Comparison with Men when talking about women

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ZachWang
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Joined: 20 May 2014, 08:50
Location: Beijing

Comparison with Men when talking about women

Postby ZachWang » 10 Jun 2016, 16:21

It is the most popular topic for men to talk about women, especially in women's appearances, like, is this girl pretty? or, she is not pretty, or, well, it is not ugly though, etc. When people ask me about whether a girl is pretty or not, oftentimes I would say I don't judge people according to their lookings, so don't ask me questions like this. But there do exists some pretty pictures and images in my mind that I don't want to admit but pretending to be some sort of superior guy more than others to apparantly stand in a higher place of morality where sex is not right, it is dirty and relationship is not right, we shouldn't go into a relationship. And there really exists a morality design that enslaves and controls me where I really believe in such bullshit and of course I have been preprogrammed to do so, why? Because at a very young age, I already had a tendency to hide or escape from anything involving stuff between men and women, I even couldn't approach women properly, meaning connecting them in a way. So, my relationship system was stuck. And my sex system had been suppressed.

So, eventually the sex system beats the morality stuff because one is only some beliefs that are able to be changed as time goes by, yet the other is an actual designed manifested system within and as physical body, though both of them are quite ingrained. But my relationship system didn't develop at all. Connecting people was a hard thing because I didn't know how. Nobody taught me, and I was not born to have such a 'natural' ability. So, for quite a long time, I had been quite depressed because I WANTED and DESIRED to connect people and to be intimate with someone but I just couldn't interest people so I became a little bit passive in connecting people and turned to focus on studying and studying all the time through depressing and compromising all the other areas of my LIFE. And yes, money played an important role in the whole picture, but I will not talk about it.

So, for some years, I would become shy and nervous when I talked to other people. And I was very numb during early school years because you know, there were extensive thoughts and emotions running in my mind every single day, you know, study, competition, stress, family, future, expectation, I was extremely tired and desperate, which was during the year from 2006 to 2009. During these three years of mind energy generation from my age of 13 to 16, I had been totally possessed by inner emotions of anxiety, worry and fear. I restricted myself TOO MUCH where it actually had nothing to do with money whereas I attached too much importance towards money because for me to go to a junior high school, it actually cost only a little bit amount of money. So, after that, I started to question myself and everything in the existence, and after two years where I was 18, I came across Desteni where it was 2012. But everything had been still playing out as consequences, and I learnt to masturbate in 2012.

Previously during my senior high school at my age of from 16 to 19, everytime I couldn't deal with too much energy within me in school, I would ask for a leave to go home and quarelled with my parents because they felt hopeless and disappointed about me and they would blame and judge me, or I would just walk around on the road or listen to songs or keep diaries, or read books. But I didn't masturbate yet the energy accumulated.

And so, that's why I didn't approach a girl or get along well with a girl until I got to the college 1700 kilometers away from my home in the south of China. And that was my transition to go into the society. In October of 2014, I went to a company as a warehouse worker, guarded by my college because it was arranged by my school and the salary was good, yet I didn't pay much attention to money even though I knew I lacked money, so I quit this job after 3 months. And my real independent participation in the world system was in April, 2015 where I on my own to hunt for jobs to go to various locations from ShenZhen to Shanghai, and then Beijing, after a year of hunting, working and quiting jobs, I finally settled in Beijing and found a job I like. I spent about 4000 dollars in total ending up with 2000 dollars in debt now. And also, there is my student loan of 3000 dollars for me to pay back to the government. I had no money to begin with, I had to borrow any way. As I see, it is not so much money, but I was too anxious about the debt in the beginning, fearing of not being able to pay back. But in this year of 2016, I am able to pay back all the money that I borrowed from the bank and other people as long as I keep at my current work, it is not a problem at all.

So, back to the topic of comparison with men and judging women according to their appearance. So, when I deal with men, I have to be aware of comparison and judgment towards myself and them no matter what we talk about or do. With women, I have to stop my mind pictures or fantasies about them to stand in their shoes when I physically talk to them. And when talking about women, I must make sure that I don't talk about women that I am not familiar with, because it is TOO easy to imagine or fantasize them because I don't know them at all.

I actually don't want or desire for sex or masturbation or even a relationship, it is something that drives me to do so. It is pictures, feelings, emotions, thoughts, energies, etc. But, at the same time, I can choose to express myself through sex, masturbation and relationships through directing myself to do so. I am going to redefine and live these three words.



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ZachWang
Posts: 201
Joined: 20 May 2014, 08:50
Location: Beijing

Re: Comparison with Men when talking about women

Postby ZachWang » 10 Jun 2016, 17:54

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how many 'pretty' women that I know when I talk with my friend who is a man to compare with him to cater the mind polarity design of superiority and inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about sexual images when people around talk about sex they have or simply talking about women they have a relationship with or live together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must have a relationship and have sex if many people around me have done that, not realising that such comparison and self-judgment actually compromise myself to follow others without considering who I really am with regards to my physical body and beingness as life, and what IIIII... really want within a relationship or sex instead of blindly following others to chase so-called LOVE and LIGHT.

I.forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase and pursue quick phase of mind activity which is really limited and temporary, instead of realising that SELF is limitless, constant and persistent. So, anything that is not constantly her is of illusion as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program my physical body in believing that the only way of releasing built-up energy is masturbation through using pictures in the mind or watching porn or without pictures in the mind.



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SunetteSpies
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Re: Comparison with Men when talking about women

Postby SunetteSpies » 01 Jul 2016, 18:33

Cool, thanks for sharing.

Points to consider here that you can work with is to: when you are in conversations with men about women - to create this as an opportunity to get to know your mind better when it comes to its current definitions / connotations and programming within and as relationships / sex and women. Meaning, NOT to JUDGE the things coming up within your mind while in such conversations, but write them out, understand where they come from, forgive them to release yourself from the past definitions / connotations and write self commitment statements as to how you'd like to change your relationship and definition towards women.

Understand that, when you're conversing with others - their WORDS will TRIGGER programs, patterns, definitions, reactions etc. within YOUR MIND. So, instead of reacting to your mind, UNDERSTAND it - cause the moment you judge or react to the things coming up in your mind, you can't work with it or face it, because you'll want to TRY and SUPPRESS it / run away from it. My suggestion to you is to: REDEFINE your relationship with women, with sex / sexuality - at the same time as investigating and introspecting the consequences of your current definitions / connotations that gets triggered in your mind when in conversation with others.

So, to take with you: assist and support yourself with the ability to not judge or want to suppress your mind, but write it out, forgive it and REDEFINE yourself in your relationship with words, the living of them and so your relationship and experience towards others in your life.

Recordings / videos on EQAFE will be available to assist and support with this understanding I walked above and how to make it more practical and specific in your everyday life.



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SunetteSpies
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:10

Re: Comparison with Men when talking about women

Postby SunetteSpies » 01 Jul 2016, 18:52

Some self forgiveness statement examples to support with the above point:

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that - the moment my thoughts, fantasies and emotional / feeling experiences within myself, my mind, triggers as the moment I become aware of them: I am actually facing a part of me, my mind when it comes to how I have within myself, my mind defined sex / sexuality and my relationship with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect women to sex, fantasies and desires - also only to their external appearance, instead of realising they are a person, just like me, and if I look at myself and what I would have wanted for me: I would not want others to judge me purely through sexual / appearance glasses, but see me for who I am as a person in thought, word and deed as all that I am that defines me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that reacting to my own thoughts, fantasies and emotions that trigger in moments while in conversation with others - leading me to SUPPRESS the truth / reality of me IN THAT MOMENT / POINT IN TIME: will not assist and support me to UNDERSTAND MYSELF to from understanding, assist and support myself to CHANGE. Because as long as I REACT to and SUPPRESS such things coming up in my mind - I am creating separation and resistance towards parts of myself. Instead of seeing, realising and understanding that with investigating the things coming up in my mind - have the OPPORTUNITY TO CHANGE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH IT and so the experience of myself within me and my mind.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the extent to which my mind's definition of women superseded me remembering them as a person, an individual -so much more than just appearance and sex / fantasies.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I will never be able to really connect to another as equal with myself as long as I approach them as LESS than who they are, through filters of appearance and sex / fantasies.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed to consider that: I am approaching others through my MIND FILTERS - because I am somewhere in some way approaching myself and my relationship and seeing of ME through MIND FILTERS.

I commit to assist and support myself to understand what it means to connect with all of me, all parts of me WITHIN MYSELF to develop an equal and one relationship with me - to understand what it means to develop an equal and one relationship with another.




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