Establishing Self-Trust to Stop Serious Habits

[Daniel]

For over a decade, I've been unable to stop biting my nails, and this one point has held me back extensively. Every time I've tried to stop, I fall. I don't think I've been able to effectively forgive myself because each time I try, I have an underlying fear that it won't work because it's such a persistent habit. Then there is this fear that I still won't be effective in releasing that underlying fear that might make my nail biting forgiveness effective. Haha, I'm afraid that I can't forgive my fear and it's dumb because I haven't even attempted to seriously walk it out.

I just listened to The Writing of Self Forgiveness from Eqafe and I still am stumbling trying to figure out how to establish that self-trust to be able to walk this out, for real. Should I square away on self-trust before attempting, again, to stop my nail biting? I remember an older interview on the issue, but the focus of it was on the meaning of each individual finger, and I couldn't really relate because I just bite them all, usually when under stress/anxiety or just when I feel roughness that "needs" to be "fixed" (ineffectively) with my teeth, haha. There is also a deep-rooted energy/craving to pull nail away from my finger...what the heck is that and why am I so afraid to attempt to forgive it?

Also, I've typically been afraid to post on the forums and ask for assistance because the overall vibe I get from the desteni process is that I'm alone, and must face this alone to be effective. And even as I write this, all I see are issues that I should be able to address with self-forgiveness, on my own! So, why should I ask for help if I already know what to do...because of this belief that I need more knowledge to be able to walk the forgiveness effectively. Ahhhhh! It's a trap!..fear of failure. < I think that's what is at the core of this issue.

And now, I almost feel like holding down the backspace button, because I don't know what I can't answer myself. It's hard & confusing to ask for assistance in establishing self-trust...am I co-dependent or not or both...what?

Any wisdom/links/assistance?

[Anna]

Hi Daniel.

Firstly, here is some Destonian support on how to stop biting one's nails:
2010:Practical Support for Nail Biters. By Andrew Gable.

Stopped Biting Nails In Concern By Ida Bra.

For over a decade, I've been unable to stop biting my nails, and this one point has held me back extensively. Every time I've tried to stop, I fall. I don't think I've been able to effectively forgive myself because each time I try, I have an underlying fear that it won't work because it's such a persistent habit. Then there is this fear that I still won't be effective in releasing that underlying fear that might make my nail biting forgiveness effective. Haha, I'm afraid that I can't forgive my fear and it's dumb because I haven't even attempted to seriously walk it out.

Yes - this is the point exactly, you see that it is/has become a loop. I have experienced this point as well, as in fearing that I would not be able to stop, but as you could see for yourself as well, all that is, is in fact an excuse and a justification to not SIMPLY DO IT! lol - so that is literally what it takes, even if you have to fall and stand up 100 times, before getting it. So what one can do for example, when facing such a point, is to apply self-forgiveness on the fear of not being able to stop, as that is in fact what one is facing in the moment and is limiting/manipulating oneself through/with - so once opening that up and seeing "ohhh, I am fucking with myself" - I'll be easier to not participate in the thoughts/backchat/experience of fear - and instead simply push through and do it.

I just listened to The Writing of Self Forgiveness from Eqafe and I still am stumbling trying to figure out how to establish that self-trust to be able to walk this out, for real. Should I square away on self-trust before attempting, again, to stop my nail biting?

I've found that self-trust is something that we can only develop AS we walk a point through, so be careful not to use not having self-trust as an excuse and justification for not pushing oneself to stop and correct a point that one sees requires correction.

I remember an older interview on the issue, but the focus of it was on the meaning of each individual finger, and I couldn't really relate because I just bite them all, usually when under stress/anxiety or just when I feel roughness that "needs" to be "fixed" (ineffectively) with my teeth, haha. There is also a deep-rooted energy/craving to pull nail away from my finger...what the heck is that and why am I so afraid to attempt to forgive it?

Suggest to read/listen to the interview/blog I listed above. What I have found is that when we fear forgiving a point that we see is not best for us, it is because we fear losing the 'who' as ourselves that we've projected/separated into and as that point - it can even be fear of losing self as a 'character of anxiety' - because what function does the fear have? To ensure that we do not move ourselves to realize ourselves and actually stop the characters we've been living as and accepted as 'who we are'. Therefore - what I find the most assisting, is to in fact investigate these characters - you could ask yourself questions in your writing such as: when did I first start biting my nails? Is there a memory? How did I experience myself? What do I, as the mind/personality, 'get out of' biting my nails? Who/what would I be without biting my nails? Through asking such questions, you can open yourself up to yourself as the origin point/creator of the manifestation of biting nails and yourself as a character as being 'a nail biter' and get to understand how you created this point/pattern/addiction in the first place - then accordingly apply self-forgiveness on the memories that come up, the experiences, thoughts and characters connected to the point of biting nails - and as such assist and support yourself to release yourself from the energetic relationship you've created towards/within yourself of being a character that 'bites nails'. This gives you a 'solid ground' from where you can prescribe self-corrective application for yourself - as to how you will practically assist and support yourself to stop biting your nails, for example that when and as you experience the desire to bite your nails, you will instead breathe and remain here - and that you will look at what it is you are using nail-biting for instead of you supporting you, in blogs and self-forgiveness.

Also, I've typically been afraid to post on the forums and ask for assistance because the overall vibe I get from the desteni process is that I'm alone,

'Getting a vibe' is not an accurate assessment of a real situation/of others - because see: you're the one "getting" the "vibe" and "the vibe" is an experience within yourself - not something anyone else is "sending out". SO - within this, you got to look at your own backchat and beliefs/ideas/assumptions/reactions in regards to a specific memory/situation - as to how you've seen the desteni process as you being alone - and how you've interpreted that "alonenesss" within and as an emotional reaction. so lol - yes - you alone face you. However - we cannot possibly walk this process alone without the assistance and support of each other - which is why this forum is here, which is why the Desteni I Process is here, which is why the 7 year process to life blogs are being shared, which is why interviews are continuously being uploaded onto Eqafe

So yes, only you can be self-honest with you, only you can write yourself out - however, we are here together to support each other as we support ourselves - to do that. A suggestion Sunette gave once, is to first walk the point for oneself and then if one still cannot 'get it' or are unable to stop, it is cool to ask for support. I find this to be a cool guide-line, so that we don't abuse the point of asking for support in wanting others to tell us what to do/who to be, through which we simply become followers or to not ask for support at all because of fear or pride. So definitely - if there is a point you are uncertain of/struggling with- we are here to support!

and must face this alone to be effective. And even as I write this, all I see are issues that I should be able to address with self-forgiveness, on my own! So, why should I ask for help if I already know what to do...because of this belief that I need more knowledge to be able to walk the forgiveness effectively. Ahhhhh! It's a trap!..fear of failure. < I think that's what is at the core of this issue.

I suggest looking into whether the fear of failure you mentioning here, is in fact covering up another point... could be interesting to look into - but you got to first allow yourself to actually open it up. I suggest to start with the process of asking yourself questions as I mentioned above.

Thanks for sharing - enjoy!

[kim amourette]

For over a decade, I've been unable to stop biting my nails, and this one point has held me back extensively. Every time I've tried to stop, I fall. I don't think I've been able to effectively forgive myself because each time I try, I have an underlying fear that it won't work because it's such a persistent habit. Then there is this fear that I still won't be effective in releasing that underlying fear that might make my nail biting forgiveness effective. Haha, I'm afraid that I can't forgive my fear and it's dumb because I haven't even attempted to seriously walk it out.

lol, cool Daniel, you just gave yourself the answer to your dilemma.
You are walking this process for you alone, so eventually, you will decide to simply stop the habit, just like that.

Cheers, Kim

[YoganBarrientos]

Hi Daniel,
what Anna said was really great,
I wanted to share that when i first read

For over a decade, I've been unable to stop biting my nails, and this one point has held me back extensively. Every time I've tried to stop, I fall. I don't think I've been able to effectively forgive myself because each time I try, I have an underlying fear that it won't work because it's such a persistent habit

I wanted to say how self-forgiveness is a tool. It by itself does nothing. It is the person who uses the tool, who will do the changing. The tool is a tool. Its better to use a shovel to dig a hole right?
I wrote this self-forgiveness recently, which i was reminded of:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself through trusting blindly my mind, my thoughts, my physical body, my self-honesty, my self-trust, my self-forgiveness, instead of making sure I am here creating who I am, in breath and my starting point is oneness and equality as all as one and equal, since this is self-honest and the more preferable way to live.

Also, I've typically been afraid to post on the forums and ask for assistance because the overall vibe I get from the desteni process is that I'm alone, and must face this alone to be effective. And even as I write this, all I see are issues that I should be able to address with self-forgiveness, on my own!

One interesting experience i have had was facing the reaction with standing with the group. You're still alone within facing these reactions, even if your interacting with the group members on the forum and elsewhere.

One mistake i made was not asking questions, and essentially following my mind. One cool support that you or anyone else might consider is to always ask questions. At some point you will realize when questions are not necessary at times because you trust you now to direct yourself and see for yourself what is self-honest. And with having gone through the experience of asking questions, its familiar to do so, so you do it more from the point of cross-referencing. Your still walking alone, even when asking a question. Don't be a Zombie lol and think everyone else knows better than you, and so you stop asking questions...its funny how this is a contradiction. Everyone here is an equal in process, we are the one's who degrade our equality to inferiority, so you can ask yourself would an equal being freely ask a question? Duh of course.
~Yogan

[Juan Pablo]

Cool support here!

[Gian]

cool thanks - it is quite interesting to read about this point here of biting nails, I could never do it as it always looked to harmful in its nature. but I found other waus such as crunching down my finger skin between my teeth and pulling till it bleeds, it is the same point just a different spot.

thanks for sharing here

[viktor]

One thing that can be concluded in relation to stopping habits is that – unless we in-fact make the decision to stop (even if we then fail) – we will never actually stop. As such it's irrational to hold unto the fear of failure because it's obvious that unless we actually move ourselves and walk the point of real change nothing will ever happen.

So – a suggestion is to understand that – it's NOTHING bad, or wrong with failing – or falling – it's simply an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and stand up yet again and this time not fall into the same trap as before – because we've learned from our failure.

Also - see the word miss-take – it's the same word that is used while making movies and the actor doesn't remember his line, or fucks-up in some other way – it's then a missed-take. This doesn't mean that the movie will not be produced, because it's merely for the director to order all participants in the movie to practice their lines and do the take again – until the take is done effectively and the result is a cool movie. The same principle can be applied to real life – practice until you're able to walk your decision and don't give up merely because you've missed a take.