I'll explain, music takes me to a place where I desire something, it's like sex, i desire to be in communion in this song, and through my instrument i can be so so so close that i almost touch the song and then i just dissapear and i don't even noticed but i have had an amazin experience with this song and i have felt complete and as if i was doing everything correct and being holy, and i kind of love that feeling of holiness... it's like if in the moment i was absolutely free and i was one universe of love within myself, so at this point i don't know how right or wrong this is, but the bitchy part as i have defined
is where i become possesive with music itself, i make music a part of myself, like if i needed to be me, also when i see a guitarrist who is better than me it's not like i go crazy or something, but there is a feeling in my in the depths that moves like.. this guy playing better and with my same age is unconfortable, and when i am the one who is better i can just relax and be cool
and when the other guy plays better i go like what is he doing, what does he do that is better than me, how can i get there, what would i have to do. also sometimes i feel like i have the honour and the luck to play music and be happy with it, and i think that that makes me feel special... and maybe that is an unfair situation because we are all the same and i am just there like hey look at me i am enjoying this so much and you are not worship me, and it's not like i say worship me but i know it's what happens when i am being "magical" (?) but also that is something i need to do in the concerts to bring people up!! if you feel like share your perspectives about this ego, but also tell me what is not my ego, because there is something in here... i think i am in love with music, life itself could be music, because music is just a story, but maybe music amplifies and brings so so much beauty, it's a trick, i feel like i want to treat music fairly, she has become my god, i want help with this ego but also there is a love for music that i feel not even destiny can take away from me, i feel there is a 99% chances i live for music, learning from it, playing it, getting money for it, is it right to live for the art you love? you are telling me i am art myself and i don't need art? what is this beautiful monster of art? is it a monster? help!!