judgments when I do nothing but walking on the street?
How can I stop myself when I accumulate energy during my work?
After I released much energies inside me and felt quite relaxed and calm, I went into reality of people. Practically speaking, I walked on the street full of people because every day, I walked to go to my workplace. When I kept walking and viewing people, those little judgments and reactions started to build up where I was not even able to be aware of it. And a sense of stress, burden, depression and anxiety would come up inside my solar plexus. So, after walking and viewing about 20 mins, it became quite a burden for me to feel myself and breath became heavy.
So, the stimulation was more of picture. Besides walking on the street of viewing people, I also found that when I participated in my working and talked with my colleagues, I still had the same reaction and judgment which indicated that my self-forgiveness was not specific and valid. And I realise that probably the most effective way of applying self-forgiveness was in an immediate way where once I had reactions I would immediately stop and breathe to do self-forgiveness and then face the situation and person again. But it is not a supportive environment to do so in the workplace so that I have to breathe to let go of or depress or restore my reactions for a moment and then I would sort out them after work.
I found my tiredness and resistance towards work. I was so easy to go into sleepiness during work. I commit myself to be a professional teacher through practising, practising and practising!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist studying materials of words and practising presenting myself in front of kids, not realising that in resistance I actually separated myself from the word learning and teaching because learning means absolutely openly practising and being, and teaching goes the same.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that studying is a trap where I formed such judgment when I saw that all those things inside the book were useless, not realising that I am part of the cause of such situation, so I would take responsibility for it through embracing it to change it within it.