Resistance to Sex

Michelle
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Resistance to Sex

Postby Michelle » 10 Jun 2015, 15:18

What I found was -- one of the reasons why couples or an individual in a relationship may have resistance to sex is because there are a lot of accumulated points and reactions the individual did not sort out/take responsibility for about their partner and/or the relationship itself and so these reactions/points compound into a resistance to having sex with one's partner because --

When you have sex you essentially have to embrace the individual completely, and if there are points and reactions you have towards your partner that you did not talk about or find a solution for, it is going to be hard for you to have sex and embrace them, basically. This is what I found in my relationship with my partner and it has been confirmed through the EQAFE series that unsorted points and reactions in your life and relationships is a factor to resistance to sex.

So my partner and I one night had a really long discussion, and we talked about these points that bothered us in our relationship and towards each other. For each point we found a solution, and usually it came very easy for us to find it, looking at what is most practical and common sensical (which came from our education with Desteni). We immediately saw after speaking each point that we could have found a solution for this problem IF we had discussed this with each other in the moment or that day. So we agreed to always talk to one another if there is a problem in our relationship or we require support from one another on a point, but we must be stable, cause if we are emotional talking about these points they will influence the discussion and outflow as a whole.

So I suggest don't let problems or reactions accumulate in your relationship -- talk them out that day with each other and commit to find solutions together. This will strengthen your communication skills and intimacy with each other.

Additional Support: EQAFE - Resisting Sex



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Kim S
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Re: Resistance to Sex

Postby Kim S » 10 Jun 2015, 17:30

Thank you Michelle, for sharing this, it is interesting how we are sometimes afraid to 'speak up' about sex when in relationships, and I have realised that there are still a lot of points that exist within and as me that I need to walk through. I had an idea about sex growing up that the woman just had to 'give' that there was no room for discussion, and within this I grew up within the notion (belief system) that I had to literally fulfill my duty and please a man. It is an interesting mind construct when I now look at it and how I accepted and allowed this sex system (belief) within and as me make me shy about sex and discussing it.



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Leila
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Re: Resistance to Sex

Postby Leila » 10 Jun 2015, 20:54

Cool realizations Michelle - thanks for sharing!



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PaulQuessy
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Re: Resistance to Sex

Postby PaulQuessy » 11 Jun 2015, 12:50

Yes, Cool Michelle, thank you for sharing this.

I have also found this to be true within my agreement. If there are any reactions that have not been shared or talked about than that point of comfort or vulnerability with your partner becomes diminished, so the point of open communication and open interaction within a state of comfort and vulnerability must exist to be able to embrace your partner and basically allow yourself to be embraced within sex.



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Jeanne
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Re: Resistance to Sex

Postby Jeanne » 13 Jun 2015, 03:44

Thanks Michelle – appreciate your sharing. Cool guidance with which to 'navigate' partnership self-honestly.



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Kristina
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Re: Resistance to Sex

Postby Kristina » 18 Jun 2015, 04:25

Awesome share, Michelle, and absolutely agree! The importance of communication and the willingness within self to drop the ego, stand unconditionally, and express what is going on. The simple act of speaking to one another can create so much relief. One small step can create big change. Thanks for sharing!



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YoganBarrientos
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Re: Resistance to Sex

Postby YoganBarrientos » 06 Jul 2015, 06:04

Hey - to share on this topic - I am not in a partnership/agreement right now, though I am walking a physical masturbation process with myself. But, if I were to make a partnership/agreement, communicating about sex would be one of the first topics to discuss, as it is something that needs to be discussed. But when I was in relationships in the past, I can definitely relate to when you are angry about something or some other reaction that it made it difficult being in physical contact with the person. The same thing too in general with any person. Like if there is some person in your life that you are reacting to then even just seeing the person can make you uncomfortable. So perhaps even more so if you had to be in physical contact with them. Sooooo, as you might expect, when walking my masturbation process, it's the exact same point, meaning that if I am reacting about something, then it is difficult to masturbate effectively. But one thing that I learned, which I caught on quickly, was that I had to let go of the reaction, and so the most effective way is to do self-forgiveness aloud. So I would look at it, and did what I had to do to release the reaction. I would expect myself to do the same in any situation really.

Also, one last point, when I was reading Michelle message, I was wary that perhaps there was a compromise being made. So the point of concern is how you communicate your problem with your partner. Because I have experience the point where in relationship I would communicate my problems to my partner, but I made it out to be as if it is something that they must solve. But if the problem is with my emotions, then it is not my partner's responsibility but mine. So that is something that I could walk with self-forgiveness. The danger that I see is that partners may just talk about their problems, and compromise by changing themselves to make their partner feel better. That happens all the time. So I just wanted to make sure that that wasn't accepted and allowed within Michelle's words.



Michelle
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Re: Resistance to Sex

Postby Michelle » 08 Jul 2015, 10:44

Also, one last point, when I was reading Michelle message, I was wary that perhaps there was a compromise being made. So the point of concern is how you communicate your problem with your partner. Because I have experience the point where in relationship I would communicate my problems to my partner, but I made it out to be as if it is something that they must solve. But if the problem is with my emotions, then it is not my partner's responsibility but mine. So that is something that I could walk with self-forgiveness. The danger that I see is that partners may just talk about their problems, and compromise by changing themselves to make their partner feel better. That happens all the time. So I just wanted to make sure that that wasn't accepted and allowed within Michelle's words.
This is what I wrote:
So we agreed to always talk to one another if there is a problem in our relationship or we require support from one another on a point, but we must be stable, cause if we are emotional talking about these points they will influence the discussion and outflow as a whole.
My partner and I are walking a process of taking responsibility of our reactions, and when there is a problem that another has of each other, we talk it out and see where it originates and from there, look for common sensical/practical solutions. Like my partner reacted to my money spending habits, we talked about it, he saw programming from his father and I saw programming from my mother, and from there we both talked about how we can change when it comes to money and how to take care of our finances practically/in the best way possible.



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viktor
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Re: Resistance to Sex

Postby viktor » 20 Aug 2015, 21:05

Cool points,

I have found that it is really easy to fall into the trap of discussing the PROBLEMS – and then remain at that stage of only looking at the problems. And here, instead of coming to a common sense solution, what will happen is that past moments, and mistakes will be used as weapons, and the discussion will turn into a competition where both of the two partners want to win. This never works out.

So, a solution that I have found, is to deliberately look at solutions. Though, yes, recognize that there is a problem, but when that is done – look at what solutions there are. And it's fascinating that, the only reason why we wouldn't want to do this, is because we've placed some value in the emotions we experience. For example, we might feel that our anger is justified because we've been 'hurt' or 'let down' – but when we hold unto those emotions and keep regurgitating the problem – we're only create more consequences. The best thing thus is to accept and allow oneself to lose the 'discussion', and within this to realize that nothing was really lost, and then the conversation can proceed into a solution oriented theme.




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