Self forgiveness on you-tube.

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Matthew Stone
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Self forgiveness on you-tube.

Postby Matthew Stone » 02 Mar 2017, 11:53

I'm trying to live the word discipline more by doing more practical things then watching as much you-tube videos are playing games as much.

So I am trying to write self forgiveness more and to stay up to my bed time with the idea being I stay up to write more self forgiveness/correction, but then my desire to just watch you-tube videos and play games kicks in and can be very overwhelming so I give into that a lot.

So my idea was too bridge the gap where, I go into ultimatum where I either I only write self forgiveness or I only do entertainment and fluctuate from sometimes being effective at managing my time on entertainment and focusing on getting more writing done or other practical activities or hobbies.

Where then I see that it would be more supportive for me to draw a balance then to only settle for all or nothing where I either get my discipline and schedule down perfect or just watch entertainment videos and don't do anything productive.

So from here the idea emerged that I don't need to do all or nothing, I could be very practical and just watch a video on you-tube and then write self forgiveness in the comments.

The idea as I remember it was more based on just doing self forgiveness after watching a video... But probably soon after it evolved into why not just post the self forgiveness in the comments, where then knowing that this would stand out compared to other comments that I should then have a link to Desteni.org in my channel in the case that someone clicks on my channel after reading my comment and wanting to learn more about what I'm talking about and what self forgiveness is or even asking me directly where I could then re-direct them to Desteni.org.

The idea and how it formed is all here ^^^

but the conflict for me comes up in a lot of different ways which is why I wanted to share it here as well as having talked to and planning to talk to some other people for some more perspective.

It comes with so many points of conflict in me that I need to dig into with self forgiveness/correction, but wanted to post this now to get perspective here first immediately.

Thanks

...

Here I'll also do self forgiveness for my main point of conflict for reference.

Someone sees me doing self forgiveness on you-tube then they think I'm advertising/representing desteni, then from there I don't need to get into any conversation I'm not comfortable with I can just re-direct them to the site like I was saying that way I won't get into any conflict with anyone and then that become what people see associated with desteni when they see my comment and see me as someone advertising or representing desteni.

So summed up it's fearing I can't handle sharing Desteni/self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I've tried to represent Desteni in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for trying to represent Desteni in my own way in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing with other's about how I'd like to share self forgiveness and Desteni in the past because if someone tells me it's bad or not to then I would not be comfortable moving forward with my idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my idea to share Desteni/self forgiveness on you-tube being futile and self deceptive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear someone telling me my idea about sharing Desteni is a bad idea when I see it as a good idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to break down my idea into words in seeing that putting my self forgiveness on more places gives me more perspectives to challenge me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being challenged on you-tube comment section because I'm much more likey to become hostile on you-tube myself or by someone else due to the nature of you-tube comment sections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing my hostility through you-tube comment sections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself on you-tube comment sections and then going into shame if I or someone else becomes reactive to what I'm doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a stand that is 'bigger then I am' though you-tube comment sections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not having walked self forgiveness and correction enough to take it to that level of challenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that this challenge couldn't go wrong because I'd learn something about myself even if I don't go through with my idea because I've already learned more about myself in doing self forgiveness here and talking to other people about my idea and seeing what I've allowed within myself just through my relationship to this idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being egotistical in taking on challenges invloing other people and drawing attention to me not from a point of sinserity but from a point of thinking I'm better then other's that I have self forgiveness and other's don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear commenting on you-tube to share desteni and self forgiveness with other's from a point of pity where I pity those who don't have the tools of self forgiveness and desteni in their lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity other's for not having desteni and self forgiveness in their lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a saviour brining self forgiveness and desteni into other's lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let sharing desteni with other's turn into a saviour complex where I can share self forgiveness and the ideas of desteni with other's wihtout it fuleing my experience or perspection of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'm going to slip into saviour complex or supirioity complex and create conflict for myself after sharing self forgiveness in you-tube comments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing when I'd be able to share myself in such a way if I'm currently better off not putting myself in this situation where many diffrent thigns within me will come through and I'll have to navigate them and remain directive regardless of these elements of my mind coming through when I post the comments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear there being no one to give me the go ahead but myself to decide if I am in a position to make such a movement in my life as sharing myself on you-tube comments doing self forgiveness there but myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'll abuse my authority over the decesion if I give the authroity to myself to make the decesion to make the comments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the autority over me making my own comments will come down to me regardless of if anyone else gives me the go-ahead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking self responsability for the consquenes of making you-tube comments and how I proceed if someone replies to them and what I say and who I am in that moment as what I allow to move forward from there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to take a chance where there's a chance I might not best navigate someone's response to my comment as much as I'd like to be directive in that moment or outright decide to manipulate someone else and thus myself in that moment but that this comes with every moment of my life there'll always be consequences and times I fail to direct myself as the best that I would have liked to.

When and as I see myself fearing how I'll react to peoples replying to my self forgiveness on you-tube, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I need to for myself make the decesion if I'm comfortable or willing to navigate the responsability of interacting with other's in such a way that can tie me or assossiate whatever I do or say back to myself and Desteni, thus, I commit myself to take on my comments and replies video by video where if I am about to post a comment on a video on self forgiveness and can already predict I may face backlash or insult or judgement in the replies then I need to take a moment to decedie If I'm in a place in my life where this can be supportive or if I'm too unstable in that moment to be able to handle the replies that could come from there.

This is a general self forgiveness on the main point of not trusting myself to take authority over my own decesions and to face the consquenes of my action actions and decesions and not blame other's by giving other's autority over my own decesions.

I come to the conclusion here that life will always have these situations, where I can't wake up or go to bed without having to face moments with myself or other's where I have to make a decesion that will have an inivitable outflow of consquence or in this I realize that's part of life and in the end I need to just decide in self honesty where I am at in my life and who I am within decdiding to do self forgiveness on you-tube, as well as playing it case by case where some of the videos I watch on you-tube I know will have diffrent audiances who'll be seeing my comment apposed to other's and decidding and predicting what kind of responses I'll get video to video and deciding where to go forward what kind of self forgiveness to do and how to respond to replies if they come up.

Thanks again.

Marlen
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16
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Re: Self forgiveness on you-tube.

Postby Marlen » 02 Mar 2017, 18:16

Cool Matt, you can test out precisely what you wrote in terms of 'who you are' and what's your starting point of doing this and test the results, see what comes up and share the feedback here

That way you can see if it's effective or not for the intent and purpose you have placed for yourself in this project. Then share here again how it went and what you got as feedback from yourself or from others

Enjoy

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YoganBarrientos
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Location: Miami, Florida

Re: Self forgiveness on you-tube.

Postby YoganBarrientos » 04 Mar 2017, 05:03

Hi Matt, from what you wrote it seems you are walking two separate processes. The first process being to writing self-forgiveness in comments on youtube videos. The second process which seems to be more like the problem you are facing with, which has to do with entertainment and finding a balance of entertainment in your life. While reading your words I was reminded of an hangout I did with Sunette when it came to me facing my video game playing. You can watch it here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1Px5STLQAE

Basically, it is about a balance and you mention that. Now to clarify a point here, because its unclear where you stand within your self-forgiveness process. So I can share where I stand within self-forgiveness, because it seems you are focusing on self-forgiveness as the point that needs to come through more in your life. So self-forgiveness in how I live it in my life is that it is a tool I use to resolve issues, problems, or botherings in my life. So the first thing I do before I apply self-forgiveness is to already recognize I need to apply self-forgiveness. So there is a step there where I am aware that I have a problem in my life, or in this moment. How I walk my process is that as soon as I recognize I have a problem in my life I immediately go and fix it. Here I can use the tools of writing, self-questioning, self-forgiveness etc... After I resolve the problem I actually feel quite good. So it is rewarding to do so. I feel lighter, like a burden has been lifted.

So you can, if you want, compare what you are walking now with self-forgiveness to what I describe I do, and see if you want to improve or change how you approach such moments of your everyday life. So for me discipline is when I see there is a problem, I immediately, always, move to fix it right away. And sometimes the challenge is in just recognizing there is a problem. For many, that is the toughest first step to make. I have spent time stuck in a point because I didn't recognize I had a problem, so I am speaking from my experience.

Doing self-forgiveness is always cool, so writing it on youtube is cool. I am more addressing your own benefit, and what is best for you, and what you need in your life as support. So take what supports you from my words! Enjoy!

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Maite
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Re: Self forgiveness on you-tube.

Postby Maite » 20 Mar 2017, 13:11

Hey Matthew, with this idea/project bringing up so many dimensions for you to consider, look at and let go of, I would say: do it, lol. Herein, you can use this project as a test of your own stand within self-forgiveness. You don't need someone else to tell you 'where you stand' with self-forgiveness, or give you approval or validation. You can test this for yourself within this project where you'll probably be challenged in many ways, and have no predetermined ways of responding/dealing with the challenges effectively - but you WILL have your self-forgiveness. So, I would say walk it and see what opens up.

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Garbrielle
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Re: Self forgiveness on you-tube.

Postby Garbrielle » 21 Mar 2017, 06:36

Yes, I also agree with Maite Matthew. Here through this process you are opening up for yourself you can expand more in your process, so you in essence are giving yourself the opportunity to do this. Realize that it is a point of unknown, though through walking self support and finding a way, it promises a lot of potential growth for you. So it does indeed sound like a cool move and project to walk for yourself. And also support others who will be walking with in the process as you create it. Also, if you need any support can ask a buddy or come here and we can further specify perspectives for what you are facing. Enjoy.

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viktor
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Self forgiveness on you-tube.

Postby viktor » 23 Jun 2017, 17:18

I agree with everyone else here, go for it and see what happens.


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