I heard from the recordings before that if one falls one time in accepting and allowing thoughts, emotions and feelings, then the process will become more difficult, meaning, it will be more difficult to stand up. And as I fall again and again for so many times during this year in stopping writing and self-forgiveness and then picking up again, I start to think and believe it is impossible for me to walk and stand up in the process, because it IS really difficult for me due to the extent of what I have accepted and allowed, and after falling so many times, I start to lose my confidence to walk this process in the thought and belief that it will become more difficult after falling. And then I start to fear of falling, fear of not writing, not doing self-forgiveness, not sounding self-forgiveness, and not walking the process.
My question is:
What is it that will become difficult after accepting and allowing the mind to be the directive principle again? More energy accumulated? More energetic attachments towards people, things and memories? Or simply it will take more time to stand up again? Or such a difficulty does not exist, simply a reference for us to understand that it will take more time and self-discipline to release self from more and more accumulated energetic attachments, thus it requires more time? Or it is just my fear/resistance of facing self, so I found an excuse/justification/reason as a mind trick to not stand up within myself and physical body?
All right, after writing the above, I have found the answer by myself== It is more about my fear, resistance, judgment and projection towards the word "difficulty". As I wrote my questions just now, the redefinition of the word "difficulty" unfolded naturally. So, precisely, it is not about falling down and getting up defined as losing and failing, and winning and succeeding in the world system based on competition/survival and self-interest. Difficulty is more about self-dishonesty, self-deception and self-diminishing. So, difficulty will be caused by the lack of self-responsibility, rather than lack of approvals from others.