Why do I still experience fear of judgement when writing?

Ask questions related to your individual process or life in the experience of yourself and mind - pertaining to thoughts, emotions, feelings, behaviours, habits etc. This thread is dedicated to those who'd like to understand more about the inner-workings of your own mind and then effects of this on your life and relationships.
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Daniel
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Why do I still experience fear of judgement when writing?

Postby Daniel » 15 Jul 2017, 21:53

For awhile now, I've cut myself off from posting my writing, primarily because I experienced great fear when considering how it could be perceived by the world or a few specific others. I see that I've tried to conform to meet the expectations of those around me throughout my life, and so when I sit to write a post, I get overly critical of my writing as I subject it to the criticism of all of my subconscious voices.

Even while realizing the fear is just an energetic program, I'm kind of puzzled why I still "buy into" the fear still so quick and easily - often diverting my attention and suppressing the point.

In this, I also realize that I haven't fully applied the self-forgiveness process on this specific fear, and that's because I still have attachment. I like my "filter" for how I choose to express myself. So, I might be confusing myself simply by allowing the fear to enter into self-expression equations.

Any one who can relate or add perspective?



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viktor
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 20:50

Re: Why do I still experience fear of judgement when writing?

Postby viktor » 15 Jul 2017, 22:04

Hi Dan, and thanks for some awesome sharing!

Yes – I can relate. And in my own process of establishing comfortableness and fluency in writing, I have realized that this fear/constriction when it comes to writing, is usually what holds me back from me expressing myself naturally. For me, it has usually been because I wanted to share something that is 'good', that others can 'relate to' and like, and to achieve that, I would project/envision a finished project in my mind – how my text would look like, the words I would use, the feel of it, and the point it would convey. Then I would attempt to force myself into this small box that is my vision, which would be uncomfortable, because as I would begin to write, the point would change, something else would open up, my words would go in one direction, and my vision in another – hence – the resulting experience of constriction.

The solution I have applied for myself is to, as I sit down to write, take a deep breath, clear myself, bring myself into my body, and then look within myself for a topic/point that I would like to write about. Then, as I have decided upon one, I stop 'looking' and I instead begin to write, and instead of envisioning my blog, I create it then and there as it flows and moves in the moment. Hence, making the process of writing very simple. Thus, you could try that, let yourself go, be spontaneous and allow yourself to play with the words and see what comes through.



Adam Closs
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Joined: 21 Jun 2011, 12:45

Re: Why do I still experience fear of judgement when writing?

Postby Adam Closs » 16 Jul 2017, 12:38

Hi Dan - thanks for posting this question! I wonder how many of us have not been here. Something that I've been looking into is how the word Dispute had become so charged in me - where like for example I experience an inner dialogue of projected judgement - and I've found so far that recognising that here ok simply I am reacting to the word Dispute, in the presence of which I go into a 'walking on eggshells' sort of presence in myself, so something that I'm finding out about at the moment is in recognising this trigger word for what it is, and remind myself that I can kind of walk more firmly, in my writing, even maybe crunch those eggshells lol.



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tormod
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Re: Why do I still experience fear of judgement when writing?

Postby tormod » 16 Jul 2017, 13:47

Cool post Dan & all

I would like to add to this picture of crushing eggshells.
Here at the farm we actually crush the eggshells in the kitchen, very deliberate - for the chicken to eat and produce new eggs. We crush the shells, so that they don't start picking on the whole (new) eggs. They are fed crushed shells. So there is actually a sense to the crushing - it is take up by our chickens and out comes again a new egg.

cheers !




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