Carlton's Journey To Life

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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 01 Jul 2017, 22:08 ... ssumption/

Day 597: The Illusion of Doubt as an Assumption

I doubt it, I doubt that anything I write will make a lick of sense. I doubt that what she has to say will be anything different than what has already been said. I doubt that he’ll live up to his words, then turn around just to realize that all your doubting was in vain, because everything you just doubted came to fruition, as you move onto the next doubtful moment in your day, without considering that all this doubt is really towards yourself, internally stating; “I’ll Do it But”, then don’t, and just because you didn’t do it, or think of it, or even come up with it, you project your doubt onto/towards others, doubting that they could do/would do and did do, what you couldn’t possibly imagine/see yourself doing.

The illusion of doubt as an assumption, assuming that the world only revolves around your level of comprehension, without taking the necessary steps to investigate or expand yourself, we doubt anything we hear, that’s New to be real, I mean it couldn’t possibly be, in essence I haven’t heard of it (Yet), so I doubt what you’re telling me is true, until someone tells you to go test it out for yourself and still then the doubt we exist as, stops us from going to test it out for ourselves, keeping us locked in a world of wonder, because we doubt everything and can only wonder what’s really going on out there. It’s like the enjoyment of living in a state of blindness.

Behind this doubt is also hidden fear, where for example, we’ll doubt that some of what we see happening in movies to be real, and could never happen in our world, I mean that would be overwhelming and too much for me to handle, but in fact some of the things in movies has happened, are happening as we speak, take mass destruction for instance, which is going on prevalently in our world, in which we then make a movie about it to cover up that it’s currently taking place right now under our noses, claiming; “That’s just Hollywood ”, but in fact not, and in some cases won’t be public knowledge until 50 years from now, which is the statute of limitations, non-disclosure policy for anytime those in power fuck up,

But still even in our day to day lives we doubt little things and don’t want to see them, like our so-called friends, gossiping behind our back, thinking “Naw they wouldn’t do that to me”, then turn around and hear it from the grape vine, and pertinent things like, we really need to change the way we live and do things in our lives, but think I doubt it, I’m fine, then get a head ache, back ache, foot ache, shoulder pain or stomach ache and blame it on salmonella poisoning or someone stressing you out. But I doubt that we’ll do anything about it, because it’s not in our programing to do, so we’ll remain the same, that is until we decide to wake up from this illusion of doubt and do something about it.

They say assumptions, (and you know the rest), which I say is only part of the problem, the other part is not trusting in yourself, doubting that anything you or anyone else as you, do, will ever make a difference in this world, but if that’s too big for you, start with you in your own world – to stop doubting your own ability and marveling at other, being that in essence we’re all cut from the same cloth or come from the same potato, however you want to put it, so the potential is in each one of us to do, be, live to our utmost and learn ourselves as us and everyone else around us as us, to no longer accept and allow ourselves to doubt what we can do, and/or what others can do and know that we don’t know, but instead to turn this doubt into expansion, self-expansion/growth and development, where when and as we see and hearing things that we don’t know about or haven’t seen before, we look to see what we can gain from this information, and to live the statement; “Investigate all things and keep that which is good” without just doubting it. Don’t be a doubting Thomas!

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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 03 Jul 2017, 21:20 ... blindness/

Day 598: Comfortability as Blindness

Being set in one’s own way of doing something, creating a pattern from it and becoming comfortable following it, leads to one’s eventual blindness from seeing different way to assist and support oneself, when faced with walking different points in one’s own life, that would simplify the process it takes to move through and into correction of said point, which is actually more easier than always going against the grain of things, just because we haven’t tried this New approach, doesn’t mean that it don’t work, all it take is to apply it in place of one’s own failed attempt. Failed in the sense of, if you have gotten comfortable doing things your way and find that there’s still a problem coming up within the point you’re facing, switch it up for a change and/or to experience change.

Blindness is trick, but not in a Proverbial sense of the word, but when one is not willing to see a different Way/Avenue/Approach to the way one has become comfortable with doing/handling things in one’s own life, in which case, even if shown a New approach/way of doing something, one may not see it or understand it, which makes for one to soon forget what one just heard and/or was shown.

Repetition creates comfortability, but comfortability doesn’t have to lead to blindness, being that if one remains open to change while being comfortable progressing in one’s process, in one’s own life, self-expansion/growth and development is imminent, and to become comfortable with expanding/growing and developing oneself into one’s utmost potential, is how one is able to change and enjoy the process in doing so.

But first one has to break free from one’s own comfort zone, which can be a feat in itself, because who wants to give up any form of comfort they have, especially if it’s the key to one’s happiness, in which case leads full circle to one becoming Blind to seeing anything different than what one is used to dealing with and doing.

Two things, ’Fear of loss’ and ‘Self-Forgiveness’, where we fear losing this comfortability and thus blind ourselves to seeing anything different, not realizing that the very thing we don’t want to see, could be what gives us a better understanding of who we are, which could make for a more comfortable way of living our lives, but to achieve this, one has to utilize the tools of Writing, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application, presented by Desteni, that I have used, and in the process of using to change my Comfortability as Blindness, to being Comfortable with Changing the way I express myself and see things, to Changing me, and being Comfortable with the Change I see in me.
Investigate DIP Lite, Free Online Course to learn more about yourself and how to utilize the tools I mentioned above, into being comfortable with changing yourself.

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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 05 Jul 2017, 21:05 ... verlooked/

Day 599: When Stepping in is Overlooked

Looking from an outsider’s perspective, at times you see more than meets the eye, so to speak, that no one wants to mention that’s a problem that could be rectified/sorted out, but since no one will bring it up, why say anything, I mean just let it be, but then, when something dramatic happens all we can say is, I saw it coming, but didn’t speak up in time enough to save myself as the other person/being I observed take a dive into a consequential outflow of things. but could have stepped in when a solution to what I was seeing, was fresh in your mind.

We often times say, it’s not my problem and/or they’ll get it, but what if they don’t, silently screaming for help, but no one hears them, as we’re there observing the situation sitting on a possible solution, but for some reason not wanting to say anything, (Now before you go off and take this elsewhere in your mind) I’ll slow it down with a mild example; Ok so a while back I was riding my bike and came up to a light crossing on the sidewalk, where next to me I saw a man talking on his phone with a puppy on a dog leash, who was sitting there not wanting to move, so the owner started dragging the dog on the leash on the hot concrete in the middle of summer, I mean as soon as I saw this I Yelled out “Hey, WTF are you doing”, which startled him a bit, where he then said; “It don’t want to move”, I didn’t say anything else, but the guy then picked up the puppy and walked with him the rest of the way, I supposed, preventing things from getting worse in that moment.

Now imagine seeing a family member or a really close friend going through something where they can’t really help themselves at the present moment, and the only thing everyone else around them do is to encourage them by stating it’s going to be ok, I’ll pray for you, then leaving it in God’s hands, stating they’re just old and should have their way with what they’re doing their own way, while knowing that the solution is as simple as the person needing to change their diet, but because they’re old, sympathizing with their choice of food, is it justifiable in this case, or have one already written this person off unconsciously in their mind, while claiming I love them and have their best interest in mind, when it’s our mind that’s interested in taking a back seat, instead of saying what we blatantly see as part, if not the remedy to this problem.

Fascinating how we can come up with 99 excuses why not to step in and assist someone with what we may see as a remedy to a prevailing problem, when the 1 reason why we should, is common sense, doing unto others as we would like to be done unto, but don’t do, meaning if you place yourself in the shoes of what they’re facing, would you like to continue walking as you do, or would you like to be told that your shoe laces are untied, in essence?

Thing is, stepping in has always been overlooked, especially when things are going well for us, no ailments, pain or immediate problems that can be foreseen, but when someone else is facing an issue (per se), we often times view stepping in as a contagious thing to do, as if we may contract what they have/what they’re faced with onto ourselves, which is what the mind will tell you, but is the exact opposite in the sense of, by helping others, you are in fact helping yourself.

Your perspective/input may be all that’s need to make a difference in the lives of others, because really, nine times out of ten, the fear we exist as, that’s stopping us from stepping in and assisting someone or something, is but a figment of one’s imagination, and can easily be side stepped by simply opening up one’s mouth and saying; “Hey, look at Here, this is what I am observing” and then taking it from there, and by doing so, you’ll find that people would probably be more receptive to your candidness than a few, I mean it wouldn’t hurt to try it out, I have, but was very careful of the starting point in which I choose to do so, meaning without any premeditation, thoughts of achieving something or getting something out of it, praise etc., but as a momentary expression of genuine care for myself as the other Person/Being that was there before me.

Mind you, not all situations will be the same/are the same, but if it moves you to step in when looking at the simplicity within the resolve in a matter, then by all means do so, especially when it’s someone you know, that may be close to you, as this may be the changing fact in what they’re dealing with, I mean a real friend and/or caring family member knows when and when not to give someone their space, without going overboard.

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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 07 Jul 2017, 22:46 ... pet-peeve/

Day 600: My Only Pet Peeve

Should be how we hold anger and resentment hostage as a pet that we nurture, through our reactions when putting what others do first, instead of our own quirks and mishaps stating; My only Pet Peeve is when someone cook something and leave their dishes in the sink, when all they have to do is wash them and put them away. My only Pet Peeve is when I go to use the sink in the bathroom and my roommate has left their hair all over the place, I mean I can’t stand that. My only Pet Peeve is driving in traffic and someone cuts me off, Agghh, and then turn right back around and do the same thing to them and in some cases probably unaware that we’re doing so.

So, is it to say that our only pet peeves are that in which we do/have done unto other, that’s being done back to us, that’s showing us the nature of our ways, that we become angry looking at through the actions of others, I mean why else would we get upset/angry/mad at something we have ourselves perpetuated at one time or another in our lives.

Thing is when we get over something, some of us somehow think that the world has gotten over it to, which is not the case everytime, being that if you count the days, weeks, months, years that you were stuck/set in your own ways of doing things/leaving things undone, until something or someone snapped you out of it, then you’ll probably have a speck of compassion for the next person going through what you’ve been through, and help walk them through it.

And Yes, sometimes saying things once is not enough, but doesn’t give you the right to criticize another and/or get frustrated that they did it again, just simply tell them again/remind them again, as we soon forget a lot of things, like what you did 5 minutes ago. (Get my point), and if you have to think about it, then yes, you forgot too.

Then you have things beyond our control that’s a different story, in the sense of things that you see others do out in public, that you take your Pet Anger out for a walk about, I mean if you look at it and see that ‘this is beyond my control, why do we then purposely relinquish our self-control, in the service of what someone else has done around us, or that we’ve just ran into by chance, is there a chance that we still hold resentment toward ourselves for having still done the same?

A thing to look at is; My only Pet Peeve should be about something that I am seeking to change in my life and/or in the process of changing in my life, because I can’t stand to live like this or better yet, I can’t STAND when living like this in my life, in essence, not standing and taking responsibility for my own Patterns/Habits/Ways/Behaviors, but instead creating a Pet through my reactions out of Anger and Resentment, because I love the energy experience.

Which is actually the cover up, the cover up of all my flaws, just in case someone was to take notice of them and point them out to me, and/or someone else, so instead I’ll Pet Peeve about others, with this Idea that I’m safe for the moment when around others, just long enough for me to finish what I’m doing and vacate the premises, before I’m exposed, but what we don’t realize is that we’re exposing ourselves through judging other and playing holier than thou, which puts ourselves under a microscope to be inspected by others, after we leave and then brought up in certain conversation when you’re not around, so how’s that for self-placement.

I can honestly say that I’ve had one Pet Peeve in my life. which was something that I did as a child when learning to do things, that my father broke me out of, then later on in life, when I saw others do it, in my house, I would Pet Peeve about it, which really didn’t solve anything, my stigma was, I didn’t want anyone to feel how I felt when my father corrected me on the matter, but that didn’t work out either, it continued happening with my male friends that would come over, that is until I realized to open my mouth and say something about it, without reacting, and continue to say something every time I saw this take place, and that’s what I did, until which ever male friend of mine would come over (and use the bathroom) and remember to do what it was that I had a thing for, when in my house, showing me the Pet Peeving was not a solution.

So, you see, the annoyance of what someone else do/have done, is but a self-judgment we project onto/toward someone else that we haven’t taken responsibility for in some way or another, but just let it be, in our own lives, our world and reality.

Investigate yourself to see where correction is needed, and if help is needed investigate DIP Lite.

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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 09 Jul 2017, 23:01 ... day-601-a/

Day 601: “A”

A letter in the Alphabet, Numeral Uno, the One, Person, Place, Thing or Being, the You or I that stands out in separation of/from all the rest, but never “A” as in All, and only All if All is separate from the One, the Alpha, Apex point of discussion as the “A” in Any given moment, except for when the ANY = “A”-Not-You, in such case we look for, search for “A” entity outside of ourselves to give us strength and take our burdens Away, as Abdication to not face the “A” as Self, without realizing that with every sounding of the Letter/Word “A”, we’re moving the “A” away from Self AS = “A” Self, as All as Equal to and One with, 1+1+1= All, which is best for All, as LIFE.

Sounding of the Word





Throughout my life I have purposely used the word “A” as an American Slang Idiom to get someone’ Attention, as an improper introduction of myself to someone, when wanting to have a conversation, mostly out of self-interest and desire, when trying to read a book by its cover, (so to speak) fascinated by what I see, I let my mind speak and what came out is “A”, short for Hey as one Negative aspect of the word, as I have defined it.

Amen or A Man, both I have defined as strong Positive affirmation to my Personality and Character traits, where on one hand as an Agreeance to a belief systems Higher Powers command/commandments, that I would try and commit myself to by using the word “A”- men, blind to the separation between the “A” in Men, but longed to become “A” Man like my father, defined as the epidemy of strength in a world of survival, believing that the “A” was I, full of strength, full of knowledge and Information, in essence full of my own Character Self, and full of shit, without a care for anyone else in the world, but “A” boy like me.

Within A sentence, what comes up is the words,” A’’ in the attempt to describe something that I couldn’t in the moment remember, so After the “A” would come “Umm”, this is because I have separated myself from that in which I am trying to describe, leaving the memory of what I am trying to describe on the tip of my tongue, unable to spit it out.

We give credence to Man-made things as something greater than us, that may well support us, but see ourselves as inferior to, such as “A” House, “A” Car, “A” Livingroom, “A” Bed, “A” Computer, “A” Couch, “A” Table, “A” Chair, which is Us, and Aware, but before we take notice to its Awareness, we wear it out, thinking that the squeaking noises they makes is normal somehow, which is ‘Another way I have separated from the “A” as things that Assist and support me.

“A” request for Affirmation, is but Another sign of separation, I use to validate my self-interest, through “A” request for documentation, “A” Degree, then “A” Title to receive some sort of “A” Pension, that’s worth less than “A” Peanut, within “A” Life full of conditions, because I’ve conditioned myself to being the “A” in it All, instead of the “A” AS ALL Life and living “A” Life that’s best for All. So Here;

This is but a short introduction to the commitment I made to redefine every word I speak, so as I go along, I’ll be picking random Letters and words that I use/have used throughout my life that I’ve defined in separation from me, and redefine them to be lived as words of support in my everyday life as who I really am as life.

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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 11 Jul 2017, 20:03 ... 2-b-or-be/

Day 602: “B” or “Be”

Because my communication is not as effective as I would like it. To “Be” from that which has Been, should “Be” one’s ultimate goal, if one’s goal is to “Be” come Life, which is far with few in ”Be” tween, being that, we’ve always let It “Be”, IT as in I-Think, Believing that this IT’ must “Be” who I am, therefore “Let it “Be”, as in let it “Be” as in Content, meaning I’m content with Being who I am as these thoughts, instead of Being All I can “Be” as All as Life, To “Be” = I am Here, I exist as the Here-ness of Now, which houses, NO Belief or must to what is certain, the absolute BEINGNESS of what is Here as All in one Body.

A Body full of words, statements, slogan and phrases that I have used in separation from it, starting with the statement; I’ll “Be” right Back’, a pause or loss of focus from the present - that I allow myself to drift away from Being Here, for a moment of Self-Interest, “Be” leaving that it’s ok to leave a moment of interaction open ended, allowing for the mind to step in and “Be’ come directive principle, to analyze what has taken place thus far, to possibly inject into, add on to, a perspective given during the interaction, therefore when I come to “Be” (Back Here) the outcome of a viable solution has turned into conflict, because I chose to “Be” right back = turning my back on the present moment of interaction thinking that I’m right, and so Let It “Be”.

“Be” as in,’ Believe in me, due to the mistrust I have in myself, that make what I have to say and/or can do, that I’m not doing or haven’t tried an eventual Lie, basically saying help me to validate the lie I am perpetuating, Being or Becoming. “Be” as in Belief system, believing the outlined structured format, I was raised in as religion, which was to Become that which wasn’t attainable Being Here that was a lie, that I have used as a Positive connotation of the words.

In a more Negative aspect; “Be” cause, as a tide turning prelim to a forth coming excuse, that would validate a point I was trying to make, so when question as to why, I would say “Be” cause, as if there was a cause Behind my reasoning, which for most part there wasn’t, ‘Being that my bases for communicating, was only to spread the New knowledge and information I had gathered, ‘But never investigated.

Sounding of the words
















Creative Writing

To Be he that’s Been In Between, that has Betted against life, in hope for Wings in the afterlife, unaware that I am a BEING in the process of Becoming Life, that takes No Belief System of Being the lie that I Believed, thinking that I was Leaving, But Because it was a Lie, I am the Cause for my current Allocation in this world.


So, from Here I stand as the “Be” ness of Here in every moment of Breath, to “Be” Here with every word I speak, to “Be” come Life as who I am, to change the inherent nature of my Beingness, to no longer spiting myself and or any other life form in this existence, I choose to “Be” and not Believe.

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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 13 Jul 2017, 22:30 ... day-603-c/

Day 603: “C”

As in Care, so when the questions/statements come up, “Take Care”, “Be Careful”, “What do you Care about”, and so many more, but in particular, “You don’t Care about me”, then stating; “I Care about you”, we give an answer with no plausible reason as to why, other than a superficial, be Cause of the things you do for me, so if I stop doing these thing, would you still care about me, goes to question ones starting point/motive for being together, and if you’re Curious test it out for yourself, ask your partner/mate/friend why do you care about me, as one of the toughest questions asked when dealing with a relationship of any sort, that I have Come to validate my reasons for the above statements.

Consider the possibilities, if I were to do this or that in my life, that I’ve been told, but only Considered them, without Committing, always leaving one foot in the door as an escape route, just in case the shoe didn’t fit Comfortable, being that my Comfortability as Blindness was the Case and Cause for my limitation, as I would Call on a higher power for help, which never Came, as my Confidence in Certain things started slipping, because I filled myself with Contorted facts, which was only ideas passed down from generations to reach me, just as Confused as Can be.


Christianity although fearful, became a Positive way for me to live, in the sense of having something to believe in, and while being stuck in the lie, I still didn’t feel Complete, but used it as a source for Conversation with like-minded Congregations is how I have used and defined in Connotation these words.


The thought of re-Creating the Crucifixion through Communion, to me wasn’t a Cool Community thing to do and after experiencing it a few times, the Negative Aspect Came forth, in the sense of simulating, breaking the bones, eating and drinking the blood of Christ, with grape juice and Cracker was more like a satanic ritual you would think, as the use of these words describe how I defined one viewpoint in my life as Negative.

Sounding of the Words


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Care less for self, but more about the way someone makes me feel, which should be the opposite way around.






I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a Cause for everything as something out there, instead of looking within myself as the true Cause for how I experience me in my world, which I would end up paying the Cost for through Consequences in my life



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Curious about the things I don’t know about, instead of investigate all things to see that the Cure is us.





I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to Come sit with myself Here in order to take everyone and everything into consideration, instead of just writing some things off. I Hereby Consider everything as me



I Commit myself to be the Committee of me/myself/and I, my mind/Body/Being that investigates every aspect of myself, to become one with and equal to each other and Amalgamate to life.





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself align myself to Certainty out of self-interest, only following/believing in certain things in this Case that made me happy, all energy based, instead of stating and living, what I will and will not accept and allowed, as my Certainty to becoming life.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I was living on top of a Consciousness fuse that would ignite at any time, Causing me to react in Confusion to any and everything around me, instead if extinguishing the flame of Conflict



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live Christianity as Commonly known as Christ like, which implies, doing unto other as you would like done unto you, but instead got wrapped up in the worship of a Christ entity.



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to listen to myself tell me to Come with me please and investigate oneself, in order to be Complete, but instead always relied on something outside of me to Complete me, as such in any relationship.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for so long, have this debate in my head with my mind limiting, then stopping me from having an effective Conversation with another human-being, being that I Couldn’t decide on what to say or talk about, because I’d be too busy talking to myself, instead of silencing my mind before Conversing with someone


Real Care is when Self makes a Commitment and live by it, which shows that one really Care for oneself, which Constitutes Self-Care.

Creative Writing

I see myself in a memory looking for a Cure to be Consistent and Concise, Confused as to whether or not I Could be like everyone else, picking up something and sticking with it, I felt the world owed me a Chance to live Corrected and never took it, but remained for some time Closed off to the possibility of Change if there was more work involved. Curious to what was on the other side, I Came up with the idea that I was special, but Couldn’t Comprehend why. Conflicted between the thoughts in my mind and the reality in my face, I Chased after energy experiences, instead of investigating the inner me to experience who I really am as life for real, so with a Collective of words that starts with the letter “C” is how I have defined parts of my life as a catastrophe, to be redefined as the Confidence in living the Corrections I have/and will continue to commit to and make in my own life.

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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 16 Jul 2017, 01:46 ... day-604-d/

Day 604: “D”

“D” as an exclamation point of past tense, to end out words, stating, this has been “Done” before, enacted upon already, as a closure of sorts, but can also be looked at as things that I can take responsibility for, with words ending with the letter (D), and Because I “De”-man-d to know the truth about me, I’ll start with first hearing the word “Don’t” and what that word made me “Do” as the envisioning of me “Doing” through my imagination what I was told, but never shown why not to “Do what it was that I wanted to “Do” and “Did”, being that from an early age, I felt as if I “Didn’t” belong, so I ‘Dared” to be “Different”, in separation, from seeing/knowing and realizing I once was and still connect to all in which I “Don’t” see and see myself “Different” to/as, as the ultimate “Definition” of separating me from myself, through these few basic words that start with the Letter “D”.

“D” as in ‘Demonic’, ‘Devilish’, ‘Deceitful’, ‘Discuss’ me in away when facing these ‘Dimensions of myself, that I’ve “Decided to bury “Down” Deep” within me, unware that the Deeper’ I bury, the more they would come out and “Disrupt” my “Day to Day” living, by becoming a living, walking, breathing point of Self-Destruction, believing that it was important to not let my Character be “Defamed”, as if fame through Characterization was the ultimate way to live life, but ‘Didn’t” see the evil within live, and so “De-mon-eyes-ed” myself to being lessor than a man, by the look I perpetuated. These words I used as points of Blaming Others/Things/Beings outside of myself for what I would experience and how I turned out.


They say that no good “Deed” goes un-noticed, and for me, this was such a Positive connotation of the word, but when really looking at it, I say who is it that’s taking note outside of ourselves, “Determining” if what we “Do” is good or bad, in which case I “Decided” to relinquish my self-control to that entity no one has ever seen, and that being said, I have “Defined” “Deed” as that in which I “Do” to receive or obtain something, i.e. a place in heaven, and have thought that these “Deed” were payments of sort, to seek favor when crossing the great “Divide”, but boy was I lied to.


Growing up I was told that if I “Didn’t” follow the word of God I would be “Dammed” and in hindsight “Dammed” if you “Do” and “Dammed” if you “Don’t” and because I “Didn’t read the “Dammed” Material, I felt as if my life was headed for imminent “Destruction”, so I blame it all on the “Devil” made me “Do“ it, as a “Devious” way of abdicating my responsibility, and this to me I have “Defined as a Negative way of look at life and the words I used to “Describe“ it, through following the “Dots” that never connected anywhere.

Sounding of the Words


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that being done with something was all there was to it, instead of realizing that, being Done is only one aspect of needing to do more.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have chosen to Demand things, out of self-interest, that would diminish me as a man in separation from others, seeing things as them and me, instead of Manning up, to discover the me as who I am as life.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take heed to the Don’t, as was told to me growing up, where I then took this as a sign, in spite of the person saying Don’t, I would Do, instead of investigating for myself the consequence behind it to really see what not to do.



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to only Do unto other as I would like to be Done unto myself, in which case when the Dew from the rain falls, there would be no reason for me to cover up, because I’ve treated all as Equal, instead of ending up as a Joe Doe that nobody likes and knows.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have Defined Doing as, in the process off, while taking as long as I thought I needed, always ending in procrastination, instead of in the moment of to completion.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Did in a sense of cockiness, stating that I Did that/I Did it, not realizing all the why’ll, I was creating my Demon id, to obtain status, instead of using honesty as a policy in what I did, and to take responsibility for it, good or bad.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and use as a cover up the words, I Didn’t, when lying face down in the midst of a problem, because of whatever consequence awaits and or the thought of personal Judgement being inflict onto me, which in fact is self-induced, instead of being the unspoken expression of the word, where my actions through walking as a living example would show otherwise, making it obvious
that I Did Not.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be antagonistic in following suit and or pushing myself to go outside myself and do something, I wouldn’t normally do, as a Dare, while the truth of the matter in me standing out, was wanting to be accepted, instead of being the first in my world to take responsibility for myself as all as me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through the looking glass of blindness perceive myself as other than what I was seeing as all, Different, therefore separating myself from that in which I am as everything around me, instead of soaking up all that I haven’t seen and/or heard, investigating it and taking responsibility.

Differ- Rent


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the ignition to everything is a words Definition, a person’s action or premonition, of who one is in every moment in one’s life, that when redefined, I walk/live/breathe the actions behind the words I speak as a commitment to me.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to describe and believe through this word (Demonic) the nature of an entity outside of myself, that I didn’t see/realize was within me all along, blaming my self-inflicted sickness on, that in which I created in my mind in separation from me, instead of seeing and correcting my inherent human nature as a mind possession.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a label on a Human action, perpetuated by most everyone in existence and called it Devilish, instead of realizing that I don’t have to partake in such conniving ways as my ancestors Did, that is now coming out of me, but instead to dive into investigating supportive ways to live my life. to that with is best for all. I’m not a Villain.





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to describe and define a specifically placed conglomerate of words as Deep, thinking that this Deepness would be the saving grace of my life, not realizing that anything deep is of the mind, based in knowledge and information, instead of keeping it practical, in the sense of a Hole, dug taller than one’s own physical body.


[Self-Explanatory} A cycled hour span of time.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not once take into consideration the word Self, connected to Destruction, but have always, picture a Demolition site, whenever this word would come up, so when and as it does again - to check within myself to see what is misaligned within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look upon everything outside of myself in Judgement of it, Demonized. stating that this may have some adverse effect on you, instead of looking into my own eyes to see how I have been judging myself


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined Deeds as that in which I do to obtain something, i.e. make a place in heaven, but instead I now commit myself to living and taking responsibility for the actions I perpetuate good or bad


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself pin-point place times in my life as Dots to go back and re-live, bring up as memories and try and connect them to no avail, hoping for some sign of the future of what’s to come in my life, instead of realizing to Stop, searching out there and look within.


Creative Writing

The thought of being “Done” with everything, is when one is headed “Down” the road of giving up, without “Demanding” that I “Don’t” listen to the thoughts in my mind, but “Do” listen to myself saying you’ve “Did” it, you’ve been “Down” this road before, so keep “Doing” what you’re “Doing” without “Daring” to take the next step on a “Different” path that would lead me to self-awareness, instead of being sick with a stench of “Devilish” behavior on you, where the “Deeper” you go into my mind on a “Day” to “Day” bases, you’re headed for Self-“Destruction”, “Demonizing yourself with the characters you perpetuate and no matter how many good “Deeds” you “Do”, you’ll be forever trying to connect the “Dots” so STOP. As the commitments of ‘instead of’s’, I hereby redefine these words beginning with the letter “D”, as I am still in the process of Actively “Doing”.

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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 18 Jul 2017, 00:33 ... day-605-e/

Day 605: “E”

When will “Enough” be “Enough”, after falling then getting up and “Expecting” the world to hand you a bone, “Eagerly” awaiting for someone or something to step in and take the blunt of our responsibility, I mean when is “Enough”, “Enough”, as a momentary way of saying in layman’s terms, I don’t want to play anymore right now, I’m tired, until the next “Energy” “Experience comes alone, then back to falling again, while being sidetracked by looking at the lady in the red dress, so to speak, with no “Emphasis” on life, but only an “External” stimulation that satisfies and suits my own self-interest., “Evidently” “Enough” wasn’t “Enough”, but defined as an “Easy” way to stop the pain in the moment, and when the pain had subside. it was back to living life rough.

“Enjoyment”, only as a momentary pause from reality, described in the statement; “Enjoy” it while you can, heard and “Expanded” upon as a rush to combust the “Energy” that “Existed” within and as me, feeling the need to “Enviably” let it all out, mad at those in my world who wasn’t raised as I was, always thinking of the “End” times, so I had better “Enjoy” the little moments of solitude while I Could, in which case “Enjoyment” = Something momentary and attainable, but only after a series of strenuous “Event”

Filled with “Empathy” for the little man, came from being in no position to do anything about things I was faced with in my past growing up, that I used as an “Excuse” to take out my frustration on the bully in question as recompense for what I was incapable of doing in my past, instead of setting an “Engagement” to oneself/myself to correct and let go unconditionally the memories I suppressed within and as me.


Oddly “Enough”, I used “Escapism” in a positive connotation of the word, meaning if I didn’t have to go through something or face something, it must be a good thing, instead of realizing the more I abdicated my responsibility, the more I would trap myself in the midst of a problem/situation, but if I could always “Escape”, I must have been doing something right.


Not understanding the reverse of “Evil” as the life I was living, I’ve placed this word as a Negative outside of myself, a thing that was unseen to the naked “Eye”, a force to be reckoned with, that could determine, whether or not I lived or died, without seeing the “I” as me that was “Eternally “Enslaved “Eternally” as the “Evil I let possess me, “Even” though I was the face looking at me through the looking glass of life.

Sounding of the Words


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Enough as a momentary pause in my reality for the pain to go away, then back to doing the same old thing. I hereby redefine it to being a statement of closure, an end to a monotonous way of life, into becoming who I am as life.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Expecting things to happen for me on its own, instead of realize, I’m the one who needs to do the work, in order for things to happen for me in my life, world and reality, in Essence stop looking for enablement, and be dependent on myself.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Eagerly look for an Easy way out of the messes I got myself in throughout my life, instead of seeing this lie as a way to stand up and take responsibility for myself, to be Eager to investigate and correct myself.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by Energy Experiences, thinking that my inner chi is who I am, instead of seeing/realizing myself as life and not these spurts of adrenaline rush’s.



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to utilize/see/understand that an Experience is something that should be learned from and/or cross referenced with and not just that, that one programable-ly, goes through.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have only used Emphasis as an accent point of Self-Interest and not on that which is best for all life, I hereby commit myself to putting more Emphasis on my process and that which is best for all life, because I’m for common sense.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay more attention to my External-Reality, the things that goes on, including the blame I perpetuate outside of myself Externally, instead of taking responsibility for all as me Internally first, then Externally.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined Evidently as a spiteful way of validating my point of view, in which an Eventual lie was Eminent, instead of seeing/realizing Evidently as a matter of fact, when investigating through consequences a point of occurrence that can be change, and thus I hereby redefine Evidently to correcting and changing those parts of me that’s seen and unseen.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think just because he-say or she-say the way things are, makes it easy to follow them, instead of realizing a level of complexity within each person’s starting point.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that Enjoyment was only momentary and something to attain to, but only after a series of strenuous “Event’s”, instead of realizing that real Enjoyment comes through self-Awareness and the willingness to change.




I commit myself to Expanding my understanding of myself, my awareness to life as everyone and everything around me, and my vocabulary, in order to communicate Effectively with others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have Existed in the ignorance of not knowing who I am, now seeing that this word is more than the usage of those that are no longer around, I can use it to cross reference and see when I am living an old pattern.



I commit myself to End/Stop all of my old patterns/ways/behaviors that would cause me to End my own life, if I were to let them persist.


I commit myself to taking the Energy out of any Event I’m faced with, and to replace it with a walk of stability through it and/or to Experience without any movement of sorts coming up within and as me, i.e. concert etc.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay more attention to those like me who couldn’t stick up for themselves in one way or another, where I would have empathy for them in trying to step in and fight their battles for them, all because, I wasn’t able to do this for myself growing up, and now derive energy as recompense for stepping in and or wanting to get Even, which is really pathetic to say the least.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give an Excuse as an Extra Cause to why I did something, to not just be straight forward in acceptance for the real reason behind my actions, instead of being straight forward, admitting to all of what I have perpetuated

Escapism [See Here]


I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to Embrace/Accept and correct the Evil within me, as me, first and foremost to be able to live life to my utmost potential and that more abundantly, but instead only projected it outwards as something out there in separation from me. I hereby accept and Embrace all of me that is me, and commit myself to live the reverse of Evil as Life as who I am. Energy Free



Eye [Refer to]

Eternally [Refer to]

Enslaved [Refer to]

Creative Writing

Even though I felt that Enough was Enough, but it wasn’t, which was Evident in my repeating the same patterns over and over again, I Eagerly Expected someone or something to save me from taking responsibility, for going into Energy Experiences, Emphasizing that Externally I would Eventually take the Easy route, in hope for an Easy way out and being that my Enjoyment was only momentary, Self-Expansion was Nowhere in my vocabulary, I only Existed as the End of the word mentality, but showed Empathy for those too weak to stand up for themselves, without realizing that this process can only be walked alone, that I can’t save anyone, while living the Excuse; “Nobody helped me” as an Extra cause for Escapism from living an Evil (Energy Filled) life, therefore what my Eyes couldn’t see, Entrapped me to living a life of Enslavement, as I lived these words starting with the Letter “E”

To be redefine and live as Expressions of Seeing/Realizing/Understanding/Expanding/Growing and Developing myself, my vocabulary, verbal Expression, communication with Emphasis of Correction with the Enthusiasm of a Child in the midst of Exploring life for the first time.

Thanks for Reading.

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Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 20 Jul 2017, 01:14 ... forgiving/

Day 606: “F” Fighting/Falling/Forgiving

“Fight” “For” what you believe in, stemming “From” the statement, if you don’t stand “For” something, then you’re nothing, the same as telling a kid on the playground, I dare you to punch that other kid in the “Face” then calling him a sissy when he don’t do it. “Fascinating” how we “Force” one another to comply with the system standards of survival to “Fight “For” your rights, when what’s right is “Far” “From” how we designed this reality to be, which is “Foreign” to most, but complete common sense that we’ll rather “Forgo” than “Face” head on as a matter of “Fact” that we should live by.

They said we needed a “Few” good men, so I jumped “For” the cause like a “Fanatic” “For” change, because I didn’t resonate with the environment I grew up in, but soon found that the “Freedom” I was “Fighting” “For” was only “For” a “Few” bad men, as I have defined “Freedom” as the right to keep my material possession and way of life, even though it was “Forced” on me, as these words I’ve associated with the design of “Fighting”. But most importantly that perpetuate my external reality, is the day to day “Fighting” I do within myself, yelling and screaming at myself, then judging myself “For” doing so, this “Fight” resides in the “Forefront of one’s mind, “Forgetting”, hey wait a minute, I got a life to live Here.

Now before the “Fight”, one “Fail” to realize the “Falling” that will take place during and after, in the sense of the reactional contact that’s being made with Self or another, causes one to lose “Focus”, stability and “Fall” more than one would anticipate, until the I can’t get up becomes the Giving up on life.

The point of bracing for impact, is only a validation for the “Frequent” “Falling” one would knowingly participate in, i.e. an addiction to anything, where the ride is “Fascinating”, up then down like “Frequent” “Flyer” mile accumulation, as the consequences we create “For ourselves, must and will walk through, but if standing resonate with oneself, “Falling becomes a gift, when unintentional, where we’ll see it, “Face” it and “Forgive it, so in essence “Falling to me has been a point of Helplessness, Hopelessness, and Disempowerment, that needs to be redefined.

The lumps one gets “From” “Falling” as the consequences accumulated is overlooked, when the words; I’m “Fine” is spoken and/or I’ll be ok, instead of “Forgiving myself in the “First” place, and in my case, thinking believing I could tough through the pain, because to me, weakness was a “False” sense of perception that I “Feared” to “Forgive”, not realizing the “Fear I exist as is the “Fear of Self-“Forgiveness”.


Standing up for oneself when no other choice was give, was a way of Positivity I used to “Fight” against physical abuse, without seeing the Self-Positioning I was placing myself in.

The self-induction of a “Fall” for fun created a Positive happy “Feeling” within me, i.e. going snowboarding “For” the “First” time in my life, without realizing and “Forgiving” the harm I was doing to my Human Physical Body as the recognition of Self’s presence as life.

To “Forgive” and “Forget, a hopeful other that the same would be done unto me, as the Positive message I grew up hearing, but not always living.


A spiteful rebuttal inflicted onto someone or something physically and/or verbally, “Fighting” “For” an idea of one’s own self-interest to appease one’s Ego, I hated to see anyone “Fighting”, being that growing up that’s all people did, better yet I hated any form of abuse in itself and saw this as a Negative connotation of the word Fighting.

In a sense of one hurting oneself, no one likes “Falling”, I “Fell” a lot growing up and was told to get up and try it again, only thing, that didn’t take the pain away, and so I saw this word “Falling” in a Negative sense of the word.

Asking God to “Forgive” you when something is going wrong in your life, then waiting “For” the wrong to stop happening, but never does, goes to question why am I even asking, and how I saw Forgiving or asking for “Forgiveness” for a higher being useless and so Negative.

Sounding of the Words


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify Fighting on one hand as a last resort of position placement with no way out, and on the other as cruel and unusual punishment that need not exist, without realizing, the ultimate Fighting existing within and as me with myself as the perpetuation of all Fighting that exist in my world, this world and reality, as we exist in a form of hiding from having to face ourselves for our own minds.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used For, as a giveaway factor, shying away from that which I really need at times, as an eventual change from what I was doing, by stating, that’s just not For me, instead of realizing For’ as a prefix that’s always adjacent to me, as myself and /or through the eyes of another as me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have utilized From as an umm statement of separating myself “From” seeing/knowing/understanding all as me, clarifying; to me “From” me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have turned my back on me, to not see the First ace, as problem that comes up for me to Face, therefore (Hypothetically Speaking), I let my beard grow, instead of keeping a shaved life, in cutting out/“Facing”, all the riff raft, I exist as.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created and participated in Fascinating moments, in the sense of chasing after energy experiences, and letting my inherent Human Nature as spitefulness run amuck, creating an out of this world showcase of emotional turmoil, instead of fastening my seatbelt of sorts, strapping myself into my process, and standing Firm in my commitments
Fast-In-Nature (Human)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have whenever I gave myself the Cold of emotions, during a conflictual situation, become hoarse as the Force of sorts, I use in trying and make others see my point of view, instead of realizing the point I viewed had no substance within it, therefore the Force of sorts I perpetuated was a scream of non-comprehension to what I was viewing, so instead I will use the word investigation in its place.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself for distances beyond my physical eyesight as Far, due to the Fact, I have blinded/veiled myself from seeing all that is me, with my mind, instead of stopping my mind to see everything here within and as me, making that in which I deemed Far here. I commit myself to continue walking my process to make this happen.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word few as not enough, always craved more, instead realizing the simplicity within the few that speaks volume, when of substance, such as one you and one me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the word Fanatic in separation from me as something/someone out there that’s too attached to something or someone, instead of realizing how much of a Fan I am to the Addiction of my own mind.



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that true Freedom comes when one has completely detached oneself from being controlled by one’s mind, into directing and living one’s life to one’s utmost potential. And this is achieved by Reading and applying the Damned material.


Forgetting [see Here]



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined Falling as a loss of one’s bearing, due to some form of physical occurrence/interaction with someone/something, instead of seeing/realizing it also as a Gift to one when one resonates with standing up, I hereby redefine falling to that which assist me to see a point through a mistake made when not realized.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used Forgiving/Forgiveness as a request For validation From someone when things were going wrong, From a higher power, instead of realizing Forgiving should be done unto toward and For Self-only, For it to be effective, therefore I redefine this word, to Gifting to me the Gift of awareness, that I can see/correct and change my ways, to support in a way that which is best for all.


Thanks for Reading.

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